As 2012 comes to an end, I am reflecting back to all that has happened over this year:
This year I started this blog and am still going strong. Many of you have been so kind as to respond favorably to the issues that I post. This has really meant a lot to me, as I can express so much more in the written word than I could ever express by speaking. Yet, this has given me new and a high level of self-esteem and I can, if needed, speak in front of groups of people and be okay with it. You have helped me grow so much this past year that 'Thank You' seems to fall a bit short in my amount of gratitude that I have. Am praying that the coming year will be even better than this one. Taking one day at a time and one foot in front of the other, I will get to my destination.
This year has brought us happiness and sorrow. We have lost many friends, family and folks we don't even know to the horrors of this cruel and, at times, unloving world. Children taken before their time. Many have questioned how could this happen, who is responsible, and what can we do so this doesn't happen again? I fear that there are no cut and dry answers to the cry of the public. For me, I must live in today, try not to worry about yesterday for I cannot change anything and not look head to tomorrow for it is not promised. I feel, that we all must live in today. Do what we can when we can today.
For me, I see a nation that is so divided that it is hard to tell good, bad and indifferent from each other. No one can make heads or tails out of the multitude of events happening here and abroad. Many are asking how to get God back to America, what can we do, where can we turn? I say, God never left America, America has left God. We, as a nation, need to remember where it is that this great nation of ours formed from. The poem "Footprints" says it all, for me anyway. God has not and will not leave anyone that has accepted Him into their lives. Yes, we do stray away from time to time, but He is always there to let us walk beside Him again when we are able.
I know I am sadden for many that cannot see this or understand how this has happened. We demand too much from others and do not give enough to God. This once great Nation of ours can be that again, but only if we get out of the way and let God lead us instead of this one or another who do not walk with Him to begin with. I fear the more we try or have others try to "fix" things the worse they will become. We must move out of the way. Stop telling help how to help us. As individuals, we must allow God's will in our lives to be done and I think in turn, His will shall be done for America.
My process of recovery has allowed me to look at events with a different perspective. I can and do have acceptance, tolerance, patience, hope, faith and so on in my life today. I can look at things, events, people with an open mind and an open heart. I do my very best to get out of God's way in my life and let Him show me His will for me and how I may carry out that will. We must all get back to living as 'Do unto others as you would have them do unto you'. You know "The Golden Rule"! Many, so many have or seem to have forgotten this. And it is so sad that the answer to so many prayers could be this plain and so very simple plan. A plan that says that I will, everyday God allows me to have, treat each and everyone that I may come in contact with, directly or indirectly, the way in which I would want to be treated.
Simple, yes, it is. But lots of times it is the simple things that we cannot do. Most feel that there should be more than just this. For me, this is enough. It is when we try to add to the solution, that has worked for decades, that the problems grow and grow until no one can 'fix' them. I live a very simple and wonderful life. Family, friends, loved ones that I truly care for and they for me. I don't make things harder than they have to be, that, for me, is just plain crazy. Each day God allows me to have, I ask what do you want me to do and how do you want me to do it? I cannot live today another way. God has been so kind and caring to give me a life that is worth living for that I must and shall live it the way He would have me live.
Sorry, that this sounds more like a sermon but those that know me know that I write from my heart and not my head. Many things do not sound the way you might think they should sound but that is where my own personality comes in. I wanted this post to be one that would make everyone that read it say 'wow, that's something to think about' or 'you know it could really be that simple'.
This post is the last one for 2012. I wanted to end the year with something so profound that you would be eager for more in 2013. I do appreciate all of you for the support you give. You give it so freely and without restrains, as I feel that if we could do that in all areas of our lives then we could get back to something like it was before. Before what you may ask, I have no clue! But to me, that is the beauty of living for God's will and not my own.
May your new year give you more avenues to explore. May your goals be reachable. May you all know happiness without strings attached. May you find your way home and may God be the one you give the glory to.
Happy New Year to all. Be safe, sober and free. Give someone a hug, you never know what could come from it. Live this new year with a renewed love in your heart for others and not yourself. Think less of yourself and more of others.
