Keeping It Simple - Merry Christmas!

Christmas is just around the corner, are you ready?  You know, so many things are happening in our world today.  Here in the US and all over the world.  It is scary to even think of some of the things happening.

You know, when I was using, this was a time of year that I was at my worst.  Doing anything and everything to get what I wanted.  What I thought I needed.  Wheeling, dealing, scamming and all the while slowly killing myself.  As I wrote in my last post, I was at my bottom.  So many times, more than I care to admit, doing things that I knew I shouldn't be doing.  Looking back, I truly understand why God saved me.

I really believe that there are those of you out there, ones that are tangled up in the world of addiction and those that are the loved ones of these lost souls in addiction, are hearing what I am trying to say  each post, you are not alone!  That is one of the most important things that helped me when I was at my bottom.  Just one person that understood, that could relate to the way my mind was working or not working I should say.  

No one can truly, fully understand what someone that is caught up in the world of active addiction has and/or is going through.  You can't fully understand why an addict does some of the things we do, how we look at or perceive things.  As I have learned, over the past 5 years, is that one thing holds so very true in a 12 step fellowship, one addict can best understand and help another addict.  Meaning that someone in recovery that has been there and done that can understand, empathize completely as to where I am in life, in my recovery.  They are my best weapon to fight against this horrible monster of addiction!!

So, it would seem like good reasoning that a christian would be the best line of defense for a sinner who wants to know God.  As a recovering addict is the ultimate weapon for another recovering addict, does it not make sense that the born again christian is the ultimate weapon for a sinner seeking Christ and a new way of life?  Now I am not going to get 'too deep' in the subject but I do think that there are some out there that can benefit from this, so here I go...

'The ultimate weapon against the disease of addiction is another recovery addict.'  Just as this is true for addiction, the same, I think, holds true for Christians.  They are the ones that can empathize with the sinner seeking salvation.  Why?  Well it is as simple as 'been there done that' type thing.  As one addict can best understand another addict (cause we know how we do things and how our minds work).  Just having someone, just one person, that can understand where I've been, the things that I have done, means so much to a person that truly wants that way of life.

For someone seeking Christianity, all you have to do is accept the gift God gave to us long ago, Jesus and his dying on the cross for all of our sins.  For those through the ages, those that are here today and those that have yet to be born, God gave his son, Jesus Christ.  And for Him to die on the cross to wash all sinners clean.  It is a gift given long ago and all you have to do is accept it.  

So simple!  As a recovering addict, I was saved by God's loving grace and mercy.  That is the only reason I live today, by God's hand and His alone.  We, as human beings, can make things so hard and complicated when it is so very simple.  I always hear in 12 step programs that this program is a simple program for complicated people.'  I think the same kinda holds true for Christians.  Life is simple, we as humans complicate it.

I guess what I am getting at is this, God sent His son Jesus for the sole purpose to die for our sins.  Years ago a preacher made it sound so simple and today when I look back on that, it really is that simple.  God gave us all a gift long ago and all we have to do is accept it for what it is, forgiveness.  I have also learned over the past 5 years that life is simple and that God guides me today in my simple life.

Being a  Christian, to me, is doing the same thing I do in my recovery; doing the next right thing for the next right reason, helping someone else instead of always helping myself, understanding that not everyone is where I am in life or recovery, understanding that recovery is a process and so is life.  It is a 'one day at time' kind of life, whether it is in recovery or just life in general.  I believe that the 12 steps that are part of a 12 step program and the Ten Commandments kinda go hand in hand.

The Ten Commandments are a set of biblical principles relating to ethics and worship which play a fundamental role in Christianity.  The 12 steps that are part of a '12 step program' are spiritual principles that are learned and applied to one's life.  Someone may not agree with that but it is 'that' simple for me.  The spiritual principles that are part of my recovery are the same principals I learned many years ago as a child growing up in church and learning about God, Jesus Christ and what being a Christian meant.

And as always, if just one person 'gets it' and reaches out for the help they want and need, please be understanding if that person is you.  Know that they see something in you that they need, want for themselves, in their life.  Be good to folks even when they are not so good to you.  Yes, it's hard at times, but very doable.  Pray every day and night and at anytime during the day or night that you want to talk to God.  Give God your pain, your burdens.

The saying 'Let go and let God' works.  Something just that simple and it says so much more than you think.  I know that is it hard to hand things over to God even when you are a Christian, it can be hard to give it to God without picking it back up again to try an 'fix it'.  I know it is but that is exactly what we must do.  

Please pray with me this Christmas season that folks will remember the 'true' meaning of Christmas.  Pray with me that people will start to see what really needs to happen in this country and stand up to your part in life.  Take responsibility for your actions and non actions.  Learn the principals in life and learn to apply them, live them in your life on a daily basis.

Even if you don't believe quite yet, believe that I believe, until you can believe it for yourself.  Prayer is very powerful.  It can do things we as humans cannot do.  I have first hand proof of prayer working in someones life that has followed God through out her whole battle with leukemia.  I have seen a town brought together for the common good and their prayers at work in someones life.

May you all have a wonderful and joyous Christmas!  And please remember the true reason for this holiday season, the birth of Jesus Christ to save us from sin.  Remember God is so very good.  Reach out to people in need this Christmas season and to the children.  They are our future and we need not forget them.  Do not overlook them and think that they don't matter, they are the ones that truly matter.

