Is it a great feeling when life shows up and you are not ready for it or have no idea what to do? I can relate to life showing up. Take for example my health. I have fibromyalgia and a few other things that include solid edema and PTSD. All these things and then the drug addiction. Want to talk about life on life’s terms??? Okay, let’s….
With the illnesses that I have, I have to take medication on a timely schedule 4 times each day. Now, nothing that I take at this time is narcotic, but that does not mean that I will never have to take narcotics. It’s just that right now I don’t have to. As each day passes, I sit and wonder what will I do if and when that day arrives. For now, I just don’t think about it. I have learned to not dwell on things that I have little or no control over. The best thing I can do is what my doctor tells me to do and not to do.
Prayer and talking about these type things with another person also helps. In active addiction, I never made a ‘good’ decision and in recovery I have learned to talk about things before I act on them. Now, I am only human and I don’t work the ‘perfect program’ but I do work one. As part of my program I talk to other recovering addicts about different things that happen in my life and in theirs. That is how we learn about things in recovery by talking to each other about the events in our lives and how we handle them. You see I don’t have to go through some things because others have already gone through them and I have learned how to get through and what to and what not to do. And that is how recovery, attending a 12 step program is what I do for my recovery.
Over this past winter, I have had new issues arise in my health. Being without health insurance and no income at this time, makes it hard to get the health care that I need when I need it. If it were not for my mom and my sister I don’t know where I would be. Knowing that RA (Rheumatoid Arthritis) runs in my family, I am always a worry wart when I have new aches and pains that can be symptoms of RA. You see I know that more than likely the pains that I have in my upper legs, arms and back are from the fibro. But when my hands, feet, toes and fingers go to acting up more than normal, I get concerned. Today, I went to the doctor for a checkup for the issues with my hands and feet seem to be getting worse. Knowing that I should have gone months ago, I just could not get comfortable with what I ‘thought’ was wrong or going on. So, about 2 weeks ago I went in for blood test and today had visit with my doctor to discuss my lab results.
To my happy surprise, labs, blood work reports were all good. Now for me all good is not like most folks. All good is that nothing ‘new’ seems to be happening and all my major organs seem to be functioning as they should. Yes, fibromyalgia can affect major organs and the brain. It seems that at this point mine is attacking my hands and feet. My feet have been swollen since before I was diagnosed and now my hands stay swollen 24/7. Have not been able to wear closed in shoes in about 3 years now.
My newest issues are stabbing pain, numbness and just overall soreness in my hands and feet. And there you have the reason why ‘RA’ pops in my head. Now, since I know that it is not RA, I can start trying to come to terms with what ‘is’ going on, my fibro is progressing. Unfortunately, since the things in the medical world still have no specific cause for fibro, I fear that I will never be as I once was. I have had to change my life style so much because of my addiction and now health issues that there are times I am not sure I am me. Sounds crazy, yes, but for those of you out there that are in recovery, deal with health issues daily, I know you understand.
Trust me, I do know that my life would be a lot worse if I did not have God as number one. He has had me in His hands for a long time. Although I cannot work, have zero income, no insurance of any kind, I have what I need. I sit and wonder, from time to time, what my life may be like if it were not for God’s presence, my mom, my sister, my daughter, my family and the family that I have made in my recovery. I am so very blessed that I haven’t the words to express the amount of gratitude that I have. God has provided for my every need and I know that He will continue to do so no matter what my health or financial issues may be.
Things are changing with my health and the medications that I use to cope one day to the next. You see, I have been on a drug plan with the company that makes most of my medicines free of charge. Now, they are going to be changing the way they do some of their meds and it appears that each one of mine will be affected. Am I worried, I would be lying if I said no, so yes, I am a little bit concerned about this recent news. But I know for a fact that as long as I continue to do God’s will for me, all will be well.
There are many of you out there that understand where it is that I come from. I appreciate all the prayers, blessings and support you offer. Without you, I know that things may be worse or at least somewhat harder to handle. I pray for others everyday as I know they pray for me. Prayer is a very powerful tool and one that I am proud to say I use daily, sometimes I think God may be tired of hearing me in one day and then I tell myself that He is smiling because He is happy to know that I, for one, do get it.
Again, thank you for your continued support and if you have a comment you would like to leave, you do not have to leave your name. God bless you all and may your days be filled with joy and happiness.
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