November 23, 2009 is a day I shall never forget. Why? you ask? Because that is the day that my life as I know it today began. It was, for the first time in a long time, that I made a life changing decision and the day God showed me His love and grace. The day my recovery began....
Each year at this time is not only special because of Thanksgiving this week but it is always more special since it is when I first entered in to recovery. Since I started this blog, I always do a post on my clean date. And I share about what has happened to me since I started this journey. I hope that someone, anyone, or more of you find the message of hope as that is what I am trying my best to express to those in need. Whether it be that you have the disease of addiction or suffer from depression or any other reason that the message of hope will lighten your spirit. With a little bit of hope you can make it through anything you must face. So, this post is as much for me as it is for you, the one reading this. Trust me, with hope you can go a long way in life...
Yes, today marks 6 years living clean without the use of drugs. When I realized that I did indeed need someone to help me, I had my aunt call my mom and dad. Knowing that they cared about me, I knew they would come for me and get me to where I needed and wanted to go. Now, just to let you know that this year, my clean date is on a Monday and it lands on Monday once again, so this year really takes me back to that day. More than taking me back to that day, it takes me back to the night of my last use. I can still see, feel, smell everything from that night as if it were etched into my mind.
From day one in my recovery, I was taught to never, ever forget my last day of use. Why?? Because as long as I kept that thought, the events of that day/night, fresh in my mind, it will help me from going back to that life again. Once I forget where it is I came from, I am subject to repeat and God knows I don't want to do that. I have come too far, but yet still have a long, long way to go in my recovery, not to do what is suggested to me.
If you are a regular reader of my blog, you may hear or read things that I have written about more than once. Part of me would like to apologize for that, but on the other hand, those are the issues that linger with me. They are the issues that keep coming up, are deeper than others and still need to write about cause I'm still working on them. As I have always said, most of these posts are my personal experiences, but there are some that others I know have allowed me to share their experience to may be help someone else that may face the same struggles.
Before I entered into recovery, I remember I prayed that God would just take me on. That He would take me out of the pain and suffering I had dug myself so deep into that I felt I could not do it for myself. Since I've gotten clean and have reunited with God, at first I would always say why me God? Why me? Why did you save me and give me this life I have today? No longer do I question God, for I know that He saved me in order for me to reach out and try to help others the best way I know how, by sharing my experiences, my hope and my strength. And this post is no different than any others I have posted.
First, I'd like to share something that I find on a social media site that caught my eye:
"Addiction is a disease. There is no cure. You can't beat it. An addict will always struggle with it. It's like lupus or MS. You just learn how to deal with it. Manage it without feeding it. Don't come to me and tell me addicts are weak. Recovering addicts are the strongest people you will ever meet. They are strong because they know the only way out of their addiction is death. They know this and yet they continue to fight for their sobriety. They fight to regain all the things they lost in active addiction. They fight EVERY SINGLE DAY to be better than they were the day before. And they will fight every day for the rest of their life. Don't tell me I'm weak because I'm an addict. How many other people can say they survived walking through Hell and have the scars to prove it?"
Second, I'd like to share the definition of recovery as it is defined in Webster's Dictionary:
: the act or process of becoming healthy after an illness or injury
: the act or process of returning to a normal state after a period of difficulty
: the return of something that has been lost, stolen, etc.
According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse, how does drug addiction stack up against other chronic illnesses?
* 30 - 50 percent of people with type 1 diabetes fall to stick to their treatment plan
* 50 - 70 percent of people who suffer from asthma fail to take their meds or make recommended
lifestyle changes
* 50 - 70 percent of people with chronic high blood pressure don't that their hypertension medication
as directed
* 40 - 60 percent of drug addicts will relapse from their plan of treatment
With sharing this information with you, my hope is that when you read this and see what my odds or any other addicts odds are as far as recovery goes, you will understand why I am the way I am. I do attend a 12 step program. Without it I can tell you that I would not be able to write this blog. I would not be able to be a daughter to my mom and dad, or a sister to my sister or brothers. Addiction is chronic, fatal illness that has to be treated on a regular basis as the other chronic illnesses do.
What I have learned in my recovery thus far is that my writing this blog is a God given talent that I will not hide from anyone for any reason. Me being able to speak and share in front of large groups of people and most of all to read in front of people I do not know for when I entered into recovery, I had what I would guess to be a 6th grade or so reading level. Not great at all.
