Diversity - If nothing changes, then nothing changes...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!  I pray that everyone everywhere has a safe and wonderful Christmas.  May you get the things you most desire.  Please remember the reason for this holiday season is not the getting but the giving.  Just as God gave us His son Jesus.  Yes, I am a Christian and I do believe and have accepted that Jesus died for my sins so that I would have everlasting life, all my sins washed away by asking Jesus into my heart and my life.  Yes, I have made mistakes, a lot in my opinion.  But God is a forgiving god and He loves me anyway.  One other wish I have this Christmas season is that all God's children come together and do what I feel God wants us to do, LOVE THY NEIGHBOR....

Most of you know that I am a recovering addict.  I suffer from the disease of addiction.  Obsessive and compulsion behavior is part of what I suffer from.  My disease didn't get a good hold on me until my mid to late 30's and thank God, by the time I was 44 or so, I realized that I could not go on the way I was living.  I didn't want to.  It was only by God's grace that I didn't die in active addiction.  In rehab, I was introduced to a fellowship that could help me stay on the straight and narrow, so to speak.

There are some things that I learned about myself from my recovery process.  First, and foremost, it is a process.  It is something that takes time, but I can't do it by myself.  I need help and the best help I can get is another person in recovery.  Why, you may ask, because another person in recovery knows where I've been because they have been there too.  They know where I'm coming from because they have had the same experiences.  They can share with me how they got through a tough or bad time in their life and I don't have to go through it because they can help me get into the solution quicker and easier.  Of course not every solution is quick and easy, some are very hard to get through even with help from others.

When I came home from rehab, I found a place that had a fellowship of people just like myself.  And I still attend this fellowship on a regular basis to help me learn about myself.  You see I didn't really know that I couldn't read well when I first started in the fellowship.  Today, well let's just say that it is only by God's grace and mercy that I am able to write this blog.  I have a high school diploma, no college what so ever.  Now that is just my story not someone else.  The fellowship has taught me so much.  I had about a 6th grade reading level.  For the longest time when I first entered into recovery and started my process, I had that burning question:  Why did God spare me?  Why didn't I die in active addiction?  This blog, I have come to realize that doing this blog helping others is why I was blessed with God's grace and mercy.  As I have always said, if just one person finds help within my post then I have done what I set out to do.

And why do I continue to be a part of that fellowship?  Because of the 'diversity' that I have found there.  What is diversity?  According to Merrian-Webster dictionary defines it as 'the condition of having or being composed of different elements, variety, especially the inclusion of different types of people (as people of different races or cultures) as in a group or organization.  So, this means, that I find people of all walks of life; age, gender, race and ethnicity, education, physical appearance, income, religion, jobs, experiences, physical ability and so on.  With all the diversity that anyone can find in this fellowship is the reason I find help there.  It doesn't matter who or what I am.  I am accepted for me.  It doesn't matter what I do, where I'm from, the color of my skin, my religion, and more.

My main point of this post is:  I am very concerned about our country.  There is so much hate and violence.  And that really upsets me because I guess I just can't really understand how or when we got this way.   Years ago and I me many many years ago our country was divided by many things.  But I have seen the diversity of our country was being overcome.  People treated each others with respect for no other reason than common courtesy.  We worked hard for the things we had.  We were proud of a job well done.  We tried to help our neighbors if they needed it for no other reason than to be helpful.  My heart breaks to see the things that are happening in our world today.  It seems that people today want just to do what is best for 'SELF'...

People seem to think that they are 'owed' something for no other reason than that's what they think.  Some feel that it's because of their age, gender, race and ethnicity, their education, physical appearance, physical ability, income, experiences, jobs, etc.  Confused because I really thought that a lot of these diversities had been over come.  Something has changed because some of the old ideas and ways of life are coming alive again.  The hate between different races, ethnic backgrounds, income levels, different jobs, and so on.

All I can think about this Christmas season is that if someone doesn't know God, if they don't know His love, grace and mercy and what can happen with allowing Him into their lives?  How sad are those that this applies to.  And I am truly afraid that  there are many, too many that have no idea what life CAN be like with God in your life.  Now, no I don't go to church on a regular basis but I am still a Christian.  I still fellowship with other Christians.  I don't feel that I am less a Christian than someone that can be found in church every time the doors are open.  I do what I can when I can and I give all the thanks and praise to God for I know He has me and I have Him.

My message today is:  1)  Merry Christmas to all, 2) If you don't know God, I pray that you find some way to get to know God and the many things He can and does do in you life, 3)  I pray that if you have not accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, that you will right now.  This very moment while you are reading this.  That you accept this 'GIFT' that God has for you, all you must do is ask God to come into your life.  Accept this gift that God has for us all and walk with Him and see your life change.

Our world is changing and I really don't think it is for the better.  I know that God has a plan and that plan is being worked out today, in His way and in His time.  Please think about the things that you do and say.  Would you want someone to say or do that to you?  If not, then don't.  If you want people to respect you then you must respect them.  If you dish out crap to people all the time, they are going to dish it right back.  We need to get back to our values and principals in life.  'DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE THEM DO UNTO YOU', the Golden Rule.  This is how I live my life today.

We are not promised tomorrow and yesterday is done and gone.  Live in today for that is all you have.  As the old saying goes, 'don't put off till tomorrow what you can do today'.  Wise words since tomorrow has never been promised to us.  I really feel deep in my heart that we as a country and as a world can overcome the many diversities that we face every single day.  But it will take work and willpower.  The two things that I feel are necessary for this to happen.  But if we stay on course, don't take a shortcut or dodge a situation just because you are uncomfortable especially if you have some type of experience with whatever the circumstances may be.  Don't be so afraid to put yourself out there for someone else.

Folks our country, our world is falling a part and I know God is in control but if folks don't wake up and see what is going on around them then I will continue to pray for you as I do every night.  It is a sad time our world is facing today.

Please accept my apology for posting what some may say is a downer of a post, but I do hope and pray that most of you will understand where all this is coming from.  Folks, I don't just haphazardly pick topics to write about.  Most of the time something has happened in my life or someone else's life that sparks a fire and I feed that fire in order to try my very best to get into the solution and out of the problem as soon as possible.

I love each and everyone of you and pray you have a Merry Christmas and a happy New Year!!!  May God bless you and keep you and may you find that if you let Him in, your whole world can and will change....

Are You Ready???

As many of you know, I suffer from chronic pain due to fibromyalgia, osteoarthritis, solid edema, PTSD, depression, anxiety and sjogrens  syndrome.  Most of my days are not easy.   Some days are okay.  And recently I have begun the change in life that most women go through.  Which seems to in turn make all my other issues worse.

