None Of Us Ever Know...

Sorry, I have been away for a while.  Hope to be back posting on a regular basis from now on.  Thank you for understanding and still enjoying the post that I have written and shared.  Please note that this post is my feelings, beliefs, and of life and death as I understand and comprehend it.  This one is a little hard to share as most of us don't want to really think about it as it leads us to an unknown for all...

My heart is heavy as I write this post today.  Earlier this week, I lost a friend in an automobile accident.  She was such an inspiration to many and I find comfort in knowing that she is with God and is free from all things that are earthly.  It is hard to think how such a young and vibrant woman with nothing but love and compassion to give, never asking anything in return can be taken in just a very split second, in an instance.  A woman that was a mother of 6 children and expecting her 7th in February.  A daughter who loved her family dearly and sought to bring them to the point she was in her own life.  A devoted wife, who loved and cared for her husband and children as if her life depended upon it.  A friend who always had sweet, kind and encouraging words to say about everyone.

No she was not perfect, but who of us are?  No she was no different than a lot of women that strive to be the best in all that they do.  Yes, she was stronger in will and mind than some but also less than others.  She tried her best to always look at the positive in any and all situations and was one that would encourage instead of break  you down in the worst and best times in life.  She was just 34.  Had actually just celebrated her birthday the week before she went to her heavenly home.  She had an 11 month old son who's first birthday was just a week or so away.

As do many of us, she had her own demons that she had to fight and conquer throughout her life.  But she did it in a way that others may be able to relate. So that they too could find the peace and serenity that she had been able to find.  She had her struggles growing up as many do and some of them were much harder to deal with than others.  Some people would not have been able to make it out, so to speak, alive and in the state of mind in which she had been able to do.  It was not an easy task for her.  She did slip at times as many of us do, but eventually she made it through to the other side and became devoted to helping others just like her.  Knowing that there would be some that she would not be able to reach and some that would die before they could even grasp the ideals that she and others like her, tried to the best of their abilities to teach others.

This post is a small tribute to this daughter, mother, wife and friend that I and many others have lost.  As I said in the beginning, these are my thoughts and feelings that I saw and had for this young lady.  As it is hard for many of you out there, so it is hard for me to say goodbye to someone that you love and respect as a person as I did her.

Death is not an easy thing for any of us to think about much less talk about, but it is a subject that we all will or have faced in our lives.  There is so much more I could say about my friend but I believe that you can relate to some part of what I have said about her.  What I hope to do with this post is to give you the understanding that none of us know when life will end as we know it.  Just as my friend had a belief in God and was very spiritual in nature I have the same beliefs and spiritual mind.

None of us are promised tomorrow.  None know when, where or how we will leave this world.  And as our world continues to appear in a downward spiral, I feel the need to express my concerns and desires that I have for myself and each of you.  I, myself, do not see this world getting any better and I know that it is only a matter of time before all that is earthy will end as we know it to be.  I am a Christian as I have stated this fact before and so was my friend.  I also am very spiritual in nature as was my friend.  The first part of this post was to paint a picture of how wonderful life can become even though you feel as if you are walking through the pits of hell at this very moment.  I, as she did as well, understand the struggles that many of you have in your life today and some have been able to overcome these struggles only to find new ones on the horizon.  But I pray that you understand that things can and will get better and many of your dreams can still come true as they did for me and my friend.

God is good.  His grace and mercy are gifts that you only need to accept to have them.  There is nothing that He ask in return except to strive to be like Him in all things you do.  Ask and allow Him to guide and direct your life even when you feel that it is impossible for you to complete the task at hand.  I have learned through my own experiences in life and life as an addict that is now in recovery that God can and will do what I cannot if I allow Him to.  I must step out of the way, take my hands off from trying to 'fix it' myself and allow God to work it out as He already knows how things will end.  I am blest to have received His grace and mercy in my life.  I find comfort in knowing that my friend who had some of the same struggles in her life as I have had in mine was also blest with God's grace and mercy.

Do you have an addiction that you just can't seem to conquer?  Have you  tried and tried, over and over and over time and time again only to fail?  Have you been able to stop using for a short or long time only to find yourself right back in the hands of your addiction.  Do you have a belief in God or a Higher Power?  Are you spiritual rather than religious?  These are questions or some questions that even a person that is not in active addiction or even in recovery from active addiction can relate too.

