Nothing Changes If Nothing Changed...

WOW!!  It has been a while since I wrote anything.  And before I start, I want to give thanks and praise to God for doing for me, mom and dad what we could not do for ourselves.  Being ever so mindful that He is in control and all I need to do is let Him have it all.  Keep my hands off of it, do the next right thing for the right reason and blessings do happen.  Now, so much has been going on this year, that it kinda seems unreal.  From mom having a broken back to dad being sick since the first week in July and they still cannot find out why!?!  So many thoughts running through my head, I just couldn't pin point one subject long enough to write about it.  For that reason, this post may be all over the place, but that has been life this year, everything all over the place!!

Ending 2013, my parents and I went to Memphis to see my niece marry.  Beautiful service and very spiritual.  (I did do a post on it, check the archives).  Beautiful scenery going and coming home.  After we finally got back home, mom scheduled an appointment with the doctor about her back.  This was the latter part of the first week in January to mid January.  After xrays and a ct scan, she was told that the last vertebra in her back was fractured, this was toward the end of February..  So, she basically was in the bed for the first 3 to 4 months for it to heal.  In that time, she developed gout, sinus infection and severe acid reflux.  But she was able to get through it all.  Unfortunately she did not get to go on the April trip to see my Little Miss.  However, she did get well enough to make it to Little Miss' first birthday party.  Which, by the way, was wonderful and fun.

Now this was all before the first part of July.  The trip to Greenville NC for the birthday party was made around the 12th of July.  Mom and I spent some time in Greenville so that we could have time to visit with my daughter and her family.  Then mom and I went down to the beach for a brief vacation of sorts.  It was very relaxing and peaceful time.  Mom was feeling much better and I had time to just 'do nothing'.

When we returned home the following weekend from our trip, we learned that dad had been sick just about the entire time we were gone.  He had not said a word to anyone about what was going on until he was continuing to go to the bathroom every 30 - 45 minutes.  Finally, he told mom what was going on and my sister started calling doctors to see what we needed to do to stop this constant diarrhea.  Appointments were made, tests were scheduled and still, they have not found what is causing this.  Many prayers asked and many continue to pray for dad.  He has not been able to go to the ballgames (baseball and football) this entire year.  Not as bad as he was but still not much better.

As  for me, this year has been tough.  My fibromyalgia continues to flare and stay flared up all year.  Rainy days make me feel like a zombie walking around.  My hands, feet, back and neck are the worst of it all.  Plus my body itself is changing as I grow older.  Menopause, I believe, has come to stay.  I have had to work and search in order to continue to receive my medicines that are just so high cost, I have no way of paying for them  But that appears to be worked out at this time.

Also, I have been waiting on a court date for my disability hearing and finally got word that we had a court date in August.  And on September 24. I received the decision in the mail.  I got very nervous.  My hands were shaking so it was hard to open the letter, part in fear that it was another denial and part joy for it may say 'approved'.   Finally being able to get it open, I looked for the page that would have the decision on it...'FULLY FAVORABLE'!!!  I began to cry and it scared mom for she just knew I was once again denied.  With tears running down my face and hands still shaking, I handed mom the letter and asked 'Does that say what I think it says?'  Mom looked and I could tell she was reading the letter.  I didn't care what the letter itself said, only concern I had is that I had read those two words correctly!!  She stopped and said 'if you mean the fully favorable', you did read it right.

God is so good!!  As I stated at the beginning of this post, turn it 'ALL' over to Him and the blessings do come.  Maybe not in the form we most prefer but how He intends on them to be.  And yes, just for today that is okay in my book.  No, I still am having flare ups of my fibro.  Dad is still not well and mom is having other health issues with her blood thinner.  But none of that really matters.  No it really doesn't matter what we are having to go through for your entire life will be spent 'going through stuff'.  Whether it be good, bad or indifferent, we all will go through 'stuff' our entire lives.  What does matter and it really, really, does matter, is what we do, or how we are, when we get through it.  There should be growth from the process of 'going through' and getting to the others side.  No matter what, no matter how we go through, what matters is when we get to the other side of it, what do we do with it.then.  That's all.  Yes, it is that simple.  We, being human, make it so complicated that we lose sight on what really matters at times.