I pray that this makes some kind of sense to just that one person, more is okay too.  But I have always stated in my posts that if just one person is helped in the smallest of ways then my time of typing it and posting it is all worth it.

Much love and respect to each and everyone of you this Christmas season...

5 Years Ago, By Grace...

Before I start, please understand that this is in no way me wanting to be looked at as being self-centered, superior, or anything of that nature.  I am only sharing my experiences in life in hopes that someone else will be able to understand that they too deserves God's grace and love.  If I can do that by sharing my life experiences, then this blog is worth every moment I spend writing it.

I want you to close your eyes and imagine you are in a strange place and you really don't know anyone or anything about where you are at.  This place is scary, dark, frightening, and you are there alone.  Now, you know what it is like for someone in active addiction.  I have been in this place before and by God's grace, He reached me and lifted me up out of the pits of hell and loved me and He guides me today in His will not my own.

I can remember times, in active addiction, when I would lay in my bed and pray, beg for God to kill me.  'Take me now and release me from this horrible life' has been a prayer that I have said many many times in active addiction.  I thought that I just wanted to die.  That dying was my only hope for happiness, from the bondage that I was in, the only way for me to be free.  Not many can relate to this, but if you have ever been in a place in your life that you thought dying was the best option you had, then you know some of what it is like being in active addiction.

When I first turned to drugs, I had been married and divorced twice.  Had a daughter.  Lived life and at one point I truly loved the person I was and the life that I had.   But after my second divorce and being in a car accident that allowed me to be introduced to the thought of being able to 'get outside myself, numb myself', I began to sink into this 'pit' of low self esteem.  Feelings of not being 'good enough', 'pretty enough',  'smart enough', among the many feelings that I started having.  It seemed as if everything that I have ever wanted in my life had been given to me and it seemed that every part that I touched became sour and bitter.  I felt my whole entire being crushed but waves and waves of self-doubt, self-centeredness, very, very low self-esteem.

For years, I felt that everything good in my life, I had turned it into bad. That every happiness I had, had been striped away from me.  That I was a failure at every aspect of my life and that I was doomed to live life as a bitter, angry, scared person who would never know happiness again.  So, feeling so low and unloved, unwanted, I turned to drugs.  Something that would make the pain stop.  Make the hurt go away.  Something to help me not to feel again for feeling things seem to always go wrong for me.

Describing this to you brings back so many memories and brings tears to my eyes to know that this is where I came from.  This is where God reached me.  This is the place that God poured His love and grace on me. This is where that grace pulled me from the gates of hell.  Only by His grace am I able to look back and be so over run with gratitude that tears run down my face each time I remember this as it happened in my life.  

Five (5) years ago today, God pulled me up out of the mess I had put myself in and showered me with His grace for me.  He began a process of healing, changing, making anew the person He had always envisioned me to be.  He took me from the hell I was living and has shown me what TRUE living is.  What it truly means for His will to be done in my life and not my own.

I would have never imagined that my life would be what it is today.  I am happier, freer, loved more than mere words can express.  God is good and so very loving and gracious.  My gratitude is never ending, always flowing and running in the directions that God deems fit.  Who knew that I would be standing in front of people just like me and sharing with them where it is that I come from.  Where it is that God's grace and love have taken me and lead me this day.

No, you don't have to be an addict to understand any of these things I speak of.  You only need to know that many understand where this place is that I was.  You need only to know the hell yourself are living through or with.  I learned, after 3 years of being clean that the DRUGS were NOT the problem...I WAS and AM the problem!  Let me say that again 'the DOPE was/is not the problem, I WAS and still AM sometimes today'.

Never in the past 5 years have I never been honest as to what I have done, how I lived and how I have been blessed.  Most folks that really know me and some that don't, know that I am a recovering addict.  That I speak of my journey in hopes that one person will hear and understand just enough to know that they too can receive God's grace.  There is nothing that could ever make me trade God's grace for anything in this world ever again.

No, I cannot do things that I once could do.  I am no longer able to work a full time job.  No longer able to garden or play softball.  No longer able to enjoy many of the things that I once enjoyed and what I thought made me who I was.  Ever since I was in that car accident my life has been transformed into a life I never ever would have dreamed of.  And just so no one says, no the dope left no physical restrains on me, a blessing in it's self for there are many things that could have happened due to the type of drugs I used.  This, too is only by God's grace that my physical problems were in the works right after the car accident took place.

Five years ago I was given a chance that many addicts get but do not accept.  I am humbled by knowing that not all addicts are meant to get it. The sad reality of addiction is that some must die in order for others to understand what is waiting for them.  There are many times I can remember and thought to myself 'I should have died because of that' but I didn't.  I have searched and prayed much over the past 5 years as to why this was.  Why did God shower His grace on me?  The only answer I have is that others are meant to hear my history.  To hear my life on life's terms today.  To hear what I have done and learn what it is I do today for my peace, joyous and free living.

It is, I truly feel, meant for others that have addictions, struggles and just plain ole bad days in their life to learn of my journey.  To learn where it was I came from and where it is that I am going today.  To learn that you can walk beside God and allow His will in their life as I do today.  To learn how to become humble, honest, accepting, trusting, and so many other spiritual principles so that their life can be joyous and free.