I said all of that to say this, 'life is worth living to the fullest.'  I want to live my life to the best of my ability but some days I fall short in doing that.  As a recovering addict too, my life demands me to do daily maintenance in order to maintain some kind of balance.  You will not find anyone more grateful than I am that God spared me.  That He showed His grace and mercy to me and that is the only reason I am here today.  

When I first came home from rehab, I had a question that burned deep in my soul 'God, why me?  Why did you give me your mercy and grace and pulled me out of my own depths of hell?  Why me God, why me?'  And I have learned over the past 6 years of recovery that to now say 'why not me?'  

God saved me for a reason and for so long that reason escaped me.  I couldn't figure out what it was about me that was so unique that God filled me with His love, grace ,and mercy.  Today, I know my purpose.  Today I do the best I can to follow Gods will for me and not my own.  

Yes, I know today that God had plans for this ole gal.  He uses me to help those who can't help themselves.  He uses me as His instrument in life to touch others that their lives may be changed for the better because I am an example of what God can, will and has always done. Now please don't take this as bragging or boasting for I am not at all trying to do that, what I am trying to do is to tell those that will listen to me, understand what it is I write about and hopefully they learn that they too can have a life worth living.  They don't have to be in recovery to do this.  They just need God's hand to guide them but they must follow or nothing will ever change.  

Our world, our country is so messed up right now that I can hardly believe all the bad things and bad people in our world today.  But I remember that God has a plan.  Why do I not question this plan of God's?  Because I know that God is the beginning and the end.  That He is the alpha and the omega.  His word is truth, the Bible.  His plan, grand scheme of things are all in there, you just have to read it and you will find it.  

As a Christian, I understand that I am not suppose to understand all that the Bible holds.  I understand that unfortunately life is going to get worse before it ever gets better.  It says so in the Bible.  The last chapter explains it all.  Do I understand all that it says will come to past?  No, because I'm not suppose to.  God said 'no man knows when the end will be', but it is coming.  

Are you ready?  For the end of this world?  To go to the house of our Father?  If you have not accepted Jesus Christ as your lord and savior I urge you to do so!  I urge you to stop right now and say 'Jesus come into my heart.  Cleanse me and make me anew again.  I accept you as my lord and savior.  Show me how to live for you and show me what your will for me is.  Forgive me of my sins and guide me in my life.'

As Christians we must make sure that we live as an example to those that are still lost.  Still denying God and His word.  We must share our beliefs with the unbelievers.  We must strive to live a life of example to those that seek God but are not sure how to get to Him.  We must spread His good news to all the corners of the world so that all may have the opportunely to accept Jesus Christ as their lord and savior.  These are things that we are appointed to do for God.  We are not to deny Him but praise Him.  Give Him the thanks for all the we are and all that we have.  We are to love one another as His loves us, unconditionally.

So, please, everyone help spread God's love and His word so that all may see that there is a better way.  That there is a better life after death if you have God in your heart and in your life.  Gather together and praise Him and his holy word that all may be saved and have eternal life after death...

There is not a day that goes by now that I am not grateful to be alive.  Addicts trying to stay clean wonder at first how can you go from the hells of addiction to being grateful on a daily basis?  I tell them that each and everyday God opens my eyes from sleeping then that my friends is a wonderful day, because I have another chance to help just one person.  That is why God showed me His grace and mercy and gave me back a life worth living, so I could do the best that I can to help someone in whatever they struggle with in life.  If just one person gets to a much better place in their life from reading my blog, then I have done what I have set out to do and that my friends is a good day indeed...

Recovery...Only By God's Grace

November 23, 2009 is a day I shall never forget.  Why? you ask?  Because that is the day that my life as I know it today began.  It was, for the first time in a long time, that I made a life changing decision and the day God showed me His love and grace.  The day my recovery began....

Each year at this time is not only special because of Thanksgiving this week but it is always more special since it is when I first entered in to recovery.  Since I started this blog, I always do a post on my clean date.  And I share about what has happened to me since I started this journey.  I hope that someone, anyone, or more of you find the message of hope as that is what I am trying my best to express to those in need.  Whether it be that you have the disease of addiction or suffer from depression or any other reason that the message of hope will lighten your spirit.  With a little bit of hope you can make it through anything you must face.  So, this post is as much for me as it is for you, the one reading this.  Trust me, with hope you can go a long way in life...

Yes, today marks 6 years living clean without the use of drugs.  When I realized that I did indeed need someone to help me, I had my aunt call my mom and dad.  Knowing that they cared about me, I knew they would come for me and get me to where I needed and wanted to go.  Now, just to let you know that this year, my clean date is on a Monday and it lands on Monday once again, so this year really takes me back to that day.  More than taking me back to that day, it takes me back to the night of my last use.  I can still see, feel, smell everything from that night as if it were etched into my mind.

From day one in my recovery, I was taught to never, ever forget my last day of use.  Why??  Because as long as I kept that thought, the events of that day/night, fresh in my mind, it will help me from going back to that life again.  Once I forget where it is I came from, I am subject to repeat and God knows I don't want to do that.  I have come too far, but yet still have a long, long way to go in my recovery, not to do what is suggested to me.

If you are a regular reader of my blog, you may hear or read things that I have written about more than once.  Part of me would like to apologize for that, but on the other hand, those are the issues that linger with me.  They are the issues that keep coming up, are deeper than others and still need to write about cause I'm still working on them.  As I have always said, most of these posts are my personal experiences, but there are some that others I know have allowed me to share their experience to may be help someone else that may face the same struggles.

Before I entered into recovery, I remember I prayed that God would just take me on.  That He would take me out of the pain and suffering I had dug myself so deep into that I felt I could not do it for myself.  Since I've gotten clean and have reunited with God, at first I would always say why me God?  Why me?  Why did you save me and give me this life I have today?  No longer do I question God, for  I know that He saved me in order for me to reach out and try to help others the best way I know how, by sharing my experiences, my hope and my strength.  And this post is no different than any others I have posted.

First, I'd like to share something that I find on a social media site that caught my eye:

"Addiction is a disease.  There is no cure. You can't beat it.  An addict will always struggle with it.  It's like lupus or MS.  You just learn how to deal with it.  Manage it without feeding it.  Don't come to me and tell me addicts are weak.  Recovering addicts are the strongest people you will ever meet.  They are strong because they know the only way out of their addiction is death.  They know this and yet they continue to fight for their sobriety.  They fight to regain all the things they lost in active addiction.  They fight EVERY SINGLE DAY to be better than they were the day before.  And they will fight every day for the rest of their life.  Don't tell me I'm weak because I'm an addict.  How many other people can say they survived walking through Hell and have the scars to prove it?"