There is always, always, something making us go through changes in our lives.  And if we don't change, even just a little bit, from going through, sorry to say that same thing maybe in a bit different form, will continue to test us until, hopefully, we get it and grow from it.  This is one thing, the most important thing, I feel I have learned by being in a 12 step program.  That life will and does show up.  Thing is, am I going to show up or show out when it does happen.  And no, we sometimes have to go through it over and over again because it is just plain old human nature that makes us hard headed and resistance to change.  No body likes change.  But that is exactly what has to happen to get through life one day at a time.

As I stated, we are still going through a lot this year, me, mom and dad.    And I know God is working on us for some reason.  For a purpose that we cannot yet see or understand, but yet I know in my heart that this is true.  So, I will remain still until I know what to do, if anything.  I will remain obedient and teachable.  Open minded and willing until the time comes for me to obey but live my life making my choices and praying that it is God's will working in my life and not my own.  It is only by His grace and love that I am even here, alive, being able to make choices, enjoy my granddaughter and enjoy life in general as best I can.  No I am not and will not ever be prefect.  That is not my goal in life.  That is not what I strive for.  To be obedient and willing to be what God wants me to be.  And I know that He wants me to be the best that I can.

Happiness is a choice I make each day.  Some days are better than others.  But it is those 'others' that make the better ones that much better.  In my book God is the only one perfect and I strive to be more like Him, made in His likeness.  No, I do not strive to be like Him, I strive to be what He will have me to be.

So I think the road ahead will be hard, full of obstacles, and tests.  There are still things that need to be changed, in my life, my family's life and in the world we live in.  I shutter to think of what our world is being and has become.  We are so far from what God wants us to be and yet does anyone really care that much?  The people that are in the position to make decisions that are earth shattering, decisions that are the hardest to make but the easy ones also seem to be undoable.  I have witnessed good and bad changes from the people that make up our government.  So sad to see my country, America, in the shape she is in today.

Are there others that feel this way?  Maybe you feel everything is okey dokey in your world, but I really doubt there are many that feel that way.  What can you do about it?  Pray, pray and pray some more.  Search your heart and see what God would do, for it is His will that we all should seek in this life.  Yes, I know we have all heard this before, difference now, what are YOU going to do?  What does God have in store for YOU today?  For me, there are too many YOU's and not enough WE:s.  Maybe YOU can't change things but WE can.  I feel 100% sure about that.  I alone cannot do much but WE together can move mountains as long as God is leading our way.  As long as WE do what God's will for us may be, WE can change.

Change ourselves, others and the world.  WE can make a difference.  We make a difference everyday individually, yes we do but if you stop and think about it, break it down, did you really do that alone??  Not if you have God in your life.  WE, is always, always so much better than I.

So, as I close and yes this is going to end at some point, is God in your life?  Have you accepted Him as Lord and Savior?  Do you allow Him to work in your life?  Do you do what you think God's will is for you?  Or, do you just sit back and complain?  Saying, nothing good ever happens to me?  If this is you or at the very least, if this makes you stop and think, then maybe these are things that you feel.  Only you can change and grow as God would have you do.  Only you can say that over and over again every day.  Only you, it started with you and God when you were born.  It will end with God in control, will you be there beside Him?  Fighting for His namesake?

I will...just sayin'...

Independence Day, SERIOUSLY???

Before I get started I just want to remind everyone that reads this blog that this is my opinion and thoughts and may have some facts mixed in.  Just trying, in my own way to say "really and you're just going to sit there as if nothing is happening?"  When I write I do it in a way that that maybe you don't or won't understand.  From my heart and not so much from my head.  With that being said...

July 4th, Independence Day, really???  First, on July 4, 1776 (or there abouts, in 1776 anyway) the Declaration of Independence was signed by the leaders of the thirteen colonies.  It was the legal separation from Great Britain and them taxing and trying to rule and control the people here in the United States.  And that is when we basically became a country of our own.  (closest to facts as I could get)

Now, at the end of this week we celebrate this day in history making all across the USA.  We will do it with parades, fireworks, cookouts, trips, and just about any other way you can imagine.  The first fireworks display for the celebration of the 4th of July, Independence Day, was on July 4, 1777, one year after the signing of the Declaration of Independence.  And that is something that seems not to have changed over the years.

