Addiction, A Mental Disorder?

Those of you that read my blog on a regular basis, thank you so much, you know, I hope, that I try to do some type research on each topic that my posts are about.  This one is no different.  Please remember that I am writing as if all were my experiences.  Some are and some are not.  In recovery, I have learned that the only person I can control and get recovery for is me.  No one else can do it for me, as I can not do it for anyone else.

There have been posts and in 'About Me', where I have tried to briefly explain my health issues.  Physically and mentally.  Having done more, I think, on my physical.  I want to explore the subject of mental disorders and drug abuse.  How they tie in together, if so how, why?  I in no way am trying to 'counsel' someone or do I feel the need to give advice as to handle some one's mental stance.  I am not handing out 'free advice', just want to explore the subject of mental disorders and drug abuse.

Let me start by saying that 'all facts' are public record and can be used to raise awareness, without written permission to use and reprint.  It all can be pulled up on the Internet.

So, with that, I would like to look and explore mental disorders and drug abuse.  Is there a connection between the two, mental disorders and drug abuse?  Does drug abuse cause mental disorders?  Does treatment of mental disorders lead to drug abuse?  What are some of the common mental disorders associated with drug abuse?

Drug abuse 'IS' a mental disorder in and of itself.  The obsessive-compulsive desire that pushes to more use or the need felt to 'get one more hit'.  Lets look at the mental disorders, their definition and just how many people suffer from each disorder along with their drug abuse.  Again, these are facts that are published publicly and have no copyrights to obtain for their use to educate and raise awareness.

Many chronic drug abusers often also suffer from a serious mental disorder.  These addicts may be referred to as co-occurring or dual diagnosis.  Chronic drug abuse is the habitual abuse of licit and /or illicit drugs to the extent that the abuser substantially injures a person's health or substantially interferes with their social and/or economic functions.  Lost the power of self-control over the use of drugs.

Mental disorders common among chronic drug abuser's are schizophrenic, bipolar, and anxiety disorders (PTSD, ADHD, panic, etc.)  Schizophrenic, also called dementia praecox.  This is a severe mental disorder that affect 2.4 million chronic drug abusers.  This characterized by, but not all, emotional blunting, intellectual deterioration, social isolation, delusions and hallucinations.  Bipolar is characterized by periods of manic alternating with periods of depression.   This disorders affects approximately 5.7 million chronic drug abusers.  Someone who suffers from being bipolar also has interspersed with relatively long intervals of normal mood.  The anxiety disorders makeup approximately 40 million chronic drug abusers.

People who are treated for mental disorders are at an increased risk of becoming a chronic drug abuser.  The same can be said about the chronic drug abuser, that are at an increased risk of developing some type of mental disorder in addition to the drug abuse.  Partly because drug abuse is a mental disorder in itself.  Chronic drug abuse and serious mental disorders may exist completely independently of one another.  They can be treated.  Researchers are looking for the most effective way to treat chronic drug abuse with mental disorders and if treating them together at the same time will lead to better recovery.  At  present they are mainly treated separately.  Many are sent back and forth from drug abuse and mental health settings.

One reason to touch on this subject is because I, myself, suffer from mental disorders.  PTSD (post-traumatic Stress Disorder) and generalized anxiety.  PTSD can occur after having seen or experienced a traumatic event that has involved the threat of injury or death.  Generalized anxiety is having an apprehension not linked to a specific cause or situation.  My experience is that PTSD and anxiety are like my drug addiction, I can be treated for them but I can never be cured from them.

My mental disorders stem from events in my life growing up and events that took place during my second marriage.  I have been held at gunpoint with no way out.  Trapped.  God is good, for He saved me and has allowed me the ability to share my experiences with others, here in this blog and in my personal life as well.  It takes time to work through events and situations to try to understand what and why somethings happened. What was my part in those situations and how I can learn or be taught how to deal with the mental disorders when they flare up.  I have learned 'tools' to use when I find myself experiencing some of the signs of my mental disorders including my addiction.

At times I can be on top of my addiction and disorders and can see the behaviors start that are connected to my disorders.  Unfortunately, there are times that I have no warning signs at all and am thrown into 'crazy mode', as I call it.  Luckily, my family and close friends understand my mental health issues and they are there to help me through the difficult times.  I, still to this day, have to work at keeping my addiction arrested and to cope with the mental disorders.  As researchers are trying to find ways and means to deal with the drug addiction and mental disorders separately and together, I must do my best to keep them arrested for now.  That is not always an easy task, but we all have to do the best that we can on a daily basis and try to learn from others and our own mistakes.