For the past six years life has been life on it's terms not my terms. There have been good days, okay days, not so okay days and days that I wish I could just stay in bed and cover my head up. But everyday is a good day as long as my eyes open each morning to see God's beauty and His glory.
Some of you will understand what I am saying and others, just come back later and read this again or a different post that fits with what you are going through today. All I have is this moment, just this very moment and no more is promised. I am however promised in recovery a daily reprieve from active addictions as long as I work a program. None of us are promised tomorrow for it is not here yet.
This is a very grateful addict that has found her new life because of the recovery I work on. I'm not perfect, far from it, but I do the best that I can. People are in recovery for many different reasons, but there is a common bond between us addicts, we all go to any ways and means for one more. We all have a obsessive and compulsive facts. If you always look at the differences how can you find the similarity? When you learn to see the similarity between us addicts then we begin to understand each other that much better and the better we understand each other, the sooner our recovery process can start to come together and we can have growth from that.
I'm not a rich person as far as material things go, but I am so wealthy in the spiritual sense. I have TRUE friends. Not those friends that are nice to you in person but stab you in the back first chance they get. No not those folks, I mean people that if you are in need just let them know. Sooner or later, normally sooner, things will begin to change and you, I, will have growth that we can share with others to help them through when they need it.
Yes, there is an end to this, just another moment or two, I promise...
My recovery has and will always be a big part of my life. But today I do have other things and people that help fill my days. Yes, most are in a program or in recovery and some are family members. Although I do have a friend or two that are outside the program yet they understand me and know that there are things that I must do today to keep my clean date of November 23, 2009. I must say that I am not and nor do I want to be the person I was before this date.
I know this post is somewhat here and there but my head is full of things to say and I must be careful when blogging as to what I can say and what I shouldn't say. But I will say th is and the I will close this post down: I LOVE MYSELF, MY LIFE, MY RECOVERY AND GOD, as I understand Him. I do hope this post makes some kind of sense to someone as I feel that I rambled there for a bit and that is normally when I need to close the post because I know I have shared what God wanted me to share, just for today...I love each and every one of you and I pray that one person, just one but more would be nice, that one person find something in this or another post that will carry them until they get through whatever it is they are going through....
Thanks so much for your support in reading and keeping up with me and my blog. Please fell free to share my blog website with folks you know that may be helped or that may know someone that needs help...till next time...
Each year at this time is not only special because of Thanksgiving this week but it is always more special since it is when I first entered in to recovery. Since I started this blog, I always do a post on my clean date. And I share about what has happened to me since I started this journey. I hope that someone, anyone, or more of you find the message of hope as that is what I am trying my best to express to those in need. Whether it be that you have the disease of addiction or suffer from depression or any other reason that the message of hope will lighten your spirit. With a little bit of hope you can make it through anything you must face. So, this post is as much for me as it is for you, the one reading this. Trust me, with hope you can go a long way in life...
Yes, today marks 6 years living clean without the use of drugs. When I realized that I did indeed need someone to help me, I had my aunt call my mom and dad. Knowing that they cared about me, I knew they would come for me and get me to where I needed and wanted to go. Now, just to let you know that this year, my clean date is on a Monday and it lands on Monday once again, so this year really takes me back to that day. More than taking me back to that day, it takes me back to the night of my last use. I can still see, feel, smell everything from that night as if it were etched into my mind.
From day one in my recovery, I was taught to never, ever forget my last day of use. Why?? Because as long as I kept that thought, the events of that day/night, fresh in my mind, it will help me from going back to that life again. Once I forget where it is I came from, I am subject to repeat and God knows I don't want to do that. I have come too far, but yet still have a long, long way to go in my recovery, not to do what is suggested to me.
If you are a regular reader of my blog, you may hear or read things that I have written about more than once. Part of me would like to apologize for that, but on the other hand, those are the issues that linger with me. They are the issues that keep coming up, are deeper than others and still need to write about cause I'm still working on them. As I have always said, most of these posts are my personal experiences, but there are some that others I know have allowed me to share their experience to may be help someone else that may face the same struggles.
Before I entered into recovery, I remember I prayed that God would just take me on. That He would take me out of the pain and suffering I had dug myself so deep into that I felt I could not do it for myself. Since I've gotten clean and have reunited with God, at first I would always say why me God? Why me? Why did you save me and give me this life I have today? No longer do I question God, for I know that He saved me in order for me to reach out and try to help others the best way I know how, by sharing my experiences, my hope and my strength. And this post is no different than any others I have posted.
