Doing Something Different

As I sit here looking back on the past 4 years, I am so grateful for the experiences I have had and the ones that are yet to come.  You see 4 years ago today, I was stuck on stupid!  A total and complete mess.  So far in the throws of addiction I could not see past 'that next one'.  Sad, yes it was.  Having no idea what to do next.  Until that deer, God bless that deer, hit the driver door of the car and I looked into her eyes.  Big deep brown glaring straight through me.  I could feel the deer slide down the side of the car.  As I looked back she lay in the middle of the road motionless.  I felt for sure I had killed her.  As I drove around and around in circles looking here and there for that 'next one' I came back down the same road as before.  I slowed down and as I came upon the spot the deer and I met, she was gone.  Thank you God I didn't kill her.

It was after being in recovery that my mom told me that the deer must have been my wake call, so to speak.  And as I think about that even today, yes, she is correct.  That deer and her look as she slid to the road hit something in me especially when I realized that I had not killed her.  I have not been the same since.  I knew that I had to some how find my way home.  Home to a family that really did love me and care about me.

Since entering into recovery I look back from time to time and remember.  Remember those feelings and I see the growth my life has had.  Now don't get it twisted, I still have lots of growing to do, hopefully till the day God takes me home.  And yes, I remember that last day just as clear as if it were yesterday.  I have to remember.  I have learned in recovery that if I don't remember that last day, that leaves room for it to happen again.  All the mistakes that I make, I remember them and keep them all fresh so as not to repeat them again.  Trying something different today and seeing that it works, just as long as I don't use.

Recovery has taught me that I am going to make mistakes.  What matters is what I do with it after the mistake has been made.  If I discard it, throw it away and forget about it, that same thing may/will get me again.  But if I look at it, figure out why I made that mistake and then file it away in hopes not to repeat the same mistake.  Approach the situation in a different way.  Yes, today, I do something different.

As I celebrate 4 years in recovery I pray that if you have a problem, a situation that you are in the grip of, know that there is help.  There are others just like you.  We all look at how we are different but we must see how we are the same.  We did the same things.  Lived our life the same way.  But not today, today I, we can do something different.  In recovery, I have a choice.  You have a choice.  Everyone has a choice, just as long as we don't use.

It's that simple, DON'T USE NO MATTER WHAT!!!  Life will get better, slowly.  We have to remain clean through the good, bad and indifferent.  Each day will get just a little better than the last day.  I will get better each day if I just don't use!!  No matter what I have to face that day.  No matter what!!

Life is so much better, more wonderful without using.  I still have 'bad' days but not like when I was using.  Bad days today are like 'okay, I have a flat tire' but today I know that I can change the flat tire with a good one and keep it moving.  Problem solved, move on to the next one.  Just keep it moving forward.  Forward is the way to go for if I stop, I am subject to repeat mistake after mistake after mistake...you know that crazy ride you can't seem to get off of.  Well, you can, I can get off and do something different.  Life does get better!

I thank God everyday for the experiences in life that I have had for they make me the person I am today, but they do not define me.  They do not control me today.  Yes, I will always be an addict, but I choose today to be a 'clean addict' that is trying something different today and moving, looking forward.  God is so good.  Life is good.  Recovery is good.

Thank you to those folks that are in and have been a part of my life on this journey I am taking.  It is because of your support that I know I can keep moving forward.  It is because of you that I know life is worth living and living it clean.  There is no other way to do it.  Mistakes will still be made but lessons will be learned as well.  Always trying to do it better than the last time in a different way.

Understand than some or all of this will not make sense to everyone.  Those that do make sense out of it know the life that I speak of before and after using.  Especially before and during the time in life that using ruled.  If you have a problem and don't know where to turn, go to my resource page, your answer may be there.  Reach out to someone that you know cares for you.  No one can help anyone if they don't know they need help, so ask.  You will be surprised at the help you will get.  You will know in your 'gut' if it's right or not.  You may have to learn what is right and what is wrong but there are those that can help teach that as well.  Whatever your problem may be, someone can help in some way or another.  Just ask.  That's all it takes is to ask.

Start small.  Don't move so fast.  Stop to enjoy and smell the flowers.  Life is a beautiful journey, enjoy it all.  Learn from it all.  Each experience we have there is something to be learned from it.  It may be as small as, be kind to others, but there is still that lesson to be learned.

As always I pray that this is in someway helpful to someone else, no matter your need.  I am truly grateful to God for the ability to reach out and touch so many and help just that one.

