I know that you are there. Watching and waiting. Hoping that I will leave just a small opening. A small ray of light so that you can try to creep your way back in. NOT TODAY!!! Not any day as long as I stay steadfast in my program. As long as I remember that you are there watching and waiting for me to slip in some way or another.
I locked you away 3 years ago today. I hid the key to the chest that I placed you in. I know that you are there. If I should faultier one way or another, you will do your best to try to escape. I can not and will not allow that to happen. I must stay vigilante My recovery must come first. I must always remember where it is that I came from. Where it was and what it was like, those places you took me too.
You acted as my friend. You pretended to like me. To love me. To understand me. But that is not what you wanted at all. You want to control me. Kill me. Slowly and with propose You are designed to fool me. Make me think you are friend when really you are foe. You try tempting me, seducing me, lying to me just so you can kill me.
I know your game. I know what it is that you really want. You will not get it today. Today, I can say "NO" to you with a clear conscience. Today is my day. Today is the day that I took from you. I stopped you slowly, but stopped just the same. There are others like me. Yes, there are others like you too, but we know you are there. And that is how we stand against you. Together, united, I can't but "WE" can.
You see, ADDICTION, this is what you were hoping would never happen. 3 years ago, I had enough of you. I didn't know that it was you at first, but as my mind cleared and I started to return to me, I saw you clearly. I realized what you had done to me. I had no one to blame but myself and I was the only one that could stop you. I had to have help. Not knowing at the time that I was learning to trust in a life line like no other.
I began to work on me, for me, with others helping me. They told me that I would not be able to do it all by myself. That I would need help from time to time. They taught me tools to use against you. How to be brave and humble myself and ask for help against you. They knew the things you would try to turn me back to you again. You did that once. I did not have all the tools that I have today. Tools that I carry with me everywhere I go. So day or night, I am prepared to fight you. And I am not alone. There are others that will stand by me to fight you.
Others that you tried so very hard to turn me against. Others that you took from me one by one. Others that have enough courage for me and them. Others that say you can not have this one back. She no longer belongs to you. She is her own person.
Yes, 3 years ago I placed you in a chest, with a lock and after I locked you away, I put the key up. I placed the chest on a shelf in my mind. On a shelf that I can see clearly, so that maybe, just maybe, I will see if you should try to break free. On a shelf that I can see to remind me of the footwork that must be done daily in order to keep you locked away. On a shelf that I can see and that God can also see. For I know that God is on my side. He has helped me come this far.
Addiction, you are not going to spoil today. I will not let you out today. I know just how much you want to be free to play, manipulate, and destroy my life. Not today. No, just for today, you will not be set free. Today is my day. My time to say 'yes, I am clean but it takes work, time'. My time to be proud of myself, just a little bit. Addiction, you have no place in my body, mind, or soul today. Addiction, you must stay in your chest, on that shelf locked away just for today.
Yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not promised so I live JUST FOR TODAY! Today is all I have and all that I have to deal with.
No, you will not be set free today. Today is for me!!!
Friday, November 23, 2012
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Happy Thanksgiving to All...
Showing gratitude, for me, is a very important part of who I am and a huge part of my recovery. Without the program, that I am actively working, on a daily basis, I would probably be dead by now. My process is mine and no one else. I can't work your program for you, as you can't work mine for me. So, how does my gratitude show in my program lots of time without spoken words? Mainly, It shows by my actively working a program. I do and have done, for 3 years, what has been suggested to me by others. By giving back what has been so freely given to me, shows my gratitude in the life I live today.
Now, my process, like others, has not always been easy. With the health issues that I have, there are times that the only gratitude I can find for that day is that God woke me up and I am clean!! Those days are few and far between today. I will do my best to share my gratitude with you, hope I don't skip something or leave someone out. If I do just know that I do not take you for granted by any means, I am filled to overflowing with gratitude as I write this.
My Gratitude List for Thanksgiving 2012 - (in no particular order, just randomly listed)
1) Now this is not what you expected to hear first out of the gate but I am grateful to my disease. Yes, that's right, to my disease. I now know what has been wrong with me and have tools to fight it. I am not a bad person. I have an incurable, progressive and fatal disease, if not arrested. I am not responsible for having this disease, but I am responsible for my recovery. As long as I continue to do the footwork in my recovery, the more I will grow and become stronger than my disease. My disease is addiction. It is very powerful. You ask 'What are you addicted to?' and my answer is 'More'. It is really as plain and simple as that. More shopping, more food, more piercing, more, more, more! Addiction is not about the drugs. It is about the obsessive and compulsion for MORE! Today, I know what is going on in my head and my life and I have been given ways and means to keep my disease arrested and at bay. But I must work at it each and everyday for the rest of my life! And I'm okay with that...
2) To god, for whom I give all the credit for my being. With God in my life, anything is possible. Putting Him first and foremost on a daily basis.
3) My family. Mom, dad, brothers and my sister who have, in their own way, given me support throughout my recovery. I am extremely lucky, in that most have no family, let alone their whole family, for support.
4) To my daughter, who has such a big heart and 'ole' soul. She has allowed me to show her that I am true to my word, that she can count on me and my integrity and she has forgiven me when I didn't deserve to be forgiven. She is, truly, my pride and joy! I am elated by each day she accomplishes meaning in her life and in others. She has allowed me to grow in my own process.
