The inside of the house is painted and now we are in the process of sorting through, throwing away, and cleaning stuff as we go. Some of these things I have not seen in over 3 years. It is hard at times, because it brings about a wave of emotions that I didn’t think about having. It lets me know just how far I have come in my recovery and my life. Today, I know I am not the same person as the letter below portrays.
This letter was written years ago when I was in the throws of active addiction head strong. Not thinking about anyone or anything other than MYSELF! It is with my mama’s blessings that I share this in hopes that someone, anyone may read this and wake up and take back your life. It is all up to you. You are the only one that can do anything about your life:
It’s the middle of the night and I am unable to sleep because my eyes and heart are so full of tears, all over the loss of you. What is it going to take for you to realize that you are making some bad choices? The loss of your daughter, mother and father and the rest of your family doesn’t seem to bother you at all. In fact, it has all been your choice.
I’m not saying we don’t love you or that you don’t love us, but if you can’t find time to see us while we are still living – then don’t bother coming around or shedding any tears when we are gone.
Your daddy and I are not in the best of health and we certainly aren’t getting any younger, but you just stay where you are and look after your ‘friends’ because they need you.
It’s been a year since you decided to leave this town and all of us here. You seem to have managed to lose everything you ever had and now you don’t even try to get a decent paying job, because you know they will test you for drugs and you know, and I know you are using!
How stupid do you think we are? You have changed so much in the last year, that I don’t even feel like I know you anymore at all.
This is a letter I have been thinking of writing to you for quite sometime now and it took your putting your friends first, yet again to trigger my action. When I called and asked you to go with me to Columbia, I knew you wouldn’t, yet I hoped maybe you would. Well, you proved me right, so as far as I am concerned right now I have lost a daughter, but I will dry my eyes and do the best I can to get over it. I do love you more than I can say, but I cannot keep being hurt like you hurt me.
Just don’t bother calling me with your excuses and apologies. I don’t want to hear them. You take care of yourself and those you seem to care about.
If I sound upset, it’s because I am, but I’ll be alright and remember ‘I do LOVE you!
Your Mama
I share this letter just so that you, if you are using, in active addiction, or doing things that is driving a wedge between you and your loved ones, how your action hurt the very ones that love you more than anyone and no matter what, they want to help. It is hard on them for they know that YOU, me, are the only ones that can ‘fix’ the problem. Once you, I, decided that we do need help, then the healing can began.
Being in recovery is the best life I have ever had and I now understand how I hurt my family to their core. But with the help of many and God, I have them back in my life. They are my support to get from one day to the next.
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