America

Knowing I'm going to probably get a lot of comments on this one, I feel the need to express my feelings about my country, America.  Please know that o understand not everyone is going to agree with me and that's perfectly okay.  The main thing is I really don't want to debate anyone, but would like you to comment what your personal feelings are about your country. Whether it be Ameeica or some place different as I know not all my reads are in America.  Even if you live in a different country and would like to make a comment about America that's totally okay to.  I truly believe that each and every person has a right to their own opinion even if it differs from my own.  So, let me get started...

Being born in a time when things were a whole lot simpler, makes today's America a hard place to look at sometimes.  It is so heart breaking to see people out of work, homeless and living from day to day.  You don't see children out playing like they did when I was growing up.  The younger generations seem to act as if they are entitled to something.  And I say something about these things because I am hoping that you, as an American, will wake up and see what is happening to our country.

On this day, Independence Day, let us remember what our forefathers built this great nation on.  They put their trust in God and set in place declarations, pledges, and a system of government that seems to be so totally different to what we have today.  The government is suppose to work for the people, be our voice, represent our interest and ideas not their own.

Have you ever stopped to think about how much just one of our government officials makes?  Or just how many get the same amount of pay for life that they are making when they retire if they ever retire?  Now it seems to me that they, the government, now 'tells' us what and how to do?  

Folks let me tell you now, THAT IS NOT HOW OUR GOVERNEMENT IS SUPPOSE TO WORK'!!!  

We, and our country, need to put God back into 'God bless America'.  Because if we don't get back to the way our forefathers decided how this country is to be run, well I'm afraid that we will continue on this downhill spiral and there will be plenty of bumps in our way.

I pray that each and everyone of you remember why we celebrate, a great nation, land of folks that were God fearing, and that had great respect for themselves, their new found country and God.

And remember the ones that have given their blood, sweat and tears are the ones that have made this great nation what it is today.  Plus the ones that are still giving their blood, sweat and tears to keep this nation  protected from those that want to do us harm.

So, may I just say 'Happy 4th of July' to you all.  Stay safe out and about cause there are so many on vacation, on the roads.  May you and yours be blessed...

Thanks for stopping in and supporting my blog.  I am so humble and full of gratitude toward each and every one of you for I now have over 10,000 hits!  Since the beginning of this joy and passion I have for writing and sharing with you the thought and ideas that I have...

Grow Up and Show Up

Life is not always lollipops and balloons.  But there are days that many of us wish it were, I'm sure.  Growing up we never really think of what being an adult 'really' means.  Even in high school, some may find it a hard thing to conceive.  Then that day comes, when some have no choice but to grow up and show up...

Unlike many I know, my addiction didn't take hold of me until I was well into my 30's.  Most start their using days at very young ages.  Some as young as 5 and 6 years old.  That just really blew my mind when I first heard it, but then after hearing their stories I realize that they were in different environments growing up than I was.  We all, that have used, have our own story to tell but we are all the same.  If we continue once we start, the common thread is self-centeredness.  We've all done things that we are not proud of, said things and also neglected things and people, all because of our self-will and no regard to anyone else but SELF...

Some are still trying to figure out why I stated that 'some' of us had no choice but to grow up and show up.  Well the plain, sad, hard truth is that some die or are locked up for life or are institutionalized because they go crazy.  These folks go to the bitter ends so that those of us that choose to stop using and live life are able to do just that.  Get clean and lead a productive life as a member of society.

Growing up is hard for some.  I feel, personally, that it has so much to do with what age you were when you started using.  For the simple fact that once we begin down that dark lonely path of addiction, our minds are not able to grow and learn as well.  So even though you may be 40, if you started using everyday at the age of 7, then when you get clean at age 40 your mind is sill only 7 years old.

Life gets full.  So we have to grow up and show up.  I have had and have done just that.  Over my 6 years of being drug free I have moved in with my parents.  Now at first yes it was due to I had no income and didn't know if or when I would again.  Now, since I am receiving my disability, I am still living with my parents.  Now don't go jumping to all these thing about how I'm taking advantage of them, cause I'm not.  I have grown up and showed up and take responsibility for myself and also some responsibilities of my parents.

Life is good and I enjoy my life.  Even though I have more responsibilities, I still have time to enjoy the things that I enjoy in life.  I have my 12 step program, reading, little projects around the house, exercising, playing games on the computer, watching movies and my favorite is going to the new drive-in that opened up this summer here in town.  I have always loved the drive-in and look forward to going every couple of weeks.  Also, have a new friend who I enjoy spending time with.  They make me feel good about myself and I hope I do the same for them.