The credit must be given where credit is due.  The treatment facility that helped me detox and taught me how to work on myself and my addiction.  Also, the facility that I attended on an out-patient status after coming home from the drug treatment facility.  They have taught me many tools to work with for my addiction and mental disorders.  To my family, who have been by my side since day one of this new life of mine.  And to the people that are part of my 12 step program, without those people and most of all my sponsor,I know I would not have made it this far in my recovery.  And let me not forget all the folks out there that are supporting this blog.  You make it so that I want to continue to share awareness and information for anyone needing it.

As always, "Thank You" for your time and any comments you may want to leave.  If you would like to start receiving my blog when new posts are added, please register as a member or fill out the email info at the bottom.  Don't forget the Resource page as there are lots of information there for those that are searching for help for themselves and/or loved ones.

Thank you again, I truly love and appreciate each of you for your continuing support.  God bless  you all....

What Do I Do Now???

Addicts, or people in general, all have "defects of character" that I was referring to in my last post.  Acting out on those defects can and do hurt people, our loved ones, friends, family, and anyone and everyone that we come into contact with when acting out on our defects.  As I stated 'everyone' not just addicts act out from time to time on their defects.

In active addiction, we or I, sorry had to keep it on me, didn't care who I hurt.  I really could not see that I was hurting anyone including myself.  Didn't realize that I was leaving a very destructive path behind me as a result of acting out.  And we all have destruction in our lives that we have created because of our defects and acting out on them.  It is said that 'if the people that needed a program were in the program, then there would not be enough space for them all.  As addicts, working a program, we have a tendency to look at others faults and not our own.  Again, not just addicts have these defects of character, everyone does. One more important thing, we all need to stop and think about our actions, our words and the reasoning behind what we do or say to others or about others.

"I'm not hurting anyone by using."  This statement is said more times by people in active addiction and people that live a destructive life or life style.  What do we do about the harm we have caused to ourselves and others?  We sit down, as we are in recovery now, and list everyone and anyone we have harmed.  No matter how we harmed them, we put them on the list.  We put ourselves on that list also.

"I haven't done harm to myself.  That's crazy!"  Is it crazy?  Look at what you have put yourself through just to keep your using a secret.  As addicts we lie, cheat, steal, manipulate people and situations to our advantage if we can.  We need, in order to grow and continue moving forward in our recovery process, to know what we did and to whom we did it.  Why we did what we did and how to try to amend that wrong and make things right with that person or business.

Yes, you read that correctly, we have to make amends to those who we have harmed in order to go forward as long as we can do our amends with out causing more destruction, without hurting others or ourselves more.  Some of the people or places we list to make amends to may be persons no longer with us.  They have passed on, businesses have shut down.  We cannot dwell on these amends or beat ourselves up over them.  We need to try and ask forgiveness and do our best not to act out again causing more harm, adding to that list.

Addressing making amends and ridding yourself from resentments are necessary to move forward.  Recovery has shown me, in my process, how to make amends, who to make verbal amends to, who to make living amends to (living amends is living with a correction in my attitude and life) and to whom I may have thought I needed to make an amend, but after discussion with my sponsor, going over events, there were some that I didn't need to make amends to.  These were actually resentments that I had and I have to work through those resentments.

In my process, I have had to make some amends.  Everyone has them.  I just need to discuss with my sponsor as to who and for what you need to amend.  As I go further in my recovery, I have had to make verbal amends to some people.  Verbal amends are when you actually tell the person face to face, one on one that you are sorry for whatever you did or said and how you plan to stand by this amend in order for it not to happen again.

So, I not only have to know what exactly I am making amends for but what my plan will be to ensure the event or same situation does not happen again with that person or someone else.  As I said I have to know the exact nature of my wrongs.  And I cannot just say "I'm sorry."  No, I have to apologize for exactly what it was I did wrong to the person or persons.  How I plan to change to help prevent it from happening again.