So, this post is not about the 'happenings' on or of the 4th of July, but more as to where this country is at because, I feel, that this document has been ripped up, thrown in the shredder and to h--- with everyone and everything.  I sat here watching a reality TV show that had a soldier that had come home from their tour in the Middle East.  (not sure which country but that doesn't matter)  I sat here and listened and watched as this soldier in front of millions of viewers broke down crying because when they returned home, they HAD NO HOME!!  Why??  Because somehow, for whatever reason, the bank had foreclosed and took their home away from them while they were FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM!!

The 'Servicemembers Civil Relief Act' (formerly known as the 'Soldiers and Sailors Civil Relief Act) was put in place to protect the men and women of this country who now, remember. they are ALL VOLUNTARY members, service and protect us night and day.  24/7, 365 days a year, are sent to other parts of the world on tours of duty from legality of losing their property to foreclosure.  Now, to put this in terms that some will understand a bit better;  I worked for a company that works with different banks to maintain under HUD guidelines homes that the banks are foreclosing on.  Now this has been a little over 4 years ago that I worked there but the Relief Act is still in place then and is still in place even today.  But if we got paperwork for a home and when we found out that the owner was away on 'ACTIVE DUTY TOUR', we were to immediately make sure that home was secure and protected until that service member returned home.

Now, here is what I would like for you all to consider:  how would you feel if you were those soldiers??  How would you feel toward the country that you fought so to protect and they didn't protect you as they should have??  You left your wife/ husband, children, and children not born yet that you missed their birth because of the oath you took and were out do what you were ask to do to uphold that oath??  Your mother, father, brother, sister, grandparent passed away but you missed everything because you had taken an oath to protect this country and other countries that you were upholding your end of the deal?

I venture to say not many of you could even relate to this soldiers dilemma could you?  I know I certainly could not!  My point, if you have not guessed it by now is:  This country was built and raised on principles!!!  We come from a generation of people that were tired of having to kiss butt to the 'people in office'.  We come from a generation of people that worked hard and built this country on pride, freedom, character, integrity, faith, love, and so on.  But my friends I tell you now, we have got to WAKE UP as a people, nation of one and STOP this unjust and illegal actions from the very people we put into office.

There are rules, guidelines that were put in place many many years ago to keep everyone in check that was an elected official.  Guidelines that were in place to protect the people from the same rule as our forefathers fought so hard to get away from.  Our forefathers knew what could happen so they put in to effect law, rules that had to be followed in order to form a more prefect nation.....

I ask only that you stop and put yourself in that soldiers place and be honest with yourself, could you, would you, be okay with that?  Could you say 'Oh well, there's nothing I can do now, just have to accept it and move on?'

Then why, why for pete sakes do we, me included sometimes, sit here like a lump of coal and see the problem,  Identify the problem.  Know the problem inside and out, but we still allow it to happen without stopping it.  Why???  The older generations understand what I am saying, most anyway do.  But most of the younger folks have on those 'ROSE COLORED GLASSES' where life is what it is.  What they don't understand is it doesn't have to be this so dang hard!!

This country, at one time, was a leader, a country that others could say had integrity, honor, good will toward others and each other, but not today.  I feel our country is 'THE LAUGHING STOCK' of the world.  Why??  Because so many have just sat back and said 'oh well'.  What do you expect me to do??  YOUR JOB, for starters!!!  The government or whatever that is in Washington is in no way following the 'checks and balances' that were put in place to ensure that the House followed the rules.  Congress followed the rules.  Senate followed the rules.  And most and foremost that the person elected as President follow rules so that this country would not be turned into what our forefathers fought so hard to get away from...

I am sure that the gentlemen that drew up the Declaration of Independence never in their wildest dreams thought that this country would become what they so gallantly fought against.

I pray our Heavenly Father, that we are not so far gone that the repairs needed will be at a price none of us can bear.  I pray that each one of you look at what is happening around you, to you, against you.  Lord, I pray that you take hold of this country and shake people to their core if that is what it takes to make people see what this country is becoming or to what we have become.  A country that elects people to a position but doesn't hold them accountable for their actions.  One that seems to just turn a blind eye and hope that things just 'fix themselves'.  Dear Lord I pray that you open the eyes of the many and let them see that the power of a few is no longer OK.  Amen.

