WOW! Can't believe that I have been writing this blog for a year on the 18th of this month! If someone would have told me that this would become a part of my life, writing in general, I would have laughed at them. Never in a million years would I have ever thought I would be touching so many people, especially with my life experiences.
It is a very humbling experience to say the least I thank God everyday for blessing me with another chance at life, much less a gift to share with others. A chance to reach out and touch others . To let them know they are not alone. That there is, at least, one other person in the world that has experienced the same 'life on life's' terms and been able to go through it and come out the other side stronger. Being able to see the growth from those experiences. To share what I have gone through, what I have learned and how I deal with the events in my life today.
Yes, it is truly a humbling and gratifying experience. I have said from the beginning that if just one person is helped, even just a small amount, then my blog has been worth the doing.and I must be as honest, open and forthcoming as I can be. There have been some things that I have written about that I, myself, did not experience. Because I knew what someone else was, or is, going through and saw first hand the growth they had after their experience, how could I not share with others? I use no one else's name but my own. Everything I write is in, for the most part, the first person. Therefore there are risk of someone knowing exactly who had said experience.
To me, that would be completely and totally selfish, unfair to others. There are so many addicts, people that deal with addicts on a daily basis, that have times they feel there is no way through what they were going through. They can't see that 'light at the end of the tunnel'. But if more people could get gut wrenching honest and share some of the knowledge they have, I know it would be a much better world to live in. No one should ever have to be alone.
Life on life's terms in not easy and I have never said it was going to be easy. What I have said, many times here, is that though it may not be the easiest thing I have ever done, it is doable. If you do the footwork to get through whatever it is life has thrown at you , you will be a better person for going through it.
With just a little over 3 years clean, I am still learning today. I know that I must remain teachable if I am going to be able to live in today's world and the terms that are spelled out for me. And, not only have I learned a great deal already about myself because I am a recovering addict, I am also learning as a person that has a debilitating disease, fibromyalgia. My life is far from worry free or pain free.
Most days have become a huge struggle for me. For the past several months, there has not been a day that I have not hurt. It has been so bad that all I can do is cry and pray that God will help me through to the other side. I have been through enough experiences to know that if you have any relationship with your Higher Power, you can make it through anything.
There have been some along my path that have said hurtful things, doubted me and/or my zeal for my recovery, and have been just down right mean, not caring what they were actually doing to me. Words hurt, sometimes they hurt much longer than you would like for them to. People's actions or reaction to something you have done or tried to do in efforts to help another addict wanting recovery. I know, for a fact, there will always be those that talk badly about you to others and you never know. Then there are those that speak badly about you to your face in a way they think you have no clue what is actually being said to you, but I know.
I know when someone speaks badly about me to my face, they want to see if they are truly hurting me. They want to bathe in my sorrows that they created. The ones that talk about you behind your back, do it in a way that they truly hope you find out. They are the ones that are true cowards. They hide behind others, hoping you will not know who they are or which one of them said what. To all I have and will always say 'bring it on'.
Nothing I do is for myself. I do not do things just for kicks. Nor do I in any way, shape or form think that I am above or better than the next person. Now, there have been those that have tried to make me doubt myself, to make me think that I may need to relook at something. Not today. Yes, maybe when I first started this blog, I wanted to know what folks thought. If it was helping someone, anyone.
I can tell you that today, yes, I am proud of myself. For being able to reach out to so many people. To let folks know that some addicts, most addicts want to get clean. But unfortunately there are such barriers in the way that some just do not have the strength to work through them all. Not all addicts will have the chance at recovery. Some of us, addicts that is, have to die in order for others to live. This I feel is the natural order of the disease of addiction.
Well, once again I say "Thank you" to you all! Without you, I could not do as much or reach as far as I do to help that next addict. That next mother, father, brother, or sister. It is because of you that I am able to understand and follow through with what God has planned for me. God is so very good!
That's all from me tonight. Just hope this next year brings us closer, more friends and more knowledge of this disease called addiction. I love each and every one of you and pray that God will light your path of life as brightly as He has lit mine.
Much love and respect to all...
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