Growing up  and showing up are not bad things that happen to us when we get clean, they are great things.  Biggest reason is because we can be present in the moment.  Folks don't have to come hunting us anymore.  We're already there or close by, involved and doing our part.

Life on life's terms isn't always easy, I'll admit, but to me it is far better than the using addict life that I once lead.  Becoming a responsible member of society makes me happy.  Giving back to others makes me feel complete.  Being able to have an honest relationship with someone is exciting and refreshing.  I remember when everything and I mean everything out of my mouth was a lie.  A bold face lie.  It didn't matter who you were, I lied about things that I didn't even have to lie about.

What I guess I'm trying to say is:  if your using, you can stop.  No matter what it is you are using(dope, people, shopping, gambling, etc) you can stop and stay stopped.  Yes it will be hard in the beginning, but it is  doable.  Even if you're not using but have other issues like low self esteem, you can gain it all back and have a good life.

As always I want to mention the resources page has lots of information and maybe one is just what you need.  I am here to share my life openly and honestly in hopes of helping that person that is in active addiction, the addict that is in recovery, or anyone that just needs to know you aren't alone in what you are feeling, addict or not.  Please take time to check out the 'Blog Archive' and see if there is something from previous months and I bet at least one if not more will catch your eye.

Leave me a comment.  Good, bad or indifferent.  I love to hear from you my readers for you are the ones that can let folks know that this blog exist and maybe get them interested.  Your comments help me to become better at what I do.  They put a smile on my face.

Thank you for giving me just a bit of your time today and stay tuned for more from 'Here Goes Nothing'...

Giving Back What Has Been So Freely Given...

There have many times in my recovery or should I say during my recovery that I have shared with different people my experiences.  Not just in here but in a one on one setting.  And I am always left with the biggest feeling of gratitude each and every time.

Like today, a friend sent me a message that they needed me to call them.  So I stopped what I was doing and called.  They were really in a bad way and just needed and wanted to know that someone anyone cared about them.  We went from crying to laughing several different times.  And I shared with this person different things in my life before I got clean and since I have entered into recovery.  I wanted to convey to them the feeling that they were not a lone.  That someone else could empathize with them because I had had similar experiences as they have had.  

Recovery is such a high part of my life and who I am today.  I have never really thought of myself as a 'beacon of light' but that is what they said to describe me.  That's how they see me and it is all due to the program that I work.  I take my recovery process and program very serious.  I believe in the program and fellowship I am a part of today.

It is such a humbling experience when someone describes you in such a way that you at first don't feel worthy of that kind of description but then after you think about it you realize that they are correct if that is how 'they' see you.   But when you know where you've been and how you got to where you are today it's hard to see yourself as others see you at times.  At least I know for me it is. 

But I also know that I am doing what it is my program and the fellowship teaches me to do and that is to apply my program and the spiritual principals of the fellowship to ALL areas of my life.  So if someone sees me as a 'beacon' then I am doing those things and I am doing them to the best of my ability.  I am not only talking the talk hut I am also and more importantly walking the walking even when no one from my fellowship are around to see what I am doing and how I am doing it.

And that my friends is a good feeling.  It is a validation that what I am doing today, in my life and my recovery, is working.  It shows.  I can't tell you how blessed I am for the fellowship and my program for helping me find my way from where it is I came.  I would wish that on no one. 

What really touched my heart is I know this person still has just a glimmer of hope and that's all they need.  As long as you have hope then there are doors still open, people still looking for you.  And I am here to tell you that as long as you have just a small tiny piece of hope then you can still change your life for the better no matter what it is you are going through.

We all go through things.  Biggest thing that's different is we don't all go through the same things at the same time so we can help each other live and grow and be able to experience what we have to in order to get to the other side.  And once we do, we are then able to help that next person that has to face some of the things.  And that's how the fellowship works.  One addict helping another through their experiences.

So I am so thankful to the fellowship and the members of that fellowship for embracing me and helping me when I need it so that I in turn can help the next person.  And to God, for His grace and mercy.  Because that is the only reason that I am alive today.  Gods grace and mercy, and no other reason.

So I give back every time I have the opportunity to do so.  That is how I show my gratitude today, by giving back what has so freely been given to me...

A Parent Shares Straight From His Heart...