5) To the program that I am involved in and work, applying to my life on a daily basis. I know myself better everyday and I try to continue to grow as I move along in my process. I am not where I want to be, but I am where I should be at this point.
6) To my predecessors of the program, without them and their sacrifices I would not have the program that is available to me today. They have worked and sacrificed to provide me with the ways and means and the tools of my program and the program itself.
7) To my fellow addicts, worldwide, not just here at home. The many people I have had the pleasure in meeting and getting to know. Able to hear their story and apply what I can to my life. I love and have much respect for them all. I am open toward them and their suggests as well as sharing my experience with them. That someone may come to understand this disease of addiction just a little better than they did.
Life can be extremely hard sometimes, but I must remember from where it is I came. I must never forget the pain I felt that lead me to people that can and are helping me. I am not alone. There are others just like me as far as the disease of addiction goes.
In a nutshell, I am grateful in all aspects of my life. Today, I enjoy being me. I love myself and that is a very important thing in addiction. Being able to truly love myself for who I am. This time of year does really hit home for me. Giving thanks to others, myself and the growth that God has allowed in my life.
I will never be able to express that depth of my gratitude! So very thankful that 3 years later, I do matter, my thoughts and ideas are important and my recovery process is growing stronger everyday. To know that no matter how small or unimportant something may seem to one, it may be huge for another. God is so very, very good!!
If you or someone you love is struggling with this deadly disease, please use the resources listed on the attached page. If you feel the need to talk to someone, you are more than welcome to leave me a comment and you may do it anonymously if you would like. Feel free to look back at older post, who knows what you may find that is helpful.
This blog is for anyone who wants it. I do this as part of my way to give back, even if just a small amount of the freedom and love that has been given to me. I have learned that I have to give what I have or I will lose it. Recovery is much too valuable to me to even think I would somehow lose it. I love me and I love you! You do matter, you are important!
Thank you for your continued support and Happy Thanksgiving!!!
Now, my process, like others, has not always been easy. With the health issues that I have, there are times that the only gratitude I can find for that day is that God woke me up and I am clean!! Those days are few and far between today. I will do my best to share my gratitude with you, hope I don't skip something or leave someone out. If I do just know that I do not take you for granted by any means, I am filled to overflowing with gratitude as I write this.
My Gratitude List for Thanksgiving 2012 - (in no particular order, just randomly listed)
1) Now this is not what you expected to hear first out of the gate but I am grateful to my disease. Yes, that's right, to my disease. I now know what has been wrong with me and have tools to fight it. I am not a bad person. I have an incurable, progressive and fatal disease, if not arrested. I am not responsible for having this disease, but I am responsible for my recovery. As long as I continue to do the footwork in my recovery, the more I will grow and become stronger than my disease. My disease is addiction. It is very powerful. You ask 'What are you addicted to?' and my answer is 'More'. It is really as plain and simple as that. More shopping, more food, more piercing, more, more, more! Addiction is not about the drugs. It is about the obsessive and compulsion for MORE! Today, I know what is going on in my head and my life and I have been given ways and means to keep my disease arrested and at bay. But I must work at it each and everyday for the rest of my life! And I'm okay with that...
2) To god, for whom I give all the credit for my being. With God in my life, anything is possible. Putting Him first and foremost on a daily basis.
3) My family. Mom, dad, brothers and my sister who have, in their own way, given me support throughout my recovery. I am extremely lucky, in that most have no family, let alone their whole family, for support.
4) To my daughter, who has such a big heart and 'ole' soul. She has allowed me to show her that I am true to my word, that she can count on me and my integrity and she has forgiven me when I didn't deserve to be forgiven. She is, truly, my pride and joy! I am elated by each day she accomplishes meaning in her life and in others. She has allowed me to grow in my own process.
5) To the program that I am involved in and work, applying to my life on a daily basis. I know myself better everyday and I try to continue to grow as I move along in my process. I am not where I want to be, but I am where I should be at this point.
6) To my predecessors of the program, without them and their sacrifices I would not have the program that is available to me today. They have worked and sacrificed to provide me with the ways and means and the tools of my program and the program itself.
7) To my fellow addicts, worldwide, not just here at home. The many people I have had the pleasure in meeting and getting to know. Able to hear their story and apply what I can to my life. I love and have much respect for them all. I am open toward them and their suggests as well as sharing my experience with them. That someone may come to understand this disease of addiction just a little better than they did.
Life can be extremely hard sometimes, but I must remember from where it is I came. I must never forget the pain I felt that lead me to people that can and are helping me. I am not alone. There are others just like me as far as the disease of addiction goes.
In a nutshell, I am grateful in all aspects of my life. Today, I enjoy being me. I love myself and that is a very important thing in addiction. Being able to truly love myself for who I am. This time of year does really hit home for me. Giving thanks to others, myself and the growth that God has allowed in my life.
I will never be able to express that depth of my gratitude! So very thankful that 3 years later, I do matter, my thoughts and ideas are important and my recovery process is growing stronger everyday. To know that no matter how small or unimportant something may seem to one, it may be huge for another. God is so very, very good!!
