In my recovery, I am learning so much about myself that I never knew. Today, I love myself. My self-esteem is higher than it has ever been. Coming to terms with my disease was not easy. I did not want to admit that I had a problem. That was the first step, admitting there was a problem. Next I had to ask for help. I am luckier than most because I have had my family's support from day one. Most addicts don't have any family or friends to help them. They let those folks down more than once and most were pushed away. We tend to isolate so we don't have to answer any questions.
There have been several physical changes as well as mental. Before treatment I weighed approximately 140 pounds and my hair was dirty blonde. Thought that I was in pretty good condition, physically that is. Since being in recovery, I gained right at 100 pounds in the first 4-6 months clean and let my hair go it's natural color, almost totally gray and short, short haircut.
Realized after entering recovery I had health issues and they were not just going to go away. My body hurt so bad all over. That was the main reason I had turned to using in the beginning. As long as I had something in my system, I didn't seem to hurt as bad, or at least I didn't notice the pain as much.
At one time in life I enjoyed working in the yard and garden. Had some really beautiful flowers and other plants and the lawn, well it was all well manicured. It was a huge part of my life, my yard and flower gardens. Had tulips, roses, lilies and more. I could spend the entire day working in my yard, until I was involved in a car accident. After that my life turned and went down hill so quickly. I could no longer do the things in my yard and gardens that I so loved.
So, moving forward, the doctors have diagnosed me with fibromyalgia, osteoarthritis, solid edema, and arthritis. And yes, they have me on medications to help with all the symptoms or most of them in some way or another. As long as I do what the doctors say then I don't hurt as bad. Have not been free of pain for even a day. So I've had to learn to deal with some pain because it has never completely gone away. There are days that I can't even get out of the bed. And I should add that nothing the doctors are treating me for is a result of my using. Thank God, at least I know that nothing I did while using caused any of my health issues.
Yes, when you have the issues I have changes in the weather will and do affect how you feel, with me it does any way. There are some days that the weather changes from sunny to rain and back to sun and... Those days I feel like my body is being pulled apart and then slammed back together. Really, it's not at all any fun. But it is much better than using.
More later. If you would like, please leave a comment or register as a member. I would love to hear what you think. How am I doing? Are there things you are wondering about? Leave a comment and if I can answer any questions I will try my best. Please leave an email for me to reply to as I don't know if all things need to be made public.
Til next time...
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Road to Recovery...
Okay, since I have only given an outline, so to speak, there you have my experience of entering recovery. Posing the question "Why don't more folks get help?" The only answer I have, just from my experience, is that it is really a huge, life changing event and a hard step to make. Thinking back on what I had to go through to get help and then when I returned home, the aid that I would need most of all was not so easily found.
I truly believe that there should be a better system in place to aid the addict who is seeking help. Lots of the addicts are homeless, penniless and morally and emotional bankrupt. The hardest part was admitting I had a problem, finding out how to get help for said problem and then, there was coming home. No money, no friends, no regular doctor and no job, and some have no family to help. As you can see, there is a huge mental switch going on several times in recovery. And please, this is just my experience and no one else.
There, I feel, needs to be easier ways and means for someone to get the help they need. Of course, this is after they admit to themselves the need for help. It is my experience that there are a vast variety of help and facilities in which to receive this help. I feel that there should be more information on what, how and why for the addicts seeking help. The largest problem that I ran into when I came home was that a lot of things that I was told I needed to do and things that would be taken care of for me, just didn't happen.
Maybe your experience was different, easier when you came out of treatment, but for me, I truly feel that the liaison was ill informed either at the treatment facility or at the outpatient facility. I'm not sure. I do know that it took several months to get my medicines and doctor appointments that I needed. It was a very frustrating time. Don't get me wrong, I did have some help just not all the help or the correct help in certain areas for me entering recovery.
Once the "kinks" got worked out, the road of recovery was laid out in front of me, all I had to do was continue to move forward. Since I have been in recovery I have had health issues addressed, I receive my medicines that I need on a regular basis, and I have a network of people, just like me, that I can talk to about the crazy things we addicts think and do. You see, we have a disease just like someone with diabetes. It can be arrested and help is available. But an addict must do what is required to keep the disease arrested, no matter what, first and most importantly you must NOT use. Even if you are just abstinent, that is better than using. Yet there is so much more out there than just being abstinent.
I would not want my life any different than what it is. I have my family, my daughter, and a multitude of friends. True friends. The kind of friends that will honestly tell you when you are acting extremely stupid. Ones that have a shoulder for you to cry on even if they have no idea why. The ones that at 2 or 3 o'clock in the morning say on the other end of the phone line "It will be okay. I'll be there as quick as I can, put a pot of coffee on". Those that don't ask why or how, but can I do anything, what do you need.
