My road has not always been straight and smooth. There have been curves, bumps, stops and starts along the way. My journey is just beginning and it has been a learning experience thus far. I am a simple woman with simple needs. Just about 2 months ago I celebrated 5 years clean and in recovery working a program. Going through my own process and leaning what it is to be me. Today, is another day for celebrating my life. Today I am 50 and I thank God for allowing me, by His grace and mercy, to see this day come.
There have been many things happen these past few years that I have written about and shared exactly how I feel. Now, this is a time for you, my friends, to look deep within yourself and love yourself for no other reason than God made you and has allowed you to be. And for all of you folks out there in America, please look deep inside yourself and make sure you are right with God. The time is coming that He is coming to get us all and take us home to glory. I am not afraid to die but the selfish human that I am, I want to be able to see my grand daughter grow and become a woman. And I know if it is God's will, that will happen. But I must stay in today. I must live for today for that is all I have. I, we are not promised tomorrow and yesterday is long going.
Lastly, I wanted to express my concern about something and please remember this is just my opinion. Everyone has one and are free not to believe the same as me, I love you anyway. So, here goes...
This past week, I enjoyed watching two awesome movies. Both were somewhat similar as they both were about American soldiers and told what their lives were like before, during and after war. They both served this great country of ours with every ounce they had in themselves. They were strong men, courageous and humble. They both believed in doing what was right, not necessarily what was the easiest thing to do. They stood for something and didn't wavier from their roots. And they both felt they had found their purpose in life. Both men did struggle at times as I watched and felt the feelings, to a degree, they were feeling. To me, both of these men should be and are, in my book, heroes!
You see I don't think that a hero has to be someone that everyone knows. Or someone that is always on top, a winner, above others. "Hero" is defined generally by: a person, normally a man, who is admired and/or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities. An individual or network of people that take action on behalf of others in need...
For me, when I think of a hero, I think of someone who goes past the point that is normally accepted as 'OK'. A hero does what most would not, could not think of doing. Someone who is doing what they feel is right and that it is their duty to do. They are no particular background, race, religion, schooling, or anything else you can think of that would set them apart from other than just how far they are willing to put themselves out there for the greater good.
If you haven't guessed them yet, 'American Sniper' and 'Unbroken'. Yes, both of these movies are true stories and I feel that both men in these movies were 'heroes'! Each movie shows different sides to wars. One side: soldier serving his country and becoming a POW. One side: soldier trained in a specific job, trained a certain way to perform different than other soldiers. Both American soldiers, both take the task of defending their country very seriously. Two different wars. Wars located in different places, different countries. Both have one thing in common: the heart and soul of a true soldier. Not that others are not true soldiers, because they are. I think each and every person that has and will step up to the plate and serve to defend this country, her people and her beliefs is a 'TRUE SOLDIER"
What I want to get across to folks is that in times of war, no matter where and when it is or was, there are and always will be extremely hard and unimaginable duties that need to be carried out. They witnessed friends killed in the line of duty. I truly feel that no one knows what they would do in certain situations, much less being a soldier during war time. It takes a special breed of men and women to fill those shoes. Not everyone can do what the Armed Forces are trained to do.
Chris Kyle, yes in my book, is a hero in every sense of the word! This man, I truly believe, did take his job seriously. He was to protect the men and women that fought along side him. It was stated so plainly and clear in the movie 'I do it to protect the people of America and so they don't come over here to kill us'. Some folks just don't understand that it is soldiers like Chris Kyle that make it so they can live free. So that when you lay down at night you can sleep without fear of the things that people face in third world countries. He watched over his troops, protected them from whatever would possibly harm them. Yes, he may have shot women and children and it is sad to even try to understand how someone could do that but he saw the danger that those he shot presented to the soldiers. I got the feel from the movie that he felt truly responsible for each and every soldier there and that he felt great loss when one was shot, died or the ones he had to shoot.
