Defined as putting up with pain or trouble without complaint; capable of calmly awaiting an outcome or results, not hasty or impulsive; showing self-control; calm, steadfast.
It has been my experience that patience is needed in almost all, if not all, areas of one's life. Patience is a principle that we all must learn to some degree in our life. So let's get started and look at 'patience' and how I must practice this principle whether I want to or not!
Now, in active addition, you cannot find many that have patience or practices this principle. Addict or not most of us have a hard time being patient. I have had to learn a lot about having patience since entering into recovery. There was really no patience in active addiction. I wanted what I wanted, when I wanted it and how I wanted it! I thought the world revolved around me and what I wanted.
When I got to the rough and raw part of my addiction, I had the mind set that I would get what I wanted anytime I wanted. I would get extremely upset when I could not use because of outside issues: no money, they were out, no way to get there and so on. At this point in my addiction I really believe that I could not stop using even though I wanted so desperately to stop.
Trying to get into recovery can be a difficult task. Why? I have no idea! But as I have shared before, it took a few days for me to get into the treatment facility. It breaks my heart to see and know people that so want help and not being able to receive it in a timely manner. Partly due to the "I want it when I want it..." and so on. Then partly because it is so expensive. If you are lucky enough to get into a facility that charges on a sliding scale and it's some place you can deal with, you feel safe, then take it. I, myself, was able to get into a state funded facility. Fortunately, I was accepted immediately into the treatment facility that I felt would do me the most good. Thank God I have been able to pay that debt in full. For I know, had I not paid that balance in full, should I relapse, I could not go back there. Today, I can breath a small sigh of relief, that if need be I can go back.
After getting into this treatment center, I had to wait on this or that to take place in the order they were suppose to happen. It was hard at first. God has really tested my patience since that day or before that day. He has lead me in a path that I am comfortable being in. In treatment, the process of learning patience started. I, also, was able to learn that I should have patience in all areas of my life. It may not be a piece of cake, but I know that I must just sit back and let whatever process is working, work. I can't try to put my spin on it. God is handling it and showing me what to do.
There is this saying 'Patience is a virtue'. I have never thought about what that really means. So, I looked it up on Google. This is what I found that seems to fit best, when we say 'Patience is a virtue' we are exposing our moral values and expressing the importance of patience as a foundation of principle. Patience is a necessity for a happy existence and that is why the phrase is so often used. There are several issues that I am waiting on the outcome of before I can move ahead. To me, being patience is sitting still. Letting go and letting God. Meaning I do my very best to keep my hands off, so as not to manipulate the out come in anyway. That is how I look at having patience. As long as I let the process that must take place, in order for me to get to the other side, run its natural course, keeping my hands off, that is patience.
This is not a complex principle, it is a difficult principle for most folks. I think, to be able to just sit still and not do anything is very hard, especially if you know something that you can do to tip the scales in your favor. I must trust that God has the wheel on whatever the situation may be and He will work it the way it should go. Good, bad, or indifferent.
Being impatience is part of my disease. I want what I want when and how I want it. Doesnt' matter what I have to do to get it: steal, lie, manipulate, and the list goes on. Today, as I stated I choose not to do anything except have the patience needed and the trust in God needed to move forward in my life. I also believe that patience and tolerance go far in explaining how they should work together for the common good.
Each day, each morning that God allows me to wake up, is a very gratifying gift. When issues work themselves out, the meaning of patience comes flowing in. There are times that I can only sit still and wait and watch in order not to lose sight of what is really behind the questions that I have. Putting all,,every single ounce of yourself, myself on hold and keeping our hands off.
Once you start trying to practice the principle in all areas of your life that need it, you will see just how strong and powerful being patient can help and even change your/my outlook on things. No matter what the situation is about. Not putting my hands on every little thing, trusting God is working on that problem and I really believe He is, all things will work out the way they should. It may not be to my liking but that;s okay too.
There are folks that, if you have any patience at all, think that you are stuck and not moving forward. You can and will probably get stuck from time to time, but being patient, sitting still while the process is working is not being stuck or complacent. You are just doing what is needed at that time.
Again, this is not the easiest principle to adhere to. Being an addict, I feel, makes it much harder to practice patience. There will be some that just can't do it no matter how hard they try. Some people are just 'wired' differently and it is very hard, if not impossible for them to have patience.