Yes, today is a milestone for me.  5 years since I got clean, got back some sanity.  Received God's gift of His grace for me.  Began a journey that I will be on for the rest of my life.  Found others just like me.  Found folks that truly care for me as me and not for some under laying reason.  I find others hungry to learn what it is I have done to be where I am at today.

And yet all this is my journey and mine alone.  No one else can walk this path for me nor would I want them to.  Today, on this 5 year milestone, I still understand that doing the next right thing for the next right reason is what will sustain me on this journey.  Sometimes things are not pleasant to have to experience but I must, to grow and continue on my journey.

To those of you that read my blog each time I post, please share this website with others, maybe on your Facebook or Twitter accounts.  I think that there is a lot of information that someone may need and if you share with others maybe others can find recovery too.  Thank you to those that read and support me in publishing this blog.  I never would have dreamed 5 years ago that I, of all people, be writing a blog that others read and enjoy and learn from.  Thank you so much for this.

"HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL!"

As Time Goes By...

As time goes by, for me, there have been many changes that have occurred in my life.  As I sit and look back over the past few years, man, what changes there have been in me and in the world.  This is dedicated to the one, or many, that feel like life is not fair, or that they don't fit in.  That they will never be free from the pain and depression that they feel they are in on a daily basis.  I hope, and I pray, that you can find or just get a little hope, love and compassion in this post...

Alive, free, and loving myself more and more each passing day.  There have been so many changes in my life over the last  four to five years that I sit and reflect back on the changes more and more each day.  The family, friends, relationships that have grown, started anew and yes sadly, some are gone forever.  But there is still joy, love and hope in my heart that I say thank you God for all you have given and removed from me, for without your grace and mercy I would not be here, as I am, today.  It is only by His grace that I have been given another chance at life.  It is only by His mercy that I have the ability to see the changes that I need to make and His strength allows me to make those changes.

Change is not easy for anyone.  The fear of the unknown affects us all to a certain degree.  Even if we know it or not, the changes that we embrace are some what easier to face.  As long as I keep God in the forefront, those changes are not as bad as I as think they are going to be.  Now, there are times when those changes are difficult, but with God at my side, I can face whatever I need to or have to.

As stated on the page "About Me", you can get a little understanding of where it is that I come from.  Almost five years ago, my life changed.  Something inside of me started fighting me to get out.  Out of the cage that I had locked it away in so long ago, me.  Yes, me.  Events in my life that I didn't want to face or own up to I pushed and stuffed way down deep inside and locked it all up.  And now, that is the beauty in recovery, I am set free!

Free to feel what I need or have to feel.  Go through whatever I must go through.  Today, I can do this.  Through working on myself and things that I had stuffed, I can free myself and be who I am suppose to be.  Not who you need or want me to be.  But who I truly am.  I have learned that it is okay to feel happy, sad or any feeling that may come along.  And with these feelings come responsibilities as to what I do with them today.  Instead of stuffing and locking it all away, I deal with whatever comes down the pipe.  Head up and full speed ahead.

Some may say 'she is just wanting people to look at her, to look at what she has accomplished, she is so full of herself' and so on.  And they are all correct.  But that is just human nature.  If they were to take just a minute or two to look at the 'whole' picture, maybe they could see that I am not boasting or bragging.  I am only sharing my experiences, the strength that I gained going through and the hope that someone somewhere can look at me and say 'she did this or that and got through it okay, then so can I'.

In these almost five years I have lost everything.  How you may ask?  The night that I made the decision to enter recovery I lost everything, or at least that is what it felt like.  I had hit rock bottom with no way of escape.  The only thing I could do was ask for help.  The hardest thing anyone can do at any point of time in their lives is ask for help.  But yes I let every guard I had put up down.  Every wall that I had built fell.  I was broken, felt hopeless and unworthy of anything or anyone.  Let me tell you that is the hardest and scariest place to be in life.  Naked, exposed for everyone to see you, me.  The 'REAL' me.

But as time goes by, I see, I realize, I understand that all that I went through was needed.  It was all necessary for me to be able to live life and enjoy the ups and experience the downs.  It was all worth letting folks in and letting them see the real me.  My masks are all off and discarded.  With God's help, praying they never return.  Today, I can truly and honestly say I love myself.  I am worthy and I do deserve better.  Deserve to be happy, loved, in love, and all those things and more.

I have seen a lot and lived a lot in my 49 years.  Today I can say that I am grateful for each and every one of the experiences I have had to face and am facing today.  I love my life and I love myself.  And as simple as it sounds that was what I needed to learn to be able to grow and help others, to love myself.  That was the first relationship that I broke and it was the first one I had, above all others, to fix.  Through God's love, mercy and grace I have been able to do that and to help others do the same.

Yes, as time goes by, we must cherish everything for what it is and everyone for who they are.  Love them.  Nourish them.  Being present for someone else just because.

Recovery from anything, not just dope or alcohol, is out there.  All you have to do is ask for it.  Yup!  it's that simple.  Ask someone for help and if they can't, don't want to or whatever, continue to ask as someone some day will hear you and then say okay.  We can do this.  You don't have to do this all on your own.  There is help out there, you just have to find it for yourself.  That is when the growing starts.  What your foundation is started and built upon.