If you or someone you love is struggling with this deadly disease, please use the resources listed on the attached page. If you feel the need to talk to someone, you are more than welcome to leave me a comment and you may do it anonymously if you would like. Feel free to look back at older post, who knows what you may find that is helpful.
This blog is for anyone who wants it. I do this as part of my way to give back, even if just a small amount of the freedom and love that has been given to me. I have learned that I have to give what I have or I will lose it. Recovery is much too valuable to me to even think I would somehow lose it. I love me and I love you! You do matter, you are important!
Thank you for your continued support and Happy Thanksgiving!!!
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Being Thankful...
Well, it's November once again. A month that we honor those that have and are still serving this country of ours. It is also the anniversary for the Marine Corp. Where we celebrate and give thanks. And this is the month that I entered into recovery.
I would like to start off saying "I appreciate all that those in our armed forces have done for me over the years and will continue to do in years to come. You have, knowing or unknowingly, provided a safe and protected place for me to live without fear. A place where I can live, raise my family and enjoy my life from day to day. You go above and beyond the call of duty and I don't ever want to just take that for granted. I am able to live in a country that is free from a lot of horrors of other countries. I can go to bed at night and get a restful sleep without being afraid for my life or my families lives." Many have died for this country and I am forever grateful to them and their families. There are those that have lost parts of themselves while serving this Nation of ours. Some are disabled for life, mentally and physically Others have lost arms and/or legs. Unfortunately, they will never get those things back. They have braved all elements that Mother Nature has to offer. They are there, ready, waiting, to do what is necessary, to continue to defend America so that we all may sleep in peace when they do not.
I say "Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I appreciate each and everyone of you. You all are in my prayers every night that God will watch over you and your families. God bless you and thank you again."
Next I would like to say "Congratulation to the Marine Corp'. What a military force you are, have been and will continue to be. I have always heard it said 'once a marine always a marine'. That is a statement that I feel is true. They show TV ads that state 'the few, the proud, the Marines.' You are to be commended on the honor you carry during and after your service to this country. I truly appreciate the sacrifices that all of our armed forces have made over the years, the ones you continue to make today and those that will carry on in years to come.
And for myself, my life changed on November 23, 2009. It has not been a easy road but it has been one that I can and do travel everyday. My journey during this process has been unbelievable I have been given back so much in my life and gained more to go along with those treasures. I can only say that by the grace of God I am still alive. Only by the grace and mercy from God that I have been given blessing after blessing in this process called recovery. This blog is only possible due to the changes God has made in me and my life and the support of so many people, family, friends and folks I have no idea who you are, but I thank you all.
Overwhelmed, I ask that if you can, please continue to pray and support me and my recovery. Help me to know what God's will is for me each day and pray I am able to carry His will out. Again, this is a process and I will always be in recovery. Addiction is a disease that is incurable and fatal. I will never be rid of it, I can only arrest it and live the way I know God wants me to. If you or someone you know and love has a problem or just feels like there may be a problem, please check out my resource page as there are many places for support and treatment. Everyone that wants recovery has the right to have recovery.
Doing this blog is just one more way that I try to give back what has been given to me. A life without the use of drugs. Man, what a wonderful thing this is. I have never been happier in all my life. I still have issues that need to be resolved and/or worked out, but today I am not afraid to face life on it's own terms. I am proof that the old saying 'once an addict always an addict' is no longer true today. There is a choice we can make, but we have to make it. No one can make it for us. We have lost jobs, homes, children, material things, family and on and on. But the most wonderful thing about it all is that we can get some of these things back. Not all at once, but little by little. We have to do the footwork to reap the rewards that recovery has to offer.
Today, I am an active member of society. I do count, matter, and mean something to someone. During my process I have been told 'you're just too honest', maybe I am. That is a decision that I made when I started my process of recovery at a treatment facility. Too honest, well sorry but there is no need for me to lie or even sugar coal the truth just so someone can handle it better. I say what is on my mind. Now mind you , I do not set out to hurt anyone by being honest. Don't think for a minute that I am 'cured'. No such thing with addiction. Relapse is part of recovery. Not that everyone will relapse, but in that, it is always a possibility for relapse to happen. For me I have to continue the footwork I have learned, do the right thing and continue to grow and reach for newer heights.
Again, thanks to those of you that read my blog. This is one of the best treatment acts I can do for this gets me out of my own head and into these post and what you may want to know about next. This blog helps to keep me motivated in my recovery. Comments are welcomed, good, bad or indifferent. Thank you and I love you all.
I would like to start off saying "I appreciate all that those in our armed forces have done for me over the years and will continue to do in years to come. You have, knowing or unknowingly, provided a safe and protected place for me to live without fear. A place where I can live, raise my family and enjoy my life from day to day. You go above and beyond the call of duty and I don't ever want to just take that for granted. I am able to live in a country that is free from a lot of horrors of other countries. I can go to bed at night and get a restful sleep without being afraid for my life or my families lives." Many have died for this country and I am forever grateful to them and their families. There are those that have lost parts of themselves while serving this Nation of ours. Some are disabled for life, mentally and physically Others have lost arms and/or legs. Unfortunately, they will never get those things back. They have braved all elements that Mother Nature has to offer. They are there, ready, waiting, to do what is necessary, to continue to defend America so that we all may sleep in peace when they do not.