Some amends, as you will learn, are made just by the way you live your life today, the way I live my life today.  These are 'living amends'.  I don't physically go to the person I have harmed and make my amends, I make a 'living amends' by doing exactly what it says:  LIVING.  Changing the way I live and what it is I am living for.  In addiction , you live for the drug and/or the lifestyle.  In recovery, I live to stay clean.  I live to give what has so freely been given to me.  I live so that others may live also.  I live to help show that addicts can recover, change, and find a way of life.

Working through my resentments can be hard.  Resentment means bitter indignation at having been treated unfairly.  I have to understand what it is or who it is that I have a resentment toward and for what.  Why do I have resentments, sometimes filled with anger?  Again, everyone has them at some point in their lives.  When I work on a resentment, I try to understand what the feelings are behind these resentments and hopefully will uncover the main reason I have each resentment.

Talking with my sponsor and working the 12 step program like it has been suggested to me to do.  I mean, I try my very best to apply what others in recovery suggest I do.  My life has changed a great deal over the past, almost, 3 years.  I am not the same as I was when I had that last 'night'.  Not the same as when I walked into treatment, when I walked out of treatment and I am not the same each time I go and come from my 12 step program.  I am proud of the person I am becoming.  I am proud that I am able to help others that may not be able to help themselves.  When I have feelings, I need to feel them, but also try to understand why I feel the way I do.

Because of my program and the forward progress that I have made, it is very hard sometimes to practice the spiritual principles in all affairs.  Again, we all have defects!  Think about what you are going to say and how you are going to say it before you say it to anyone.  I have to play 'the tape' all the way to the end.  Life on lifes terms are at times hard for people. I  have to understand that my actions, words, and so on affects others.  If I want people to treat me the way I want to be treated, then I must treat them the way they want to be treated.

I cannot work anyone's recovery but my own.  I work it on a day to day basis.  I have a network of women that I call from time to time for their experience, strength and hope.  They are all always very helpful in their suggestions.  If I don't follow the suggestions given to me, my whole world will be in chaos day and night.

Once again, "Thank You" so much for the support you give to my blog.  It is appreciated more than you know.  Register and receive an email for each new post or signup to receive an email for new posts.  Leave comments so I will know that I am doing a good job.

The counter has hit 1500+ since being added in April or May, well after this blog was started.
THANK YOU for your continued support!!

Defects of Character, We All Have Them...

Defects of character?  Yes, everyone has them.  Some more than others.  Some just know how to deal with them better when they raise their ugly heads.  We all have defects and assets of character.  Those defects are  like anger, low self-esteem, self-centeredness, ego, arrogance, guilt, and the list goes on and on.

In recovery, I have learned a lot about my defects of character and my assets.  I work hard on those defects but they can cause chaos and drama in my life when there really isn't any.  It is just my defects showing up and making me think things or do things that are uncalled for.  For me, the biggest thing about my defects are learning when and when not to act on them.

That is what makes it a defect.  If I do act out it is in a very negative way and normally causes some kind of problem and then more defects show up and I act out more.  I have tried to talk about the principles that I try to practice in my life today.  Those same principles are some of the assets I have and tools that I use to work on my defects.

Like anger.  It is okay to feel anger, but another thing to act on it in a negative way.  Thinking that 'someone'
caused you to get angry is really not true.  You and you alone decided what or how you feel about different things, situations.  No one can make you feel or do anything that you don't want to do or feel.  Now it is okay to feel anger at times because, let's face it, we do get angry from time to time.  But how we process that anger is the big thing.

You can process defects in a negative way, but that seems to only make that situation more difficult to handle.  With anger, we get angry when things don't go the way we want, we can't have what we want when we want it.  That was always a big defect that I acted out on in active addiction, wanting when I wanted it and not being able to have it.  I would want things (drugs) but due to no one having any, had no money to buy it or had no way to get to where it was would always make me angry.  Ranting and raving like a crazy person.  Saying things that I should not say.  Acting as if the entire world should just stop because I needed a fix and could not get it. Biting peoples heads off, cursing people, or just having a very bad attitude in general. These were some of the ways that I acted out on my defects.  Not to nice, huh?

Now I realize what a huge mistake acting that way was.  No one made me bite someone's head off for no good reason.  No one deserves to be cursed out for something they cannot control.  No one should have to put up with someone else walking around like the entire world owed them something,  I did this to myself.  I chose to act out like this.  I chose to be mad and angry at everyone and anyone.