I only ask one thing of all of you:  search your hearts, ask these questions (that apply to you) honesty and with conviction.  If you are a Christian and still struggle, would you turn that over to God and let Him have it and handle it as He sees fit?  If you are not a Christian and you have a spiritual belief of a power greater than yourself, can you turn your worries and troubles over to this Higher Power and allow that power to take hold of your struggles and worries?  To allow that Higher Power to work out these situations so that you can be free and clear, so to speak.

Recovery is not for everyone.  There are still those of us who will die before being able to grasp the simple message that a 12 step program has to offer.  And that is the simple truth in life, same as in addiction.  There are those of us that are able to enter recovery, grab hold really tight and never let go.  Then there are those that are still very closed minded and that die before they ever understand that God's grace and mercy is for all those who will receive it.  All He ask in return is your love, honestly and compassion in life be centered around Him and not yourself.  That's it.  Plain, simple, and straight to the point.  And if you want a life from active addiction, you can have it.  Just as I have it, but you must be willing to do what is require in order to have it and keep it.

Again, I ask that you look at your own life.  As the accident hit many of us hard, so could it have been anyone of you, even me.  As I stated, we are NOT promised tomorrow, so if there are areas of your life that are a concern for yourself, addicts or not, please feel free to look at my page on this blog as it has groups, programs, people, etc. that can and will help you in what ever situation you have.

I say 'Good Bye' my friend as you are laid to rest in eternal peace.  You are truly going to be missed but know that many of us will join you one day.  Have peace in knowing that your husband and children are going to be taken care of and will remember the person that you had become.

Love you SBT with all my heart.  You were a little sister in the family circle that loved you and you loved us back and I am proud that I was able to get to know a bit about you and your family.  Rest now my friend for your earthly journey has come to it's end and your heavenly life has just begun...


Much love and respect to you SBT and CT for allowing me to share just a fragment of life with you both...                                  

A Bit of Memorial Day History...

Hey everyone!  Sorry it has been a while since my last post but there has been a lot going on the past several months.  Things are finally calming back down.

I want to thank you all for the support you have given me over the years in writing this blog.  I never thought I would be someone who enjoyed writing as much as I do.  It has been a little over three years since I started sharing my story with you and hopefully I have touched at least one heart out there and/or helped an individual find what they were looking for.

So, what do I have in store for you today??  Most already know, Memorial Day!

(As always, I have done  a bit of research and here is where I shall begin...)

First, let me say that I am very proud of the men and women who dedicate their lives to keep me safe day and night.  I pray for them all each and everyday.  It takes, in my opinion, a special man or woman to  serve this country.  Especially with the way the world is today.  For those that are gone but not forgotten, my God bless your family and give them peace.  For those that are still serving today, "THANK YOU"!!!  You are the reason I can lay down and sleep well each night.

Memorial Day, as we celebrate it today, started out as 'Decoration Day'.  This was after the Civil War in 1868.  When the Grand Army of the Republic, organization of Union Veterans, established it as a time for the nation to decorate the war dead's graves with flowers.  By the 20th century, competing Union and Confederate holidays traditions celebrated on different days.  They finally merged and Memorial Day was extended to honor 'ALL' Americans who died serving in the Military services

In 1967, the Federal law makers passed the Uniform Monday Holiday Act, moving four holidays to Monday to establish to increase the number of three-day weekends for Federal workers.  The four original holidays are Washington's Birthday, Memorial Day, Columbus Day, and Veterans Day.  The have been others that has since been changed to this Monday Holiday Act which was passed into law on June 28,1968.  Note that Veteran's Day was removed from this list and placed back on to it's traditional date of Nov. 11 by act of Congress in 1975.

Memorial Day became this holiday's official name by Federal law in 1971.  You can get more detail information from Google about Memorial Day and how it came about and the Uniform Monday Holiday Act, as that is where my information was gathered from.

As this day approached this year, I sat and read on social media sites people sharing of loved ones that they honor on this day.  I wonder if many of the younger generations know how this holiday came to be.  If they know what part in building this nation their ancestors had a part in.  Or if the town or state in which they live had any part in this building of this nation called America.

