There have many times in my recovery or should I say during my recovery that I have shared with different people my experiences. Not just in here but in a one on one setting. And I am always left with the biggest feeling of gratitude each and every time.
Like today, a friend sent me a message that they needed me to call them. So I stopped what I was doing and called. They were really in a bad way and just needed and wanted to know that someone anyone cared about them. We went from crying to laughing several different times. And I shared with this person different things in my life before I got clean and since I have entered into recovery. I wanted to convey to them the feeling that they were not a lone. That someone else could empathize with them because I had had similar experiences as they have had.
Recovery is such a high part of my life and who I am today. I have never really thought of myself as a 'beacon of light' but that is what they said to describe me. That's how they see me and it is all due to the program that I work. I take my recovery process and program very serious. I believe in the program and fellowship I am a part of today.
It is such a humbling experience when someone describes you in such a way that you at first don't feel worthy of that kind of description but then after you think about it you realize that they are correct if that is how 'they' see you. But when you know where you've been and how you got to where you are today it's hard to see yourself as others see you at times. At least I know for me it is.
But I also know that I am doing what it is my program and the fellowship teaches me to do and that is to apply my program and the spiritual principals of the fellowship to ALL areas of my life. So if someone sees me as a 'beacon' then I am doing those things and I am doing them to the best of my ability. I am not only talking the talk hut I am also and more importantly walking the walking even when no one from my fellowship are around to see what I am doing and how I am doing it.
And that my friends is a good feeling. It is a validation that what I am doing today, in my life and my recovery, is working. It shows. I can't tell you how blessed I am for the fellowship and my program for helping me find my way from where it is I came. I would wish that on no one.
What really touched my heart is I know this person still has just a glimmer of hope and that's all they need. As long as you have hope then there are doors still open, people still looking for you. And I am here to tell you that as long as you have just a small tiny piece of hope then you can still change your life for the better no matter what it is you are going through.
We all go through things. Biggest thing that's different is we don't all go through the same things at the same time so we can help each other live and grow and be able to experience what we have to in order to get to the other side. And once we do, we are then able to help that next person that has to face some of the things. And that's how the fellowship works. One addict helping another through their experiences.
So I am so thankful to the fellowship and the members of that fellowship for embracing me and helping me when I need it so that I in turn can help the next person. And to God, for His grace and mercy. Because that is the only reason that I am alive today. Gods grace and mercy, and no other reason.
So I give back every time I have the opportunity to do so. That is how I show my gratitude today, by giving back what has so freely been given to me...