Today, no matter what it is that you may be going through or are having to face, you can do it.  All you have to do is ask.  There are many resources listed on the 'resource page' on this blog.  And if  you don't know what or who to ask, ask me.  Maybe I can at least point you in the right direction.  Sometimes that's all we need.  Just to be pointed in the right direction.

If you take nothing from this, please take this one thing:  There is grace and mercy that God has for you.  You just have to accept it from Him for He has already given it to you.

May you have a wonderfully blessed day!  And remember no matter who you are or what you have done, someone out there loves you.  If no one but me, you have one person that loves you and sometimes that's all it takes.

God bless and remember, as time goes by it is up to you to decide if there will be any growth.  It is all about the choices you have and what you do with those choices.

Much love and respect to you all...

Nothing Changes If Nothing Changed...

WOW!!  It has been a while since I wrote anything.  And before I start, I want to give thanks and praise to God for doing for me, mom and dad what we could not do for ourselves.  Being ever so mindful that He is in control and all I need to do is let Him have it all.  Keep my hands off of it, do the next right thing for the right reason and blessings do happen.  Now, so much has been going on this year, that it kinda seems unreal.  From mom having a broken back to dad being sick since the first week in July and they still cannot find out why!?!  So many thoughts running through my head, I just couldn't pin point one subject long enough to write about it.  For that reason, this post may be all over the place, but that has been life this year, everything all over the place!!

Ending 2013, my parents and I went to Memphis to see my niece marry.  Beautiful service and very spiritual.  (I did do a post on it, check the archives).  Beautiful scenery going and coming home.  After we finally got back home, mom scheduled an appointment with the doctor about her back.  This was the latter part of the first week in January to mid January.  After xrays and a ct scan, she was told that the last vertebra in her back was fractured, this was toward the end of February..  So, she basically was in the bed for the first 3 to 4 months for it to heal.  In that time, she developed gout, sinus infection and severe acid reflux.  But she was able to get through it all.  Unfortunately she did not get to go on the April trip to see my Little Miss.  However, she did get well enough to make it to Little Miss' first birthday party.  Which, by the way, was wonderful and fun.

Now this was all before the first part of July.  The trip to Greenville NC for the birthday party was made around the 12th of July.  Mom and I spent some time in Greenville so that we could have time to visit with my daughter and her family.  Then mom and I went down to the beach for a brief vacation of sorts.  It was very relaxing and peaceful time.  Mom was feeling much better and I had time to just 'do nothing'.

When we returned home the following weekend from our trip, we learned that dad had been sick just about the entire time we were gone.  He had not said a word to anyone about what was going on until he was continuing to go to the bathroom every 30 - 45 minutes.  Finally, he told mom what was going on and my sister started calling doctors to see what we needed to do to stop this constant diarrhea.  Appointments were made, tests were scheduled and still, they have not found what is causing this.  Many prayers asked and many continue to pray for dad.  He has not been able to go to the ballgames (baseball and football) this entire year.  Not as bad as he was but still not much better.

As  for me, this year has been tough.  My fibromyalgia continues to flare and stay flared up all year.  Rainy days make me feel like a zombie walking around.  My hands, feet, back and neck are the worst of it all.  Plus my body itself is changing as I grow older.  Menopause, I believe, has come to stay.  I have had to work and search in order to continue to receive my medicines that are just so high cost, I have no way of paying for them  But that appears to be worked out at this time.

Also, I have been waiting on a court date for my disability hearing and finally got word that we had a court date in August.  And on September 24. I received the decision in the mail.  I got very nervous.  My hands were shaking so it was hard to open the letter, part in fear that it was another denial and part joy for it may say 'approved'.   Finally being able to get it open, I looked for the page that would have the decision on it...'FULLY FAVORABLE'!!!  I began to cry and it scared mom for she just knew I was once again denied.  With tears running down my face and hands still shaking, I handed mom the letter and asked 'Does that say what I think it says?'  Mom looked and I could tell she was reading the letter.  I didn't care what the letter itself said, only concern I had is that I had read those two words correctly!!  She stopped and said 'if you mean the fully favorable', you did read it right.

God is so good!!  As I stated at the beginning of this post, turn it 'ALL' over to Him and the blessings do come.  Maybe not in the form we most prefer but how He intends on them to be.  And yes, just for today that is okay in my book.  No, I still am having flare ups of my fibro.  Dad is still not well and mom is having other health issues with her blood thinner.  But none of that really matters.  No it really doesn't matter what we are having to go through for your entire life will be spent 'going through stuff'.  Whether it be good, bad or indifferent, we all will go through 'stuff' our entire lives.  What does matter and it really, really, does matter, is what we do, or how we are, when we get through it.  There should be growth from the process of 'going through' and getting to the others side.  No matter what, no matter how we go through, what matters is when we get to the other side of it, what do we do with it.then.  That's all.  Yes, it is that simple.  We, being human, make it so complicated that we lose sight on what really matters at times.

There is always, always, something making us go through changes in our lives.  And if we don't change, even just a little bit, from going through, sorry to say that same thing maybe in a bit different form, will continue to test us until, hopefully, we get it and grow from it.  This is one thing, the most important thing, I feel I have learned by being in a 12 step program.  That life will and does show up.  Thing is, am I going to show up or show out when it does happen.  And no, we sometimes have to go through it over and over again because it is just plain old human nature that makes us hard headed and resistance to change.  No body likes change.  But that is exactly what has to happen to get through life one day at a time.