First, I'd like to share something that I find on a social media site that caught my eye:
"Addiction is a disease. There is no cure. You can't beat it. An addict will always struggle with it. It's like lupus or MS. You just learn how to deal with it. Manage it without feeding it. Don't come to me and tell me addicts are weak. Recovering addicts are the strongest people you will ever meet. They are strong because they know the only way out of their addiction is death. They know this and yet they continue to fight for their sobriety. They fight to regain all the things they lost in active addiction. They fight EVERY SINGLE DAY to be better than they were the day before. And they will fight every day for the rest of their life. Don't tell me I'm weak because I'm an addict. How many other people can say they survived walking through Hell and have the scars to prove it?"
Second, I'd like to share the definition of recovery as it is defined in Webster's Dictionary:
: the act or process of becoming healthy after an illness or injury
: the act or process of returning to a normal state after a period of difficulty
: the return of something that has been lost, stolen, etc.
According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse, how does drug addiction stack up against other chronic illnesses?
* 30 - 50 percent of people with type 1 diabetes fall to stick to their treatment plan
* 50 - 70 percent of people who suffer from asthma fail to take their meds or make recommended
lifestyle changes
* 50 - 70 percent of people with chronic high blood pressure don't that their hypertension medication
as directed
* 40 - 60 percent of drug addicts will relapse from their plan of treatment
With sharing this information with you, my hope is that when you read this and see what my odds or any other addicts odds are as far as recovery goes, you will understand why I am the way I am. I do attend a 12 step program. Without it I can tell you that I would not be able to write this blog. I would not be able to be a daughter to my mom and dad, or a sister to my sister or brothers. Addiction is chronic, fatal illness that has to be treated on a regular basis as the other chronic illnesses do.
What I have learned in my recovery thus far is that my writing this blog is a God given talent that I will not hide from anyone for any reason. Me being able to speak and share in front of large groups of people and most of all to read in front of people I do not know for when I entered into recovery, I had what I would guess to be a 6th grade or so reading level. Not great at all.
For the past six years life has been life on it's terms not my terms. There have been good days, okay days, not so okay days and days that I wish I could just stay in bed and cover my head up. But everyday is a good day as long as my eyes open each morning to see God's beauty and His glory.
Some of you will understand what I am saying and others, just come back later and read this again or a different post that fits with what you are going through today. All I have is this moment, just this very moment and no more is promised. I am however promised in recovery a daily reprieve from active addictions as long as I work a program. None of us are promised tomorrow for it is not here yet.
This is a very grateful addict that has found her new life because of the recovery I work on. I'm not perfect, far from it, but I do the best that I can. People are in recovery for many different reasons, but there is a common bond between us addicts, we all go to any ways and means for one more. We all have a obsessive and compulsive facts. If you always look at the differences how can you find the similarity? When you learn to see the similarity between us addicts then we begin to understand each other that much better and the better we understand each other, the sooner our recovery process can start to come together and we can have growth from that.
I'm not a rich person as far as material things go, but I am so wealthy in the spiritual sense. I have TRUE friends. Not those friends that are nice to you in person but stab you in the back first chance they get. No not those folks, I mean people that if you are in need just let them know. Sooner or later, normally sooner, things will begin to change and you, I, will have growth that we can share with others to help them through when they need it.
Yes, there is an end to this, just another moment or two, I promise...
My recovery has and will always be a big part of my life. But today I do have other things and people that help fill my days. Yes, most are in a program or in recovery and some are family members. Although I do have a friend or two that are outside the program yet they understand me and know that there are things that I must do today to keep my clean date of November 23, 2009. I must say that I am not and nor do I want to be the person I was before this date.
I know this post is somewhat here and there but my head is full of things to say and I must be careful when blogging as to what I can say and what I shouldn't say. But I will say th is and the I will close this post down: I LOVE MYSELF, MY LIFE, MY RECOVERY AND GOD, as I understand Him. I do hope this post makes some kind of sense to someone as I feel that I rambled there for a bit and that is normally when I need to close the post because I know I have shared what God wanted me to share, just for today...I love each and every one of you and I pray that one person, just one but more would be nice, that one person find something in this or another post that will carry them until they get through whatever it is they are going through....
Thanks so much for your support in reading and keeping up with me and my blog. Please fell free to share my blog website with folks you know that may be helped or that may know someone that needs help...till next time...
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