I say "Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I appreciate each and everyone of you. You all are in my prayers every night that God will watch over you and your families. God bless you and thank you again."
Next I would like to say "Congratulation to the Marine Corp'. What a military force you are, have been and will continue to be. I have always heard it said 'once a marine always a marine'. That is a statement that I feel is true. They show TV ads that state 'the few, the proud, the Marines.' You are to be commended on the honor you carry during and after your service to this country. I truly appreciate the sacrifices that all of our armed forces have made over the years, the ones you continue to make today and those that will carry on in years to come.
And for myself, my life changed on November 23, 2009. It has not been a easy road but it has been one that I can and do travel everyday. My journey during this process has been unbelievable I have been given back so much in my life and gained more to go along with those treasures. I can only say that by the grace of God I am still alive. Only by the grace and mercy from God that I have been given blessing after blessing in this process called recovery. This blog is only possible due to the changes God has made in me and my life and the support of so many people, family, friends and folks I have no idea who you are, but I thank you all.
Overwhelmed, I ask that if you can, please continue to pray and support me and my recovery. Help me to know what God's will is for me each day and pray I am able to carry His will out. Again, this is a process and I will always be in recovery. Addiction is a disease that is incurable and fatal. I will never be rid of it, I can only arrest it and live the way I know God wants me to. If you or someone you know and love has a problem or just feels like there may be a problem, please check out my resource page as there are many places for support and treatment. Everyone that wants recovery has the right to have recovery.
Doing this blog is just one more way that I try to give back what has been given to me. A life without the use of drugs. Man, what a wonderful thing this is. I have never been happier in all my life. I still have issues that need to be resolved and/or worked out, but today I am not afraid to face life on it's own terms. I am proof that the old saying 'once an addict always an addict' is no longer true today. There is a choice we can make, but we have to make it. No one can make it for us. We have lost jobs, homes, children, material things, family and on and on. But the most wonderful thing about it all is that we can get some of these things back. Not all at once, but little by little. We have to do the footwork to reap the rewards that recovery has to offer.
Today, I am an active member of society. I do count, matter, and mean something to someone. During my process I have been told 'you're just too honest', maybe I am. That is a decision that I made when I started my process of recovery at a treatment facility. Too honest, well sorry but there is no need for me to lie or even sugar coal the truth just so someone can handle it better. I say what is on my mind. Now mind you , I do not set out to hurt anyone by being honest. Don't think for a minute that I am 'cured'. No such thing with addiction. Relapse is part of recovery. Not that everyone will relapse, but in that, it is always a possibility for relapse to happen. For me I have to continue the footwork I have learned, do the right thing and continue to grow and reach for newer heights.
Again, thanks to those of you that read my blog. This is one of the best treatment acts I can do for this gets me out of my own head and into these post and what you may want to know about next. This blog helps to keep me motivated in my recovery. Comments are welcomed, good, bad or indifferent. Thank you and I love you all.
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
It's Over, Now What??
**Please understand that the following are completely my thoughts and experiences.**
I have been raised and have lived in a Christian home all my life. I was brought up in the church. Unfortunately I can't and will not quote scriptures in this post. Reason is I must admit that I am not a person who can go straight to what I would need to support my feelings, thoughts and experiences. I understand and need you to understand while reading this that I am not a very religious person but I am very spiritual. Understanding that not all will agree with what is to follow, but have faith that "ALL" can understand where it is coming from. If you find this offensive, no one is forcing you to read it. Should you be on a list that receives this when new posts are added and do not agree and do not want to receive notifications in the future, please email me and I will remove you from future notices. Now, all that being said, this is where I am at today...
I humbly believe that God is in control of all things of this world. I do believe in a Heaven and Hell, God and Satan, good and evil. I believe that God allows me to make choices and from those choices I must accept the consequences those decisions may have. I must, as a Christian, allow others to have their own opinions, choices and consequences. It is not my place, nor anyone's place, to pass judgement on each other, that is for God to do and only Him. It is not my place to point out the wrongs in someone else's life. I can only do that to myself. Just because I do not believe or agree with someone does not mean that I am wrong or they are right. I also feel when someone does not believe or agree with me, that does not make them wrong or me right.
Events happen that are beyond anyone's control except for God. I firmly believe that things happen the way they should and they happen for a reason. It could be because of the choices each one makes and/or by God's divine wisdom. I feel it is not my place to ask why, but to ask how can I accept this and live my life in accordance with the teaching from God himself. I have to, as we all should, hold myself accountable for the actions/choices I make. As I feel that others should do the same. I completely believe in the teaching "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." That I must be humble, teachable and open-minded. I must be able to adapt to changes in my life and the world as they happen and the effect they may have on me.
So, I believe today, in the midst of the election and the results, that God is still in control as He has always been. I must not falter from my belief nor my teachings of what God's plan is. I must look at the events and figure out how I can and will continue to praise His name even in the midst of an unsure future. How I am to continue to try my best to be that example He makes of me so others will have the courage needed to believe His word. No matter how hard life, events, situations may become, I must never deny Him. I will not deny Him and His word.
