Grief is a very difficult process. There are many stages to grief that one must go through in order to deal with whatever may have happened to cause grief. Grief can be caused by someone being an annoyance or trouble and by someones death or somethings death. Whatever the root cause of the grief that you feel, you still must go through certain stages to get through any grief.
This post is going to be dealing with the grief process that I am going through due to the passing of my mother. This is the reason there has been no post since July 2016. My mom has been in and out of the hospital since my last post and I have been her caregiver. As you can imagine, this is not going to be an easy post by any means but I feel that this is part of my 'grief' process. So, as with any post, I have given the definition of the feeling and/or emotion that I am discussing.
According to the research that I have done, there are 5 stages of grief:
1) Denial & Isolation
2) Anger
3) Bargaining
4) Depression
5) Acceptance
Now, there is no correct or incorrect way to go through these stages, meaning no certain order nor is there a certain amount of time that it will take someone to get through each stage. But, and this is very important to remember, everyone will experience grief at some time in their life, maybe more than once, and everyone grieves differently. Some people will grieve more internally and some more outwardly. Neither way is right or wrong, that's just the difference between people.
First, there is denial and isolation. This is when we first learn of the terminal illness, loss or death. This is the feeling when you have disbelief that this has happened. A defense mechanism to buffer the shock of the loss. Words and facts are blocked out and this is a temporary response to get you through the initial wave of pain. Again, there is no right amount of time to go through this stage nor any of the stages that you will have to face.
Anger is a very strong feeling and must be faced in the process of grieving. As the denial and isolation begin to subside, our feelings start being shown as anger. We may direct this anger on to strangers, friends or family. It may even be directed to the dying or deceased loved one. Though we know that this person is not to blamed. We can feel resentment toward this person for leaving us behind or causing us to feel this way, again though we know it is not their fault.
Again, please remember there is no time limit on grieving. There is no 'right nor wrong' way to grieve and it is a personal process for each of us and will vary depending on the circumstances that are involved in causing us the grief itself. It is also important to remember that you can always ask the doctor for more of an explanation of your loved ones illness and to clarify or answer questions concerning the diagnosis and treatment. Understand your options and take your time.
Next we come to the 'bargaining' stage. When we have the feelings of helplessness and vulnerability, we will naturally feel that we must regain control. This is when we begin to think "If only"... The 'if only's' : If only I had done this, asked that, been a better person, etc. We may even start making deals with God secretly or with what it is we deem as our higher power to postpone the inevitable. This is a weaker line of defense that we use to try to protect us from the painful reality of what is going to happen.
Depression is another stage of grief. There are two types that are part of mourning. The reaction to the loss. The sadness and regret are this kind of depression. Then there is the preparation to tell our loved ones good-bye. This type of depression is normally a private one.
Finally, there is acceptance. Not all reach this stage because they can't get pass the anger or denial that these kinds of situations can bring. Sometimes death is sudden and unexpected. So it is best to feel grief as it comes. No matter what order the stages hit, just go through to get through. Reach out to others to help you when you need it and even when you don't think you need it. You will feel better and be able to help someone else that may have to go through in the future.
Grief, no one wants to feel this emotion, this feeling, but there are times that we must and have to and I have to now. I have to let this process take hold of me and carry me through my grief process of the death of my mom. Not a process to look forward to but one that I know that I must go through. How do I do this?? The best way I can. I have a support system of women and men that have lost their moms and know exactly where I am at. That is one of the great things about a twelve step program, you have folks that can help you through what you have to go through cause they have already done it and are there to help you go through your process.
I miss my mom but I know she is no longer fighting to breathe. That she can walk without assistance. She is with her mother and father and brothers. She is happier than she has ever been in her life here on earth. She is home with the Lord and will always be here in my heart anytime I need or want her.
So as hard as it has been to say 'so long' the more ready I am for this process of grief to begin and get over with yet I know I can't rush it. I have to allow this grief process to take hold and go through what I have to go through to get through.
I pray for anyone that has loved ones that are terminally ill. Stay close to them. Love them even if they are of the mind that they aren't all that. Remember that you also need to help them work toward being at peace when they leave this earthly world. Grief isn't a fun emotion but it is a very necessary one and one that we 'together' can go through and learn from. Remember everyone has his or her own process and give that person and yourself time. Time to heal and grieve how and when they need to do so...
