Faith...

So, how did you like the before and after photos of myself?  Huge difference, wouldn't you say?  There have been lots of people that knew me before and after and are amazed that I have a very high level of acceptance in that area of my life.  All I can say is "It is what it is and I can accept that and move on."

Next, I would like to discuss my experience with Faith.

Faith - having strong belief in powers that control human destiny; complete confidence in a person or plan; an individuals belief system; a system of religious beliefs.

Growing up in a small town in the South, it stands to reason that I knew what my idea of faith was at an early age.  When you are raised in the 'bible belt region', you are taught about faith, I think.  You learn to at least try to believe in the 'God' as your parents believe.  I think this is true in any home anywhere, not just the South.

Being taught about faith growing up, I did and still do have a belief system that starts with God.  During my active addiction, I never, not even for  a minute, lost my faith in God.  You see, I believe that God is all things. He is what makes it possible for me to wake in the mornings.  He is the one that carried me so many years, when I could not carry myself.  There have been far too many things that have taken place in my life for me not to believe or not to have faith in something much greater than anything here on earth.

'Faith' having a strong belief, complete confidence in something or someone.  I know I have discussed my experience with hope, surrender, acceptance, honesty, open mindedness and willingness and how they all worked and are working in my life in recovery.  Now, my faith is something or someone, my belief system, as I stated, was taught to me at a young age.  As I grew older, my faith in God grew also.  Now in any 12 step program, they will tell you that you have to get and believe in a power greater that yourself.  A 'Higher Power' as it is called.  Some people believe, especially those that are religious, or have mixed feelings about a 'Higher Power'.  But it is my understanding that the 12 step programs are open to and for any and all addicts.  They do not care about your religion, race, sex, and so on.  Now, not all addicts are religious, much less are they all Christians.  And I do not think that those programs are a way of brain washing people to believe in anything in particular.  Just that the belief has to be a power greater than oneself.  Again, most 12 step programs, that I know of, are not religious but they are spiritual programs.  And yes, there is a difference.

As defined on Dictionary.com, religion is a set of beliefs concerning the cause, nature and purpose of the universe, especially when considered as the creation of the superhuman agency or agencies, usually involving devotional and ritual observances, and often containing a moral code governing the conduct of human affairs.  Spiritual is of or pertaining to the spirit or soul, as distinguished from the physical nature; a spiritual approach to life.  Now in my words, religion is a set of beliefs or structure that are practiced regularly; external, others can see.  Spiritual is what an individual sees as truth for them, but still understands that everyone has their own truth.  It is internal, no one sees it but that individual.  Yes, I was raised with a religious background.  But I was not a very spiritual person until I entered into recovery and learned how to have a relationship with God as I understand Him to be.

Yes, I believe and have faith in God.  I think that my faith is the only reason I am here today.  Able to share my life experiences with you , in hopes that you read this and can get the help you may need.  None of the principles that I have shared on so far are a must to start recovery, except for, I think, willingness.  You must have faith that recovery will work.

I feel that willingness and faith go hand in hand when discussing active addiction and recovery.  Having faith in something to help free you from your active addiction.  But there has to be  bit of willingness to try it out and see if it works.  When I stop and look at my life, my past and what is going on today, I see that I use 'faith' everyday.  The start of my day, I have faith that things will work out the way they are suppose to.  Anything and everything, I do is hinged on some type or area of my faith.

When I was in active addiction, I tried to keep my faith that I have in God.  I know I am the one that turned my back.  I turned my back on God and all that was good in my life.  I never, for one second, lost my faith in  what God could do for me.  Having extreme low self-esteem didn't help matters.  I felt like a complete loser and I eventually started to believe that I was.  I felt that I had ruined every thing good in my life and I deserved what I got.  I am sure some of you out there understand what I am talking about.  Knowing that I had people that loved me no matter what, still wasn't enough to rid me of the feelings I had toward myself.

The belief, faith, that I was taught as a child growing up in the church is that God would always be there. No matter what.  He would always be by my side.  I know you all know 'Footprints' and if  you don't, please Google it and you will never feel alone again, I hope.  Anyway, if ever those words meant anything it is the best example of how my faith was shaken to it's core.  No one will ever make me believe anything else, but that God did, indeed, carry me until I was able to walk along by His side once again.  In my darkest days of using, He was there.  When I thought my life was ending, He was there.  God's love for me and my faith in Him, kept me going day after day.  I have survived car wrecks, being in the wrong places at the wrong times and being held at gun point with no way out except for that person to put the gun down and allow me to walk away unharmed, without a scratch.

Since I entered recovery, I still have faith in God.  Though, it is stronger today and grows stronger each day. It has never been this strong and I know that if I keep my faith strong in God and in myself, life will work out.  Problems and different situations will work out the way they are meant to.  Again, I am not a 'religious' person, though I do believe in God, but my spiritual self is stronger, alive and growing each and everyday.

There are still some questions in my life as to what is going to happen to me.  My health, my disability, my living situation with mom and dad.  Will I be able to continue getting the medical treatment needed for my health issues?  Will my disability ever get approved so I can get somethings medically taken care of and be able to bear the expenses of it?  Will I always be living with mom and dad?  Will I not eve have the 'someone special' in my life to share and love together?  At this very moment, I do not know the answers to any of these questions and others not mentioned.  I do, however, know that God will take care of me as He has done all my life.  And as long as I have faith in Him, then things will work out the way they are meant to.  With His love for me and my love and faith in Him, everything will be okay.  Recovery, life itself, is a process I go through day to day.  Learning, loving, trusting, having the faith I feel is right for me to get through each day.  Yes, some days are very hard, but life is very hard at times and not because I am a recovering addict, that is just how life is.  For anyone and everyone, life shows up, whether we want it to or not.  How we respond is the question.

Do I have the faith to follow through on the work I need to do for me and my recovery?  You bet I do and I will do the the footwork needed as long as I have to, even if it means not always agreeing with everyone else.  We all have our 'own way of life' and how we handle life on life's terms.  All I can do is keep the faith in doing the next right thing for the next right reason.  Sometimes our faith 'is' all we have...