May God bless each of you and may you find the way that you can walk with Him throughout your entire life. Much love and respect to all....see ya next year!!!
Monday, December 31, 2012
Friday, December 28, 2012
Hold On Tight, This Could Get A Little Rough...
Okay, here goes...
I have been praying and studying and trying to understand some things that have been said to me and about me. So, you may not want to read this post, but I must get this out or it will continue to eat me up on the inside. With that being said, let me please also state that I understand if you are not interested in my blog. You can be removed easily from the mailing list, just email me and I will delete you. But please, is it really necessary for folks to be so very rude about it? I really don't see why some folks don't understand that just because you sent an email to someone does not mean that they received it. Computers do have flaws.
So, please don't be so harsh if you have sent an email requesting your name be removed. This is one thing I feel that has really changed over the years, everyone thinking that 'they' are special or are more deserving than others. When it really comes down to it, no one is better than anyone else. I have no problem removing someone from my mailing list, the problem that I have is when someone is very rude in making their request. Do you not understand that I too, have feelings? Are you that caught up in your 'own little world' that you think you are the center of the universe? Seriously, I do not get folks sometimes. And yes, I have replied to these emails in a some what blunt way. So please if you want to be removed fine, just understand that just because you have sent an email does not automatically mean that it was received.
Moving on...
Some thing else I feel I need to clear the air on... my view on 'addiction'. Okay, first, I am a recovering addict. God is a huge part of my life and for someone to say that I am not 'God centered or Christian' is highly offensive. First, where does anyone get off on telling someone that they are not a Christian? Where does it say that just because you work as a rehab counselor that you know more about addiction than I do? As the saying goes: Walk a day in my shoes then and only then can you start to begin to understand my life and my recovery.
Just because some one works in a rehab facility, does not in any way, shape or form give them the insight on addiction. Just because you are a rehab counselor does not make you better to help someone in active addiction than I can give. You see, I have experienced first hand what a counselor in a rehab facility that has never experienced addiction, can give. All you have to go on is what you were taught in school and let me tell you a little secret, you don't know crap about addiction and the effect it can have on the brain. There is no way for you to comprehend what a day is like for an addict.
When I first got clean, I did attend some out patient treatment after I returned home from the treatment facility . I watched first hand two counselors that were not in recovery try to explain to a young lady that everything was going to be okay. The young lady was terrified by the events that were unfolding in her life. She truly had no idea what to do, how to do, or why she needed to do anything. The two counselors continued to tell her 'it's going to be okay', 'your going to be okay', 'everything will be alright' and so on. Never once did they offer her any type solution or comforting words that she could understand and hold on to.
You see, some say that addiction is not a disease and that you can indeed be cured. I cannot, at this time in my life, state that. To me, addiction is an incurable disease. That makes me no less of a Christian than anyone else. I have shared in the past about the characteristics of the disease of addiction. The compulsion and obsession that, an addict, any addict, has to live with day in and day out. It is our way of thinking that makes us an addict, not the use of mind altering, mood changing substances that we may use.
Addiction to mind altering, mood changing substances has been proven to have different effects on the human brain. One of the biggest effects, to me, is that if someone started using mind altering mood changing substances at a young age, then they are still mentally that age. For example, if I had started using these substances when I was say 10 and I continued to using these substances until I turned 40, then my mind set is still that of a 10 year old.
As with the young lady I was speaking of earlier. She began her use of these kinds of substances when she was 8 years old. Now she has stopped using these substances and reality is hitting her from all sides. She is married. She has a baby with another on the way. She and her husband are living with his parents that are using. The system is threatening to take her children from her. So as a substance abuse counselor you are going to sit there and just say to this young lady that is 24 but has the mindset of a 8 year old, "Everything is going to be okay."??? This young lady was truly terrified and was crying uncontrollably. She said over and over again and again "I don't know what to do." "I don't know where to start."