Second, I'd like to share the definition of recovery as it is defined in Webster's Dictionary:

:  the act or process of becoming healthy after an illness or injury
:  the act or process of returning to a normal state after a period of difficulty
:  the return of something that has been lost, stolen, etc.

According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse, how does drug addiction stack up against other chronic illnesses?

*  30 - 50 percent of people with type 1 diabetes fall to stick to their treatment plan

*  50 - 70 percent of people who suffer from asthma fail to take their meds or make recommended
                lifestyle changes

*  50 - 70 percent of people with chronic high blood pressure don't that their hypertension medication
                as directed

*  40 - 60 percent of drug addicts will relapse from their plan of treatment

With sharing this information with you, my hope is that when you read this and see what my odds or any other addicts odds are as far as recovery goes, you will understand why I am the way I am.  I do attend a 12 step program.  Without it I can tell you that I would not be able to write this blog.  I would not be able to be a daughter to my mom and dad, or a sister to my sister or brothers.   Addiction is chronic, fatal illness that has to be treated on a regular basis as the other chronic illnesses do.

What I have learned in my recovery thus far is that my writing this blog is a God given talent that I will not hide from anyone for any reason.  Me being able to speak and share in front of large groups of people and most of all to read in front of people I do not know for when I entered into recovery, I had what I would guess to be a 6th grade or so reading level.  Not great at all.

For the past six years life has been life on it's terms not my terms.  There have been good days, okay days, not so okay days and days that I wish I could just stay in bed and cover my head up.  But everyday is a good day as long as my eyes open each morning to see God's beauty and His glory.

Some of you will understand what I am saying and others, just come back later and read this again or a different post that fits with what you are going through today.  All I have is this moment, just this very moment and no more is promised.  I am however promised in recovery a daily reprieve from active addictions as long as I work a program.  None of us are promised tomorrow for it is not here yet.

This is a very grateful addict that has found her new life because of the recovery I work on.  I'm not perfect, far from it, but I do the best that I can.  People are in recovery for many different reasons, but there is a common bond between us addicts, we all go to any ways and means for one more.  We all have a obsessive and compulsive facts.  If you always look at the differences how can you find the similarity?  When you learn to see the similarity between us addicts then we begin to understand each other that much better and the better we understand each other, the sooner our recovery process can start to come together and we can have growth from  that.

I'm not a rich person as far as material things go, but I am so wealthy in the spiritual sense.  I have TRUE friends.  Not those friends that are nice to you in person but stab you in the back first chance they get.  No not those folks, I mean people that if you are in need just let them know.  Sooner or later, normally sooner, things will begin to change and you, I, will have growth that we can share with others to help them through when they need it.

Yes, there is an end to this, just another moment or two, I promise...

My recovery has and will always be a big part of my life.  But today I do have other things and people that help fill my days.  Yes, most are in a program or in recovery and some are family members.  Although I do have a friend or two that are outside the program yet they understand me and know that there are things that I must do today to keep my clean date of November 23, 2009.  I must say that I am not and nor do I want to be the person I was before this date.

I know this post is somewhat here and there but my head is full of things to say and I must be careful when blogging as to what I can say and what I shouldn't say.  But I will say th is and the I will close this post down:  I LOVE MYSELF, MY LIFE, MY RECOVERY AND GOD, as I understand Him.  I do hope this post makes some kind of sense to someone as I feel that I rambled there for a bit and that is normally when I need to close the post because I know I have shared what God wanted me to share, just for today...I love each and every one of you and I pray that one person, just one but more would be nice, that one person find something in this or another post that will carry them until they get through whatever it is they are going through....


Thanks so much for your support in reading and keeping up with me and my blog.  Please fell free to share my blog website with folks you know that may be helped or that may know someone that needs help...till next time...

Relationships - Healthy Ones Today

Relationships, boy, that's a big one.  Healthy relationships at that.   When I first entered recovery, I so realized that I really didn't have any, not a one, healthy relationship in my life.  So, what did I do about that?  Well, I find out that first I had to get a healthy relationship with myself before I could ever hope to have healthy relationships with others.  I had to find out who I was, what it is that I enjoy in life and what I wanted to get out of life.  But even before getting a relationship with myself, in the beginning, I had to trust someone, somewhere to help me get started...

And so it began, I put my life in the hands of my parents to start with.  I knew I needed help and I also knew, that they would find that I got the help I needed and was asking for.  For the first few days of the beginning of my new life, way of life, my mom was with me 24/7.  Mom sat with me on nights I couldn't sleep until I went to sleep.  Mom made phone calls to find out what needed to be done, what were the steps to take to get me into treatment at the place I knew I wanted and probably needed to go to.  I felt that if I went to this place I would and could get the help I so desperately needed and was searching for.  I knew that they could help me because they had helped another family member and they were still sober.

This process of mine, which is on going and will be for the rest of my life, started almost 6 years ago.  Yes, on November 23, I will be celebrating my 6th year in recovery and being clean from all mood and mind altering chemicals.  Now I don't say that to brag or boast, I say that so that the one person that reads this post knows that they too can do the same thing.  It is possible to stop using, have that desire lifted and learn how to live a new life without the use of drugs, alcohol, or any mood/mind altering substance.  So, that was my beginning in learning to trust someone other than myself for the care of my life and the relationships that I would make and/or remake.

My mom, sister and aunt were all with me in the beginning.  Helping me, doing what was needed to ensure my recovery.  Without these three women loving me and protecting me, mainly from myself, I really don't think I would have been able to come as far as I have.  To this day, they are still in my corner.  Aiding when needed to see that I stay on track with my recovery and my life.  You can read previous posts that are about my mom and my sister and what they mean to me.  Most folks probably would say well it's your mom's place to love you and try to protect you and for the most part they would be right, I guess.  But, you see, I used my mom so much and did such bad things to her that she has every right to tell me 'no I not going to put myself out there just to be hurt again by you!'  But she didn't and neither did my sister or aunt.  They all stood beside me and helped  to guide me in the right direction.

So on Thanksgiving Day, 2009, I left my parents home and started the process to begin my recovery.  When we arrived at the treatment facility where I would spent the next month or so, I had to trust that the people working there would help me.  I had to believe and trust people that I had never met before in my life, with my life.  Not an easy thing to do but when you are in need you learn to do what you have to do to make it.  So at around 1 a.m. on November 24, 2009, my mom, sister and aunt left me in the hands of people that none of us knew.  We all put all the trust we had in these people at a time in my life when I thought I would go crazy because I knew no one.  What relationships I did have that were somewhat healthy had just pulled out of the parking lot and there I was.  Scared and all alone, with nothing or no one to help me except the people of the facility and a loving God.

