Relationships, boy, that's a big one. Healthy relationships at that. When I first entered recovery, I so realized that I really didn't have any, not a one, healthy relationship in my life. So, what did I do about that? Well, I find out that first I had to get a healthy relationship with myself before I could ever hope to have healthy relationships with others. I had to find out who I was, what it is that I enjoy in life and what I wanted to get out of life. But even before getting a relationship with myself, in the beginning, I had to trust someone, somewhere to help me get started...
And so it began, I put my life in the hands of my parents to start with. I knew I needed help and I also knew, that they would find that I got the help I needed and was asking for. For the first few days of the beginning of my new life, way of life, my mom was with me 24/7. Mom sat with me on nights I couldn't sleep until I went to sleep. Mom made phone calls to find out what needed to be done, what were the steps to take to get me into treatment at the place I knew I wanted and probably needed to go to. I felt that if I went to this place I would and could get the help I so desperately needed and was searching for. I knew that they could help me because they had helped another family member and they were still sober.
This process of mine, which is on going and will be for the rest of my life, started almost 6 years ago. Yes, on November 23, I will be celebrating my 6th year in recovery and being clean from all mood and mind altering chemicals. Now I don't say that to brag or boast, I say that so that the one person that reads this post knows that they too can do the same thing. It is possible to stop using, have that desire lifted and learn how to live a new life without the use of drugs, alcohol, or any mood/mind altering substance. So, that was my beginning in learning to trust someone other than myself for the care of my life and the relationships that I would make and/or remake.
My mom, sister and aunt were all with me in the beginning. Helping me, doing what was needed to ensure my recovery. Without these three women loving me and protecting me, mainly from myself, I really don't think I would have been able to come as far as I have. To this day, they are still in my corner. Aiding when needed to see that I stay on track with my recovery and my life. You can read previous posts that are about my mom and my sister and what they mean to me. Most folks probably would say well it's your mom's place to love you and try to protect you and for the most part they would be right, I guess. But, you see, I used my mom so much and did such bad things to her that she has every right to tell me 'no I not going to put myself out there just to be hurt again by you!' But she didn't and neither did my sister or aunt. They all stood beside me and helped to guide me in the right direction.
So on Thanksgiving Day, 2009, I left my parents home and started the process to begin my recovery. When we arrived at the treatment facility where I would spent the next month or so, I had to trust that the people working there would help me. I had to believe and trust people that I had never met before in my life, with my life. Not an easy thing to do but when you are in need you learn to do what you have to do to make it. So at around 1 a.m. on November 24, 2009, my mom, sister and aunt left me in the hands of people that none of us knew. We all put all the trust we had in these people at a time in my life when I thought I would go crazy because I knew no one. What relationships I did have that were somewhat healthy had just pulled out of the parking lot and there I was. Scared and all alone, with nothing or no one to help me except the people of the facility and a loving God.
While I was in treatment I did meet people and formed a friendship type relationship[p with these people. But I was very careful not to get too close, I had been in that mind set for years now and had to learn that it was time to forget how I did things before and to trust the process that I was beginning. My dad told me before I left 'don't go there if you're not willing to do what they tell you to do. They will and can help you but you have to be willing to listen to them and do as they ask.' So I did what he suggested I do, I followed all the rules and did as the counsellors ask of me and like I said, had some folks that I talked to and hung out with.
While in treatment I learned many things about relationships, Most of all I learned that what I knew about relationships were not what a 'healthy' relationship was suppose to be made of. So in short, I knew nothing about relationships at all. But I wanted to learn how to make relationships, keep those relationships and what these relationships were suppose to have in them to make them work and last a life time.
Needless to say, this is one of the biggest things anyone will ever do in their life, create relationships the healthy way and how to work and nourish those relationships so that they are always as healthy as they can be. Some relationships are not meant to be ones that are long term and then others are meant to be long term. It's best, I have found, to take new relationships slowly. See them for what they are and what they are not. Try to see that person and that new found relationship for what it really is. Learn what is healthy and unhealthy for you.
Next, I had to get a relationship with myself. I needed to learn that I mattered. I desired to be treated with respect. I desired to be loved for me and not what I could do for someone else. Yes, these may be simple things to you but for this addict it was hard at first. Please don't get it wrong or twisted, I am still learning about relationships and the different levels of each relationship I have with people today. What level am I on with this person? Do they treat me the way I want to and desire to be treated? If not, then why do I find it necessary to continue to have said relationship with them? What kind of relationship do I really have with said person? Should I be on a different level than I am in this relationship? And many other questions that I feel I have to ask myself about the relationship I have or think I have with people in my life today and then questions for those that will come into my life in the future.
Relationships are, for me anyway, always going to be a work in progress just as my recovery is and will be for the rest of my life. Why? Because that's how I stay healthy with mind, body and soul. Today, I know I matter and I have a lot of worth. So, those that I have meaningful relationships with know my worth and respect me for who I am today and love me for me with the good, the bad, and the different inside me that makes me who I am.
Thank you for those who continue to support me and my blog. You are greatly appreciated and I humbly thank you for the confidence you give to me freely to continue writing as it seems to be a passion of mine today. As always, if this post or another post to this blog helps just one person then I have done exactly what I set out to do with this blog. Also, please check out the 'about me' and 'resource page' to learn more about me and the support that is out there in many different areas and for many different purposes.
