Acceptance - Hard but Doable

So, I have been given "hope" to give me a positive outlook on all things, even myself.  Then, I had to "surrender" all to God "all" things in my life, power or no power

Now, I have to show "acceptance"?  Acceptance of things and people for what and who they are.  To have acceptance, I must accept all aspects of myself, my assets, defects, successes, and failures.  I have to accept things that I cannot change.  I have no power over them and therefore I must turn them over to God knowing that He will give me the power to meet new people and new ideas as they come into my life with the openness I need.

There are times, there have been lots of times, and I know that there will be times to come, that acceptance is very hard.  Having acceptance tells me that "it is what it is" and there is no need for me to put or try to put my spin on it to make it "what I want it to be".  Or for me to try and change another person.  There are and will be lots of things and people to come into my life that I will have to learn to accept them the way they are.

I have no power over these things and/or people.  I must let them be where they are and I have to be where I am.  Accepting that this is how things are.  Asking God to grant me what I need to keep my hands off of it. You see, when I was using and still sometimes today, I think I can change this or that to better suit me.  I wanted to put my spin on it and stir it up, make it what I wanted.  What I am learning today is that if I keep my hands out of it and accept it for what it is, people and places, God will take care of it.  Or He will show me the way for me to handle it.  See, when I was using, I had to have my hand in everything.  Trying as hard as I could to change things and people to what "I" thought they should be.  I had to be in control, that way I could continue to do what I was doing.  Doing it the way I wanted to and not having to worry about things or people.

In active addiction, I really thought I had all this power to make things the way I wanted them.  When in reality all I did was make a messier mess.  Trying to lie and manipulate things and people to satisfy myself.  I really thought I had control or power over everything.

In recovery, I have learned "Man, was I wrong!"  You see, if there are things or people that I feel the need to change to better suit me, I need to give it/them to God and keep both my hands out or off of it, He will work it out the way that it is suppose to be.  Now, it may not be how "I" think it should be but that is where acceptance comes in to play.

With Gods help, and this is just for me, I have been able to mend some relationships, I have been able to let things and people be where they are and I am trying to only worry about myself and what I need to do for me.

"Acceptance", that really is a hard one a lot of the time.  But doing the footwork in my recovery is working and my acceptance is getting greater each day.  If I can do something that God would have me do, I do it.  But if I can't and God doesn't want me in it, then I keep to myself out and let go and let God do what God does.

I know you must be think "Dang, this recovery thing, not using, sure is a lot of work!"  Yes, it is but it is worth every bit of the work and then some.  In recovery, I have choices.  I can choose to stay in the problem or I can move to the solution.  If I use, my choices are gone.

Today, I choose to not use.  So far, having hope, surrendering to this disease and with acceptance, I have a really good life.  It is only through the understanding and application of these principles that they work.  You can know them for what they are and how they work, but if you don't "apply" them to your life, you will continue to get what you've always gotten.  With these principles working in my life today, I have peace of mind, love in my heart for others and myself and the eagerness to move forward.

Just think how life is without these principles working in it or not having choices.  Madness, confusion, chaos.  They all can be gone.  Changed to the positive. With these principle, and along with other principles that I still have to learn and explore, life is getting better.

My life has changed.  I love myself today.  My hope is that if you  get anything from this blog of mine, it is "No matter what, things and people can change if they really, really want to.  Your life can change.  You just have to want it to and do the work that is necessary to obtain it.  You and only you can ask for the help you need and change your life.  Until that happens, unfortunately, your life will remain the same, never changing and possibly getting worse day by day.




(** I am in the process of adding to this blog, a page with information for those that are looking, hoping for a chance to change their lives.  If you know of a place or blog that should be added please email me.  This page is a work in progress.  Again, YOU have to ask for the help.  Help cannot help you if it doesn't know you need it.  Life can be wonderful.  Full of joy, love and happiness.  It's there for the taking, just take that first very, most important step and ask for help.)

Surrender - Not Giving Up, Just Moving On...

For me, this was big.  Having to surrender to the disease of addiction?  Are you crazy?  I can beat this!  I can't admit defeat, I won't!

Okay, now let's look at what "surrender" means.  Some say surrender is to admit defeat.  To give up absolutely; to put your hands up and quit fighting.  Not having to fight anymore; to quit with no reservations.  Oh, wait, what were those last ones?  "Not having to fight anymore; to quit with NO RESERVATIONS!"  Man, I didn't realize that this was "surrender".

I have to surrender to my disease, I have to admit that I cannot use any drug, in any amount, any way successfully!  I have to "quit with NO RESERVATIONS"!  Okay, but what exactly is a reservation?  Webster's dictionary defines it as an act to set aside for future and/or special use; to put on hold until or to put back for one's self.

So, if I have reservations about surrendering to the disease of addiction, it won't work.  I have to do it completely.  I cannot hold on to anything or hold back anything.  I have to give up on trying to use absolutely and completely.

