With the extreme cold weather, sleeting and freezing rain, my heart is heavy. Someone that meant a lot to me and my recovery passed yesterday. He was a friend, brother, mentor, and a predecessor. A teacher of the fellowships. He was a Christian and he carried a message with him where ever he went.
It is still somewhat of a shock that he is gone. It seems just like yesterday I was talking and laughing with him. We had our moments that we kinda disagreed on issues but we learned respect for each other.
Being new in this process, he would talk to me, try to teach me and guide me to be a better person. His mind, there was a wealth of logistics, knowledge and life experiences to help any one that truly wanted it. Giving, sharing, showing selflessness toward others so that they too, may find recovery for themselves.
I got use to seeing him all the time. No matter what I was going through, he would take time to listen and share his experiences. I did not know him that long, and yet I long to see him once again. Would love, just one more time, for him to straighten me out about some issues. To give me a different prospective on issues I maybe had.
He wanted to do for others, to help them, and guide them what he could by his selfless acts. At times he was a very quite man and other times he wanted folks to know what he was thinking, feeling, and what was he going to do about his issues.
It is hard just to think about no longer seeing him, talking to him, or getting my hugs from. Hard because I know he will not be there. Everyone's heart will be feeling things that maybe we don't want to feel. This will bring some of us closer but then again it will tear some of us apart. Some will grow from this and some will not. There will be those that just can't deal with everything something like this makes us deal with.
Life on life's terms can and is, at times, a very hard pill to swallow. Those of us that can, should be there, to let folks that are having a difficult time with this know that they can get through this to the other side. This is what he would have wanted. Would want us all to grow and learn that, we too can go through and come out on the other side. This does not feel or seem to be an easy task. I have faced death since getting clean, my uncle. But I did go through it and made it out on the other side.
The reason for this post is to help others and let them know they are not alone. There are those of us that are here, offering our time to help you through this life changing events. We, too, are hurting. We do this simply because this is what we should be doing for each other. It doesn't matter how you got to where you are at in life, all that matters is 'what' you want us to do to help.
For me, I know I need to learn to be more open and giving to others.
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