As I stated, we are still going through a lot this year, me, mom and dad.    And I know God is working on us for some reason.  For a purpose that we cannot yet see or understand, but yet I know in my heart that this is true.  So, I will remain still until I know what to do, if anything.  I will remain obedient and teachable.  Open minded and willing until the time comes for me to obey but live my life making my choices and praying that it is God's will working in my life and not my own.  It is only by His grace and love that I am even here, alive, being able to make choices, enjoy my granddaughter and enjoy life in general as best I can.  No I am not and will not ever be prefect.  That is not my goal in life.  That is not what I strive for.  To be obedient and willing to be what God wants me to be.  And I know that He wants me to be the best that I can.

Happiness is a choice I make each day.  Some days are better than others.  But it is those 'others' that make the better ones that much better.  In my book God is the only one perfect and I strive to be more like Him, made in His likeness.  No, I do not strive to be like Him, I strive to be what He will have me to be.

So I think the road ahead will be hard, full of obstacles, and tests.  There are still things that need to be changed, in my life, my family's life and in the world we live in.  I shutter to think of what our world is being and has become.  We are so far from what God wants us to be and yet does anyone really care that much?  The people that are in the position to make decisions that are earth shattering, decisions that are the hardest to make but the easy ones also seem to be undoable.  I have witnessed good and bad changes from the people that make up our government.  So sad to see my country, America, in the shape she is in today.

Are there others that feel this way?  Maybe you feel everything is okey dokey in your world, but I really doubt there are many that feel that way.  What can you do about it?  Pray, pray and pray some more.  Search your heart and see what God would do, for it is His will that we all should seek in this life.  Yes, I know we have all heard this before, difference now, what are YOU going to do?  What does God have in store for YOU today?  For me, there are too many YOU's and not enough WE:s.  Maybe YOU can't change things but WE can.  I feel 100% sure about that.  I alone cannot do much but WE together can move mountains as long as God is leading our way.  As long as WE do what God's will for us may be, WE can change.

Change ourselves, others and the world.  WE can make a difference.  We make a difference everyday individually, yes we do but if you stop and think about it, break it down, did you really do that alone??  Not if you have God in your life.  WE, is always, always so much better than I.

So, as I close and yes this is going to end at some point, is God in your life?  Have you accepted Him as Lord and Savior?  Do you allow Him to work in your life?  Do you do what you think God's will is for you?  Or, do you just sit back and complain?  Saying, nothing good ever happens to me?  If this is you or at the very least, if this makes you stop and think, then maybe these are things that you feel.  Only you can change and grow as God would have you do.  Only you can say that over and over again every day.  Only you, it started with you and God when you were born.  It will end with God in control, will you be there beside Him?  Fighting for His namesake?

I will...just sayin'...

Independence Day, SERIOUSLY???

Before I get started I just want to remind everyone that reads this blog that this is my opinion and thoughts and may have some facts mixed in.  Just trying, in my own way to say "really and you're just going to sit there as if nothing is happening?"  When I write I do it in a way that that maybe you don't or won't understand.  From my heart and not so much from my head.  With that being said...

July 4th, Independence Day, really???  First, on July 4, 1776 (or there abouts, in 1776 anyway) the Declaration of Independence was signed by the leaders of the thirteen colonies.  It was the legal separation from Great Britain and them taxing and trying to rule and control the people here in the United States.  And that is when we basically became a country of our own.  (closest to facts as I could get)

Now, at the end of this week we celebrate this day in history making all across the USA.  We will do it with parades, fireworks, cookouts, trips, and just about any other way you can imagine.  The first fireworks display for the celebration of the 4th of July, Independence Day, was on July 4, 1777, one year after the signing of the Declaration of Independence.  And that is something that seems not to have changed over the years.

So, this post is not about the 'happenings' on or of the 4th of July, but more as to where this country is at because, I feel, that this document has been ripped up, thrown in the shredder and to h--- with everyone and everything.  I sat here watching a reality TV show that had a soldier that had come home from their tour in the Middle East.  (not sure which country but that doesn't matter)  I sat here and listened and watched as this soldier in front of millions of viewers broke down crying because when they returned home, they HAD NO HOME!!  Why??  Because somehow, for whatever reason, the bank had foreclosed and took their home away from them while they were FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM!!

The 'Servicemembers Civil Relief Act' (formerly known as the 'Soldiers and Sailors Civil Relief Act) was put in place to protect the men and women of this country who now, remember. they are ALL VOLUNTARY members, service and protect us night and day.  24/7, 365 days a year, are sent to other parts of the world on tours of duty from legality of losing their property to foreclosure.  Now, to put this in terms that some will understand a bit better;  I worked for a company that works with different banks to maintain under HUD guidelines homes that the banks are foreclosing on.  Now this has been a little over 4 years ago that I worked there but the Relief Act is still in place then and is still in place even today.  But if we got paperwork for a home and when we found out that the owner was away on 'ACTIVE DUTY TOUR', we were to immediately make sure that home was secure and protected until that service member returned home.