Louis Zamperini, on the other hand tells a story that many do not want to hear about. They think that if they don't see it the it really wasn't 'that bad'. Seriously?? To me, 'Unbroken' shows what a true American soldier is. That when men and women sign up for the Armed Forces, they know there will be things that they may have to face. Things that are extremely unpleasant. Things that most of us say 'it couldn't have been that bad, their just making it sound like it was really really bad to sell a movie'...unbelievable!! I know, personally, people that have served in our Armed Forces during war time. They all say the same thing, you don't want to know what I had to do to survive. You don't want to know what we had to do to make it through alive.
Why do I say Louis Zamperini was a hero?? Because for the simple fact that he would not break because he knew if he did others would break too. That the other soldiers that were with him in the prison camps watched him and saw that no matter want was done to him, he was not going to give the enemy what they wanted. And I believe that was done to prove America was weak. That her soldiers were weak. That if you torture them long enough they will break. Yes, some did break, some died and some came home not in their right minds because of what they endured as a prisoner of war.
Zamperini and Kyle are both heroes. Each in their own way, but the one thing that made them the same is, was, their love of country. They loved America so much that they were willing to go through whatever they had to, to protect and defend this country. They were called upon to do things that some say were wrong but again I say, could you have stood by watching a child with a bomb knowing he was about to kill 15 to 20 of your soldiers without defending them? I don't think you could. Better yet I don't think most of us would want to be put in that position. Could you day in and day out be tortured? Would you break because you know that if you did as they asked you would not be tortured? Would you have the backbone it takes to make those tough decisions when they needed to be made?
People today talk about why soldiers are here and there and in wars and fighting. I have said this before and I will continue to say it until it is no longer true: the men and women of the United States Armed Forces are voluntary. Chris Kyle and Louis Zamperini both volunteered for service. They both knew what may be expected from them at any given time. Yes, there was a draft in Zamperini's day but he volunteered, he was not drafted. That is another reason why he is a hero.
I have never met either of these men. As a matter of fact I didn't know anything about them until I watched their story play out on the big screen. If both stories did not make you thankful for men of this caliber, humbled by their sacrifices and in total awe of their duty to country, my friend I feel that maybe you may need to watch them again. Kyle was not a loose canon just shooting whatever moved. Zamperini did not kneel down and do what the enemy wanted him to do.
One last point before I close, yes these were 'Hollywood' films, but they were about two 'real live' people. How can anyone that has watched these two movies say that the directors were doing this or they should have done that or they were just too slow moving???? Both of these movies were great!! And that is an understatement as to how well they were done. I applaud the directors of both films as I feel they brought both of these characters to life and made it where you could feel the feelings these men felt throughout the films.
I have said this time and time again and I said it earlier in this post, the men and women of the United States Armed Forces are a special breed of people. They have more of everything than we have or I have. They are courageous, strong willed, brave, honorable men and women. Most of all they are all HEROES in their own way. Any man or woman that is willing to suit up to protect this nation of ours, that are willing to defend this nation against terrorists, that are willing to do the job asked of them to the best of their ability and then some, well folks...that is HERO!!!
And again, this is just my opinion...
Friday, January 23, 2015
Monday, January 12, 2015
Your First or Your Last One...Who Knows???
As always, if just one person understands or 'gets it' from my post, then I did what I set out to do. The holidays are over and a new year has begun. First, I would like to ask if you would, those who pray, please pray for those that have no where to stay as it is so cold out side and winter is rearing her head to say "I am here, ready or not!". We have so many homeless in this country today that it is sad to think that one of us could very well be the next one out there depending on how life is going in a single moment. Men, women, young and old, children that are without shelter or food. Please be in prayer that God will protect and comfort them. That He may guide them in their life and aid in their struggles each and every day. May He provide warmth and shelter from these bitter cold elements and bless them as they go on their way.
So, here I go...