Understanding that God does have a plan and that He is and always will be in control. The Bible itself, teaches and tells me of what is to be. I don't have to like it but I do have to accept it in order to walk with Him. God does not promised that it will be easy, if anything He does tell me that hard times are to come. Life will be extremely difficult, but as long as I do not deny Him and ask Him to remain in my life and guide me, God will be by my side.
Through a lot of the experiences that I have had in my life, I know this to be true: God is always there. It is I who turned my back on Him and what I had been taught growing up. God was there, had this not been the case, I would be dead!! He has a plan, though I don't know what it is, there is one for me.
Today, I know if I am making the right decisions for myself. How? Because I know that today I, once again, walk beside Him. He guides my life. I know my path will take me to where I am suppose to go as long as I allow Him in my life. I feel in my gut when things are right or they are wrong. I know that my road will not be an easy one to travel, how? Because His word, the Bible, tells me this.
Satan is strong in this world today. He comes at me from all directions and when I least expect it. He shows up in different ways to try to do harm to me. Trying to get me to live for him and not God. Satan will make things seem so nice, easy, and delightful. He will do whatever he can to get me to turn my back on God once again. Because I am a Christian, I feel that there are more trials and obstacles in my life because Satan is doing what he does. I have to be mindful of this and do, act, choose what God will have me do.
So, to sum this all up, God has a plan that He is in control of and the Bible explains it, though I may not understand completely, it is there. The Bible tells me that my days will get harder and harder because I am a child of God. I will have to face trials and will be put in positions as to have to choose God or what I am being told to believe. I will be ask to deny God, that if He were so loving and powerful why does He allow His people to suffer? And in these times, I must stand strong and not falter from my beliefs. No matter what may happen, I will never choose Satan.
I know God has a plan and He is working on it now. He has made promises that He will keep. These times, I feel, are just the signs of things to come. The Bible clearly tells of what life, as a Christian, will eventually be like. How we, as Christians, will be dealt with or treated. God promises me an eternal life as long as I believe in Him, praise He and live my life according to His will for me. Yes, I may die just because I am a Christian and have the beliefs that I do, but that's okay. I understand what it is going to be like for someone such as myself as a Christian.
Today, I have peace in my heart and my soul. The world is in an uproar. People hating people because of events that took place last evening. This election has brought with it a lot of friction among people. There were things that were voted on and passed that I cannot understand if God was present in all who claim to be a child of God. There were issues that were voted on and passed that the Bible itself says is wrong in the eyes of God. Again, this is what I think and feel and my experiences.
If you take what I have posted personal, sorry, none of this is directed to anyone or any group of people. It is, as I have stated, my thoughts and feelings over the events from the past few days. I don't believe in same sex marriages, but if that is your thing that's on you. You are responsible and accountable, as we all are, for our actions and decisions. I don't believe in legalizing pot. Yes, being a recovering addict, I know the effects from this drug. I also understand that argument that it is grown from a seed and not man made. That does not say that it is okay to use just because it is grown from a seed, God given, and not man made. I believe that a women should have a say as to what happens to her body under certain circumstances, but I do not agree with women that have abortions just because......whatever reason. I do feel that there are times, rarely, but times when an abortion should be done, but not 'just because'.
I do not agree with the outcome of the Presidential election. I just cannot stop the thoughts that the President of these United States allowed fellow Americans to be killed and then denied having any knowledge of their request for help, so the media tells me. I do not understand Americans being very disrespectful to our President for whatever reason. No, he may not be your choice, but he is and was the majority of America's choice. I must come to terms with this decision and figure out how I will live with it. I have to realize that decisions have been made and I must continue to live my life in accordance to the Bible and God. I must accept that there are people that I know that are happy with the way the election turned out. I cannot and will not judge anyone on their choices. It is not my place to pass judgement as I stated earlier.
Though I may disagree on many things everyday, I must continue to move forward. I must accept things the way they are and know that God "IS" in control. He has a plan and appears to have set it in motion.
I would like to say "Thank you" for your support of this blog. Please understand where this post comes from. I know that there will be pain and suffering here, as well as rewards so to speak in Heaven. It is up to me as to which I prefer, pain and suffering or the rewards in Heaven.? We all have this choice. When you come away from this page, please remember friend, family or other, I am only responsible for myself and my own actions. Today I must understand and accept things as they happen and do the best that I can to ensure that my relationship with God is not tarnished. I love and respect you all and appreciate the time you take out of your busy life to read and hopefully comment on this blog and the subject materials.
May God bless each of us. May He guide us on the path we have each chosen and allow us to grow from it. God bless America and the people that live within her borders. :Lord, I humbly ask that you touch peoples hearts and allow us all to see our part and not someone else's. Lord, please allow us, as a nation, to be strong and steadfast in what we believe. Give us all strength as we all learn to live in peace and harmony with each other, understanding that we all have the right to our own opinion.
I will close with this, times ahead may be tough, at times seem unbearable, but I do know and find comfort in the fact that God has me and He and only He will protect and defend me. Yes, I am a Christian and I have no ill feelings toward anyone just because they don't think, act, or feel like me. I am okay with me today and that's all that really matters in the end. Just sayin...