May God bless you and yours and may you have a very blessed day....
And continue to watch this blog as there is more to come for in recovery, everything is subject to revision...
And so it began, I put my life in the hands of my parents to start with. I knew I needed help and I also knew, that they would find that I got the help I needed and was asking for. For the first few days of the beginning of my new life, way of life, my mom was with me 24/7. Mom sat with me on nights I couldn't sleep until I went to sleep. Mom made phone calls to find out what needed to be done, what were the steps to take to get me into treatment at the place I knew I wanted and probably needed to go to. I felt that if I went to this place I would and could get the help I so desperately needed and was searching for. I knew that they could help me because they had helped another family member and they were still sober.
This process of mine, which is on going and will be for the rest of my life, started almost 6 years ago. Yes, on November 23, I will be celebrating my 6th year in recovery and being clean from all mood and mind altering chemicals. Now I don't say that to brag or boast, I say that so that the one person that reads this post knows that they too can do the same thing. It is possible to stop using, have that desire lifted and learn how to live a new life without the use of drugs, alcohol, or any mood/mind altering substance. So, that was my beginning in learning to trust someone other than myself for the care of my life and the relationships that I would make and/or remake.
My mom, sister and aunt were all with me in the beginning. Helping me, doing what was needed to ensure my recovery. Without these three women loving me and protecting me, mainly from myself, I really don't think I would have been able to come as far as I have. To this day, they are still in my corner. Aiding when needed to see that I stay on track with my recovery and my life. You can read previous posts that are about my mom and my sister and what they mean to me. Most folks probably would say well it's your mom's place to love you and try to protect you and for the most part they would be right, I guess. But, you see, I used my mom so much and did such bad things to her that she has every right to tell me 'no I not going to put myself out there just to be hurt again by you!' But she didn't and neither did my sister or aunt. They all stood beside me and helped to guide me in the right direction.
So on Thanksgiving Day, 2009, I left my parents home and started the process to begin my recovery. When we arrived at the treatment facility where I would spent the next month or so, I had to trust that the people working there would help me. I had to believe and trust people that I had never met before in my life, with my life. Not an easy thing to do but when you are in need you learn to do what you have to do to make it. So at around 1 a.m. on November 24, 2009, my mom, sister and aunt left me in the hands of people that none of us knew. We all put all the trust we had in these people at a time in my life when I thought I would go crazy because I knew no one. What relationships I did have that were somewhat healthy had just pulled out of the parking lot and there I was. Scared and all alone, with nothing or no one to help me except the people of the facility and a loving God.
While I was in treatment I did meet people and formed a friendship type relationship[p with these people. But I was very careful not to get too close, I had been in that mind set for years now and had to learn that it was time to forget how I did things before and to trust the process that I was beginning. My dad told me before I left 'don't go there if you're not willing to do what they tell you to do. They will and can help you but you have to be willing to listen to them and do as they ask.' So I did what he suggested I do, I followed all the rules and did as the counsellors ask of me and like I said, had some folks that I talked to and hung out with.
While in treatment I learned many things about relationships, Most of all I learned that what I knew about relationships were not what a 'healthy' relationship was suppose to be made of. So in short, I knew nothing about relationships at all. But I wanted to learn how to make relationships, keep those relationships and what these relationships were suppose to have in them to make them work and last a life time.
Needless to say, this is one of the biggest things anyone will ever do in their life, create relationships the healthy way and how to work and nourish those relationships so that they are always as healthy as they can be. Some relationships are not meant to be ones that are long term and then others are meant to be long term. It's best, I have found, to take new relationships slowly. See them for what they are and what they are not. Try to see that person and that new found relationship for what it really is. Learn what is healthy and unhealthy for you.
Next, I had to get a relationship with myself. I needed to learn that I mattered. I desired to be treated with respect. I desired to be loved for me and not what I could do for someone else. Yes, these may be simple things to you but for this addict it was hard at first. Please don't get it wrong or twisted, I am still learning about relationships and the different levels of each relationship I have with people today. What level am I on with this person? Do they treat me the way I want to and desire to be treated? If not, then why do I find it necessary to continue to have said relationship with them? What kind of relationship do I really have with said person? Should I be on a different level than I am in this relationship? And many other questions that I feel I have to ask myself about the relationship I have or think I have with people in my life today and then questions for those that will come into my life in the future.
Relationships are, for me anyway, always going to be a work in progress just as my recovery is and will be for the rest of my life. Why? Because that's how I stay healthy with mind, body and soul. Today, I know I matter and I have a lot of worth. So, those that I have meaningful relationships with know my worth and respect me for who I am today and love me for me with the good, the bad, and the different inside me that makes me who I am.
Thank you for those who continue to support me and my blog. You are greatly appreciated and I humbly thank you for the confidence you give to me freely to continue writing as it seems to be a passion of mine today. As always, if this post or another post to this blog helps just one person then I have done exactly what I set out to do with this blog. Also, please check out the 'about me' and 'resource page' to learn more about me and the support that is out there in many different areas and for many different purposes.
May God bless you and yours and may you have a very blessed day....
And continue to watch this blog as there is more to come for in recovery, everything is subject to revision...
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