That is unhealthy anger, but I do have the right to get upset when someone does something directly toward me and anger is the emotion that anyone would have.  No one should be allowed to walk over someone.  They should not say things about someone they don't know and that person is hurt by what is said.  This is healthy anger when we respond to negative things or situation of this nature.  So, I think it is safe to say that defects of character can also be assets of character.

As an addict, I can now see how each of my defects played a role in my everyday life.  It affected how I acted around others.  It affected what others thought about me.  When I act out on defects it affects everyone and everything in my life.  They could have even gotten me killed in active addiction.

Why?  Because when I was using I had the attitude that I was important.  You don't talk to me like I am a dog.  You don't treat me like I am just some bum trying to get one over on you.  You don't tell me what I can and cannot do.  See all the negative in these few statements?  But I still acted out on my defects everyday that I was using.  It did not matter if I had a right to act out as no one has the 'right' to act out, but you do have a right to protect or defend yourself when the defect you are feeling is actually an assets at that time and not a defect.

Today, yes I get angry.  Yes I have guilty feelings.  My ego gets so big sometimes I think how do you hold your own head up.  Self-centeredness is when it is all about me.  Feeling all these different emotions, my character, good or bad, is hard at times.  There are times when a defect can just slip right up on me before I know it and I have to do some more apologizing because of the harm that I have caused someone else.

I have learned and am still learning healthy ways to use my defects and try and turn them into assets instead.  Today I have been able to earn respect from others, why?  I first respect myself.  I am a real person with real feelings.  I have integrity today simply because I do what I say I am going to do.  My self-esteem is much better than it ever has been.  I like myself, no I love myself today and I want to do what is necessary to continue helping those in addiction and those not in addiction.  As I stated at the beginning, defects are only defects when we act out in a negative way.

This is how I see growth in myself and in others.  I have a different mind set now.  I don't always have to be first, get what I want when I want it or get it at all.  I don't have to be the center of attention just to make me feel better about myself.  Today I am much more comfortable out of the spotlight.  Hanging on the sidelines and watching and helping others like I was helped early in my recovery.

I am understanding better everyday just how important my recovery is to me.  Equally important are others just like me.  Others not like me.  Everyone is basically as important as the next person.  This is nothing but growth in myself and acceptance of myself and the people and things around me.  And, yes here comes the principles of life.

Acceptance, tolerance, patience, faith, hope, trust, unconditional love, honesty, humility and so on.  With these principles and others I can learn to process my defects for what and how they are.  Some days it is very hard to find the principle behind the defect so that the defect does not eat me up from the inside out.  Some days are better than other.  I am not prefect and never will I claim to be that way.  No one is perfect.

So the next time one of those character defects decide to raise it's ugly head, what are you going to do?  Run it through a process to determine if it is a defect or an asset?  Whether to act out on it or not?  How have I grown from having that asset or defect and knowing what I should do with it?  It is 'YOUR' choice.  No one else's.

If you are still in active addiction, a lot of your choices are being made for you and there are a lot of the decisions that you will never know about until one day, pop! there it is!  What am I going to do now?  I don't have any choice today.  I have to do things I don't want to.  I have to act in a way that I have to in order to make it through.

Life is hard and active addiction makes it that much harder.  No in active addiction you have no choices.  But that is a choice you made yourself at some point and time.  It is my hope and prayer that if just one person reads this and it helps them, I have done what I want to.  If someone that is in active addiction or just starting their recovery reads this and it helps them, then just that much better.

As always, please leave a comment if you like.  If you are in need of some type of help, my resource page may be of help.  Thank you again for all those that support this blog by just reading it and understanding better how my life is today.  I am still growing and learning, those are great things.

Much love and respect to all...

Growing Day by Day...

Moving along in my process of recovery, I can see the growth I have had.  Still have lots to work on and learn, but have changed a great deal from how I was when I entered into recovery.  You hear all kinds of sayings in recovery 'fake it til you make it', 'don't leave 5 minutes before the miracle', 'more will be revealed', 'keep coming back', 'it works if you work it', and others.

When I first started in my recovery process I had no idea what any of these meant or even why they were said.  Today, I can say I understand better what and why we have these sayings.  As you, or I grow in recovery, we begin to get clarity on things and life in general.  As I starting living day to day without using, my body slowly got rid of the drugs.  As the level of the drugs in my system lowered I became more in touch with what was really happening and knew that if I did not change I would lose my life.