As a lot of you know, I have been starting my New Year off with a trip to Asheville each January. Gathering together with others in recovery. And I must say, this year, as in the past years, I had the best time. Seeing old friends, making new friends and learning about recovery during the entire weekend. That is an event that I will try my very best to attend each year that they have it.
So, some of you also know that a few years ago, while in Asheville, I heard someone speak and they said something that I had heard before but it never registered like it did when I heard the speaker say 'the drugs aren't the problem, my way of thinking is the problem!' It is even in the literature that I read on a regular basis. So, I see that what they say in recovery is true, you get/understand things when it is time for you to get/understand things and not any sooner.
Well, this year, I heard 'just remember that the first one could be your last one!' I have never really thought about it that way. I have heard in the past year more about people that did one drug or another and it killed them! The first time they used it.. Yes, that's what I said, they died from the very first time of using drugs. Now I understand as an addict myself that we don't think of the 'bad stuff' that happens when we use. Especially if someone is in relapse mode until they use that 'first' one. Then, they say, they begin feeling the pain of the use, of knowing that you have let folks down.
But we never stop to think 'this crap could very well be the last hit I have ever taken.' So many people that I have heard over the course of 2013-2014 have shared about this one or that one that did drugs for the first time and the one that has done drugs for the umpteen time and it killed them. One hit of whatever and dead. That is a very profound thought, you know? So when I heard this again in Asheville, it made me think 'Well just what do the numbers look like where drugs are what killed someone compared to other causes of death.' Here is what I found from research on the internet:
There are more drug related deaths per year than deaths cause by traffic accidents. We have more drug related deaths in the first week of each month than in the last week of the month. It was noted that could be due to disability, SSI, and different other government checks being received at the first of each month, but no real proof to back that up with. Now my own personal experience is that folks that were on government checks, no matter which kind it is, those folks used those checks to purchase their drugs or illegal substances (street drugs).
There have been many studies done and I pulled info from several websites. Hope you don't mind but I thought I would share a few more with you. Approximately 114 die each day from related drug use. Approximately 6748 people per day are treated in ERs for misuse and abuse of drugs. The main age group that overdose on drugs are 25-64. In 2012, there were approximately 59% more males than females that died due to drug abuse and/or overdose. Whites have the highest death rate, followed by American Indians/Alaska Natives, followed by Blacks.
Also, there are approximately 23.1 million Americans that need treatment for problems related to drugs and/or alcohol use and abuse. Only about 2.4 of these Americans actually receive the help needed. And some of the websites stated that in these studies that some of the information for overdose probably was from just plain ole drug use and abuse not because of suicide.
Now, back to 'that first one' or 'just one more'. Really after reading just this small amount of information as to the high rates of deaths and overdoses that our country alone, not any other country, just our own, you still think 'one more'??
As I stated earlier, I never have even thought of 'this may be my LAST one'...not in the sense of it will kill me. Yes, I have said I'll just do one more and never ever did I think twice about just dropping dead after I got that last one and used it. I would think no addict or alcoholic has ever really thought of it as the 'last' one, the one that kills me. I truly believe that if I had really understood that my first hit could have very well been my last hit, I think I would have thought twice about what I was doing. But I didn't and I don't think anyone that is in active addiction today has ever had that thought. And if they did it was just a glance across their minds that they shook off as part of being crazy and did that hit anyway.
I guess what I really want you to hear, whether you are in active addiction, recovery, working a program or know someone that is part of these things, in that their first hit, use, smoke could very well be their last one without them ever knowing. That what they thought was going to ease the pain of life on life's terms was going to kill that pain all together along with them! I have sat and listened to folks talk about when they were using and someone that they knew and used with just did a hit of whatever drug they were using and that person, their friend, dropped dead right then and there...yes this is a very serious matter and yes I pray that all who read this and knows someone in addiction can understand just how serious this really is...!!