As I sat there, wanting one of the counselors to explain to her why she was feeling so overwhelmed in hopes it would help to calm her down, but they said nothing that was helpful. I finally said to them all "She started using when she was 8. You are talking to an 8 year old child." I looked at her and called her by name and said "It will be okay but the reason you are feeling this way is because you don't know how to feel any different. Technically, you are still 8 years old but you can make it through this. It's not going to happen over night. You are going to have to learn some things before you will feel better about your situation. But you can do this. Others before you have done it and you can to."
All three looked at me in amazement. The two counselors acted and said that they did not know that about substance abuse. That what I said made sense and together we all were able to calm the young lady down. The counselors helped her to write out a plan for her to follow to try to get her life straighten out. When we were done that afternoon, the young lady was full of gratitude for she finally understood why she was feeling so over-whelmed with everything in her life.
I am not writing and telling this story to 'toot' my own horn. I am posting this for I have been told that I 'was not a Christian' if I thought that addiction was an incurable disease. That if I truly were a Christian I would know that God can deliver us from all things. To that I say 'you are correct', but because addiction is a disease, if I don't do what I need to in my recovery, my disease can easily lead me right back out to using. Again, addiction is a disease of how addicts minds work. Yes, I believe that God can cure that, but I also know that I have to do my part in the relationship that I have with God. I feel that anyone and everyone that has a relationship with God or someone, both have a part to play in that relationship and if one does not do their part then problems can occur in that relationship. If I don't do my part to support and help my relationship with God grow and be strong, then addiction could come crawling back into my life before I realize what is happening.
Now, with all that being said, I would like to state how I feel clearly so that there will be no confusion. I am a recovering drug addict. I am and have been a Christian since a young age. God has always been a part of my life even in active addiction. If it were not for the belief that I have in God, I would not have come to this point in my life. For anyone who thinks an addict can't be a Christian, I ask you remember and even re-read 'Footprint'. Once I asked God to come into my heart and teach me to live by His will and not my own, He did and He has never left me. During my active addiction, He carried me. He protected me. Most of all, He loved me just as He loved me from the first day I asked Him into my heart.
Yes, there are different ideas out there of addiction, God, right and wrong, but please understand that this is my feelings, my life and my 'first hand' experiences. I do not try to push anything on anyone and would ask the same in return. We all have a course that our lives take. We all decide what that course will be. No one has the right to question anyone else of the claim to be Christian or not. It is not mine nor your place to say who is a Christian and who is not. That is between God and the person.
I respect others and their right to choose for themselves. I only ask that you show me the same respect that I give to you. Not because one is better or knows more than the other, but because it is the RIGHT thing to do.
I want to thank those that read my post regularly. Your continued support means a great deal to me. As I have also said, if I can help just one person, even if that one is just me, then this blog is well worth the time and energy that I put into it.
I have been praying and studying and trying to understand some things that have been said to me and about me. So, you may not want to read this post, but I must get this out or it will continue to eat me up on the inside. With that being said, let me please also state that I understand if you are not interested in my blog. You can be removed easily from the mailing list, just email me and I will delete you. But please, is it really necessary for folks to be so very rude about it? I really don't see why some folks don't understand that just because you sent an email to someone does not mean that they received it. Computers do have flaws.
So, please don't be so harsh if you have sent an email requesting your name be removed. This is one thing I feel that has really changed over the years, everyone thinking that 'they' are special or are more deserving than others. When it really comes down to it, no one is better than anyone else. I have no problem removing someone from my mailing list, the problem that I have is when someone is very rude in making their request. Do you not understand that I too, have feelings? Are you that caught up in your 'own little world' that you think you are the center of the universe? Seriously, I do not get folks sometimes. And yes, I have replied to these emails in a some what blunt way. So please if you want to be removed fine, just understand that just because you have sent an email does not automatically mean that it was received.
Moving on...