We can not let our government continue to operate as if they had no boss to tell them what to do...we are their BOSS, yes you read that right we are the bosses of this country and the people we elect into office work for us not for themselves and until someone somewhere turns the light on in a lot of heads this country will only see dark days ahead.

So, now I will get off my soapbox for a while so you can ponder the thoughts and questions I hope you have now if you did not before.....it's me, just sayin'...

Be The Match

It's late and I am sitting here with a heavy heart.  As some of you well know, I have been in recovery for over 4 years now.  I have and am still sharing my experiences of life in general here on this blog.  Things that I feel someone out there may be able to relate to and come to understand that someone else is or has experienced that exact same thing you are facing now.  So, this post is no different from the others, a look into something that has happened in some one's life and I feel a strong need to share about it with those of you that will allow me to do so.

First, I would like to look at what the word  recovery means.  The dictionary defines recovery as restoration to a former or better condition; change for the better; regaining or saving something lost.  This word can mean something different for each of us, but I feel we have all experienced some type of recovery during our life.  For me, at this time of my life, my recovery is from the disease of addiction.  For you or someone else it may be addiction, an illness, an accident, and so on.  But for this post, recovery has a whole other meaning.   

Cancer is a word that for many of us has become all to common.   I wanted to do my research before I started this post, but there are so many that have, have had, or have died from this deadly disease.  It doesn't care who it infects.  It doesn't care about race, gender, young, old or where it is you may live.  Most of us don't like hearing the word and most of us have or have had someone close, family, friend that has some form or died from some type of cancer.  There is so much information on this disease, that it would take years to understand just a small part of it.  I do encourage you all to check out the American Cancer Society website: www.cancer.org.   That is the place to go to find out anything that you would like to know, so much information that I could not break it down enough in layman's terms to put it all into this post.  

That is why I put the website link.  Me personally I have had many family members that have passed due to this disease.  But with this disease, as well as diseases like addiction, diabetes, and so on we have to learn what we can about our disease in order to understand it more and to be able to be "okay" just for a day.  No one said anything in life worth having was free, you must work at all that you do in your  life to have the fulfilment of living.

I am sure that most of you have heard and know what leukemia is and how it attacks the body.  And for those who don't, hopefully after you read this post you will understand:

LEUKEMIA - a type of blood cancer that begins in the bone marrow.  Bone marrow is the soft tissue in the center of the bones, where blood cells are produced.  The term 'leukemia' means 'white blood'.  White blood cells (leukocytes) are used by the body to fight infections and other foreign substances.  It can strike anyone at anytime.  So now that we know what leukemia is and how recovery can be different, I want to share this experience with you.  (And no, thankfully, I do not have leukemia)

I want to tell this so that you understand that this person had nothing to do with this post.  They don't want this to be about them, but about what others  can do in the fight against cancer..  So, please be understanding as to the message in this post.  No names will be used, though some may know who inspired me so. I want this post to enable hope, happiness. love, courage, grief, and so many other emotions I can't list them all.  There are things that those of us who do not have this disease can do to help.  One of those things is to be tested to be placed on the world wide "Be The Match" program that matches up people with some type of blood cancer to a person that is healthy  willing to give unselfishly of themselves if the time should ever arise.

A little over a month ago a friend of mine posted some very troubling news on a social media website.  My heart ached for this family.  This child, who is only 20 and just got married a short time ago, had been told they have leukemia.  Cancer, I hate that word.  No way could I ever understand how they and their family were feeling.  How can a mother handle being told that their child has a disease that is going to alter the course of that child's life forever?  How does a young newlywed couple look to their future?  And how would the community they live in be able to lift up this family, support them in this time of need? And that answer is because they live in a small town!  Hopefully, by the end of this post these questions and maybe others that you are thinking of will be answered. That you will see that things that need to be done can get done one way or the other.

So, as  most things do in a small town, word ran rapidly throughout the community about this family.  Many of us, me included, could not find words to describe the  feelings and emotions running through our heads.  This young person was so full of life,  giving of themself and asking nothing in return.  On this journey they, the person and their family, have had several bumps in the road.   From learning of the leukemia, having to attack it very aggressively, cutting hair before it begins to fall out due to the chemo treatments, buying hats, scarfs and wigs for when that time came, the hair loss would be just another day at the office, so to speak.  To trying to eat when so sick to their stomachs eating was truly the last thing on their minds.  To going back and forth to this doctor and this treatment  and blood work. Having to find a way to pay for what insurance doesn't cover, time off from work, being away from home.  So many things, I can only touch the surface.