Now, here is what I would like for you all to consider:  how would you feel if you were those soldiers??  How would you feel toward the country that you fought so to protect and they didn't protect you as they should have??  You left your wife/ husband, children, and children not born yet that you missed their birth because of the oath you took and were out do what you were ask to do to uphold that oath??  Your mother, father, brother, sister, grandparent passed away but you missed everything because you had taken an oath to protect this country and other countries that you were upholding your end of the deal?

I venture to say not many of you could even relate to this soldiers dilemma could you?  I know I certainly could not!  My point, if you have not guessed it by now is:  This country was built and raised on principles!!!  We come from a generation of people that were tired of having to kiss butt to the 'people in office'.  We come from a generation of people that worked hard and built this country on pride, freedom, character, integrity, faith, love, and so on.  But my friends I tell you now, we have got to WAKE UP as a people, nation of one and STOP this unjust and illegal actions from the very people we put into office.

There are rules, guidelines that were put in place many many years ago to keep everyone in check that was an elected official.  Guidelines that were in place to protect the people from the same rule as our forefathers fought so hard to get away from.  Our forefathers knew what could happen so they put in to effect law, rules that had to be followed in order to form a more prefect nation.....

I ask only that you stop and put yourself in that soldiers place and be honest with yourself, could you, would you, be okay with that?  Could you say 'Oh well, there's nothing I can do now, just have to accept it and move on?'

Then why, why for pete sakes do we, me included sometimes, sit here like a lump of coal and see the problem,  Identify the problem.  Know the problem inside and out, but we still allow it to happen without stopping it.  Why???  The older generations understand what I am saying, most anyway do.  But most of the younger folks have on those 'ROSE COLORED GLASSES' where life is what it is.  What they don't understand is it doesn't have to be this so dang hard!!

This country, at one time, was a leader, a country that others could say had integrity, honor, good will toward others and each other, but not today.  I feel our country is 'THE LAUGHING STOCK' of the world.  Why??  Because so many have just sat back and said 'oh well'.  What do you expect me to do??  YOUR JOB, for starters!!!  The government or whatever that is in Washington is in no way following the 'checks and balances' that were put in place to ensure that the House followed the rules.  Congress followed the rules.  Senate followed the rules.  And most and foremost that the person elected as President follow rules so that this country would not be turned into what our forefathers fought so hard to get away from...

I am sure that the gentlemen that drew up the Declaration of Independence never in their wildest dreams thought that this country would become what they so gallantly fought against.

I pray our Heavenly Father, that we are not so far gone that the repairs needed will be at a price none of us can bear.  I pray that each one of you look at what is happening around you, to you, against you.  Lord, I pray that you take hold of this country and shake people to their core if that is what it takes to make people see what this country is becoming or to what we have become.  A country that elects people to a position but doesn't hold them accountable for their actions.  One that seems to just turn a blind eye and hope that things just 'fix themselves'.  Dear Lord I pray that you open the eyes of the many and let them see that the power of a few is no longer OK.  Amen.

We can not let our government continue to operate as if they had no boss to tell them what to do...we are their BOSS, yes you read that right we are the bosses of this country and the people we elect into office work for us not for themselves and until someone somewhere turns the light on in a lot of heads this country will only see dark days ahead.

So, now I will get off my soapbox for a while so you can ponder the thoughts and questions I hope you have now if you did not before.....it's me, just sayin'...

Be The Match

It's late and I am sitting here with a heavy heart.  As some of you well know, I have been in recovery for over 4 years now.  I have and am still sharing my experiences of life in general here on this blog.  Things that I feel someone out there may be able to relate to and come to understand that someone else is or has experienced that exact same thing you are facing now.  So, this post is no different from the others, a look into something that has happened in some one's life and I feel a strong need to share about it with those of you that will allow me to do so.

First, I would like to look at what the word  recovery means.  The dictionary defines recovery as restoration to a former or better condition; change for the better; regaining or saving something lost.  This word can mean something different for each of us, but I feel we have all experienced some type of recovery during our life.  For me, at this time of my life, my recovery is from the disease of addiction.  For you or someone else it may be addiction, an illness, an accident, and so on.  But for this post, recovery has a whole other meaning.   

Cancer is a word that for many of us has become all to common.   I wanted to do my research before I started this post, but there are so many that have, have had, or have died from this deadly disease.  It doesn't care who it infects.  It doesn't care about race, gender, young, old or where it is you may live.  Most of us don't like hearing the word and most of us have or have had someone close, family, friend that has some form or died from some type of cancer.  There is so much information on this disease, that it would take years to understand just a small part of it.  I do encourage you all to check out the American Cancer Society website: www.cancer.org.   That is the place to go to find out anything that you would like to know, so much information that I could not break it down enough in layman's terms to put it all into this post.  

That is why I put the website link.  Me personally I have had many family members that have passed due to this disease.  But with this disease, as well as diseases like addiction, diabetes, and so on we have to learn what we can about our disease in order to understand it more and to be able to be "okay" just for a day.  No one said anything in life worth having was free, you must work at all that you do in your  life to have the fulfilment of living.