Some thing else I feel I need to clear the air on... my view on 'addiction'. Okay, first, I am a recovering addict. God is a huge part of my life and for someone to say that I am not 'God centered or Christian' is highly offensive. First, where does anyone get off on telling someone that they are not a Christian? Where does it say that just because you work as a rehab counselor that you know more about addiction than I do? As the saying goes: Walk a day in my shoes then and only then can you start to begin to understand my life and my recovery.
Just because some one works in a rehab facility, does not in any way, shape or form give them the insight on addiction. Just because you are a rehab counselor does not make you better to help someone in active addiction than I can give. You see, I have experienced first hand what a counselor in a rehab facility that has never experienced addiction, can give. All you have to go on is what you were taught in school and let me tell you a little secret, you don't know crap about addiction and the effect it can have on the brain. There is no way for you to comprehend what a day is like for an addict.
When I first got clean, I did attend some out patient treatment after I returned home from the treatment facility . I watched first hand two counselors that were not in recovery try to explain to a young lady that everything was going to be okay. The young lady was terrified by the events that were unfolding in her life. She truly had no idea what to do, how to do, or why she needed to do anything. The two counselors continued to tell her 'it's going to be okay', 'your going to be okay', 'everything will be alright' and so on. Never once did they offer her any type solution or comforting words that she could understand and hold on to.
You see, some say that addiction is not a disease and that you can indeed be cured. I cannot, at this time in my life, state that. To me, addiction is an incurable disease. That makes me no less of a Christian than anyone else. I have shared in the past about the characteristics of the disease of addiction. The compulsion and obsession that, an addict, any addict, has to live with day in and day out. It is our way of thinking that makes us an addict, not the use of mind altering, mood changing substances that we may use.
Addiction to mind altering, mood changing substances has been proven to have different effects on the human brain. One of the biggest effects, to me, is that if someone started using mind altering mood changing substances at a young age, then they are still mentally that age. For example, if I had started using these substances when I was say 10 and I continued to using these substances until I turned 40, then my mind set is still that of a 10 year old.
As with the young lady I was speaking of earlier. She began her use of these kinds of substances when she was 8 years old. Now she has stopped using these substances and reality is hitting her from all sides. She is married. She has a baby with another on the way. She and her husband are living with his parents that are using. The system is threatening to take her children from her. So as a substance abuse counselor you are going to sit there and just say to this young lady that is 24 but has the mindset of a 8 year old, "Everything is going to be okay."??? This young lady was truly terrified and was crying uncontrollably. She said over and over again and again "I don't know what to do." "I don't know where to start."
As I sat there, wanting one of the counselors to explain to her why she was feeling so overwhelmed in hopes it would help to calm her down, but they said nothing that was helpful. I finally said to them all "She started using when she was 8. You are talking to an 8 year old child." I looked at her and called her by name and said "It will be okay but the reason you are feeling this way is because you don't know how to feel any different. Technically, you are still 8 years old but you can make it through this. It's not going to happen over night. You are going to have to learn some things before you will feel better about your situation. But you can do this. Others before you have done it and you can to."
All three looked at me in amazement. The two counselors acted and said that they did not know that about substance abuse. That what I said made sense and together we all were able to calm the young lady down. The counselors helped her to write out a plan for her to follow to try to get her life straighten out. When we were done that afternoon, the young lady was full of gratitude for she finally understood why she was feeling so over-whelmed with everything in her life.
I am not writing and telling this story to 'toot' my own horn. I am posting this for I have been told that I 'was not a Christian' if I thought that addiction was an incurable disease. That if I truly were a Christian I would know that God can deliver us from all things. To that I say 'you are correct', but because addiction is a disease, if I don't do what I need to in my recovery, my disease can easily lead me right back out to using. Again, addiction is a disease of how addicts minds work. Yes, I believe that God can cure that, but I also know that I have to do my part in the relationship that I have with God. I feel that anyone and everyone that has a relationship with God or someone, both have a part to play in that relationship and if one does not do their part then problems can occur in that relationship. If I don't do my part to support and help my relationship with God grow and be strong, then addiction could come crawling back into my life before I realize what is happening.