I say to folks that I was lucky and I was.  I found recovery.  But I was saying I was lucky because I was much older than most when my addiction took complete control over my life.  I had been married.  Had a child and knew what being 'a responsible member of society' was.  I never in a million years thought my life would go to some of the places it took me.  Hanging out with people that carried guns and some that were just plain mean.  Some I thought were friends!  Crazy I know, but I did.  My disease had me and it had me good.  Those people cared nothing whatsoever for me, only about what I could do for them and if I had money or not.

Self-esteem, there was none.  Confidence, none.  Self-respect, none. And others, I had none of these things.  For some reason I lost all of any of them that I had.  How?  I don't know.  All I know is one day they were there, however little they were, they were there.  Then gone.  As if in the blink of an eye, gone.  What happened?  Where did they all go?  These are questions that I have found some answers for.  I threw them all away.  I did it to myself.  I know a lot of addicts want to blame someone or something else other than themselves, but truth be told we all made the choices that took all these things and more away from us.  And until any addict realizes that "they" did these things to themselves, they cannot begin to recover.

Recovery has taught me that I am responsible for all my acts, thoughts, what I say and how I say it.  How I live today.  How I treat people around me, in and out of my life.  It has taught me that while I may have done bad things, I am not a bad person.  I have a disease that is incurable, fatal, cunning and wants me dead.  I have a disease that when I am not looking it will get into areas of my life and then turn so unmanageable is such a short time it is not even funny.

Recovery has to be worked on and at 24/7.  Why you may ask, because my disease is running 24/7.  Just waiting on a chance, no matter how small, to take control and run with it.  I will never be "cured" from the disease of addiction.  I can only arrest it and do what is needed, daily, to keep it arrested.  I have character defects that I have to work on daily.  That is where my disease hides.  Just waiting and waiting on the day that I may not be working on a defect but my disease will and it will show it's ugly head.  So, I must, no matter what, work on myself and my defects on a daily basis or risk relapse back to the disease of addiction.

Relapse is a part of recovery.  Someone said it best the other night when they said "If I am not moving forward in my recovery then I am going backwards and that will lead to a relapse."  I so understand where this person was coming from.  I have to pray and ask for help.  Pray for the ability not to act out on my defects.  And those times that I slip and do act out, I have to pray that God helps me to see that and make amends as soon as possible to that person.  I have to continue to work on me in order not to relapse.  My program has to be strong and alive in my life everyday 24/7.

Just because I had lived 'life on life's terms' did not keep me from falling into active addiction.  And let me tell you that was not my plan.  I thought I could do this or a little of that to stop my physical and mental pain. Never did I think about becoming addicted.  Knowing addiction runs in my family, both sides.  I still played with fire until I got burnt and was really in pain from there on out.  A pain that I can never and will never forget.  Reminding myself of the pain and of my life in addiction helps to keep me in recovery.  Seeing people coming into recovery from active addiction, helps keep me in recovery.  They show me that nothing has changed in the drug world.  If anything it is so much worse than when I was using I cannot bear the thought of relapsing today.

My life is totally different from my using days.  You see, I think it all began when I was in a car wreck.  My body took a terrible hit and the pain was more than I could bear.  Doctors thought they were helping.  Little did anyone know, my addiction was starting.  It was behind the scenes for a while and then it raised it's ugly head and I was gone.  Me, the person, was gone.  Today, I am different.  I look totally different.  I act totally different, most of the time.  I even think differently than I did before.  I owe it all to my recovery and the people in my life today.

People that truly care about me and my well being.  People that are there 24/7 to help me when I need it.  People that count on me to be there when they need ME.  Man that is different.  People actually wanting my help.  My advice.  My friendship!!!  Yes, there is no better tool against the disease of addiction that another recovering addict.  Why you ask?  Because only another addict knows or can relate to each better because they have 'been there, done that' and know exactly the feelings each other have.  One addict can understand the lengths that are gone to just to get that next hit.  They know how the disease is working.  What it is saying and how easy it can and will take control again.