So, I have shared my experience so far, on hope, surrender, acceptance, honesty, open mindedness, willingness, faith, tolerance and patience. As stated, when you can learn how to apply each one in your life, your life can and will change. The more areas you apply these principle to, the more change you will see or you can have. If you did not read all these principles that I have shared, please feel free to go back and read them. I think you will see that going back is well worth the time. The next principles will be humility, empathy, trust, commitment and others. If you are like me, an addict, some of these principles are not quiet what I thought they were. Like humility, it might have a different meaning than what you think. I did not realize just how hard it was going to be to apply and practice these principles in my life.
Hope you have enjoyed and maybe found some helpful things in the past posts. In the process of doing this blog, my hope is that someone, addict or not, can get some help they so desperately seek. My goal is to post helpful information. My experiences in active addiction and recovery are shared to help that person to understand they are not the only ones that feel this way, act that way, you are not alone. Also, my hope is to raise awareness to the ever growing problem of addiction. It is running at full speed ahead and help and understanding is in great demand.
If you are an addict looking for help, please go to my resource page. There is a lot of helpful information there. If, for some reason, you do not find what you are looking for, send me an email as to what you need or are trying to find and I will do my best to help you or put you in contact with someone that can help. I really do love each and everyone of you and you are appreciated more that you will ever know. Thank you for the encouragement you have given to me by just reading my post. God bless.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
A Big Thank You and Let's Talk About Tolerance
First, I would like to express my deepest thanks to all that visit my blog. The head counter hit over 1000 hits this weekend. I really do appreciate each and everyone of you, for without you, I would not be doing a blog. There have been really wonderful and encouraging comments made about the contents and context of this blog. It makes me feel good to know that I am maybe helping just one person with their addiction or a person that has someone in active addiction. Am just glad that today, I have the ability to express myself, being open and honest about my addiction and experiences, that someone has one more day free from those chains of active addiction. One thing that I cannot express enough is that anyone applying these principles in their life on a daily basis, not just addicts, but anyone and everyone, can really change your life a great deal.
Now, as I move along and start with the next principle of 'Tolerance'...
Tolerance is defined as a disposition to allow freedom of choice and behavior; willingness to recognize and respect the beliefs or practices of others; enduring or adapting to the allowable deviation from a standard.
So, I have said in some of the past post that the principle that I was sharing on was a hard one, well, here is another 'hard' one - Tolerance. Read the definition, this is really my hardest one. Reading and understanding the definition, what is really being said is that I have to 'accept' someones beliefs/practices even if the differ from my own.
There is that 'acceptance' and 'willingness' again. So it would seem that I should be or at least trying to practice this principle on a regular basis as it appears it goes hand in hand with other principles. Anyway, I have a very hard time with this principle of 'tolerance'. Basically letting people be where they are in their process of recovery and/or life itself. But some of these folks are acting crazy! They continue to do the same thing expecting a different outcome each time. Why can't they see what they are doing? If only they would do it 'this way, my way' they would see how it is suppose to be and not how they want it to be.
So, I guess it is safe to say that this is where that 'acceptance and willingness' come in to play. I have to accept that everyone is not where I am in recovery or life, for that matter. That I must be willing to allow them to progress at their own rate and speed. Sorry, it just kills me to see people in addiction or life itself, continuing to do the same old way and wondering why it is not working out the way they want it to or the way they think it should.
Tolerance, allowing people to be where they are. Sometimes, I see or hear someone say or do something, the same old way and then when it is all said and done they ask or state "I don't know why this won't work out. I keep trying to do it but I'm still getting the same results!" So, have you tried a different approach to the matter? Have you tried looking at it from a different viewpoint? No!! Okay, well that's okay you have to do what you have to do. You have to be where you can learn. I can't get all bent out of shape just because you don't do things my way.
In my process, I have learned that you can do things in a somewhat different manner and come up with the same results as someone else. I have been told that I take the long way around or through something to get to the other side. When there was a shorter more direct approach to the matter. That's okay. They now have to have tolerance with me and my process.