I have been raised and have lived in a Christian home all my life. I was brought up in the church. Unfortunately I can't and will not quote scriptures in this post. Reason is I must admit that I am not a person who can go straight to what I would need to support my feelings, thoughts and experiences. I understand and need you to understand while reading this that I am not a very religious person but I am very spiritual. Understanding that not all will agree with what is to follow, but have faith that "ALL" can understand where it is coming from. If you find this offensive, no one is forcing you to read it. Should you be on a list that receives this when new posts are added and do not agree and do not want to receive notifications in the future, please email me and I will remove you from future notices. Now, all that being said, this is where I am at today...
I humbly believe that God is in control of all things of this world. I do believe in a Heaven and Hell, God and Satan, good and evil. I believe that God allows me to make choices and from those choices I must accept the consequences those decisions may have. I must, as a Christian, allow others to have their own opinions, choices and consequences. It is not my place, nor anyone's place, to pass judgement on each other, that is for God to do and only Him. It is not my place to point out the wrongs in someone else's life. I can only do that to myself. Just because I do not believe or agree with someone does not mean that I am wrong or they are right. I also feel when someone does not believe or agree with me, that does not make them wrong or me right.
Events happen that are beyond anyone's control except for God. I firmly believe that things happen the way they should and they happen for a reason. It could be because of the choices each one makes and/or by God's divine wisdom. I feel it is not my place to ask why, but to ask how can I accept this and live my life in accordance with the teaching from God himself. I have to, as we all should, hold myself accountable for the actions/choices I make. As I feel that others should do the same. I completely believe in the teaching "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." That I must be humble, teachable and open-minded. I must be able to adapt to changes in my life and the world as they happen and the effect they may have on me.
So, I believe today, in the midst of the election and the results, that God is still in control as He has always been. I must not falter from my belief nor my teachings of what God's plan is. I must look at the events and figure out how I can and will continue to praise His name even in the midst of an unsure future. How I am to continue to try my best to be that example He makes of me so others will have the courage needed to believe His word. No matter how hard life, events, situations may become, I must never deny Him. I will not deny Him and His word.
Understanding that God does have a plan and that He is and always will be in control. The Bible itself, teaches and tells me of what is to be. I don't have to like it but I do have to accept it in order to walk with Him. God does not promised that it will be easy, if anything He does tell me that hard times are to come. Life will be extremely difficult, but as long as I do not deny Him and ask Him to remain in my life and guide me, God will be by my side.
Through a lot of the experiences that I have had in my life, I know this to be true: God is always there. It is I who turned my back on Him and what I had been taught growing up. God was there, had this not been the case, I would be dead!! He has a plan, though I don't know what it is, there is one for me.
Today, I know if I am making the right decisions for myself. How? Because I know that today I, once again, walk beside Him. He guides my life. I know my path will take me to where I am suppose to go as long as I allow Him in my life. I feel in my gut when things are right or they are wrong. I know that my road will not be an easy one to travel, how? Because His word, the Bible, tells me this.
Satan is strong in this world today. He comes at me from all directions and when I least expect it. He shows up in different ways to try to do harm to me. Trying to get me to live for him and not God. Satan will make things seem so nice, easy, and delightful. He will do whatever he can to get me to turn my back on God once again. Because I am a Christian, I feel that there are more trials and obstacles in my life because Satan is doing what he does. I have to be mindful of this and do, act, choose what God will have me do.
So, to sum this all up, God has a plan that He is in control of and the Bible explains it, though I may not understand completely, it is there. The Bible tells me that my days will get harder and harder because I am a child of God. I will have to face trials and will be put in positions as to have to choose God or what I am being told to believe. I will be ask to deny God, that if He were so loving and powerful why does He allow His people to suffer? And in these times, I must stand strong and not falter from my beliefs. No matter what may happen, I will never choose Satan.
I know God has a plan and He is working on it now. He has made promises that He will keep. These times, I feel, are just the signs of things to come. The Bible clearly tells of what life, as a Christian, will eventually be like. How we, as Christians, will be dealt with or treated. God promises me an eternal life as long as I believe in Him, praise He and live my life according to His will for me. Yes, I may die just because I am a Christian and have the beliefs that I do, but that's okay. I understand what it is going to be like for someone such as myself as a Christian.
Today, I have peace in my heart and my soul. The world is in an uproar. People hating people because of events that took place last evening. This election has brought with it a lot of friction among people. There were things that were voted on and passed that I cannot understand if God was present in all who claim to be a child of God. There were issues that were voted on and passed that the Bible itself says is wrong in the eyes of God. Again, this is what I think and feel and my experiences.
If you take what I have posted personal, sorry, none of this is directed to anyone or any group of people. It is, as I have stated, my thoughts and feelings over the events from the past few days. I don't believe in same sex marriages, but if that is your thing that's on you. You are responsible and accountable, as we all are, for our actions and decisions. I don't believe in legalizing pot. Yes, being a recovering addict, I know the effects from this drug. I also understand that argument that it is grown from a seed and not man made. That does not say that it is okay to use just because it is grown from a seed, God given, and not man made. I believe that a women should have a say as to what happens to her body under certain circumstances, but I do not agree with women that have abortions just because......whatever reason. I do feel that there are times, rarely, but times when an abortion should be done, but not 'just because'.
