The Scars Can Heal

My body has scars of my addiction, of my past, of my life.  Waiting on the scars I will receive in my future.  I am not ashamed of them, they make me what I am today.  You can see my scars on the outside but not on the inside.  Sometimes the outside scars are from some of the worst parts of life, not the inside one.  There is not much I can do about the ones on the outside except say, "They tell parts of my story.  Parts that people need to know, see and feel."

The inside scars are mine, to do what I need to with.  Heal them, let them stand as they are, as they are a reminder, to me, of what life was and what it is today.  Some of the scars on the inside I could let  inflame and grow and fester. Or I can see them for what they really are, cleanse them and do what is necessary for them to heal.

You know of some scars that I have, for I have shared about them.  Those are some that I chose to cleanse and let heal.  The ones that have yet to be cleansed are deeper, full of more emotion than others.  They are the ones that will take time, patience and growth to be cleansed and healed.  For those scars are from a time before the using started.  From a time when I did not feel a part of, wanting to fit in but not fitting in.  A time from when I said "Hey y'all, look at me" and seen everyone had already left and I was alone.  They are scars that I caused myself and some that others put there.

With the help of God, I can see my scars for what they are today.  For how they were put there and what I need to do to heal them.  Some are not for me to heal but are there to allow God to work in my life, healing me, helping me grow, never to be alone again for He is always there.

I am telling you about my scars, in hope, that you can understand that my recovery is a process that I have to go through to get to where I want to be, where I need to be, who I want to be and who I should be, am going to be.  My process is different from anyone else.  Sometimes it will go along very fast and steady and then it may slow and be bumpy and hard to understand.  When it is at a fast, steady pace, the scars heal quickly with little effort on my part.

But when the process is long, hard and bumpy, those are the scars that are the deepest.  The ones that have been there for the longest time.  The ones that I and everyone around me can see the growth that I have.  Everyone can tell that things, I, am changing.  That I am healing.

My road is the way I choose it to be today.  Today I can choose what is next in my life.  Today I understand and search for God's will for my life.  What God wants out of me and what I want from Him.  He only wants me to love Him and accept that wonderful gift of love.  I only want what He will have me to do.

Surrender, acceptance, humility, unconditional love, trust, faith, willingness, hope are just some of the things that I have learned and am still learning to use to heal my scars.  To protect myself from letting newer scars form.  With these spiritual principles and others that I have learned I can face anything and everything that God has planned for me

My process is my process.  It is not for you or for you to understand.  It is mine.  The process of recovery is such a beautiful thing.  Freedom, hope and love for me and for others, you.  Everyone deserves recovery.  Everyone that needs it does not have it, just the ones that "want" it.  You can only want it when you get to the bottom, when you are sick and tried of being sick and tried, when there is nothing left but death and then, sometimes these are not even enough for you to want recovery.  Those are the ones that are lost and death is the process for them.

Recovery is a blessing.  It is necessary to heal your scars.  It is necessary to stop new scars from forming and festering.  It is necessary for your growth in life, for your acceptance, for you in what it is you need it for.  You must want it, need it, have a desire for it or it will not change anything in your life, your process.

Without my recovery I could not do the things I do today.  I could not be the person I am , the friend that I am, the woman that I am today.  I love my recovery.  My process.  My recovery.  My life.

My hope is that you understand  where this post is coming from and understand the importance of your recovery and your process.  Some will, some will not.  Those that are meant to will and will take these words to heart.  Make your process mean what it is meant to mean to you.

May you find your path in recovery and in your process.  Heed what your recovery is trying to do for you, what your process needs to do for you.  Recovery is possible.  Growth is possible.  Healing from your scars is possible.  IT IS A LIFE WORTH LIVING!