Yes, recovery, for me is an ongoing process.  Working daily on myself.  To better understand myself and why I do things that I do, how I do things the way I do.  I am learning that I don't have to be the center of attention.  I don't have to always respond just because something was said or someone did something.  The only thing that I can control and am learning to control is myself.  I don't have to engage in fights, arguments  differences of opinions, anything that may cause me to act out on a defect.  I have a choice today.  We all have choices everyday.  It is our choices that deems the outcome of situations.  Not other people, places or things, but our choices that pave the road in front of us.  We, or I have choices today and I try to choose what is best for me and then for everyone around me.

You see I have to understand that my choices sometimes are not just affecting me but others as well.  In active addiction no one cares who will be affected from others decisions.  This is something that I relearned and am still learning today in recovery.  Recovery takes work.

Now you have to decide for yourself, not for anyone else because you only have control over yourself, what road or path you are going to take.  Will you continue down a road of destruction?  Continuing to hurt yourself and everyone you come in contact with?  Or will you choose to do the right thing or try to do the next right thing for the right reasons?  Make the choice to do what you know in you heart is the thing to do.  It may not be a great outcome for you but someone may benefit from it, you never know.

Today for me, it's all about doing the right things in life.  Not because I want to or I want the attention on me, but just because it is the right thing to do.  Today I have acceptance of the things I do and what happens to me, I have tolerance, patience, unconditional love, faith, willingness, humility to name a few.  I understand what they all mean and how to apply them to my life.  They are some of the assets that I use against my defects each day.  And I have grown with these principles.  To practice them daily.

Yes, I have grown over the past almost 3 years.  I think before I act or speak.  I check myself every night before I go to bed to make sure there are no amends that need to be made.  I pray to God that He will show me His will for me and the power to carry that message to other addicts.

May God continue to work in my life so that I may be there to help or work in others lives.  May He see what is needed inside of me and give me the power I need to work on myself.  To ask for help when it is needed,  To honestly say how I am feeling even if it is like a piece of poo.  May God show us all His mercy and grace to accept what we, I have done and to help me move on.  Not stopping long in the past of mistakes and bad judgement.

Don't know how much sense this all makes but this is what needed to be said.  How do I you may ask?  Before any post I write, I pray and ask God to guide me.  To give me the words to share.  The feelings and experience given to others so they may grow in their recovery as well.  If you are an addict, you can stop, stay stopped and find a new way of life.  It can be done, because I, with many others, have done it.  No one is telling you it will be easy, just that it can be done if you want it and ask for it.  You, the addict, have to decide what you going to do and when you do, continue to move forward.  For if we are not moving forward, then we are going backwards to places you are suppose to be getting away from.

I could go on but will stop with this:  "If no one has told you today that they love you, I do."  Help is ready.  all you need to do is ask for it.  Am done rambling around like a lost pup, then just ask and help will be given to the best of their abilities.  There are things that no one wants to hear but they have to hear it in order to recover.

Please, as always, feel free to comment on any post on the site.  There is also a 'resource' page with lots of info on treatment, recovery, 12 step programs, and on.

Thank you for your time today and look forward to another informative post next time...

Americans - Where are You???

Okay, I think I have taken just about as much as I can.  Now, before I begin I need to say this is me, only me, and if you are offended, then well, that's just too bad isn't it?  I do appreciate the folks that take the time to read my blog, really I do.  And there are going to be times that my view is different from someone else's.  So, the ones that know me, here I go again, so hold on, it is going to be a bumpy ride...

First I would like to say that I am an American!!  Born in the south and proud to be a true Southern born American!  (not to ruffle feathers of others born in other areas, we are all Americans, okay).  Yes, I am a little redneck, too, okay??  Over the past several years there have been things that have happened that make me want to just shake the people that live here and say, "Have you lost your freaking minds!!??"

Growing up I was taught to respect my elders, the American flag and the leaders of our country.  We said the "Pledge of Allegiance" everyday at school.  We learned to respect and honor  the American flag.  We learned when, where and how the American flag was to be flown.  We had mutual respect for each other as Americans.  There were many different celebrations all over America to celebrate our forefathers and this great land of ours that they fought so hard to build and nurture.  They did this in order for us to have a place to live, free from being ruled and told every little thing to do and not do.  They did this for our "FREEDOM"!!!