My way maybe right, but it may also be just one of many ways to work that type of problem out. As I practice this principle of 'tolerance' in my daily life, my levels of tolerance to people and things have and will increase more. Everyone and everything has a different tolerance level. As with any of these spiritual principles, time and putting them into action in my life gets better day by day.
I may not always have the most direct approach to things in life, but that is just part of me being who I am. I can and do change, but for myself, not for someone else. Today, I have choices, I remain teachable in all areas of my life. Working daily to apply all these principles, especially tolerance to my life.
In practicing tolerance, I am able to be where I am and be okay with that. Letting everyone else be where they are and being okay with that also. There are other principles, one's I have not shared on, that play a part in having and showing tolerance. Once I have shared on each of these principles, I will look at how each one works together with another and how they all, in the end, work off one another.
Just remember "You can and will have to practice these in life, on a daily basis. It is doable, may not always be easy, but most good things in life aren't easy to do nor to get. As I grow in my recovery, I am amazed at the things I can do Things that are just not that important like they were in active addiction. I see just how sick I was. Hard to believe I did some of the things I did just to get 'one more'. Thank God, I still have some 'not yets', but I know that just makes me eligible, too. My 'not yets' are the things that in active addiction, I could not tolerate from myself and my life. Never been locked up, never had to used my body to get that 'one more', never tried to kill myself, and others. Again, not saying these things because I feel I am above or better than that man or woman sitting in a meeting beside me. Only to say, those things will be waiting on me should I ever return to active addiction. It's just the nature of the 'beast'. So, the more I work on my tolerance level in my life, the better chance I stand in growing up in my recovery and able to allow others their process, too.
Now, as I move along and start with the next principle of 'Tolerance'...
Tolerance is defined as a disposition to allow freedom of choice and behavior; willingness to recognize and respect the beliefs or practices of others; enduring or adapting to the allowable deviation from a standard.
So, I have said in some of the past post that the principle that I was sharing on was a hard one, well, here is another 'hard' one - Tolerance. Read the definition, this is really my hardest one. Reading and understanding the definition, what is really being said is that I have to 'accept' someones beliefs/practices even if the differ from my own.
There is that 'acceptance' and 'willingness' again. So it would seem that I should be or at least trying to practice this principle on a regular basis as it appears it goes hand in hand with other principles. Anyway, I have a very hard time with this principle of 'tolerance'. Basically letting people be where they are in their process of recovery and/or life itself. But some of these folks are acting crazy! They continue to do the same thing expecting a different outcome each time. Why can't they see what they are doing? If only they would do it 'this way, my way' they would see how it is suppose to be and not how they want it to be.
So, I guess it is safe to say that this is where that 'acceptance and willingness' come in to play. I have to accept that everyone is not where I am in recovery or life, for that matter. That I must be willing to allow them to progress at their own rate and speed. Sorry, it just kills me to see people in addiction or life itself, continuing to do the same old way and wondering why it is not working out the way they want it to or the way they think it should.
Tolerance, allowing people to be where they are. Sometimes, I see or hear someone say or do something, the same old way and then when it is all said and done they ask or state "I don't know why this won't work out. I keep trying to do it but I'm still getting the same results!" So, have you tried a different approach to the matter? Have you tried looking at it from a different viewpoint? No!! Okay, well that's okay you have to do what you have to do. You have to be where you can learn. I can't get all bent out of shape just because you don't do things my way.
In my process, I have learned that you can do things in a somewhat different manner and come up with the same results as someone else. I have been told that I take the long way around or through something to get to the other side. When there was a shorter more direct approach to the matter. That's okay. They now have to have tolerance with me and my process.
My way maybe right, but it may also be just one of many ways to work that type of problem out. As I practice this principle of 'tolerance' in my daily life, my levels of tolerance to people and things have and will increase more. Everyone and everything has a different tolerance level. As with any of these spiritual principles, time and putting them into action in my life gets better day by day.
I may not always have the most direct approach to things in life, but that is just part of me being who I am. I can and do change, but for myself, not for someone else. Today, I have choices, I remain teachable in all areas of my life. Working daily to apply all these principles, especially tolerance to my life.
In practicing tolerance, I am able to be where I am and be okay with that. Letting everyone else be where they are and being okay with that also. There are other principles, one's I have not shared on, that play a part in having and showing tolerance. Once I have shared on each of these principles, I will look at how each one works together with another and how they all, in the end, work off one another.