I do not agree with the outcome of the Presidential election. I just cannot stop the thoughts that the President of these United States allowed fellow Americans to be killed and then denied having any knowledge of their request for help, so the media tells me. I do not understand Americans being very disrespectful to our President for whatever reason. No, he may not be your choice, but he is and was the majority of America's choice. I must come to terms with this decision and figure out how I will live with it. I have to realize that decisions have been made and I must continue to live my life in accordance to the Bible and God. I must accept that there are people that I know that are happy with the way the election turned out. I cannot and will not judge anyone on their choices. It is not my place to pass judgement as I stated earlier.
Though I may disagree on many things everyday, I must continue to move forward. I must accept things the way they are and know that God "IS" in control. He has a plan and appears to have set it in motion.
I would like to say "Thank you" for your support of this blog. Please understand where this post comes from. I know that there will be pain and suffering here, as well as rewards so to speak in Heaven. It is up to me as to which I prefer, pain and suffering or the rewards in Heaven.? We all have this choice. When you come away from this page, please remember friend, family or other, I am only responsible for myself and my own actions. Today I must understand and accept things as they happen and do the best that I can to ensure that my relationship with God is not tarnished. I love and respect you all and appreciate the time you take out of your busy life to read and hopefully comment on this blog and the subject materials.
May God bless each of us. May He guide us on the path we have each chosen and allow us to grow from it. God bless America and the people that live within her borders. :Lord, I humbly ask that you touch peoples hearts and allow us all to see our part and not someone else's. Lord, please allow us, as a nation, to be strong and steadfast in what we believe. Give us all strength as we all learn to live in peace and harmony with each other, understanding that we all have the right to our own opinion.
I will close with this, times ahead may be tough, at times seem unbearable, but I do know and find comfort in the fact that God has me and He and only He will protect and defend me. Yes, I am a Christian and I have no ill feelings toward anyone just because they don't think, act, or feel like me. I am okay with me today and that's all that really matters in the end. Just sayin...
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Telling It Like It Is...
There will be things and people that I will never understand, I think. Okay, when I say that I want your comments, well I really do, especially on this post. You see I am in recovery and I understand that there are times when my thinking is not clear or on the right track. So, this is why I am putting this out there, maybe, hopefully, someone will have some sound advice to give.
Here's the thing, over the past few months (and I put everything as if it happened to me) I have been told that I am judgemental, prejudiced, closed minded and things of that nature. I don't understand! Now I know I still have some walls up. Those are there to protect myself from those that may want to do me harm, mentally and physically. Everyone in my life and people that I have just met or will meet in the future will not just automatically get close to me at first. I have to really get to know someone very well before they will ever get over a wall or two with me. This is a defect of character, I know and am working on that. Still there has to be a limit as to how close you first let someone in.
Being called judgemental and prejudiced are two things I have NEVER seen in myself. Do you see it? Please tell me how you see these two defects in me.
No, I do not agree with men wearing their pants down around their rears. I don't agree with this sticking out your tongue in every single photo of yourself. I don't agree with the idea that you sleep with someone whether you know them or not. No I don't agree with people cursing like sailors and then explaining it as 'the street part of you'. There are probably more than this but you get the picture.
Just because I don't think you should wear your pants so very low, that is your choice. The way you portray yourself in photos is your choice. I am very old fashion when it come to relationships. It may not seem that way at times but trust me, I am not someone who just does it to be doing it. Never have had that way of thinking. And no, I in no way agree with 'cursing like a sailor' from anyone especially someone in recovery. Yes, I understand that is the way of 'the streets , but your not in the streets any more, you are SUPPOSE to be in recovery. And there again, I know that I can only work my recovery and no one else's.
In my process of recovery, I have learned that I am not the same person I was when I was using. So it only seems that if you are 'no longer' that addict in 'active addiction', you should act as though you aren't. I had no respect for myself or others when I was using but I'm NOT USING, so it only seems to me that I should 'not' be doing the other things I was in active addiction, if I have stopped USING.
Any addict in recovery and truly wanting recovery, in my opinion only, should not be engaging in any activity that you were doing in your using. Now, I understand that not everyone can stop all things they were involved in when using. But you still should not have that drug mind set lifestyle. The way we present ourselves as 'recovering addicts' means more than just saying those words. We, wait, I cannot be a good example to that person in active addiction if I continue to 'live the lifestyle'! In recovery you have a different walk and a different talk.
As far as me being prejudiced, are you serious? Anyone at all that knows me knows that there is not a prejudiced bone in my body, none. I have friends of all race, religion and backgrounds. I am the type person that as long as you are honest and true to me, I am the same to you. Do my very best to live by a simple rule "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." It is my experience, that there are very few folks that live by this today. They are out for themselves, doesn't matter how it may hurt or affect someone else.
.
And finally, I saw a video on the internet that showed a young man that was just jailed in a prison and the guards were telling him he would never be able to be anything but a drug addict. Excuse me! I understand the 'scare straight' techniques, but it just broke my heart and made me so angry at the same time. People need to know that someone that has a drug addiction does not necessarily mean that you will not 'amount to anything'. This is why I do this blog, just trying to educate one person that there is a better way, you do not have to use drugs. You can stop and become a productive member of society. We addicts, will always be addicts, it is a disease that has no cure but it can be arrested.