Now, our children are not allowed to say the "Pledge of Allegiance" in schools nor are they allowed to pray.  Even at sporting events such as football, there is no prayer before the games anymore.  Simple things such as this is what, I think, set America apart from other countries.  We have the right to freedom of speech, the right to bear arms, and so on.  These rights and all the others that we have had for years because of our forefathers are almost all gone.  My question is "WHY"?!

What has happened to us?  What is happening to us?  There are people that live here but do not and/or can not speak English!  They can live here and have all the freedom and rights that we have and then some.  Please don't get me wrong, I do not hate anyone.  And I, by no means, wish harm to anyone anywhere.  But how can we, as Americans stand by and watch what once was a great country go , for lack of whatever, to hell in a handbasket?????

Have we lost our sense of pride, love, compassion?  We have allowed this to happen.  How you may ask, by the people that we choose to govern us and our land.  By not caring who we elect into office, just so long as they say what we want to hear.  No matter that their record shows a different person, they sound good.  They made us promises.  They have changed and are not like their records shows.

These are things I hear and have heard over the years.  Well, I think it is time that Americans woke the heck up!!!  Just because things are in the shape they are, why on earth would we, as Americans, want it to continue and more than likely grow worse?  Why do we stand here and just go through the motions if even that?  We see what is happening.  You talk about it everyday, how you wish things were like they use to be.

Now, the younger folks will say, "We needed change."  Well, to those younger folks I say "Show some respect for your elders!  Dress like you are 'somebody', not like your folks can't afford clothes that fit you right!  Yea, pull your pants up and be a man!  Stop having sex before you are ready so we can stop supporting children that are not ours!  Grow the heck up and be accountable for YOUR actions!  For your choices!

It is such a shame the state of America today.  I pray day and night that God have mercy on us.  I pray that God would touch the people that govern our country.  I pray that God will continue to watch over our troops here and abroad.  They are such brave and giving men and women that protect this nation of our's.  And some people have the nerve to spit at our troops, to spit at our flag, to stand and watch someone "BURN" our flag, to say they don't want to do this or that for it may be taken as being prejudice such as wear a pin of the United States of America flag......  Yes, something that simple should speak volumes to all Americans, but 4 years ago it didn't.  Will it this election year?

I know that a lot of you have different viewpoints but that is what is so great about America, we encourage freedom to think differently, to be able to say what you think as long as you don't intentionally do harm to someone else.  Feel free to leave your comments.  And please don't take this the wrong way, I do not and will not debate my feelings with anyone for I don't have to.  I don't feel the need beyond this post to express my feelings, concerns and fears about what is happening and what may happen if we, as Americans, don't stand together and see that the ones in office are taking ALL and I do mean ALL our civil rights away.  Little by little until we will have none.

Ask yourself, as you look back over the past years, is America where she should be?  Do we want her heading in the direction, I feel, that may/will be the end for us all?  Is America protected enough to withstand another attack like 9-11?  Has America not been shaken to her core with attacks, threats and ridicule?  Do we not want to be able to walk down the streets and hold our heads high and have a pride in our step just because?  Just because we are Americans and we are proud of that fact.  Proud enough to shout it from rooftops.  Proud enough to post on Facebook "I am an American".  Proud enough to do our civil right to vote for who we feel will do the job since others have proven time and time again, they cannot and they will not because they can't and/or won't.

It's not their fault or their problem or their concern!!  If it is not theirs, men and women voted into office, then whose is it?  Whose problems are they?  Who is to blame for the state America is in?  If not the elected officials then are we not at fault?  Are we not to blame?  Do we not need to make the hard decisions needed to be made instead of leaving it to the next person?  Should we not be responsible?  Should those in office now, not bear some of the responsibility?

My hope, my prayer is that each one of you that read this will stop and think......not how mad you are at me for posting this but what is your part in all of this?  What could you do?  What should you do?  What are your responsibilities in life?  To this nation?  To yourself? To your children and grandchildren?

I love each and everyone of you and I do hope that you will stop and think.  Leave me a comment if you feel the need to.  But as stated, I am not here to debate with anyone.  I may not respond, but I am sure someone would like to share their take on this.  Agree or not, you do have an opinion don't you?  That is a right that has yet to be taken away.  So maybe, just maybe you would like to exercise that right?  I welcome all and debate with none.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and better yet, thank you for your comments.  God bless and keep you all in His loving grace and mercy, Amen!  (Yes, you can still pray on the Internet!)