Just remember "You can and will have to practice these in life, on a daily basis. It is doable, may not always be easy, but most good things in life aren't easy to do nor to get. As I grow in my recovery, I am amazed at the things I can do Things that are just not that important like they were in active addiction. I see just how sick I was. Hard to believe I did some of the things I did just to get 'one more'. Thank God, I still have some 'not yets', but I know that just makes me eligible, too. My 'not yets' are the things that in active addiction, I could not tolerate from myself and my life. Never been locked up, never had to used my body to get that 'one more', never tried to kill myself, and others. Again, not saying these things because I feel I am above or better than that man or woman sitting in a meeting beside me. Only to say, those things will be waiting on me should I ever return to active addiction. It's just the nature of the 'beast'. So, the more I work on my tolerance level in my life, the better chance I stand in growing up in my recovery and able to allow others their process, too.
Friday, August 17, 2012
Faith...
So, how did you like the before and after photos of myself? Huge difference, wouldn't you say? There have been lots of people that knew me before and after and are amazed that I have a very high level of acceptance in that area of my life. All I can say is "It is what it is and I can accept that and move on."
Next, I would like to discuss my experience with Faith.
Faith - having strong belief in powers that control human destiny; complete confidence in a person or plan; an individuals belief system; a system of religious beliefs.
Growing up in a small town in the South, it stands to reason that I knew what my idea of faith was at an early age. When you are raised in the 'bible belt region', you are taught about faith, I think. You learn to at least try to believe in the 'God' as your parents believe. I think this is true in any home anywhere, not just the South.
Being taught about faith growing up, I did and still do have a belief system that starts with God. During my active addiction, I never, not even for a minute, lost my faith in God. You see, I believe that God is all things. He is what makes it possible for me to wake in the mornings. He is the one that carried me so many years, when I could not carry myself. There have been far too many things that have taken place in my life for me not to believe or not to have faith in something much greater than anything here on earth.
'Faith' having a strong belief, complete confidence in something or someone. I know I have discussed my experience with hope, surrender, acceptance, honesty, open mindedness and willingness and how they all worked and are working in my life in recovery. Now, my faith is something or someone, my belief system, as I stated, was taught to me at a young age. As I grew older, my faith in God grew also. Now in any 12 step program, they will tell you that you have to get and believe in a power greater that yourself. A 'Higher Power' as it is called. Some people believe, especially those that are religious, or have mixed feelings about a 'Higher Power'. But it is my understanding that the 12 step programs are open to and for any and all addicts. They do not care about your religion, race, sex, and so on. Now, not all addicts are religious, much less are they all Christians. And I do not think that those programs are a way of brain washing people to believe in anything in particular. Just that the belief has to be a power greater than oneself. Again, most 12 step programs, that I know of, are not religious but they are spiritual programs. And yes, there is a difference.
As defined on Dictionary.com, religion is a set of beliefs concerning the cause, nature and purpose of the universe, especially when considered as the creation of the superhuman agency or agencies, usually involving devotional and ritual observances, and often containing a moral code governing the conduct of human affairs. Spiritual is of or pertaining to the spirit or soul, as distinguished from the physical nature; a spiritual approach to life. Now in my words, religion is a set of beliefs or structure that are practiced regularly; external, others can see. Spiritual is what an individual sees as truth for them, but still understands that everyone has their own truth. It is internal, no one sees it but that individual. Yes, I was raised with a religious background. But I was not a very spiritual person until I entered into recovery and learned how to have a relationship with God as I understand Him to be.
Yes, I believe and have faith in God. I think that my faith is the only reason I am here today. Able to share my life experiences with you , in hopes that you read this and can get the help you may need. None of the principles that I have shared on so far are a must to start recovery, except for, I think, willingness. You must have faith that recovery will work.
I feel that willingness and faith go hand in hand when discussing active addiction and recovery. Having faith in something to help free you from your active addiction. But there has to be bit of willingness to try it out and see if it works. When I stop and look at my life, my past and what is going on today, I see that I use 'faith' everyday. The start of my day, I have faith that things will work out the way they are suppose to. Anything and everything, I do is hinged on some type or area of my faith.