 While I was in treatment I did meet people and formed a friendship type relationship[p with these people.  But I was very careful not to get too close, I had been in that mind set for years now and had to learn that it was time to forget how I did things before and to trust the process that I was beginning.  My dad told me before I left 'don't go there if you're not willing to do what they tell you to do.  They will and can help you but you have to be willing to listen to them and do as they ask.'  So I did what he suggested I do,  I followed all the rules and did as the counsellors ask of me and like I said, had some folks that I talked to and hung out with.  

 While in treatment I learned many things about relationships,   Most of all I learned that what I knew about relationships were not what a 'healthy' relationship was suppose to be made of.  So in short, I knew nothing about relationships at all.  But I wanted to learn how to make relationships, keep those relationships and what these relationships were suppose to have in them to make them work and last a life time.

Needless to say, this is one of the biggest things anyone will ever do in  their life, create relationships the healthy way and how to work and nourish those relationships so that they are always as healthy as they can be.  Some relationships are not meant to be ones that are long term and then others are meant to be long term.  It's best, I have found, to take new relationships slowly.   See them for what they are and what they are not.  Try to see that person and that new found relationship for what it really is.  Learn what is healthy and unhealthy for you.

Next, I had to get a relationship with myself.  I needed to learn that I mattered.  I desired to be treated with respect.  I desired to be loved for me and not what I could do for someone else.  Yes, these may be simple things to you but for this addict it was hard at first.  Please don't get it wrong or twisted, I am still learning about relationships and the different levels of each relationship I have with people today.  What level am I on with this person?  Do they treat me the way I want to and desire to be treated?  If not, then why do I find it necessary to continue to have said relationship with them?  What kind of relationship do I really have with said person?  Should I be on a different level than I am in this relationship?  And many other questions that I feel I have to ask myself about the relationship I have or think I have with people in my life today and then questions for those that will come into my life in the future.

Relationships are, for me anyway, always going to be a work in progress just as my recovery is and will be for the rest of my life.  Why?  Because that's how I stay healthy with mind, body and soul.  Today, I know I matter and I have a lot of worth.  So, those that I have meaningful relationships with know my worth and respect me for who I am today and love me for me with the good, the bad, and the different inside me that makes me who I am.

Thank you for those who continue to support me and my blog.  You are greatly appreciated and I humbly thank you for the confidence you give to me freely to continue writing as it seems to be a passion of mine today.  As always, if this post or another post to this blog helps just one person then I have done exactly what I set out to do with this blog.  Also, please check out the 'about me' and 'resource page' to learn more about me and the support that is out there in many different areas and for many different purposes.

May God bless you and yours and may you have a very blessed day....



And continue to watch this blog as there is more to come for in recovery, everything is subject to revision...

None Of Us Ever Know...

Sorry, I have been away for a while.  Hope to be back posting on a regular basis from now on.  Thank you for understanding and still enjoying the post that I have written and shared.  Please note that this post is my feelings, beliefs, and of life and death as I understand and comprehend it.  This one is a little hard to share as most of us don't want to really think about it as it leads us to an unknown for all...

My heart is heavy as I write this post today.  Earlier this week, I lost a friend in an automobile accident.  She was such an inspiration to many and I find comfort in knowing that she is with God and is free from all things that are earthly.  It is hard to think how such a young and vibrant woman with nothing but love and compassion to give, never asking anything in return can be taken in just a very split second, in an instance.  A woman that was a mother of 6 children and expecting her 7th in February.  A daughter who loved her family dearly and sought to bring them to the point she was in her own life.  A devoted wife, who loved and cared for her husband and children as if her life depended upon it.  A friend who always had sweet, kind and encouraging words to say about everyone.

No she was not perfect, but who of us are?  No she was no different than a lot of women that strive to be the best in all that they do.  Yes, she was stronger in will and mind than some but also less than others.  She tried her best to always look at the positive in any and all situations and was one that would encourage instead of break  you down in the worst and best times in life.  She was just 34.  Had actually just celebrated her birthday the week before she went to her heavenly home.  She had an 11 month old son who's first birthday was just a week or so away.

As do many of us, she had her own demons that she had to fight and conquer throughout her life.  But she did it in a way that others may be able to relate. So that they too could find the peace and serenity that she had been able to find.  She had her struggles growing up as many do and some of them were much harder to deal with than others.  Some people would not have been able to make it out, so to speak, alive and in the state of mind in which she had been able to do.  It was not an easy task for her.  She did slip at times as many of us do, but eventually she made it through to the other side and became devoted to helping others just like her.  Knowing that there would be some that she would not be able to reach and some that would die before they could even grasp the ideals that she and others like her, tried to the best of their abilities to teach others.

This post is a small tribute to this daughter, mother, wife and friend that I and many others have lost.  As I said in the beginning, these are my thoughts and feelings that I saw and had for this young lady.  As it is hard for many of you out there, so it is hard for me to say goodbye to someone that you love and respect as a person as I did her.

Death is not an easy thing for any of us to think about much less talk about, but it is a subject that we all will or have faced in our lives.  There is so much more I could say about my friend but I believe that you can relate to some part of what I have said about her.  What I hope to do with this post is to give you the understanding that none of us know when life will end as we know it.  Just as my friend had a belief in God and was very spiritual in nature I have the same beliefs and spiritual mind.

None of us are promised tomorrow.  None know when, where or how we will leave this world.  And as our world continues to appear in a downward spiral, I feel the need to express my concerns and desires that I have for myself and each of you.  I, myself, do not see this world getting any better and I know that it is only a matter of time before all that is earthy will end as we know it to be.  I am a Christian as I have stated this fact before and so was my friend.  I also am very spiritual in nature as was my friend.  The first part of this post was to paint a picture of how wonderful life can become even though you feel as if you are walking through the pits of hell at this very moment.  I, as she did as well, understand the struggles that many of you have in your life today and some have been able to overcome these struggles only to find new ones on the horizon.  But I pray that you understand that things can and will get better and many of your dreams can still come true as they did for me and my friend.

God is good.  His grace and mercy are gifts that you only need to accept to have them.  There is nothing that He ask in return except to strive to be like Him in all things you do.  Ask and allow Him to guide and direct your life even when you feel that it is impossible for you to complete the task at hand.  I have learned through my own experiences in life and life as an addict that is now in recovery that God can and will do what I cannot if I allow Him to.  I must step out of the way, take my hands off from trying to 'fix it' myself and allow God to work it out as He already knows how things will end.  I am blest to have received His grace and mercy in my life.  I find comfort in knowing that my friend who had some of the same struggles in her life as I have had in mine was also blest with God's grace and mercy.