I can't quit and say "Well, I'll stop for a little while and after I get to looking somewhat okay again, physically, maybe for a week or two.  Just to get a handle on this.  Then when I do use, it will only be on special occasions or just on the weekends.  No more through the week using.  So how many times do we tell ourselves this huge, enormous lie:?  How many more times do we have to do the same things over and over again?  Knowing that things are just going to go back to the way they were only I will get there faster and it will be worse than when I stopped?  Till it gets stronger and harder to stop?  So hard that we, or for me anyway, that I used when I really didn't want to!

So, when I surrendered to the disease of addiction I was admitting that I, under no circumstances, could I use successfully.  That the disease was in control of my life not me.  I surrendered and asked God to please delivery me from this pain and suffering.

It was not an easy task.  There is no way I could have ever made it this far without surrendering completely, with no reservations what so ever.  Also, I have a support network of women that are there for me 24/7 if I, or when I, need them.

If you are using, please look closely at your life.  You may not be there yet but there will come a day, if you are an addict, that your life will no longer be your own.  Sad, but true.  But there is still a light at the end of the tunnel.  As long as you have breathe in your body, you can quit.  You may have to do it over and over and over again, because relapse can and is a part of recovery.

So, if you are unsure, look back over your life.  Who or what has really been in control?  There is help and  all you have to do is ask for it.  There are folks out there that will help you if you only ask.  No one can help you until you help you.

If you are someone that is ready to try, please ask for the help.  I am not saying that it is easy, by no means, but it is doable.  That first step is always, in anything, the hardest step to take.  No matter if it be drugs, a new job, or first date.  That first step has to be taken and then just hang on for the ride.  Life will and does get better.  More than I could have ever dreamed of.

Today, I wake each morning and thank God for giving me one more day.  I love my life today.  I love myself today and I am worth the footwork that it takes to stay clean!!

Hope - Something Positive to Look Toward

When I first knew I had a problem, well, when I finally admitted I had a problem with drugs, I felt that all hope was gone of me ever getting control of my life back.  In and of hopelessness I searched and reached out for help and found what could restore, renew hope inside of me.  I found the hope of one day being in recovery, learning to live and living without the use of drugs or using anyone.

With this new found hope, I had no idea of the wonderful events that were to come into my life or happen in my life.  Hope gave me back to the God of my understanding, Jesus Christ.  Hope gave me what I needed to take the steps necessary for my spiritual growth and growth in recovery.

Without hope, there is nothing, for me, that can help me.  I must first find that hope to tap into and grow.  With hope, I can share that I need help with people I know who are there to help me.

Hope is the spiritual principle I had to relearn and understand in order to begin my journey in recovery.  Hope is defined by many as a general feeling that some desire will be fulfilled; one that gives promise for the future.  My spirit was renewed with the hope of one day at a time I can stay clean.  With hope, I could learn to live again, I could mend relationships I had broken, I could get up day after day and be able, with a clear conscience say "Thank you God for giving me another day and another opportunity to help someone just like someone has and is helping me".

With hope, being able to have a positive outlook toward my future, I have a fighting chance against the disease of addiction.  I have a positive outlook on most things, though I am still working on areas of my life and am applying "hope"to those parts, that God will see me through to the other side.

Hope is not the only spiritual principle that I have been relearning and applying to my life.  You see, to me, these spiritual principles are what I was taught growing up and had stopped applying them to my life.  I had abandoned God because I thought I didn't matter, I was less than, I could and would never have a life that "normal" people had.  So, I turned to drugs.  Though this happened to me later in life, it still happened.  It doesn't matter what age I was for the disease of addiction was just waiting until the best moment to get me and let me lose myself in the process.

My next several posts are going to be along this line, spiritual principles.  As I stated I have had to relearn and apply them to my life every day.  For those that are not addicted this probably sounds a little, well a lot, like bull.  Okay, consider this, surrender, acceptance, honesty, willingness, faith, tolerance and a few others are principles that I am working everyday on relearning  and then applying them to my life.  I also stated that spiritual principles were what I grew up on.  The do's and don't's, rights and wrongs, good and bad.

I am hoping that this will be an experience that we can have together as I tell how each principle is applied in my life, what I feel the definition is and what I have learned so far, if anything, from applying the principle in my life.  As always, if you would like to leave a comment or email me due to anonymity, I always love hearing from y'all.  And, if there is ever anything that I can explain better or you have a question, please let me know.

Thanks to those who have read this and hopefully, I have helped, in some small way, you or someone you know to begin on that road of recovery.  The disease of addiction cannot be cured but we can arrest it, put it to sleep, lock it up and away and eventually lose that desire to use.  Maybe I have helped that person just make it through today.  It does not matter to me, if this helps someone then that is just icing on the cake.  Just sayin'.......