When I was in active addiction, I tried to keep my faith that I have in God. I know I am the one that turned my back. I turned my back on God and all that was good in my life. I never, for one second, lost my faith in what God could do for me. Having extreme low self-esteem didn't help matters. I felt like a complete loser and I eventually started to believe that I was. I felt that I had ruined every thing good in my life and I deserved what I got. I am sure some of you out there understand what I am talking about. Knowing that I had people that loved me no matter what, still wasn't enough to rid me of the feelings I had toward myself.
The belief, faith, that I was taught as a child growing up in the church is that God would always be there. No matter what. He would always be by my side. I know you all know 'Footprints' and if you don't, please Google it and you will never feel alone again, I hope. Anyway, if ever those words meant anything it is the best example of how my faith was shaken to it's core. No one will ever make me believe anything else, but that God did, indeed, carry me until I was able to walk along by His side once again. In my darkest days of using, He was there. When I thought my life was ending, He was there. God's love for me and my faith in Him, kept me going day after day. I have survived car wrecks, being in the wrong places at the wrong times and being held at gun point with no way out except for that person to put the gun down and allow me to walk away unharmed, without a scratch.
Since I entered recovery, I still have faith in God. Though, it is stronger today and grows stronger each day. It has never been this strong and I know that if I keep my faith strong in God and in myself, life will work out. Problems and different situations will work out the way they are meant to. Again, I am not a 'religious' person, though I do believe in God, but my spiritual self is stronger, alive and growing each and everyday.
There are still some questions in my life as to what is going to happen to me. My health, my disability, my living situation with mom and dad. Will I be able to continue getting the medical treatment needed for my health issues? Will my disability ever get approved so I can get somethings medically taken care of and be able to bear the expenses of it? Will I always be living with mom and dad? Will I not eve have the 'someone special' in my life to share and love together? At this very moment, I do not know the answers to any of these questions and others not mentioned. I do, however, know that God will take care of me as He has done all my life. And as long as I have faith in Him, then things will work out the way they are meant to. With His love for me and my love and faith in Him, everything will be okay. Recovery, life itself, is a process I go through day to day. Learning, loving, trusting, having the faith I feel is right for me to get through each day. Yes, some days are very hard, but life is very hard at times and not because I am a recovering addict, that is just how life is. For anyone and everyone, life shows up, whether we want it to or not. How we respond is the question.
Do I have the faith to follow through on the work I need to do for me and my recovery? You bet I do and I will do the the footwork needed as long as I have to, even if it means not always agreeing with everyone else. We all have our 'own way of life' and how we handle life on life's terms. All I can do is keep the faith in doing the next right thing for the next right reason. Sometimes our faith 'is' all we have...
Next, I would like to discuss my experience with Faith.
Faith - having strong belief in powers that control human destiny; complete confidence in a person or plan; an individuals belief system; a system of religious beliefs.
Growing up in a small town in the South, it stands to reason that I knew what my idea of faith was at an early age. When you are raised in the 'bible belt region', you are taught about faith, I think. You learn to at least try to believe in the 'God' as your parents believe. I think this is true in any home anywhere, not just the South.
Being taught about faith growing up, I did and still do have a belief system that starts with God. During my active addiction, I never, not even for a minute, lost my faith in God. You see, I believe that God is all things. He is what makes it possible for me to wake in the mornings. He is the one that carried me so many years, when I could not carry myself. There have been far too many things that have taken place in my life for me not to believe or not to have faith in something much greater than anything here on earth.
'Faith' having a strong belief, complete confidence in something or someone. I know I have discussed my experience with hope, surrender, acceptance, honesty, open mindedness and willingness and how they all worked and are working in my life in recovery. Now, my faith is something or someone, my belief system, as I stated, was taught to me at a young age. As I grew older, my faith in God grew also. Now in any 12 step program, they will tell you that you have to get and believe in a power greater that yourself. A 'Higher Power' as it is called. Some people believe, especially those that are religious, or have mixed feelings about a 'Higher Power'. But it is my understanding that the 12 step programs are open to and for any and all addicts. They do not care about your religion, race, sex, and so on. Now, not all addicts are religious, much less are they all Christians. And I do not think that those programs are a way of brain washing people to believe in anything in particular. Just that the belief has to be a power greater than oneself. Again, most 12 step programs, that I know of, are not religious but they are spiritual programs. And yes, there is a difference.