Do you have an addiction that you just can't seem to conquer?  Have you  tried and tried, over and over and over time and time again only to fail?  Have you been able to stop using for a short or long time only to find yourself right back in the hands of your addiction.  Do you have a belief in God or a Higher Power?  Are you spiritual rather than religious?  These are questions or some questions that even a person that is not in active addiction or even in recovery from active addiction can relate too.

I only ask one thing of all of you:  search your hearts, ask these questions (that apply to you) honesty and with conviction.  If you are a Christian and still struggle, would you turn that over to God and let Him have it and handle it as He sees fit?  If you are not a Christian and you have a spiritual belief of a power greater than yourself, can you turn your worries and troubles over to this Higher Power and allow that power to take hold of your struggles and worries?  To allow that Higher Power to work out these situations so that you can be free and clear, so to speak.

Recovery is not for everyone.  There are still those of us who will die before being able to grasp the simple message that a 12 step program has to offer.  And that is the simple truth in life, same as in addiction.  There are those of us that are able to enter recovery, grab hold really tight and never let go.  Then there are those that are still very closed minded and that die before they ever understand that God's grace and mercy is for all those who will receive it.  All He ask in return is your love, honestly and compassion in life be centered around Him and not yourself.  That's it.  Plain, simple, and straight to the point.  And if you want a life from active addiction, you can have it.  Just as I have it, but you must be willing to do what is require in order to have it and keep it.

Again, I ask that you look at your own life.  As the accident hit many of us hard, so could it have been anyone of you, even me.  As I stated, we are NOT promised tomorrow, so if there are areas of your life that are a concern for yourself, addicts or not, please feel free to look at my page on this blog as it has groups, programs, people, etc. that can and will help you in what ever situation you have.

I say 'Good Bye' my friend as you are laid to rest in eternal peace.  You are truly going to be missed but know that many of us will join you one day.  Have peace in knowing that your husband and children are going to be taken care of and will remember the person that you had become.

Love you SBT with all my heart.  You were a little sister in the family circle that loved you and you loved us back and I am proud that I was able to get to know a bit about you and your family.  Rest now my friend for your earthly journey has come to it's end and your heavenly life has just begun...


Much love and respect to you SBT and CT for allowing me to share just a fragment of life with you both...                                  

A Bit of Memorial Day History...

Hey everyone!  Sorry it has been a while since my last post but there has been a lot going on the past several months.  Things are finally calming back down.

I want to thank you all for the support you have given me over the years in writing this blog.  I never thought I would be someone who enjoyed writing as much as I do.  It has been a little over three years since I started sharing my story with you and hopefully I have touched at least one heart out there and/or helped an individual find what they were looking for.

So, what do I have in store for you today??  Most already know, Memorial Day!

(As always, I have done  a bit of research and here is where I shall begin...)

First, let me say that I am very proud of the men and women who dedicate their lives to keep me safe day and night.  I pray for them all each and everyday.  It takes, in my opinion, a special man or woman to  serve this country.  Especially with the way the world is today.  For those that are gone but not forgotten, my God bless your family and give them peace.  For those that are still serving today, "THANK YOU"!!!  You are the reason I can lay down and sleep well each night.

Memorial Day, as we celebrate it today, started out as 'Decoration Day'.  This was after the Civil War in 1868.  When the Grand Army of the Republic, organization of Union Veterans, established it as a time for the nation to decorate the war dead's graves with flowers.  By the 20th century, competing Union and Confederate holidays traditions celebrated on different days.  They finally merged and Memorial Day was extended to honor 'ALL' Americans who died serving in the Military services

In 1967, the Federal law makers passed the Uniform Monday Holiday Act, moving four holidays to Monday to establish to increase the number of three-day weekends for Federal workers.  The four original holidays are Washington's Birthday, Memorial Day, Columbus Day, and Veterans Day.  The have been others that has since been changed to this Monday Holiday Act which was passed into law on June 28,1968.  Note that Veteran's Day was removed from this list and placed back on to it's traditional date of Nov. 11 by act of Congress in 1975.

Memorial Day became this holiday's official name by Federal law in 1971.  You can get more detail information from Google about Memorial Day and how it came about and the Uniform Monday Holiday Act, as that is where my information was gathered from.

As this day approached this year, I sat and read on social media sites people sharing of loved ones that they honor on this day.  I wonder if many of the younger generations know how this holiday came to be.  If they know what part in building this nation their ancestors had a part in.  Or if the town or state in which they live had any part in this building of this nation called America.

Most of you know where I am from, Kings Mountain, NC, was a pivotal part in the building of America.  Unfortunately, I feel that most of the younger generations coming up have no idea the great things, battles won or lost, the struggles the people, their ancestors had to face.  Even some young people here where I live may not really understand the impact the 'Battle of Kings Mountain' have in that day and time.

Our country was build on the ideals of freedom of speech, freedom of religion, freedom to bear arms, and many more.  As I look around today, I can see how just slowly and surely all of these values that our forefathers held near and dear to them are slipping away.

American has a military service that has become strictly voluntary.  Men and women sign up for service in the Armed Forces of America.  Why you may ask?  Why did they get rid of the draft?  My personal opinion on those two questions are, they feel the need, the calling to be of service, they have that special something (cause I don't know what it is, but if you know someone that is in the military you can see it in them) it takes to say 'this is my country, my people and you are not going to harm what I love and hold near and dear to my heart, I will not allow it!'

And, my friends, this is why we celebrate the lost lives of the men and woman in the Armed Forces of these United States.  They do a job just like the rest of us but with one extremely huge difference...they put their life on the line 24/7 just because they spoke up and said "I will do that".  "Let me be a part of what keeps this country, America, safe at night. I will do what I must, including laying down my life if it will protect and preserve America."

The men and women that lost their lives and yes, the ones that are still out there protecting us, deserve our respect and appreciation for what they do and what they have done!!  The fallen, as some folks refer to the men and women that have died during service to this once great nation, deserve our respect, gratitude, appreciation, love, condolences and much more than that for the job they do.  They endure more in one tour of duty (and if you don't know what that is, Google it...just saying') than most of us that are not in the Armed Forces will ever, if ever have endured in our lifetime.

I shutter at the thoughts of Americans stomping on the flag, burning the flag, or just plain disrespect for the men and women of these United States.

I pray that we are not all lost like a lot of these folks are.  If you know Jesus as Lord and Savior, I pray that you keep your connection strong, on a daily basis.  If you don't, then find out what it is you want and learn to pray for God's will in your life and not your own.  Take it to God and leave it with Him.  He will work it out as it should be.

Again, 'HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY' to you all.  You are unique individuals and I truly appreciate the job you do.

