First, let me start out by saying that I am a Christian. I believe in God. My faith in God and being a Christian has been questioned a few times and this post is one, like so many I have written, on a subject that has been weighting heavily on my heart. I became a Christian when I was around 12 years of age by accepting Jesus as my Lord and Savior. And I have always known, since then, that with God in my life anything was possible. Just so you know and maybe understand, I will reference being a Christian and being a recovering addict at times to show how I look at my recovery and life in general. If just one person gets what I am trying to say, then I have done what I set out to do in this post. Again, this is not a sermon, but just things that have been on my mind and I feel that I am now able to write about it...
As many of you know, I am a recovering addict and attend a 12 step program on a regular basis. For me, getting clean took a lot of will power and surrender. Being the type addict that had to go to a treatment facility to get the foot hold I needed to begin my recovery process. Some addicts are able to just stop and never pick up again. Others have to go through the process of stopping, starting back and stopping time and time again until they are finally able to stop for good. Still others die while in active addiction. Not because they didn't want to stop but because in order for some of us to understand what and how this disease of addiction affects our lives, others must die from it. I know how that must sound but it is true. If I didn't know of people that have died from the disease of addiction then I may have been of the mind that 'well I stop one day, but it's not going to kill me if I don't'. Fact is, YES it will kill me or anyone else that can not stop. Mentally, I was dead. Physical, I was almost dead and I was close to being dead spiritually also.
Some folks have asked me over the past five years, why do you go to those meetings? Will you always have to go? When can you stop going to those meetings? Well, let me explain why I go, how they help me, and what I need to recover.
First, I go to a 12 step program because there are others there that know how my mind works. The thoughts that I have. They have had similar experiences as I have had in active addiction so they understand my mindset. At first I went because I was just plain scared to death that I would start back and I didn't want that. I was introduced to 12 step programs in treatment and have been attending them since I returned home after treatment 5 years ago. For now, yes, I will always need to attend these meetings. I have to be around others like me so I don't forget where it is I come from. I go so that when someone new comes through the door, I can be there to help them understand that not using is possible. That freedom from addiction is a promise I received by attending the program and taking the suggestions given to me.
I some times compare being in recovery and working a program and attending meetings as some what like what a Christian does. Christians are to live by God's word, the Bible. They are suppose to try to the best of their ability to change things in their lives to try to live more like God. They should gather among themselves to help each other live a more 'Christ like' life. Reading the scriptures and applying the lessons found there to their lives to be more Christ like. None of us are prefect but as Christian we are suppose to strive for that Christ like way of life.
Recovery, for me, is the kinda the same. I have to realize that I am an addict. I have to be willing to admit that to myself and surrender that way of life for a new way of life without the use of drugs or alcohol. To live life in recovery, I need to follow the literature in my 12 step program, which is basically reteaching me the basic principles that I learned as a child from my parents and in church. As I said, this is just for me. I don't know how others look at their recovery nor their Christianity if they are Christians. Being around other recovering addicts that are working a program of recovery helps me to work my program in order to stay clean, not using.
Same, I feel is true about my Christian beliefs. I am instructed in the Bible, which is the literature for Christians to learn how to live as a Christian, that I need to fellowship with other Christians. This is so I can learn from my fellow Christians what in my life needs to change. What I need to work on to become more Christ like in my life. The principles and guidelines that God has sat forth to live by as a Christian.
So in both cases, I need to be around people that are the same, recovering addicts and/or Christians, to learn and grow in my life. By following the literature for both I find the similarities in each and feel that by doing as God instructs me to do, I in turn do what is required of me in my recovery program. As I stated earlier, no one is perfect. We all have transgressions at one time or other in our lives. Meaning, that we all do things, say things, even think things that we should not. That's being human. But by trying to live my life as a Christian and as a recovering addict, I am more aware of my transgressions or wrongs that I do sometimes on a daily basis. But God helps me in both areas.
For me, it has become one and the same. I mean, that I look at my recovery as I do living a Christian life. They run parallel in my life today. Again, this is just for me and if it helps you to look at your life this way then that's okay with me. We all must decide what is best for ourselves and do the best we can each day to live the life we feel is right for us.
I pray that if you are in active addiction, using, that you find help and are able to come into the light. Know that there is a Higher Power that will care for you. And one thing I would like to say about the wording of 'Higher Power', 'God of your understanding' which most 12 step programs talk about. There is a reason the 'God' is described in so many ways. Not everyone that comes into recovery are Christians or even believe in God. For this reason, the programs must keep things simple, generic in order for all who seek recovery be able to place the program into their lives and live clean and free from active addiction. Lots of people are mad at God, per say, because they at first feel that if there were a God then why did He let some of the bad things happen to them.
I, too, at one time when I first started the process of recovery thought that God could no longer hear my prayers. That I had done so much wrong that I could not be forgiven. I was wrong. By working a recovery program and getting back to my Christian beliefs and teaching, I realized that it was not God forgetting about me, but I had left Him. I had turned my back on Him not the other way around. I know as surely as I am sitting here writing this that God had a plan for me. That He still has plans for me and that is one of the main reasons I did not die in active addiction, because I should have more than once.
The blessings that God has bestowed on me these past five years are enormous to say the least. I had been and am still today very bless to be in recovery and a child of God. I pray that someone, any one, understand that you do not have to continue down the destructive path you may be on. There is hope. All you have to do is accept the help that is out there for you. Whether you are in active addiction, a non-Christian or your faith is or has slipped in some way, there is hope. And with that hope, I promise you that your life can change if you do the work required to change it. It will change for the better. It will not, however change over night. It takes time and it will change the way God see fit for it to change. You may not always understand or like the changes but you will soon see the why in what God had done for you as I have.
I pray that each and everyone that reads this be blessed by God and His word. That if recovery is what you need that you find it also. God bless you all for being a part of my life and giving me a reason to carry on ONE DAY AT A TIME...