This post is going to be dealing with the grief process that I am going through due to the passing of my mother. This is the reason there has been no post since July 2016. My mom has been in and out of the hospital since my last post and I have been her caregiver. As you can imagine, this is not going to be an easy post by any means but I feel that this is part of my 'grief' process. So, as with any post, I have given the definition of the feeling and/or emotion that I am discussing.
According to the research that I have done, there are 5 stages of grief:
1) Denial & Isolation
2) Anger
3) Bargaining
4) Depression
5) Acceptance
Now, there is no correct or incorrect way to go through these stages, meaning no certain order nor is there a certain amount of time that it will take someone to get through each stage. But, and this is very important to remember, everyone will experience grief at some time in their life, maybe more than once, and everyone grieves differently. Some people will grieve more internally and some more outwardly. Neither way is right or wrong, that's just the difference between people.
First, there is denial and isolation. This is when we first learn of the terminal illness, loss or death. This is the feeling when you have disbelief that this has happened. A defense mechanism to buffer the shock of the loss. Words and facts are blocked out and this is a temporary response to get you through the initial wave of pain. Again, there is no right amount of time to go through this stage nor any of the stages that you will have to face.
Anger is a very strong feeling and must be faced in the process of grieving. As the denial and isolation begin to subside, our feelings start being shown as anger. We may direct this anger on to strangers, friends or family. It may even be directed to the dying or deceased loved one. Though we know that this person is not to blamed. We can feel resentment toward this person for leaving us behind or causing us to feel this way, again though we know it is not their fault.
Again, please remember there is no time limit on grieving. There is no 'right nor wrong' way to grieve and it is a personal process for each of us and will vary depending on the circumstances that are involved in causing us the grief itself. It is also important to remember that you can always ask the doctor for more of an explanation of your loved ones illness and to clarify or answer questions concerning the diagnosis and treatment. Understand your options and take your time.
Next we come to the 'bargaining' stage. When we have the feelings of helplessness and vulnerability, we will naturally feel that we must regain control. This is when we begin to think "If only"... The 'if only's' : If only I had done this, asked that, been a better person, etc. We may even start making deals with God secretly or with what it is we deem as our higher power to postpone the inevitable. This is a weaker line of defense that we use to try to protect us from the painful reality of what is going to happen.
Depression is another stage of grief. There are two types that are part of mourning. The reaction to the loss. The sadness and regret are this kind of depression. Then there is the preparation to tell our loved ones good-bye. This type of depression is normally a private one.
Finally, there is acceptance. Not all reach this stage because they can't get pass the anger or denial that these kinds of situations can bring. Sometimes death is sudden and unexpected. So it is best to feel grief as it comes. No matter what order the stages hit, just go through to get through. Reach out to others to help you when you need it and even when you don't think you need it. You will feel better and be able to help someone else that may have to go through in the future.
Grief, no one wants to feel this emotion, this feeling, but there are times that we must and have to and I have to now. I have to let this process take hold of me and carry me through my grief process of the death of my mom. Not a process to look forward to but one that I know that I must go through. How do I do this?? The best way I can. I have a support system of women and men that have lost their moms and know exactly where I am at. That is one of the great things about a twelve step program, you have folks that can help you through what you have to go through cause they have already done it and are there to help you go through your process.
I miss my mom but I know she is no longer fighting to breathe. That she can walk without assistance. She is with her mother and father and brothers. She is happier than she has ever been in her life here on earth. She is home with the Lord and will always be here in my heart anytime I need or want her.
So as hard as it has been to say 'so long' the more ready I am for this process of grief to begin and get over with yet I know I can't rush it. I have to allow this grief process to take hold and go through what I have to go through to get through.
I pray for anyone that has loved ones that are terminally ill. Stay close to them. Love them even if they are of the mind that they aren't all that. Remember that you also need to help them work toward being at peace when they leave this earthly world. Grief isn't a fun emotion but it is a very necessary one and one that we 'together' can go through and learn from. Remember everyone has his or her own process and give that person and yourself time. Time to heal and grieve how and when they need to do so...