**** I decided that I wanted to add this video "Red Skelton's Pledge of Allegiance" that is on YouTube.com. (just click on it)  If everyone would listen, I mean really listen to this, maybe somethings would be okay in out nation...what a wish on this Memorial
Day, that our country, our nation would be once again as these words describe the way it once was...just sayin'
                                         

                            Red Skelton's Pledge of Allegiance   

My Understanding...

First, let me start out by saying that I am a Christian.  I believe in God.  My faith in God and being a Christian has been questioned a few times and this post is one, like so many I have written, on a subject that has been weighting heavily on my heart.  I became a Christian when I was around 12 years of age by accepting Jesus as my Lord and Savior.  And I have always known, since then, that with God in my life anything was possible.  Just so you know and maybe understand, I will reference being a Christian and being a recovering addict at times to show how I look at my recovery and life in general.  If just one person gets what I am trying to say, then I have done what I set out to do in this post.  Again, this is not a sermon, but just things that have been on my mind and I feel that I am now able to write about it...

As many of you know, I am a recovering addict and attend a 12 step program on a regular basis.  For me, getting clean took a lot of will power and surrender.  Being the type addict that had to go to a treatment facility to get the foot hold I needed to begin my recovery process.  Some addicts are able to just stop and never pick up again.  Others have to go through the process of stopping, starting back and stopping time and time again until they are finally able to stop for good.  Still others die while in active addiction.  Not because they didn't want to stop but because in order for some of us to understand what and how this disease of addiction affects our lives, others must die from it.  I know how that must sound but it is true.  If I didn't know of people that have died from the disease of addiction then I may have been of the mind that 'well I stop one day, but it's not going to kill me if I don't'.  Fact is, YES it will kill me or anyone else that can not stop.  Mentally, I was dead.  Physical, I was almost dead and I was close to being dead spiritually also.

Some folks have asked me over the past five years, why do you go to those meetings?  Will you always have to go?  When can you stop going to those meetings?  Well, let me explain why I go, how they help me, and what I need to recover.

First, I go to a 12 step program because there are others there that know how my mind works.  The thoughts that I have.  They have had similar experiences as I have had in active addiction so they understand my mindset.  At first I went because I was just plain scared to death that I would start back and I didn't want that.  I was introduced to 12 step programs in treatment and have been attending them since I returned home after treatment 5 years ago.  For now, yes, I will always need to attend these meetings.  I have to be around others like me so I don't forget where it is I come from.  I go so that when someone new comes through the door, I can be there to help them understand that not using is possible.  That freedom from addiction is a promise I received by attending the program and taking the suggestions given to me.

I some times compare being in recovery and working a program and attending meetings as some what like what a Christian does.  Christians are to live by God's word, the Bible.  They are suppose to try to the best of their ability to change things in their lives to try to live more like God.  They should gather among themselves to help each other live a more 'Christ like' life.  Reading the scriptures and applying the lessons found there to their lives to be more Christ like.  None of us are prefect but as Christian we are suppose to strive for that Christ like way of life.

Recovery, for me, is the kinda the same.  I have to realize that I am an addict.  I have to be willing to admit that to myself and surrender that way of life for a new way of life without the use of drugs or alcohol.  To live life in recovery, I need to follow the literature in my 12 step program, which is basically reteaching me the basic principles that I learned as a child from my parents and in church.  As I said, this is just for me.  I don't know how others look at their recovery nor their Christianity if they are Christians.  Being around other recovering addicts that are working a program of recovery helps me to work my program in order to stay clean, not using.

Same, I feel is true about my Christian beliefs.  I am instructed in the Bible, which is the literature for Christians to learn how to live as a Christian, that I need to fellowship with other Christians.  This is so I can learn from my fellow Christians what in my life needs to change.  What I need to work on to become more Christ like in my life.  The principles and guidelines that God has sat forth to live by as a Christian.

So in both cases, I need to be around people that are the same, recovering addicts and/or Christians, to learn and grow in my life.  By following the literature for both I find the similarities in each and feel that by doing as God instructs me to do, I in turn do what is required of me in my recovery program.  As I stated earlier, no one is perfect.  We all have transgressions at one time or other in our lives.  Meaning, that we all do things, say things, even think things that we should not.  That's being human.  But by trying to live my life as a Christian and as a recovering addict, I am more aware of my transgressions or wrongs that I do sometimes on a daily basis.  But God helps me in both areas.

For me, it has become one and the same.  I mean, that I look at my recovery as I do living a Christian life.  They run parallel in my life today.  Again, this is just for me and if it helps you to look at your life this way then that's okay with me.  We all must decide what is best for ourselves and do the best we can each day to live the life we feel is right for us.

I pray that if you are in active addiction, using, that you find help and are able to come into the light.  Know that there is a Higher Power that will care for you.  And one thing I would like to say about the wording of 'Higher Power', 'God of your understanding' which most 12 step programs talk about.  There is a reason the 'God' is described in so many ways.  Not everyone that comes into recovery are Christians or even believe in God.  For this reason, the programs must keep things simple, generic in order for all who seek recovery be able to place the program into their lives and live clean and free from active addiction.  Lots of people are mad at God, per say, because they at first feel that if there were a God then why did He let some of the bad things happen to them.

I, too, at one time when I first started the process of recovery thought that God could no longer hear my prayers.  That I had done so much wrong that I could not be forgiven.  I was wrong.  By working a recovery program and getting back to my Christian beliefs and teaching, I realized that it was not God forgetting about me, but I had left Him.  I had turned my back on Him not the other way around. I know as surely as I am sitting here writing this that God had a plan for me.  That He still has plans for me and that is one of the main reasons I did not die in active addiction, because I should have more than once.

The blessings that God has bestowed on me these past five years are enormous to say the least.  I had been and am still today very bless to be in recovery and a child of God.  I pray that someone, any one, understand that you do not have to continue down the destructive path you may be on.  There is hope.  All you have to do is accept the help that is out there for you.  Whether you are in active addiction, a non-Christian or your faith is or has slipped in some way, there is hope.  And with that hope, I promise you that your life can change if you do the work required to change it.  It will change for the better.  It will not, however change over night.  It takes time and it will change the way God see fit for it to change.  You may not always understand or like the changes but you will soon see the why in what God had done for you as I have.

I pray that each and everyone that reads this be blessed by God and His word.  That if recovery is what you need that you find it also.  God bless you all for being a part of my life and giving me a reason to carry on ONE DAY AT A TIME...

Special Breed...

My road has not always been straight and smooth.  There have been curves, bumps, stops and starts along the way.  My journey is just beginning and it has been a learning experience thus far.  I am a simple woman with simple needs.  Just about 2 months ago I celebrated 5 years clean and in recovery working a program.  Going through my own process and leaning what it is to be me.  Today, is another day for celebrating my life.  Today I am 50 and I thank God for allowing me, by His grace and mercy, to see this day come.