Having no idea what it is like for anyone but myself, I hope and pray that anyone that is homeless and in need, that anyone wanting, with every fiber of their being, help with the disease of addiction, will find the correct avenue for themselves that will lead them to the road of recovery. There are lots and lots of places, people that are out there to help. Maybe if they put more information about themselves out there addicts would know where to start. How to get the help they so desperately need and want.
So, if you know someone that wants help, do for them what you would want them to do for you. I truly feel that if people lived by the "Golden Rule" more there would not be so many addicts seeking help and never finding it. You can't "make" anyone want recovery, they must want it for themselves. Not for their wives, their husbands, children, or anyone other than themselves.
As my blog continues, I will be sharing my experiences that I am having in recovery. Maybe someone who is not sure will hear my story, my experiences and know that they too can have recovery. The beginning is not easy and no one will tell you that it is. They will tell you that "you" have to do the footwork to get the benefits of recovery.
I truly believe that there should be a better system in place to aid the addict who is seeking help. Lots of the addicts are homeless, penniless and morally and emotional bankrupt. The hardest part was admitting I had a problem, finding out how to get help for said problem and then, there was coming home. No money, no friends, no regular doctor and no job, and some have no family to help. As you can see, there is a huge mental switch going on several times in recovery. And please, this is just my experience and no one else.
There, I feel, needs to be easier ways and means for someone to get the help they need. Of course, this is after they admit to themselves the need for help. It is my experience that there are a vast variety of help and facilities in which to receive this help. I feel that there should be more information on what, how and why for the addicts seeking help. The largest problem that I ran into when I came home was that a lot of things that I was told I needed to do and things that would be taken care of for me, just didn't happen.
Maybe your experience was different, easier when you came out of treatment, but for me, I truly feel that the liaison was ill informed either at the treatment facility or at the outpatient facility. I'm not sure. I do know that it took several months to get my medicines and doctor appointments that I needed. It was a very frustrating time. Don't get me wrong, I did have some help just not all the help or the correct help in certain areas for me entering recovery.
Once the "kinks" got worked out, the road of recovery was laid out in front of me, all I had to do was continue to move forward. Since I have been in recovery I have had health issues addressed, I receive my medicines that I need on a regular basis, and I have a network of people, just like me, that I can talk to about the crazy things we addicts think and do. You see, we have a disease just like someone with diabetes. It can be arrested and help is available. But an addict must do what is required to keep the disease arrested, no matter what, first and most importantly you must NOT use. Even if you are just abstinent, that is better than using. Yet there is so much more out there than just being abstinent.
I would not want my life any different than what it is. I have my family, my daughter, and a multitude of friends. True friends. The kind of friends that will honestly tell you when you are acting extremely stupid. Ones that have a shoulder for you to cry on even if they have no idea why. The ones that at 2 or 3 o'clock in the morning say on the other end of the phone line "It will be okay. I'll be there as quick as I can, put a pot of coffee on". Those that don't ask why or how, but can I do anything, what do you need.
Having no idea what it is like for anyone but myself, I hope and pray that anyone that is homeless and in need, that anyone wanting, with every fiber of their being, help with the disease of addiction, will find the correct avenue for themselves that will lead them to the road of recovery. There are lots and lots of places, people that are out there to help. Maybe if they put more information about themselves out there addicts would know where to start. How to get the help they so desperately need and want.
So, if you know someone that wants help, do for them what you would want them to do for you. I truly feel that if people lived by the "Golden Rule" more there would not be so many addicts seeking help and never finding it. You can't "make" anyone want recovery, they must want it for themselves. Not for their wives, their husbands, children, or anyone other than themselves.
As my blog continues, I will be sharing my experiences that I am having in recovery. Maybe someone who is not sure will hear my story, my experiences and know that they too can have recovery. The beginning is not easy and no one will tell you that it is. They will tell you that "you" have to do the footwork to get the benefits of recovery.
Monday, July 2, 2012
Happy 4th of July!!
Wanted to take a step away from the recovery thing and let everyone know that even though it has been brutally hot, I hope and pray everyone has a wonderful 4th of July! Folks are on vacation from work, schools are out for the summer, so everyone please be careful when you are out and about. The roads are full of cars going here and there and everywhere. Not all of those drivers have the attitude needed to drive in weather this hot and over crowded roads.
Please take care. Leave a little earlier to ensure that you aren't trying to rush so you won't be late. Maybe carry something cool to drink with you just in case you get caught up in traffic.
I just want to wish everyone the most blessed July the 4th that you can have. Love you all and will get back to my story in the next few days. Thanks for reading!!
Please take care. Leave a little earlier to ensure that you aren't trying to rush so you won't be late. Maybe carry something cool to drink with you just in case you get caught up in traffic.
I just want to wish everyone the most blessed July the 4th that you can have. Love you all and will get back to my story in the next few days. Thanks for reading!!
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