I am sure that most of you have heard and know what leukemia is and how it attacks the body.  And for those who don't, hopefully after you read this post you will understand:

LEUKEMIA - a type of blood cancer that begins in the bone marrow.  Bone marrow is the soft tissue in the center of the bones, where blood cells are produced.  The term 'leukemia' means 'white blood'.  White blood cells (leukocytes) are used by the body to fight infections and other foreign substances.  It can strike anyone at anytime.  So now that we know what leukemia is and how recovery can be different, I want to share this experience with you.  (And no, thankfully, I do not have leukemia)

I want to tell this so that you understand that this person had nothing to do with this post.  They don't want this to be about them, but about what others  can do in the fight against cancer..  So, please be understanding as to the message in this post.  No names will be used, though some may know who inspired me so. I want this post to enable hope, happiness. love, courage, grief, and so many other emotions I can't list them all.  There are things that those of us who do not have this disease can do to help.  One of those things is to be tested to be placed on the world wide "Be The Match" program that matches up people with some type of blood cancer to a person that is healthy  willing to give unselfishly of themselves if the time should ever arise.

A little over a month ago a friend of mine posted some very troubling news on a social media website.  My heart ached for this family.  This child, who is only 20 and just got married a short time ago, had been told they have leukemia.  Cancer, I hate that word.  No way could I ever understand how they and their family were feeling.  How can a mother handle being told that their child has a disease that is going to alter the course of that child's life forever?  How does a young newlywed couple look to their future?  And how would the community they live in be able to lift up this family, support them in this time of need? And that answer is because they live in a small town!  Hopefully, by the end of this post these questions and maybe others that you are thinking of will be answered. That you will see that things that need to be done can get done one way or the other.

So, as  most things do in a small town, word ran rapidly throughout the community about this family.  Many of us, me included, could not find words to describe the  feelings and emotions running through our heads.  This young person was so full of life,  giving of themself and asking nothing in return.  On this journey they, the person and their family, have had several bumps in the road.   From learning of the leukemia, having to attack it very aggressively, cutting hair before it begins to fall out due to the chemo treatments, buying hats, scarfs and wigs for when that time came, the hair loss would be just another day at the office, so to speak.  To trying to eat when so sick to their stomachs eating was truly the last thing on their minds.  To going back and forth to this doctor and this treatment  and blood work. Having to find a way to pay for what insurance doesn't cover, time off from work, being away from home.  So many things, I can only touch the surface.

But this young person, young couple, their families, friends and community had something more powerful than anything else, that is love and faith in God.  This small town has banded together to help see that this couple, family has what they need to help them on this journey. This young person has been very accepting as road blocks popped up one after another.  Never losing fight and always with a smile "God's got this mom".  No matter the struggle they show up do what they have to and move on to the next day.  And never one time doubting the love for one another and God.  Their small town had faced trials and fights with others and just as they had done in the past, today they do it again.  And I can assure you that we will do it in the future.

Now,as I have stated, some of you may know the young person that inspired me to do this post and some may not.  Those that don't, maybe it is someone in your very own community or town like ours.  And please understand that I totally understand and am aware that there are other towns, cities, communities that have, do and will do the same if ever asked.  This small town is not unique by any means, though we all think that way of our own 'small town'.

As I bring this post to it's end I feel I must share just a bit more and please forgive me for it is only to show that hope, love, and most of all having faith in God that I include this last little bit.

A "Be The Match - Bone Marrow Drive" was held.  Normally only about 35 people step up to be put on the National Bone Marrow Registry at an event such as this.  There were 62 people at this event who came to be placed on this registry.  Want to be placed on that registry for someone that you may one day "Be The Match" for?  First, you must be between the age of 18 to 44.  Next there may be a facility in your area that can do this, if there is not a facility or a drive taking place in your area, go to the website:  www.bethematch.org.  There you will find the information needed and they will mail you a swab kit in the mail.  All it takes is to swab with the cotton tip swabs they will send you and you send them back.  It is that painless.  You can find on the website instructions on what and how to do.  I encourage all that can, please register with Be The Match.

Not only did the event bring 62 people to the registry, the young person shared wonderful news with all the supporters and prayer warriors that have been with them since they first found out that they had leukemia.

On their last trip to the hospital, they were told that there were only 10 people, and this was including the international registry, that appeared to be the match.  This list dwindled as the days went by to 3 people.  There was one,  a 32-33 year old young gentleman in Europe.  That was all the information they were given.  Then, according to the young patient, they received a phone call the evening before the Bone Marrow Drive took place.  They waited to share with their mother first at the event.  Their mother told them they needed to make an announcement.  Still not wanting more of the focus on them instead of the disease, their mother finally told them that their prayer warriors, friends and family needed to hear it from them.

The DJ asked to have everyone's attention and the he proceeded to say "As most of you know, we are here today to raise awareness of cancer, have those that can be added to the bone marrow registry and to raise donations.  Some of you know that this person has been told that there is a 32-33 year old young gentlemen in Europe that is a possible match.  Well, they just informed me to share this with y'all, he is a match, and not just any match but the 'perfect' match!  He has been through more testing and they have confirmed and informed the family.  What information we have on this young man will be all that we will know for at least two years.  The registry does not allow contact between the patient and their match and it can only be if both parties agree.  Ones with the National registry have to wait one year and the International registry have to wait at least two years."

Now I was there for all of this and let me tell you, you could feel the emotion of everyone present.  We all clapped, shouted out "Amen", "Praise God",  "Thank you Lord", and other such comments.  And of course, there wasn't a dry eye in the place!  What a way to have the folks that have supported, prayed and done so much for you and your family to share in the blessing God's grace has given them!