There have been many things happen these past few years that I have written about and shared exactly how I feel.  Now, this is a time for you, my friends, to look deep within yourself and love yourself for no other reason than God made you and has allowed you to be.  And for all of you folks out there in America, please look deep inside yourself and make sure you are right with God.  The time is coming that He is coming to get us all and take us home to glory.  I am not afraid to die but the selfish human that I am, I want to be able to see my grand daughter grow and become a woman.  And I know if it is God's will, that will happen.  But I must stay in today.  I must live for today for that is all I have.  I, we are not promised tomorrow and yesterday is long going.

Lastly, I wanted to express my concern about something and please remember this is just my opinion.  Everyone has one and are free not to believe the same as me, I love you anyway.  So, here goes...

This past week, I enjoyed watching two awesome movies.  Both were somewhat similar as they both were about American soldiers and told what their lives were like before, during and after war.  They both served this great country of ours with every ounce they had in themselves.  They were strong men, courageous and humble.  They both believed in doing what was right, not necessarily what was the easiest thing to do.  They stood for something and didn't wavier from their roots.  And they both felt they had found their purpose in life.  Both men did struggle at times as I watched and felt the feelings, to a degree, they were feeling.  To me, both of these men should be and are, in my book, heroes!

You see I don't think that a hero has to be someone that everyone knows. Or someone that is always on top, a winner, above others.  "Hero" is defined generally by:  a person, normally a man, who is admired and/or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities.  An individual or network of people that take action on behalf of others in need...

For me, when I think of a hero, I think of someone who goes past the point that is normally accepted as 'OK'.  A hero does what most would not, could not think of doing.  Someone who is doing what they feel is right and that it is their duty to do.  They are no particular background, race, religion, schooling, or anything else you can think of that would set them apart from other than just how far they are willing to put themselves out there for the greater good.

If you haven't guessed them yet, 'American Sniper' and 'Unbroken'.  Yes, both of these movies are true stories and I feel that both men in these movies were 'heroes'!  Each movie shows different sides to wars.  One side:  soldier serving his country and becoming a POW.  One side:  soldier trained in a specific job, trained a certain way to perform different than other soldiers.  Both American soldiers, both take the task of defending their country very seriously.  Two different wars.  Wars located in different places, different countries.  Both have one thing in common:  the heart and soul of a true soldier.  Not that others are not true soldiers, because they are.  I think each and every person that has and will step up to the plate and serve to defend this country, her people and her beliefs is a 'TRUE SOLDIER"

 What I want to get across to folks is that in times of war, no matter where and when it is or was, there are and always will be extremely hard and unimaginable duties that need to be carried out.  They witnessed friends killed in the line of duty.  I truly feel that no one knows what they would do in certain situations, much less being a soldier during war time.  It takes a special breed of men and women to fill those shoes.  Not everyone can do what the Armed Forces are trained to do.

Chris Kyle, yes in my book, is a hero in every sense of the word!  This man, I truly believe, did take his job seriously.  He was to protect the men and women that fought along side him.  It was stated so plainly and clear in the movie 'I do it to protect the people of America and so they don't come over here to kill us'.  Some folks just don't understand that it is soldiers like Chris Kyle that make it so they can live free.  So that when you lay down at night you can sleep without fear of the things that people face in third world countries.  He watched over his troops, protected them from whatever would possibly harm them.  Yes, he may have shot women and children and it is sad to even try to understand how someone could do that but he saw the danger that those he shot presented to the soldiers.  I got the feel from the movie that he felt truly responsible for each and every soldier there and that he felt great loss when one was shot, died or the ones he had to shoot.

Louis Zamperini, on the other hand tells a story that many do not want to hear about.  They think that if they don't see it the it really wasn't 'that bad'.  Seriously??  To me, 'Unbroken' shows what a true American soldier is.  That when men and women sign up for the Armed Forces, they know there will be things that they may have to face.  Things that are extremely unpleasant.  Things that most of us say 'it couldn't have been that bad, their just making it sound like it was really really bad to sell a movie'...unbelievable!!  I know, personally, people that have served in our Armed Forces during war time.  They all say the same thing, you don't want to know what I had to do to survive.  You don't want to know what we had to do to make it through alive.

Why do I say Louis Zamperini was a hero??  Because for the simple fact that he would not break because he knew if he did others would break too.  That the other soldiers that were with him in the prison camps watched him and saw that no matter want was done to him, he was not going to give the enemy what they wanted.  And I believe that was done to prove America was weak.  That her soldiers were weak.  That if you torture them long enough they will break.  Yes, some did break, some died and some came home not in their right minds because of what they endured as a prisoner of war.

Zamperini and Kyle are both heroes.  Each in their own way, but the one thing that made them the same is, was, their love of country.  They loved America so much that they were willing to go through whatever they had to, to protect and defend this country.  They were called upon to do things that some say were wrong but again I say, could you have stood by watching a child with a bomb knowing he was about to kill 15 to 20 of your soldiers without defending them?  I don't think you could.  Better yet I don't think most of us would want to be put in that position.  Could you day in and day out be tortured?  Would you break because you know that if you did as they asked you would not be tortured?  Would you have the backbone it takes to make those tough decisions when they needed to be made?

People today talk about why soldiers are here and there and in wars and fighting.  I have said this before and I will continue to say it until it is no longer true:  the men and women of the United States Armed Forces are voluntary.  Chris Kyle and Louis Zamperini both volunteered for service.  They both knew what may be expected from them at any given time.  Yes, there was a draft in Zamperini's day but he volunteered, he was not drafted.  That is another reason why he is a hero.

I have never met either of these men.  As a matter of fact I didn't know anything about them until I watched their story play out on the big screen.  If both stories did not make you thankful for men of this caliber, humbled by their sacrifices and in total awe of their duty to country, my friend I feel that maybe you may need to watch them again.  Kyle was not a loose canon just shooting whatever moved.  Zamperini did not kneel down and do what the enemy wanted him to do.

One last point before I close, yes these were 'Hollywood' films, but they were about two 'real live' people.  How can anyone that has watched these two movies say that the directors were doing this or they should have done that or they were just too slow moving????  Both of these movies were great!! And that is an understatement as to how well they were done.  I applaud the directors of both films as I feel they brought both of these characters to life and made it where you could feel the feelings these men felt throughout the films.

I have said this time and time again and I said it earlier in this post, the men and women of the United States Armed Forces are a special breed of people.  They have more of everything than we have or I have.  They are courageous, strong willed, brave, honorable men and women.  Most of all they are all HEROES in their own way.  Any man or woman that is willing to suit up to protect this nation of ours, that are willing to defend this nation against terrorists, that are willing to do the job asked of them to the best of their ability and then some, well folks...that is HERO!!!