And let me add that just because a doctor 'prescribes' a medicine to you does not mean you take it how ever you want to. All at once, a few at a time or whatever. There are prescription drugs that addicts or anyone can use to get high. People abuse prescription medication as much as those who use 'street drugs'. There are reports that have been performed showing that prescription drugs are abused more than the 'street drugs'. So please stop telling yourself as well as others that 'oh I have a prescription for that and that doesn't count.'
A drug is a drug is a drug...alcohol is a drug! Anything that is mind altering and mood changing. Yes, I take this serious, more serious since I went to Asheville, but that's what weekends like that are for. To learn how to stop the using and learning to live life on life's terms. Getting as much recovery as possible. And if you are lucky, like I feel I have been, hearing something for 'the first time', that you have heard, read, or been told about, but this time it was 'time' for you to hear it or get it.
I know that everyone that is in recovery are not part of a 12 step program but I tell you, for me, I have to have that. I have to be able to talk and spend time with other recovering addicts. Why you may ask? So that I can learn to live life on it's terms. So I can learn new ways that my disease may come at me that I am not seeing. So I can learn about how to make good decisions, how to be a responsible member of society, how to be around other people and feel a part of instead of singled out of the crowd. No matter how long I am clean, I believe that I can learn something from other addicts that may one day save my life...
Addiction is serious. Those of us that are able to find recovery and a 12 step program should be truly grateful and strive to learn all they can to battle this disease and to help others. Please if you are in a program help someone that may be new, those that are struggling and those that appear to have a hold on things. If you are using and abusing drugs, please look to get help to stop before you kill yourself or do some type of damage to yourself and have to live with it. Stop before you kill someone else, destroy families and friendships, employment and so many other things that can happen from using.
Recovery is awesome! Especially recovery and being part of a program and group of folks that understand where I am coming from. I love and care for you all. I pray that you understand where this is coming from. That you find what you needed to get through today. Just for today, one day at a time with out the use of drugs. Remember that any addict not using is a miracle...
So, here I go...
As a lot of you know, I have been starting my New Year off with a trip to Asheville each January. Gathering together with others in recovery. And I must say, this year, as in the past years, I had the best time. Seeing old friends, making new friends and learning about recovery during the entire weekend. That is an event that I will try my very best to attend each year that they have it.
So, some of you also know that a few years ago, while in Asheville, I heard someone speak and they said something that I had heard before but it never registered like it did when I heard the speaker say 'the drugs aren't the problem, my way of thinking is the problem!' It is even in the literature that I read on a regular basis. So, I see that what they say in recovery is true, you get/understand things when it is time for you to get/understand things and not any sooner.
Well, this year, I heard 'just remember that the first one could be your last one!' I have never really thought about it that way. I have heard in the past year more about people that did one drug or another and it killed them! The first time they used it.. Yes, that's what I said, they died from the very first time of using drugs. Now I understand as an addict myself that we don't think of the 'bad stuff' that happens when we use. Especially if someone is in relapse mode until they use that 'first' one. Then, they say, they begin feeling the pain of the use, of knowing that you have let folks down.
But we never stop to think 'this crap could very well be the last hit I have ever taken.' So many people that I have heard over the course of 2013-2014 have shared about this one or that one that did drugs for the first time and the one that has done drugs for the umpteen time and it killed them. One hit of whatever and dead. That is a very profound thought, you know? So when I heard this again in Asheville, it made me think 'Well just what do the numbers look like where drugs are what killed someone compared to other causes of death.' Here is what I found from research on the internet:
There are more drug related deaths per year than deaths cause by traffic accidents. We have more drug related deaths in the first week of each month than in the last week of the month. It was noted that could be due to disability, SSI, and different other government checks being received at the first of each month, but no real proof to back that up with. Now my own personal experience is that folks that were on government checks, no matter which kind it is, those folks used those checks to purchase their drugs or illegal substances (street drugs).