'Pits' Happen!

First, let me say that in no way, shape or form am I using this blog to brag or boast about myself or to make it sound as if I am better or above others.  Yes, I am proud of what I have accomplished over the past 4 years.  But I, or anyone for that matter, am entitled to be proud of their self every now and then and I am no different.  As I look toward the weeks end, I am humbled by my experiences in life and recovery.  Hard to believe that four years ago on November 23 my life changed and I have enjoyed most of the changes since then.  There have been, and will be, times that I would like to have gone differently, but everything has it's own purpose and process.  I cannot change anyone but myself...

Where do I go from here...forward, always forward.  The past is just that, the past!  Accept it for what it is, learn all that you can from it and move forward with your life.  Sounds easy enough right??  Well, not always.  No one promised me that my life was going to be a 'bowl of cherries' in recovery, trust me there are 'pits' along the way.  What makes the difference is not the 'cherries' but the 'pits'.  How you handle them, work through them, and accept them for what they are.  I truly feel that I have grown so much over the last 4 years, but realize that there is a lot of growth left.  If I play my cards right, I will be growing until the day God takes me home.  And that is more than alright with me!

I understand there are those that have a hard time understanding a 12 step program.  This talk of a 'Higher Power'.  Hearing folks say you can make it whatever you want your Higher Power to be, like that 'doorknob'.  What folks need to realize and understand is that 12 step programs are not religion in nature, but are very spiritual.  I must remember that there are those that are in programs that do not believe in God as I do.  Not all have experience with religion and Christianity as I do and others do as well.  And again, I said 'I' because this is my thoughts and feelings and point of view, no one else's.

Being raised in the church does not automatically make me a Christian.  Nor does it mean that I am not a Christian in the eyes of God.  Me, I am religious and spiritual.  That is all because, I feel, I was raised in the church and understand, or have my own understanding of God and His will for me.  Take this blog for example, it is only through the love and direction that God has given me for this blog to be written.  Many do not know that when I started the blog, my reading level and ability to spell were, well kinda non-existent.  Thanks to the help of my mother, who proof reads all my post, and the encouragement I receive from others in my life today.

So, you ask, what are you saying to us today Janie?  Well, there will be struggles throughout your life.  Good times as well as bad times that you will have to handle.  You will make mistakes along the way, but learn from them and do something different next time, if there is a next time.  Become and remain humble, no one is better than anyone else.  Remain teachable, accepting, open-minded.  There can be no growth without knowing and understanding these principle on a daily basis.  We all have our own set of circumstances that we must work with and learn to live with.  Circumstances can be changed, but are you willing to do the footwork that may be required for them to change?  Do they need to change?  Only you can answer those questions for yourself.

As stated before, life can be a bowl of cherries, but there will always be pits.  What you do with those pits can determine what path your life will take next.  I can understand, today, why the pits are needed from time to time.  Thank God for allowing me this ability to share in a way that can help someone else.  That is what this blog is intended for, helping one other person or more.  But if just one person can take and use anything that I post then I feel that I have done what was needed at that time.  All I pray for is that a seed be planted.  That is all I can ask to happen.  For as long as a seed is planted there is always possibilities for growth.  Renewed life.  New beginnings.

I hope that I have planted many seeds with this tool, this blog, that I have.  You will be amazed at what you can do if you use the tools that have been given to you.  Yes, I feel that God has given me the tool of writing, expressing myself in words, so that I may reach out and plant that seed in someone, anyone that is in need.  The holiday season is upon us and I pray that all remember that it is not always 'all about self'.  Get outside of yourself and see how different life can be.  Be kind to others for you may not know the exact nature of their life at that time.  As the saying goes 'don't judge a book by it's cover'.  Judgement is not ours to do, that is God's place and His alone.

May you all have a wonderful and blessed Thanksgiving next week.  Remember to be thankful for the things you have.  Not the material things, but the principles you live by today.  Like love, compassion, humility, and acceptance, tolerance and so on.  Those are the things that we carry with us and that make us who we are.  Material things are just that, material.  They can be taken away just as they were given.  The principles by which you live can only be taken away by you and you alone.

This post is lengthy but I just felt the need to say all the things that I shared.  I so appreciate those that read my post and those that let me know what they think for that is the only way that I am able to see that my seeds are planted and I pray for their growth.  Love and much respect to each of you.

This Is Awesome!