Just one last small note.  I had almost all of this already written before the Bone Marrow Drive took place.  Something inside of me just would not allow me to be happy with the different ways I tried to close it.  So, I decided that there must be a reason God is not giving me anymore words on this piece.  Okay, there you go, the exact thought that just went through your head went through mine when I heard the news of a 'PERFECT MATCH',  God always shows us the way if we are only willing to look for it.

No, I don't do post that I am not in some way connected.  And they are surely not a way to give praise on, of, or to myself.  They are, however, done with the intent and hope that someone can find comfort, relief or whatever it is they need to find in the words, emotions, and all of that which is the post.  God is loving and by His grace am I able to do these post.  I offer thanks to the young person and their mother for allowing me to be a part of' their journey.

Thank you and may God continue to bless you and yours...

From Humble Beginnings To...

Hope that everyone enjoyed their holidays!  Thanksgiving, Christmas and the New Year!  Sorry I have been away so much at this time of year but it has been somewhat of a rough year for me physically.  As you know I suffer from chronic pain.  Please don't take this as complaining only explaining my long absents from my blog postings.

Now, let me move on to what I would like to share today:

My holidays were unforgettable as my daughter and her family came home a couple of times which meant I got to spend some time with my grand daughter, Nora.  She is such a blessing as all children are.  The holidays, I feel, are a time to remember the children and understand that it is up to us, the adults, to teach them about life.  We live in a world today that seems to be full of hate, people that are just down right mean.  But I know that there are still good, honest people, and Christians too!  My recovery has taught me and is still teaching me that I can accept someone the way they are.  I don't have to like it but I can accept it and let them be where they are at.  That doesn't mean that I agree with the things they do or say but we are all God's children.

As you can see my recovery is still on going and a process of learning one day at a time.  I was fortunate to be apart of my niece's wedding over the holidays.  She is such an inspiration and a very humble soul.  Her wedding took place in Memphis TN, so not only was I able to attend her wedding, I had a couple of 'firsts' in my life while there.  The trip was long and riding is hard on my body but still not complaining, just explaining.  You see there are those that look at me and think 'well she looks okay so she can't feel or be too bad off'!  How wrong we can be when we compare our outside with one's inside.  Any way, I went with my mom and dad that I live with and who continue to support me while hoping I am approved for my disability.

They are such wonderful and fun loving folks, how could anyone not want to go on a road trip with them?  So, seeing how they are both in their 80's and I suffer with this and that, we made the trip going to Memphis a two day journey and coming back home we took two days as well.  On the way we stopped in Nashville TN, somewhere I have never been.  This was the first first.  Then on to Memphis the next morning.  A first also.  While there my parents and I went to see Graceland.  Now, no we did not go in, just up the street, turned around and back to the hotel room.  But now I did see it!  And the day of the wedding I made a short trip over into Arkansas across the Mississippi River.  Short trip, yes over the Mississippi to the first exit, turned around and back across the Mississippi River, but never the less, I did go to Arkansas too!

As tired as I was from all the riding, we still had a wedding to attend.  And of all places to have a wedding but at the Memphis Zoo!  I must say that this was a wedding unlike any wedding I had ever been to.  During the wedding I learned that having it at the zoo was significant because at the first wedding, Adam and Eve, the only attendants were the animals, how cool is that?  And the one thing that opened my eyes was how humble the service was.  This was not a 'religious' wedding but a spiritual one.  Showing how humble they, bride and groom, are and how humble they are to others.

You see, they are both messengers for Christ.  They give of themselves unselfishly to anyone and everyone.  My niece has been doing God's work her entire adult life.  My understanding of her new husband is that he too is a humble a servant of the Lord.  Nothing about their wedding was what you would call 'traditional', yet it made me think 'what an old soul these two young folks have'.  Now some may not understand that and others will, and that's okay.  They showed their humbleness by serving their guest cake, brownies, and other delicious treats as my oldest brother explained why they were doing so.  They have and intend to continue to be servants of God's word.  Helping those who are in need.  And then it hit me, I have been so very wrong about most of the youth of this world.  My niece and now nephew  showed me that there are those  young folks that still live and strive to do God's work in every aspect of their lives.  They are those young folks that do have values that they show and principles that they apply in their lives on a daily basis.  If only everyone could be a part of such a ceremony as this wedding was.  Still gives me goosebumps!

So if there is a message that you take from this post let it be that we are all God's children and even though the world may look unfamiliar at times, there are those among us that are still working and spreading the gospel to others.  We do have young people that will one day be the elders of this world that are mindful of God's word and who are doing the best that they can to share the gospel with all that cross their paths.  That wedding had so many young people that are friends with my niece and her husband that do the same as they are doing, spreading the word of God to all those that will listen.  They all are, were, very humble and grateful just to be there to share in this special event so that someone, anyone may know that God is still at work and He has His soldiers for the future very well prepared and ready for the task they are called to do.

If you have what I call 'God issues' just know that there are those that pray for you and you don't even know who they are.  Pray works miracles each and everyday.  We only need look outside ourselves to see God at work in others.  Thanks for the bent ear, I really do appreciate you all so very much.  So I humbly say 'ThankYou'.