Most of you know where I am from, Kings Mountain, NC, was a pivotal part in the building of America.  Unfortunately, I feel that most of the younger generations coming up have no idea the great things, battles won or lost, the struggles the people, their ancestors had to face.  Even some young people here where I live may not really understand the impact the 'Battle of Kings Mountain' have in that day and time.

Our country was build on the ideals of freedom of speech, freedom of religion, freedom to bear arms, and many more.  As I look around today, I can see how just slowly and surely all of these values that our forefathers held near and dear to them are slipping away.

American has a military service that has become strictly voluntary.  Men and women sign up for service in the Armed Forces of America.  Why you may ask?  Why did they get rid of the draft?  My personal opinion on those two questions are, they feel the need, the calling to be of service, they have that special something (cause I don't know what it is, but if you know someone that is in the military you can see it in them) it takes to say 'this is my country, my people and you are not going to harm what I love and hold near and dear to my heart, I will not allow it!'

And, my friends, this is why we celebrate the lost lives of the men and woman in the Armed Forces of these United States.  They do a job just like the rest of us but with one extremely huge difference...they put their life on the line 24/7 just because they spoke up and said "I will do that".  "Let me be a part of what keeps this country, America, safe at night. I will do what I must, including laying down my life if it will protect and preserve America."

The men and women that lost their lives and yes, the ones that are still out there protecting us, deserve our respect and appreciation for what they do and what they have done!!  The fallen, as some folks refer to the men and women that have died during service to this once great nation, deserve our respect, gratitude, appreciation, love, condolences and much more than that for the job they do.  They endure more in one tour of duty (and if you don't know what that is, Google it...just saying') than most of us that are not in the Armed Forces will ever, if ever have endured in our lifetime.

I shutter at the thoughts of Americans stomping on the flag, burning the flag, or just plain disrespect for the men and women of these United States.

I pray that we are not all lost like a lot of these folks are.  If you know Jesus as Lord and Savior, I pray that you keep your connection strong, on a daily basis.  If you don't, then find out what it is you want and learn to pray for God's will in your life and not your own.  Take it to God and leave it with Him.  He will work it out as it should be.

Again, 'HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY' to you all.  You are unique individuals and I truly appreciate the job you do.

**** I decided that I wanted to add this video "Red Skelton's Pledge of Allegiance" that is on YouTube.com. (just click on it)  If everyone would listen, I mean really listen to this, maybe somethings would be okay in out nation...what a wish on this Memorial
Day, that our country, our nation would be once again as these words describe the way it once was...just sayin'
                                         

                            Red Skelton's Pledge of Allegiance   

My Understanding...

First, let me start out by saying that I am a Christian.  I believe in God.  My faith in God and being a Christian has been questioned a few times and this post is one, like so many I have written, on a subject that has been weighting heavily on my heart.  I became a Christian when I was around 12 years of age by accepting Jesus as my Lord and Savior.  And I have always known, since then, that with God in my life anything was possible.  Just so you know and maybe understand, I will reference being a Christian and being a recovering addict at times to show how I look at my recovery and life in general.  If just one person gets what I am trying to say, then I have done what I set out to do in this post.  Again, this is not a sermon, but just things that have been on my mind and I feel that I am now able to write about it...

As many of you know, I am a recovering addict and attend a 12 step program on a regular basis.  For me, getting clean took a lot of will power and surrender.  Being the type addict that had to go to a treatment facility to get the foot hold I needed to begin my recovery process.  Some addicts are able to just stop and never pick up again.  Others have to go through the process of stopping, starting back and stopping time and time again until they are finally able to stop for good.  Still others die while in active addiction.  Not because they didn't want to stop but because in order for some of us to understand what and how this disease of addiction affects our lives, others must die from it.  I know how that must sound but it is true.  If I didn't know of people that have died from the disease of addiction then I may have been of the mind that 'well I stop one day, but it's not going to kill me if I don't'.  Fact is, YES it will kill me or anyone else that can not stop.  Mentally, I was dead.  Physical, I was almost dead and I was close to being dead spiritually also.

Some folks have asked me over the past five years, why do you go to those meetings?  Will you always have to go?  When can you stop going to those meetings?  Well, let me explain why I go, how they help me, and what I need to recover.