As defined on Dictionary.com, religion is a set of beliefs concerning the cause, nature and purpose of the universe, especially when considered as the creation of the superhuman agency or agencies, usually involving devotional and ritual observances, and often containing a moral code governing the conduct of human affairs. Spiritual is of or pertaining to the spirit or soul, as distinguished from the physical nature; a spiritual approach to life. Now in my words, religion is a set of beliefs or structure that are practiced regularly; external, others can see. Spiritual is what an individual sees as truth for them, but still understands that everyone has their own truth. It is internal, no one sees it but that individual. Yes, I was raised with a religious background. But I was not a very spiritual person until I entered into recovery and learned how to have a relationship with God as I understand Him to be.
Yes, I believe and have faith in God. I think that my faith is the only reason I am here today. Able to share my life experiences with you , in hopes that you read this and can get the help you may need. None of the principles that I have shared on so far are a must to start recovery, except for, I think, willingness. You must have faith that recovery will work.
I feel that willingness and faith go hand in hand when discussing active addiction and recovery. Having faith in something to help free you from your active addiction. But there has to be bit of willingness to try it out and see if it works. When I stop and look at my life, my past and what is going on today, I see that I use 'faith' everyday. The start of my day, I have faith that things will work out the way they are suppose to. Anything and everything, I do is hinged on some type or area of my faith.
When I was in active addiction, I tried to keep my faith that I have in God. I know I am the one that turned my back. I turned my back on God and all that was good in my life. I never, for one second, lost my faith in what God could do for me. Having extreme low self-esteem didn't help matters. I felt like a complete loser and I eventually started to believe that I was. I felt that I had ruined every thing good in my life and I deserved what I got. I am sure some of you out there understand what I am talking about. Knowing that I had people that loved me no matter what, still wasn't enough to rid me of the feelings I had toward myself.
The belief, faith, that I was taught as a child growing up in the church is that God would always be there. No matter what. He would always be by my side. I know you all know 'Footprints' and if you don't, please Google it and you will never feel alone again, I hope. Anyway, if ever those words meant anything it is the best example of how my faith was shaken to it's core. No one will ever make me believe anything else, but that God did, indeed, carry me until I was able to walk along by His side once again. In my darkest days of using, He was there. When I thought my life was ending, He was there. God's love for me and my faith in Him, kept me going day after day. I have survived car wrecks, being in the wrong places at the wrong times and being held at gun point with no way out except for that person to put the gun down and allow me to walk away unharmed, without a scratch.
Since I entered recovery, I still have faith in God. Though, it is stronger today and grows stronger each day. It has never been this strong and I know that if I keep my faith strong in God and in myself, life will work out. Problems and different situations will work out the way they are meant to. Again, I am not a 'religious' person, though I do believe in God, but my spiritual self is stronger, alive and growing each and everyday.
There are still some questions in my life as to what is going to happen to me. My health, my disability, my living situation with mom and dad. Will I be able to continue getting the medical treatment needed for my health issues? Will my disability ever get approved so I can get somethings medically taken care of and be able to bear the expenses of it? Will I always be living with mom and dad? Will I not eve have the 'someone special' in my life to share and love together? At this very moment, I do not know the answers to any of these questions and others not mentioned. I do, however, know that God will take care of me as He has done all my life. And as long as I have faith in Him, then things will work out the way they are meant to. With His love for me and my love and faith in Him, everything will be okay. Recovery, life itself, is a process I go through day to day. Learning, loving, trusting, having the faith I feel is right for me to get through each day. Yes, some days are very hard, but life is very hard at times and not because I am a recovering addict, that is just how life is. For anyone and everyone, life shows up, whether we want it to or not. How we respond is the question.
Do I have the faith to follow through on the work I need to do for me and my recovery? You bet I do and I will do the the footwork needed as long as I have to, even if it means not always agreeing with everyone else. We all have our 'own way of life' and how we handle life on life's terms. All I can do is keep the faith in doing the next right thing for the next right reason. Sometimes our faith 'is' all we have...
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