Now, with all that being said, I would like to state how I feel clearly so that there will be no confusion. I am a recovering drug addict. I am and have been a Christian since a young age. God has always been a part of my life even in active addiction. If it were not for the belief that I have in God, I would not have come to this point in my life. For anyone who thinks an addict can't be a Christian, I ask you remember and even re-read 'Footprint'. Once I asked God to come into my heart and teach me to live by His will and not my own, He did and He has never left me. During my active addiction, He carried me. He protected me. Most of all, He loved me just as He loved me from the first day I asked Him into my heart.
Yes, there are different ideas out there of addiction, God, right and wrong, but please understand that this is my feelings, my life and my 'first hand' experiences. I do not try to push anything on anyone and would ask the same in return. We all have a course that our lives take. We all decide what that course will be. No one has the right to question anyone else of the claim to be Christian or not. It is not mine nor your place to say who is a Christian and who is not. That is between God and the person.
I respect others and their right to choose for themselves. I only ask that you show me the same respect that I give to you. Not because one is better or knows more than the other, but because it is the RIGHT thing to do.
I want to thank those that read my post regularly. Your continued support means a great deal to me. As I have also said, if I can help just one person, even if that one is just me, then this blog is well worth the time and energy that I put into it.
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Only Christmas Gift I Can Give to You
Mom and Dad,
I have thought about what to get you two for Christmas. Unable to think of anything, I give you this. Hope you know and understand where this comes from and just how much y'all mean to me. So, here goes...
Christmas past found our family loving and giving to each other. Remembering those days past put a smile on my face, for I truly feel our family have a special love for each other that no other family has. We always had a real Christmas tree and it made the house smell of that cedar-pine odor that gives you that warm feeling inside. Though we had our family Christmas on PPG's work schedule for dad, Christmas would not be the same had we not waited when needed. Excited and wanting to know what all my presents were, I learned that was Christmas at our house.
Going to Grandma Morrow's house Christmas Eve was always a favorite time of mine until God decided He needed her home to be with Grandpa and others that loved her as much as I did. I truly miss her, as I miss Grandma and Grandpa Jackson. Sadly, I can't say that about Grandpa Morrow for I was really too young to even remember him. I can accept that knowing that one day I will meet him again.
This Christmas, I have no ways or means to 'buy' a present for either of you. But because both of you have taught me that Christmas is not about the gifts that are given or received, but the love that we have for each other and the God had for us all with the gift of the birth of His son, Jesus. Christmas would be meaningless if there were no love for us to share with each other and others.
Growing up, Christmas became more about see loved one than giving gifts though we still exchanged gifts when possible. I have never felt anything but true love from y'all. Even the times in my life that I did not make the good, right decisions. And that's just it, y'all taught me that we learn from our mistakes and move on. There have been times in my life that if you had turned your backs on me, I would have understood in the end. But neither of you have ever done that. You both have been there for me in your our way.
No other person could be so filled with gratitude as I have for my parents. Through divorces, unhealthy relationships and drug use you both have been there for me. My recovery would be nothing with out y'all by my side. Amends have been done, not all have been verbal, most are living amends. In the hope that the way I live my life today, everyday, is the best and most loving amends I feel I can make to my entire family.
You have stood by me, guided me, and most of all y'all LOVE me. And as I stated, that is the greatest gift of all. God saw fit to make you two my parents. He picked you two out especially for me. He picked my brothers and sister, just for me. As with any family we have had our arguments, disagreements and fights but we always did it with love for one another and that made us stronger people.
Now, God has seen fit for me to be under your roof once again. No, this is not the first time, but I feel this has been the best time of all. We have fun and laugh at each other. We are there for each other no matter what. We still have disagreements and don't see eye to eye on somethings, but we still LOVE each other.
God is good. I could not have asked for a better life than the one that you two have provided for me, my entire life. No matter where or what my problems were or are, y'all have been there. Respect is something that I have learned is not given it is earned. The respect that I have for the two of you is just as great as the gratitude. There are times some days that tears come to my eyes for as I said God has given us a special time. A special time that I would not change for anything in this world.
