In my recovery, I am learning so much about myself that I never knew. Today, I love myself. My self-esteem is higher than it has ever been. Coming to terms with my disease was not easy. I did not want to admit that I had a problem. That was the first step, admitting there was a problem. Next I had to ask for help. I am luckier than most because I have had my family's support from day one. Most addicts don't have any family or friends to help them. They let those folks down more than once and most were pushed away. We tend to isolate so we don't have to answer any questions.
There have been several physical changes as well as mental. Before treatment I weighed approximately 140 pounds and my hair was dirty blonde. Thought that I was in pretty good condition, physically that is. Since being in recovery, I gained right at 100 pounds in the first 4-6 months clean and let my hair go it's natural color, almost totally gray and short, short haircut.
Realized after entering recovery I had health issues and they were not just going to go away. My body hurt so bad all over. That was the main reason I had turned to using in the beginning. As long as I had something in my system, I didn't seem to hurt as bad, or at least I didn't notice the pain as much.
At one time in life I enjoyed working in the yard and garden. Had some really beautiful flowers and other plants and the lawn, well it was all well manicured. It was a huge part of my life, my yard and flower gardens. Had tulips, roses, lilies and more. I could spend the entire day working in my yard, until I was involved in a car accident. After that my life turned and went down hill so quickly. I could no longer do the things in my yard and gardens that I so loved.
So, moving forward, the doctors have diagnosed me with fibromyalgia, osteoarthritis, solid edema, and arthritis. And yes, they have me on medications to help with all the symptoms or most of them in some way or another. As long as I do what the doctors say then I don't hurt as bad. Have not been free of pain for even a day. So I've had to learn to deal with some pain because it has never completely gone away. There are days that I can't even get out of the bed. And I should add that nothing the doctors are treating me for is a result of my using. Thank God, at least I know that nothing I did while using caused any of my health issues.
Yes, when you have the issues I have changes in the weather will and do affect how you feel, with me it does any way. There are some days that the weather changes from sunny to rain and back to sun and... Those days I feel like my body is being pulled apart and then slammed back together. Really, it's not at all any fun. But it is much better than using.
More later. If you would like, please leave a comment or register as a member. I would love to hear what you think. How am I doing? Are there things you are wondering about? Leave a comment and if I can answer any questions I will try my best. Please leave an email for me to reply to as I don't know if all things need to be made public.
Til next time...
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