Life and Death

Being in recovery, I have gone through a lot of things that I didn't want to do, but that is life on life's terms.  The first month or so that I was home from treatment, I received a phone call from my mom telling me to pack my bags because we had to go to Florida.  My uncle, daddy's brother, was dying.  All my daddy's other siblings had already past on and this was his baby brother.

We left out and did not get to my uncle's home until after midnight.  We went straight to the hospital.  It was a long, hard trip to make.  Emotions ran high the entire time we were there.  I still had not gotten my medicine sorted out as to how I would be able to get it.  So I  ran out a few days after we arrived in Florida.

My uncle was moved from the hospital to one of the Hospice's down there and that was where we spent the remaining moments of his life.  This is an experience that is somewhat hard to talk about because this was the uncle that always "made over me".  Like, I thought I was his favorite niece.

My mom kept a close eye on me and would take me outside to walk a little just because she could see my anxiety level rise.  That really helped me and I so do appreciate everything my mom and dad have done for me.  But moving on, the nurses also could tell that there were times that I seemed more on edge than others.  One of them even offered me some medicine that she had and I kindly declined.  I had not spent the past 2-3 months learning why I did what I did and a new way to live, for one little pill to flush it all down the toilet.  No, thank you, but I did appreciate her trying to help.

We were there for a week, exactly.  Went down on a Thursday late evening and was on the road home the following Thursday late night.  My uncle passed that following Thursday, one week after we arrived and we started back home around midnight the night of his death.  There are several things, reasons, that happened between the time my uncle past to the time we left.  Not getting in to the entire story, but things happened and stuff was said.  And, we were on the road home that night.

Going through this experience and others, have made me look at things somewhat differently than before.  I have learned a great deal since this trip, also.  I don't have to attend all the arguments that I am invited to.  I can tell you how I feel and why I feel that way without wanting to slap you up side your head.  I am much more laid back than I was before.  I have a right to feel the way I feel even if you don't think so.

I guess I should back up a little bit.  When I came home from treatment I went back to the home I had, with my aunt.  Don't know why, but after a few months, I felt the need to move in with my parents.  This is one of the biggest blessings I have been given, time with my mom and dad.  Now it can be trying at times, but I love them  both  so very much.  I try to help them and they try to help me.

Sorry, I did not mean to get off track, but there are some things that you need to know and some that need to stay where they are.  Somethings need to be said because it may help someone else.  And some won't.

That is the reason I started this blog.  By sharing my experiences, someone may be helped.  As I stated a few posts ago, some folks don't even know where to go to get help nor what to do when they come  from the treatment facility.  I can happily say that there have been a few that have wanted to know more about who, what, where and how, about recovery.

I will end this one saying "For me recovery is wonderful.  I am happier today than I can remember ever being.  I love life and am living  life with a brighter outlook."  Now don't get it twisted, I still have times, days, weeks, even months that I wish this was not my life.  There are things that I still do not want to deal with.  Don't feel like I can handle dealing with them.  Want things to just go away.  Knowing these things, believe it or not, is growth for me.  Being able to face life on life's terms is growth for me.  Talking about my experiences over the last 2-3 years is growth for me.

Again, please leave a comment or email to let me know how I am doing.  You know, do you find this blog interesting, boring, etc.  You can leave your email and you will automatically be notified of new posts.  If you are new, first time or two visiting my blog, please feel free to read past post to learn more about me and my experiences.  Also, sorry once again for it being a few days since the last post, but we have had rainy weather all week and it has taken a while to get this one done.  May God bless and keep you, may He protect and comfort you in whatever you are in need of.