There have been many studies done and I pulled info from several websites. Hope you don't mind but I thought I would share a few more with you. Approximately 114 die each day from related drug use. Approximately 6748 people per day are treated in ERs for misuse and abuse of drugs. The main age group that overdose on drugs are 25-64. In 2012, there were approximately 59% more males than females that died due to drug abuse and/or overdose. Whites have the highest death rate, followed by American Indians/Alaska Natives, followed by Blacks.
Also, there are approximately 23.1 million Americans that need treatment for problems related to drugs and/or alcohol use and abuse. Only about 2.4 of these Americans actually receive the help needed. And some of the websites stated that in these studies that some of the information for overdose probably was from just plain ole drug use and abuse not because of suicide.
Now, back to 'that first one' or 'just one more'. Really after reading just this small amount of information as to the high rates of deaths and overdoses that our country alone, not any other country, just our own, you still think 'one more'??
As I stated earlier, I never have even thought of 'this may be my LAST one'...not in the sense of it will kill me. Yes, I have said I'll just do one more and never ever did I think twice about just dropping dead after I got that last one and used it. I would think no addict or alcoholic has ever really thought of it as the 'last' one, the one that kills me. I truly believe that if I had really understood that my first hit could have very well been my last hit, I think I would have thought twice about what I was doing. But I didn't and I don't think anyone that is in active addiction today has ever had that thought. And if they did it was just a glance across their minds that they shook off as part of being crazy and did that hit anyway.
I guess what I really want you to hear, whether you are in active addiction, recovery, working a program or know someone that is part of these things, in that their first hit, use, smoke could very well be their last one without them ever knowing. That what they thought was going to ease the pain of life on life's terms was going to kill that pain all together along with them! I have sat and listened to folks talk about when they were using and someone that they knew and used with just did a hit of whatever drug they were using and that person, their friend, dropped dead right then and there...yes this is a very serious matter and yes I pray that all who read this and knows someone in addiction can understand just how serious this really is...!!
And let me add that just because a doctor 'prescribes' a medicine to you does not mean you take it how ever you want to. All at once, a few at a time or whatever. There are prescription drugs that addicts or anyone can use to get high. People abuse prescription medication as much as those who use 'street drugs'. There are reports that have been performed showing that prescription drugs are abused more than the 'street drugs'. So please stop telling yourself as well as others that 'oh I have a prescription for that and that doesn't count.'
A drug is a drug is a drug...alcohol is a drug! Anything that is mind altering and mood changing. Yes, I take this serious, more serious since I went to Asheville, but that's what weekends like that are for. To learn how to stop the using and learning to live life on life's terms. Getting as much recovery as possible. And if you are lucky, like I feel I have been, hearing something for 'the first time', that you have heard, read, or been told about, but this time it was 'time' for you to hear it or get it.
I know that everyone that is in recovery are not part of a 12 step program but I tell you, for me, I have to have that. I have to be able to talk and spend time with other recovering addicts. Why you may ask? So that I can learn to live life on it's terms. So I can learn new ways that my disease may come at me that I am not seeing. So I can learn about how to make good decisions, how to be a responsible member of society, how to be around other people and feel a part of instead of singled out of the crowd. No matter how long I am clean, I believe that I can learn something from other addicts that may one day save my life...
Addiction is serious. Those of us that are able to find recovery and a 12 step program should be truly grateful and strive to learn all they can to battle this disease and to help others. Please if you are in a program help someone that may be new, those that are struggling and those that appear to have a hold on things. If you are using and abusing drugs, please look to get help to stop before you kill yourself or do some type of damage to yourself and have to live with it. Stop before you kill someone else, destroy families and friendships, employment and so many other things that can happen from using.
Recovery is awesome! Especially recovery and being part of a program and group of folks that understand where I am coming from. I love and care for you all. I pray that you understand where this is coming from. That you find what you needed to get through today. Just for today, one day at a time with out the use of drugs. Remember that any addict not using is a miracle...
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