Life is not always lollipops and balloons. But there are days that many of us wish it were, I'm sure. Growing up we never really think of what being an adult 'really' means. Even in high school, some may find it a hard thing to conceive. Then that day comes, when some have no choice but to grow up and show up...
Unlike many I know, my addiction didn't take hold of me until I was well into my 30's. Most start their using days at very young ages. Some as young as 5 and 6 years old. That just really blew my mind when I first heard it, but then after hearing their stories I realize that they were in different environments growing up than I was. We all, that have used, have our own story to tell but we are all the same. If we continue once we start, the common thread is self-centeredness. We've all done things that we are not proud of, said things and also neglected things and people, all because of our self-will and no regard to anyone else but SELF...
Some are still trying to figure out why I stated that 'some' of us had no choice but to grow up and show up. Well the plain, sad, hard truth is that some die or are locked up for life or are institutionalized because they go crazy. These folks go to the bitter ends so that those of us that choose to stop using and live life are able to do just that. Get clean and lead a productive life as a member of society.
Growing up is hard for some. I feel, personally, that it has so much to do with what age you were when you started using. For the simple fact that once we begin down that dark lonely path of addiction, our minds are not able to grow and learn as well. So even though you may be 40, if you started using everyday at the age of 7, then when you get clean at age 40 your mind is sill only 7 years old.
Life gets full. So we have to grow up and show up. I have had and have done just that. Over my 6 years of being drug free I have moved in with my parents. Now at first yes it was due to I had no income and didn't know if or when I would again. Now, since I am receiving my disability, I am still living with my parents. Now don't go jumping to all these thing about how I'm taking advantage of them, cause I'm not. I have grown up and showed up and take responsibility for myself and also some responsibilities of my parents.
Life is good and I enjoy my life. Even though I have more responsibilities, I still have time to enjoy the things that I enjoy in life. I have my 12 step program, reading, little projects around the house, exercising, playing games on the computer, watching movies and my favorite is going to the new drive-in that opened up this summer here in town. I have always loved the drive-in and look forward to going every couple of weeks. Also, have a new friend who I enjoy spending time with. They make me feel good about myself and I hope I do the same for them.
Growing up and showing up are not bad things that happen to us when we get clean, they are great things. Biggest reason is because we can be present in the moment. Folks don't have to come hunting us anymore. We're already there or close by, involved and doing our part.
Life on life's terms isn't always easy, I'll admit, but to me it is far better than the using addict life that I once lead. Becoming a responsible member of society makes me happy. Giving back to others makes me feel complete. Being able to have an honest relationship with someone is exciting and refreshing. I remember when everything and I mean everything out of my mouth was a lie. A bold face lie. It didn't matter who you were, I lied about things that I didn't even have to lie about.
What I guess I'm trying to say is: if your using, you can stop. No matter what it is you are using(dope, people, shopping, gambling, etc) you can stop and stay stopped. Yes it will be hard in the beginning, but it is doable. Even if you're not using but have other issues like low self esteem, you can gain it all back and have a good life.
As always I want to mention the resources page has lots of information and maybe one is just what you need. I am here to share my life openly and honestly in hopes of helping that person that is in active addiction, the addict that is in recovery, or anyone that just needs to know you aren't alone in what you are feeling, addict or not. Please take time to check out the 'Blog Archive' and see if there is something from previous months and I bet at least one if not more will catch your eye.
Leave me a comment. Good, bad or indifferent. I love to hear from you my readers for you are the ones that can let folks know that this blog exist and maybe get them interested. Your comments help me to become better at what I do. They put a smile on my face.
Thank you for giving me just a bit of your time today and stay tuned for more from 'Here Goes Nothing'...
Unlike many I know, my addiction didn't take hold of me until I was well into my 30's. Most start their using days at very young ages. Some as young as 5 and 6 years old. That just really blew my mind when I first heard it, but then after hearing their stories I realize that they were in different environments growing up than I was. We all, that have used, have our own story to tell but we are all the same. If we continue once we start, the common thread is self-centeredness. We've all done things that we are not proud of, said things and also neglected things and people, all because of our self-will and no regard to anyone else but SELF...
Some are still trying to figure out why I stated that 'some' of us had no choice but to grow up and show up. Well the plain, sad, hard truth is that some die or are locked up for life or are institutionalized because they go crazy. These folks go to the bitter ends so that those of us that choose to stop using and live life are able to do just that. Get clean and lead a productive life as a member of society.
Growing up is hard for some. I feel, personally, that it has so much to do with what age you were when you started using. For the simple fact that once we begin down that dark lonely path of addiction, our minds are not able to grow and learn as well. So even though you may be 40, if you started using everyday at the age of 7, then when you get clean at age 40 your mind is sill only 7 years old.
Life gets full. So we have to grow up and show up. I have had and have done just that. Over my 6 years of being drug free I have moved in with my parents. Now at first yes it was due to I had no income and didn't know if or when I would again. Now, since I am receiving my disability, I am still living with my parents. Now don't go jumping to all these thing about how I'm taking advantage of them, cause I'm not. I have grown up and showed up and take responsibility for myself and also some responsibilities of my parents.
Life is good and I enjoy my life. Even though I have more responsibilities, I still have time to enjoy the things that I enjoy in life. I have my 12 step program, reading, little projects around the house, exercising, playing games on the computer, watching movies and my favorite is going to the new drive-in that opened up this summer here in town. I have always loved the drive-in and look forward to going every couple of weeks. Also, have a new friend who I enjoy spending time with. They make me feel good about myself and I hope I do the same for them.
Growing up and showing up are not bad things that happen to us when we get clean, they are great things. Biggest reason is because we can be present in the moment. Folks don't have to come hunting us anymore. We're already there or close by, involved and doing our part.
Life on life's terms isn't always easy, I'll admit, but to me it is far better than the using addict life that I once lead. Becoming a responsible member of society makes me happy. Giving back to others makes me feel complete. Being able to have an honest relationship with someone is exciting and refreshing. I remember when everything and I mean everything out of my mouth was a lie. A bold face lie. It didn't matter who you were, I lied about things that I didn't even have to lie about.
What I guess I'm trying to say is: if your using, you can stop. No matter what it is you are using(dope, people, shopping, gambling, etc) you can stop and stay stopped. Yes it will be hard in the beginning, but it is doable. Even if you're not using but have other issues like low self esteem, you can gain it all back and have a good life.
As always I want to mention the resources page has lots of information and maybe one is just what you need. I am here to share my life openly and honestly in hopes of helping that person that is in active addiction, the addict that is in recovery, or anyone that just needs to know you aren't alone in what you are feeling, addict or not. Please take time to check out the 'Blog Archive' and see if there is something from previous months and I bet at least one if not more will catch your eye.
Leave me a comment. Good, bad or indifferent. I love to hear from you my readers for you are the ones that can let folks know that this blog exist and maybe get them interested. Your comments help me to become better at what I do. They put a smile on my face.
Thank you for giving me just a bit of your time today and stay tuned for more from 'Here Goes Nothing'...