And again, this is just my opinion...

Your First or Your Last One...Who Knows???

As always, if just one person understands or 'gets it' from my post, then I did what I set out to do.  The holidays are over and a new year has begun.  First, I would like to ask if you would, those who pray, please pray for those that have no where to stay as it is so cold out side and winter is rearing her head to say "I am here, ready or not!".  We have so many homeless in this country today that it is sad to think that one of us could very well be the next one out there depending on how life is going in a single moment.  Men, women, young and old, children that are without shelter or food.  Please be in prayer that God will protect and comfort them.  That He may guide them in their life and aid in their struggles each and every day.  May He provide warmth and shelter from these bitter cold elements and bless them as they go on their way.

So, here I go...

As a lot of you know, I have been starting my New Year off with a trip to Asheville each January.  Gathering together with others in recovery.  And I must say, this year, as in the past years, I had the best time.  Seeing old friends, making new friends and learning about recovery during the entire weekend.  That is an event that I will try my very best to attend each year that they have it.

So, some of you also know that a few years ago, while in Asheville, I heard someone speak and they said something that I had heard before but it never registered like it did when I heard the speaker say 'the drugs aren't the problem, my way of thinking is the problem!'  It is even in the literature that I read on a regular basis.  So, I see that what they say in recovery is true, you get/understand things when it is time for you to get/understand things and not any sooner.

Well, this year, I heard 'just remember that the first one could be your last one!'  I have never really thought about it that way.  I have heard in the past year more about people that did one drug or another and it killed them!  The first time they used it..  Yes, that's what I said, they died from the very first time of using drugs.  Now I understand as an addict myself that we don't think of the 'bad stuff' that happens when we use.  Especially if someone is in relapse mode until they use that 'first' one.  Then, they say, they begin feeling the pain of the use, of knowing that you have let folks down.

But we never stop to think 'this crap could very well be the last hit I have ever taken.'  So many people that I have heard over the course of 2013-2014 have shared about this one or that one that did drugs for the first time and the one that has done drugs for the umpteen time and it killed them.  One hit of whatever and dead.  That is a very profound thought, you know?  So when I heard this again in Asheville, it made me think 'Well just what do the numbers look like where drugs are what killed someone compared to other causes of death.'  Here is what I found from research on the internet:

There are more drug related deaths per year than deaths cause by traffic accidents.  We have more drug related deaths in the first week of each month than in the last week of the month.  It was noted that could be due to disability, SSI, and different other government checks being received at the first of each month, but no real proof to back that up with.  Now my own personal experience is that folks that were on government checks, no matter which kind it is, those folks used those checks to purchase their drugs or illegal substances (street drugs).

There have been many studies done and I pulled info from several websites.  Hope you don't mind but I thought I would share a few more with you.  Approximately 114 die each day from related drug use.  Approximately 6748 people per day are treated in ERs for misuse and abuse of drugs.  The main age group that overdose on drugs are 25-64.  In 2012, there were approximately 59% more males than females that died due to drug abuse and/or overdose.  Whites have the highest death rate, followed by American Indians/Alaska Natives, followed by Blacks.

Also, there are approximately 23.1 million Americans that need treatment for problems related to drugs and/or alcohol use and abuse.  Only about 2.4 of these Americans actually receive the help needed.  And some of the websites stated that in these studies that some of the information for overdose probably was from just plain ole drug use and abuse not because of suicide.

Now, back to 'that first one' or 'just one more'.  Really after reading just this small amount of information as to the high rates of deaths and overdoses that our country alone, not any other country, just our own, you still think 'one more'??

As I stated earlier, I never have even thought of 'this may be my LAST one'...not in the sense of it will kill me.  Yes, I have said I'll just do one more and never ever did I think twice about just dropping dead after I got that last one and used it.  I would think no addict or alcoholic has ever really thought of it as the 'last' one, the one that kills me.  I truly believe that if I had really understood that my first hit could have very well been my last hit, I think I would have thought twice about what I was doing.  But I didn't and I don't think anyone that is in active addiction today has ever had that thought.  And if they did it was just a glance across their minds that they shook off as part of being crazy and did that hit anyway.

I guess what I really want you to hear, whether you are in active addiction, recovery, working a program or know someone that is part of these things, in that their first hit, use, smoke could very well be their last one without them ever knowing.  That what they thought was going to ease the pain of life on life's terms was going to kill that pain all together along with them!  I have sat and listened to folks talk about when they were using and someone that they knew and used with just did a hit of whatever drug they were using and that person, their friend, dropped dead right then and there...yes this is a very serious matter and yes I pray that all who read this and knows someone in addiction can understand just how serious this really is...!!

And let me add that just because a doctor 'prescribes' a medicine to you does not mean you take it how ever you want to.  All at once, a few at a time or whatever.  There are prescription drugs that addicts or anyone can use to get high.  People abuse prescription medication as much as those who use 'street drugs'.  There are reports that have been performed showing that prescription drugs are abused more than the 'street drugs'.   So please stop telling yourself as well as others that 'oh I have a prescription for that and that doesn't count.'

A drug is a drug is a drug...alcohol is a drug!  Anything that is mind altering and mood changing.  Yes, I take this serious, more serious since I went to Asheville, but that's what weekends like that are for.  To learn how to stop the using and learning to live life on life's terms.  Getting as much recovery as possible.  And if you are lucky, like I feel I have been, hearing something for 'the first time', that you have heard, read, or been told about, but this time it was 'time' for you to hear it or get it.

I know that everyone that is in recovery are not part of a 12 step program but I tell you, for me, I have to have that.  I have to be able to talk and spend time with other recovering addicts.  Why you may ask?  So that I can learn to live life on it's terms.  So I can learn new ways that my disease may come at me that I am not seeing.  So I can learn about how to make good decisions, how to be a responsible member of society, how to be around other people and feel a part of instead of singled out of the crowd.  No matter how long I am clean, I believe that I can learn something from other addicts that may one day save my life...

Addiction is serious.  Those of us that are able to find recovery and a 12 step program should be truly grateful and strive to learn all they can to battle this disease and to help others.  Please if you are in a program help someone that may be new, those that are struggling and those that appear to have a hold on things.  If you are using and abusing drugs, please look to get help to stop before you kill yourself or do some type of damage to yourself and have to live with it.  Stop  before you kill someone else, destroy families and friendships, employment and so many other things that can happen from using.

Recovery is awesome!  Especially recovery and being part of a program and group of folks that understand where I am coming from.  I love and care for you all.  I pray that you understand where this is coming from.  That you find what you needed to get through today.  Just for today, one day at a time with out the use of drugs.  Remember that any addict not using is a miracle...