What a better way to start a new year than with a very emotional praise from a father to his daughter.  Those of you that keep up with my blog know that I never give names and most all that I share is from my own experiences.  However, there have been times that I hear someone else in recovery share and am so inspired that I feel that everyone should be able to hear what this person is saying about recovery.  That there is maybe just one person that will read this and be helped or inspired to help someone else.  So, doing as I do, this post is the exact words this father uses to convey his experience, love and hope for his daughter and not only for her but others out there that need to know that you're not alone.  That others have the same feelings, struggles and emotions that you have.  We all have our own story to tell and some of us allow others to share our stories in the hope that the message will be carried to those that need it, seek it and want it for their own.  No longer can people say "Once an addict, always an addict"!  For there are far too many of us, recovering addicts, to stomp that tired line into the ground and snuff it out once and for all. 

As stated and with his permission, these are his words.  With the only change being that I took their names out to keep their anonymity.  This is the speech this father gave as his adult child celebrated their first year in recovery.  Pardon the spelling or any mistakes that may be found as I'm sure you understand that is not what matters here but the message that he is conveying to them and all that are receptive to hear the clear and concise message he is sharing: 

"As tears of Joy and laughter filled the room and Your Spirit, I gazed upon you and saw the look of Pride in your eyes that only a daughter can have for her father...
For what seemed like an eternity, I wished and hoped and most importantly prayed that one day you would find your way to Recovery. For over a year during my travels I shared from the podium the pain, despair and powerlessness of having a child stuck in the horrors of addiction. Members from all over the country and "the world" were praying for you! The Power of Pray is undeniable because on this day January 12, 2016 you, my beautiful daughter celebrates 1 year clean!!! During my travels over this past year, I have shared the joy and miracle of your Recovery. And The Worldwide Fellowship has celebrated with us! Thank you to all for the prayers and Thank you G-Girl for doing what it takes to stay clean!! You are Loved by many. Keep moving forward. The Journey has just begun!!!! Love you so much! Congratulations!!! ♡

** cautionary tale to all parents- don't turn a blind eye to it, don't let denial win, don't think it's just a "faze". Your privileged, straight A student, scholarship achieving, college bound, beautiful, smart child can fall into the horrors of addiction. It can happen to anyone. It happened to us. Love them, educate them communicate with them. And if still you find yourself in a similar situation as I did with my lovely child, don't give up, fight the good fight. Do what it takes! And remember as long as there the breath there is hope! There is a way out, through the Program of Narcotics Anonymous!"

Addiction is a powerful disease and anyone who thinks otherwise has never experienced first hand or through someone they know.  It is cunning, baffling and fatal.  There are only two things that I know of that an addict will do:  1) enter into recovery, stop the using of any and all mind and mood altering drugs, or unfortunately 2) continue to use until they die not knowing or even knowing there is a better way.  I am a part of a 12 step program and I am in my own process of recovery as all addicts have their own process that they themselves must go through.  Some of my journey has been difficult from lack of willingness, trust, and knowledge.  However, the biggest part of my journey has been fulfilled with knowledge, people, and strength from God.  I started and I still have a grateful heart.  I have learned to also have a humble heart and to accept that I will always be an addict and I will always be around addicts.  It's just that I choose to be with non-using recovering addicts instead of still with the sick and tired using addicts.

I pray everyday, several times a day, that the still sick and suffering addict will find their way to recovery.  Not all of us do.  Some addicts enter into recovery, others remain in active addiction, others end up in jail or some other type of institution.  While, sad to say, others die.  All these endings are necessary for addicts to enter into recovery.  Addicts need to see, first hand, what continued using will get them.  And yes, sadly, some must die so others can live.  For if the still sick, using addict doesn't see that death could be their fate, then they would never question their reasons for using.

Understand that it is hard for me to put this out there just as easy as it is for me to put this out there.  For I know, first hand, what addiction can and will do when allowed to grow inside that addict.  There is no cure for this 'disease' called addiction.  But it can be held at bay and you can learn to live without the using.  And mind you, it is not an easy task, this 'not using' part.  You have to have the right mind set and continue to press forward no matter how much you hurt or want to use, just one more time.  You must have the desire needed to get clean but most of all to stay clean no matter what.  It is one of the easiest things you do in recovery, to stop using, but it will also be the hardest things to do, to stop and stay stopped from the active using.

Please, please if you know someone that is suffering or  someone that has someone suffering from the disease of addiction, feel free to share this post with them as I feel that it can make a difference in someone's life today..