First, I go to a 12 step program because there are others there that know how my mind works.  The thoughts that I have.  They have had similar experiences as I have had in active addiction so they understand my mindset.  At first I went because I was just plain scared to death that I would start back and I didn't want that.  I was introduced to 12 step programs in treatment and have been attending them since I returned home after treatment 5 years ago.  For now, yes, I will always need to attend these meetings.  I have to be around others like me so I don't forget where it is I come from.  I go so that when someone new comes through the door, I can be there to help them understand that not using is possible.  That freedom from addiction is a promise I received by attending the program and taking the suggestions given to me.

I some times compare being in recovery and working a program and attending meetings as some what like what a Christian does.  Christians are to live by God's word, the Bible.  They are suppose to try to the best of their ability to change things in their lives to try to live more like God.  They should gather among themselves to help each other live a more 'Christ like' life.  Reading the scriptures and applying the lessons found there to their lives to be more Christ like.  None of us are prefect but as Christian we are suppose to strive for that Christ like way of life.

Recovery, for me, is the kinda the same.  I have to realize that I am an addict.  I have to be willing to admit that to myself and surrender that way of life for a new way of life without the use of drugs or alcohol.  To live life in recovery, I need to follow the literature in my 12 step program, which is basically reteaching me the basic principles that I learned as a child from my parents and in church.  As I said, this is just for me.  I don't know how others look at their recovery nor their Christianity if they are Christians.  Being around other recovering addicts that are working a program of recovery helps me to work my program in order to stay clean, not using.

Same, I feel is true about my Christian beliefs.  I am instructed in the Bible, which is the literature for Christians to learn how to live as a Christian, that I need to fellowship with other Christians.  This is so I can learn from my fellow Christians what in my life needs to change.  What I need to work on to become more Christ like in my life.  The principles and guidelines that God has sat forth to live by as a Christian.

So in both cases, I need to be around people that are the same, recovering addicts and/or Christians, to learn and grow in my life.  By following the literature for both I find the similarities in each and feel that by doing as God instructs me to do, I in turn do what is required of me in my recovery program.  As I stated earlier, no one is perfect.  We all have transgressions at one time or other in our lives.  Meaning, that we all do things, say things, even think things that we should not.  That's being human.  But by trying to live my life as a Christian and as a recovering addict, I am more aware of my transgressions or wrongs that I do sometimes on a daily basis.  But God helps me in both areas.

For me, it has become one and the same.  I mean, that I look at my recovery as I do living a Christian life.  They run parallel in my life today.  Again, this is just for me and if it helps you to look at your life this way then that's okay with me.  We all must decide what is best for ourselves and do the best we can each day to live the life we feel is right for us.

I pray that if you are in active addiction, using, that you find help and are able to come into the light.  Know that there is a Higher Power that will care for you.  And one thing I would like to say about the wording of 'Higher Power', 'God of your understanding' which most 12 step programs talk about.  There is a reason the 'God' is described in so many ways.  Not everyone that comes into recovery are Christians or even believe in God.  For this reason, the programs must keep things simple, generic in order for all who seek recovery be able to place the program into their lives and live clean and free from active addiction.  Lots of people are mad at God, per say, because they at first feel that if there were a God then why did He let some of the bad things happen to them.

I, too, at one time when I first started the process of recovery thought that God could no longer hear my prayers.  That I had done so much wrong that I could not be forgiven.  I was wrong.  By working a recovery program and getting back to my Christian beliefs and teaching, I realized that it was not God forgetting about me, but I had left Him.  I had turned my back on Him not the other way around. I know as surely as I am sitting here writing this that God had a plan for me.  That He still has plans for me and that is one of the main reasons I did not die in active addiction, because I should have more than once.

The blessings that God has bestowed on me these past five years are enormous to say the least.  I had been and am still today very bless to be in recovery and a child of God.  I pray that someone, any one, understand that you do not have to continue down the destructive path you may be on.  There is hope.  All you have to do is accept the help that is out there for you.  Whether you are in active addiction, a non-Christian or your faith is or has slipped in some way, there is hope.  And with that hope, I promise you that your life can change if you do the work required to change it.  It will change for the better.  It will not, however change over night.  It takes time and it will change the way God see fit for it to change.  You may not always understand or like the changes but you will soon see the why in what God had done for you as I have.

I pray that each and everyone that reads this be blessed by God and His word.  That if recovery is what you need that you find it also.  God bless you all for being a part of my life and giving me a reason to carry on ONE DAY AT A TIME...