As I stated at the first of this post, please leave your comments. I would really love to know if there are others out there that feel the same. If you don't feel the same, I would love to know why, please explain your viewpoint. No, not all addicts get clean and learn to live life without the use of drugs. People are not going to stop being prejudiced. Folks are still going to think their way is the correct way no matter what anyone may say.
In a nutshell, I believe in being myself. Sorry if that is not 'politically correct'. People that know me know that I have no worries in not being 'politically correct'. I feel that I try to follow my heart and do what I feel God wants me to do. Yes, I am a Christian as well as being a recovering addict. Life does not have to stop just because of an addiction or some other type of limitation. Everyone has the right to their own life and the way they want to live as long as it does not harm others. Do the next right thing for the right reason. I am bull headed at times, will not listen to reason, and at times I go head strong into something that I truly believe in and nothing anyone can say or do can change my mind. I will not be bullied. Things that I believe in or against will be things that I will make my stand for or against. I am a person that takes my public and private positions seriously. Again, sorry if that is not 'politically correct'. Being my own person is very important to me. Hope that I didn't step on too many toes in this but y'all know me, telling it like it is...
Here's the thing, over the past few months (and I put everything as if it happened to me) I have been told that I am judgemental, prejudiced, closed minded and things of that nature. I don't understand! Now I know I still have some walls up. Those are there to protect myself from those that may want to do me harm, mentally and physically. Everyone in my life and people that I have just met or will meet in the future will not just automatically get close to me at first. I have to really get to know someone very well before they will ever get over a wall or two with me. This is a defect of character, I know and am working on that. Still there has to be a limit as to how close you first let someone in.
Being called judgemental and prejudiced are two things I have NEVER seen in myself. Do you see it? Please tell me how you see these two defects in me.
No, I do not agree with men wearing their pants down around their rears. I don't agree with this sticking out your tongue in every single photo of yourself. I don't agree with the idea that you sleep with someone whether you know them or not. No I don't agree with people cursing like sailors and then explaining it as 'the street part of you'. There are probably more than this but you get the picture.
Just because I don't think you should wear your pants so very low, that is your choice. The way you portray yourself in photos is your choice. I am very old fashion when it come to relationships. It may not seem that way at times but trust me, I am not someone who just does it to be doing it. Never have had that way of thinking. And no, I in no way agree with 'cursing like a sailor' from anyone especially someone in recovery. Yes, I understand that is the way of 'the streets , but your not in the streets any more, you are SUPPOSE to be in recovery. And there again, I know that I can only work my recovery and no one else's.
In my process of recovery, I have learned that I am not the same person I was when I was using. So it only seems that if you are 'no longer' that addict in 'active addiction', you should act as though you aren't. I had no respect for myself or others when I was using but I'm NOT USING, so it only seems to me that I should 'not' be doing the other things I was in active addiction, if I have stopped USING.
Any addict in recovery and truly wanting recovery, in my opinion only, should not be engaging in any activity that you were doing in your using. Now, I understand that not everyone can stop all things they were involved in when using. But you still should not have that drug mind set lifestyle. The way we present ourselves as 'recovering addicts' means more than just saying those words. We, wait, I cannot be a good example to that person in active addiction if I continue to 'live the lifestyle'! In recovery you have a different walk and a different talk.
As far as me being prejudiced, are you serious? Anyone at all that knows me knows that there is not a prejudiced bone in my body, none. I have friends of all race, religion and backgrounds. I am the type person that as long as you are honest and true to me, I am the same to you. Do my very best to live by a simple rule "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." It is my experience, that there are very few folks that live by this today. They are out for themselves, doesn't matter how it may hurt or affect someone else.
.
And finally, I saw a video on the internet that showed a young man that was just jailed in a prison and the guards were telling him he would never be able to be anything but a drug addict. Excuse me! I understand the 'scare straight' techniques, but it just broke my heart and made me so angry at the same time. People need to know that someone that has a drug addiction does not necessarily mean that you will not 'amount to anything'. This is why I do this blog, just trying to educate one person that there is a better way, you do not have to use drugs. You can stop and become a productive member of society. We addicts, will always be addicts, it is a disease that has no cure but it can be arrested.
As I stated at the first of this post, please leave your comments. I would really love to know if there are others out there that feel the same. If you don't feel the same, I would love to know why, please explain your viewpoint. No, not all addicts get clean and learn to live life without the use of drugs. People are not going to stop being prejudiced. Folks are still going to think their way is the correct way no matter what anyone may say.
In a nutshell, I believe in being myself. Sorry if that is not 'politically correct'. People that know me know that I have no worries in not being 'politically correct'. I feel that I try to follow my heart and do what I feel God wants me to do. Yes, I am a Christian as well as being a recovering addict. Life does not have to stop just because of an addiction or some other type of limitation. Everyone has the right to their own life and the way they want to live as long as it does not harm others. Do the next right thing for the right reason. I am bull headed at times, will not listen to reason, and at times I go head strong into something that I truly believe in and nothing anyone can say or do can change my mind. I will not be bullied. Things that I believe in or against will be things that I will make my stand for or against. I am a person that takes my public and private positions seriously. Again, sorry if that is not 'politically correct'. Being my own person is very important to me. Hope that I didn't step on too many toes in this but y'all know me, telling it like it is...
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