But this young person, young couple, their families, friends and community had something more powerful than anything else, that is love and faith in God.  This small town has banded together to help see that this couple, family has what they need to help them on this journey. This young person has been very accepting as road blocks popped up one after another.  Never losing fight and always with a smile "God's got this mom".  No matter the struggle they show up do what they have to and move on to the next day.  And never one time doubting the love for one another and God.  Their small town had faced trials and fights with others and just as they had done in the past, today they do it again.  And I can assure you that we will do it in the future.

Now,as I have stated, some of you may know the young person that inspired me to do this post and some may not.  Those that don't, maybe it is someone in your very own community or town like ours.  And please understand that I totally understand and am aware that there are other towns, cities, communities that have, do and will do the same if ever asked.  This small town is not unique by any means, though we all think that way of our own 'small town'.

As I bring this post to it's end I feel I must share just a bit more and please forgive me for it is only to show that hope, love, and most of all having faith in God that I include this last little bit.

A "Be The Match - Bone Marrow Drive" was held.  Normally only about 35 people step up to be put on the National Bone Marrow Registry at an event such as this.  There were 62 people at this event who came to be placed on this registry.  Want to be placed on that registry for someone that you may one day "Be The Match" for?  First, you must be between the age of 18 to 44.  Next there may be a facility in your area that can do this, if there is not a facility or a drive taking place in your area, go to the website:  www.bethematch.org.  There you will find the information needed and they will mail you a swab kit in the mail.  All it takes is to swab with the cotton tip swabs they will send you and you send them back.  It is that painless.  You can find on the website instructions on what and how to do.  I encourage all that can, please register with Be The Match.

Not only did the event bring 62 people to the registry, the young person shared wonderful news with all the supporters and prayer warriors that have been with them since they first found out that they had leukemia.

On their last trip to the hospital, they were told that there were only 10 people, and this was including the international registry, that appeared to be the match.  This list dwindled as the days went by to 3 people.  There was one,  a 32-33 year old young gentleman in Europe.  That was all the information they were given.  Then, according to the young patient, they received a phone call the evening before the Bone Marrow Drive took place.  They waited to share with their mother first at the event.  Their mother told them they needed to make an announcement.  Still not wanting more of the focus on them instead of the disease, their mother finally told them that their prayer warriors, friends and family needed to hear it from them.

The DJ asked to have everyone's attention and the he proceeded to say "As most of you know, we are here today to raise awareness of cancer, have those that can be added to the bone marrow registry and to raise donations.  Some of you know that this person has been told that there is a 32-33 year old young gentlemen in Europe that is a possible match.  Well, they just informed me to share this with y'all, he is a match, and not just any match but the 'perfect' match!  He has been through more testing and they have confirmed and informed the family.  What information we have on this young man will be all that we will know for at least two years.  The registry does not allow contact between the patient and their match and it can only be if both parties agree.  Ones with the National registry have to wait one year and the International registry have to wait at least two years."

Now I was there for all of this and let me tell you, you could feel the emotion of everyone present.  We all clapped, shouted out "Amen", "Praise God",  "Thank you Lord", and other such comments.  And of course, there wasn't a dry eye in the place!  What a way to have the folks that have supported, prayed and done so much for you and your family to share in the blessing God's grace has given them!

Just one last small note.  I had almost all of this already written before the Bone Marrow Drive took place.  Something inside of me just would not allow me to be happy with the different ways I tried to close it.  So, I decided that there must be a reason God is not giving me anymore words on this piece.  Okay, there you go, the exact thought that just went through your head went through mine when I heard the news of a 'PERFECT MATCH',  God always shows us the way if we are only willing to look for it.

No, I don't do post that I am not in some way connected.  And they are surely not a way to give praise on, of, or to myself.  They are, however, done with the intent and hope that someone can find comfort, relief or whatever it is they need to find in the words, emotions, and all of that which is the post.  God is loving and by His grace am I able to do these post.  I offer thanks to the young person and their mother for allowing me to be a part of' their journey.

Thank you and may God continue to bless you and yours...