First let me say that it feels good to be back and writing my blog.  The following is dedicated the the men and woman of  our country's armed forces that have served to protect us and our country.  Some of the information that I share in this post is from research that I have done.

Veteran's Day is a time to honor those who have served our country in the armed forces.  Up until 1973, the men that made up our armed forces were drafted to do so.  In 2011, a man retired from active service and he was the last one in active service that was drafted.  So, this information tells me that the men and women that make up our armed forces now are completely and totally voluntary.  Can you wrap your mind around that for just a moment?  If these facts are correct then every single man and woman that is serving to protect these United States of America is doing so because they want to.  No one has drawn their name or number and said you 'have to' do this!  Man, that is powerful.

To think that all, yes all of America's armed forces are purely voluntary.  Now, men still must register when they turn 18 to the Selective Service.  This is done in case there is ever a need for combat soldiers.  It is completely random as to how persons are picked to serve if need be.  It is all done by a lottery of sorts.  That way no one can say that the Selective Service System is being partial to someone due to their status in society.  Ever one is on the same level, same playing field and have the same chances as the next guy.  Women are not required to register.  The reason given is not that they are not able to service, but that the registration is for the purpose to prepare for a draft of combat troops.  For now, women are excluded from combat therefore not included.

Failure to register with the Selective Service is a felony and punishable by 5 years of imprisonment or $250,000 fine.  Per my research, no one has been prosecuted for failure to comply since 1986.  Prosecution has not been done for it has been found that it is counter productive, difficult to prove knowing and willful intent.  Most don't register or they register late or change addresses without notifying Selective Services.  Not registering can lead to loss of federal employment, loss of eligibility for federal financial aid for college.

I say all of this information to say this:  THANK YOU!!!!  Thank you so much for the service you have provided to the armed force that you were a part of.  It is partly due to you that people like me can walk freely, speak freely, and live the life of a completely free person that has protection even when we don't know we need it.  Thank you for your service to these United States!

With what little information I have provided here can you even, for just a moment, imagine what type of person it takes to volunteer for the armed forces of this nation?  Think for just a moment of how many persons we are talking about...how many, of their own free will, protect and defend this country so you and I can live a life of freedom!!  Man, that is an awesome thought.  It puts chill bumps on my arms just trying to imagine how many people, men and women, that have done this over the years.  WOW!!

All Americans and all people of other nationalities should be grateful to live here and to have the protection that we do from others that may want to do us harm.  Our country is in need of help to maintain her principles for living free.  We, no I, must be thankful to each and everyone of the men and women that have served this country through wars and disagreements, things that we can't even imagine.

I see my country starting to crumble as it seems that somehow, some way  something or someone is spreading HATE throughout our great nation.  People demanding this or that or to be treated like this or not to refer to some with words that have been use for decades.  Everyone screaming for people to be 'politically correct'!  People saying things about our troops that are aboard.  Yes, I want them to come home but we all must remember that these men and women have volunteered and know from the very beginning that a 'tour of duty' in foreign lands are possible and probable.

Again, I understand that you want your loved ones home, on American soil.  But we cannot lose faith in the fact that there are men and women that want to be in service for the country.  They choose to do so.  And they take pride, lots of pride, to serve their nation.  They take pride in what they do and how they do it for no other nation can say "folks around here can sleep 'peacefully' tonight without the worries that may come from living in a country with no form of armed services.

Today, of all days, is a time for us all to say 'THANK YOU' to those men and women that have served this nation.  It is time to tell those veterans how much you appreciate their service so you can feel safe 24/7.  That you appreciate them protecting and trying to ensure that Americans can go about their daily lives protected and secure knowing that there are men and women that work round the clock to provide them with this assurance.

For me, yes I would love to see out troops come home.  But in reality, I pray that God will protect the men and women of our armed forces.  That their families can find comfort in knowing that they are serving their country because they want to, they believe in what they are asked to do, they are proud Americans that do what I cannot do for myself or by myself.  What an overwhelming thought that men and women I don't and you don't even know, most we will never meet, but they have laid their lives on the line simply to protect these United States of American.  That is absolutely awesome and powerful thought..

I pray that you understand just a little bit of what I am feeling for our Veterans today.  Today is ALL about those that have served.  It is just an awesome feeling to know that people I don't know are working for me to have peace of mind, to feel secure, to feel and know that I am protected, yes, simply put 'THIS IS AWESOME!!!