My Christmas wish for the two of you are that you both find the peace, happiness and love that you used to build this family of ours. Only you two have the right combinations of those three ingredients for it to work as beautifully has it has. Your family is spread out from here to the southern states, yet we all know that the others love us even if they are far away.
So, in closing, I hope that you know, but that you feel all the love and gratitude that I have for you both as my parents. My level of respect is overflowing as well. If others could have had you as parents they would have been just as blessed as I have been.
I love you , mom and dad. And thank you for being my parents. Thank you God for making them my parents and the family that you have allowed them to have and share with others.
Love you both!
I have thought about what to get you two for Christmas. Unable to think of anything, I give you this. Hope you know and understand where this comes from and just how much y'all mean to me. So, here goes...
Christmas past found our family loving and giving to each other. Remembering those days past put a smile on my face, for I truly feel our family have a special love for each other that no other family has. We always had a real Christmas tree and it made the house smell of that cedar-pine odor that gives you that warm feeling inside. Though we had our family Christmas on PPG's work schedule for dad, Christmas would not be the same had we not waited when needed. Excited and wanting to know what all my presents were, I learned that was Christmas at our house.
Going to Grandma Morrow's house Christmas Eve was always a favorite time of mine until God decided He needed her home to be with Grandpa and others that loved her as much as I did. I truly miss her, as I miss Grandma and Grandpa Jackson. Sadly, I can't say that about Grandpa Morrow for I was really too young to even remember him. I can accept that knowing that one day I will meet him again.
This Christmas, I have no ways or means to 'buy' a present for either of you. But because both of you have taught me that Christmas is not about the gifts that are given or received, but the love that we have for each other and the God had for us all with the gift of the birth of His son, Jesus. Christmas would be meaningless if there were no love for us to share with each other and others.
Growing up, Christmas became more about see loved one than giving gifts though we still exchanged gifts when possible. I have never felt anything but true love from y'all. Even the times in my life that I did not make the good, right decisions. And that's just it, y'all taught me that we learn from our mistakes and move on. There have been times in my life that if you had turned your backs on me, I would have understood in the end. But neither of you have ever done that. You both have been there for me in your our way.
No other person could be so filled with gratitude as I have for my parents. Through divorces, unhealthy relationships and drug use you both have been there for me. My recovery would be nothing with out y'all by my side. Amends have been done, not all have been verbal, most are living amends. In the hope that the way I live my life today, everyday, is the best and most loving amends I feel I can make to my entire family.
You have stood by me, guided me, and most of all y'all LOVE me. And as I stated, that is the greatest gift of all. God saw fit to make you two my parents. He picked you two out especially for me. He picked my brothers and sister, just for me. As with any family we have had our arguments, disagreements and fights but we always did it with love for one another and that made us stronger people.
Now, God has seen fit for me to be under your roof once again. No, this is not the first time, but I feel this has been the best time of all. We have fun and laugh at each other. We are there for each other no matter what. We still have disagreements and don't see eye to eye on somethings, but we still LOVE each other.
God is good. I could not have asked for a better life than the one that you two have provided for me, my entire life. No matter where or what my problems were or are, y'all have been there. Respect is something that I have learned is not given it is earned. The respect that I have for the two of you is just as great as the gratitude. There are times some days that tears come to my eyes for as I said God has given us a special time. A special time that I would not change for anything in this world.
My Christmas wish for the two of you are that you both find the peace, happiness and love that you used to build this family of ours. Only you two have the right combinations of those three ingredients for it to work as beautifully has it has. Your family is spread out from here to the southern states, yet we all know that the others love us even if they are far away.
So, in closing, I hope that you know, but that you feel all the love and gratitude that I have for you both as my parents. My level of respect is overflowing as well. If others could have had you as parents they would have been just as blessed as I have been.
I love you , mom and dad. And thank you for being my parents. Thank you God for making them my parents and the family that you have allowed them to have and share with others.
Love you both!
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