Okay, here goes...
I have been praying and studying and trying to understand some things that have been said to me and about me. So, you may not want to read this post, but I must get this out or it will continue to eat me up on the inside. With that being said, let me please also state that I understand if you are not interested in my blog. You can be removed easily from the mailing list, just email me and I will delete you. But please, is it really necessary for folks to be so very rude about it? I really don't see why some folks don't understand that just because you sent an email to someone does not mean that they received it. Computers do have flaws.
So, please don't be so harsh if you have sent an email requesting your name be removed. This is one thing I feel that has really changed over the years, everyone thinking that 'they' are special or are more deserving than others. When it really comes down to it, no one is better than anyone else. I have no problem removing someone from my mailing list, the problem that I have is when someone is very rude in making their request. Do you not understand that I too, have feelings? Are you that caught up in your 'own little world' that you think you are the center of the universe? Seriously, I do not get folks sometimes. And yes, I have replied to these emails in a some what blunt way. So please if you want to be removed fine, just understand that just because you have sent an email does not automatically mean that it was received.
Moving on...
Some thing else I feel I need to clear the air on... my view on 'addiction'. Okay, first, I am a recovering addict. God is a huge part of my life and for someone to say that I am not 'God centered or Christian' is highly offensive. First, where does anyone get off on telling someone that they are not a Christian? Where does it say that just because you work as a rehab counselor that you know more about addiction than I do? As the saying goes: Walk a day in my shoes then and only then can you start to begin to understand my life and my recovery.
Just because some one works in a rehab facility, does not in any way, shape or form give them the insight on addiction. Just because you are a rehab counselor does not make you better to help someone in active addiction than I can give. You see, I have experienced first hand what a counselor in a rehab facility that has never experienced addiction, can give. All you have to go on is what you were taught in school and let me tell you a little secret, you don't know crap about addiction and the effect it can have on the brain. There is no way for you to comprehend what a day is like for an addict.
When I first got clean, I did attend some out patient treatment after I returned home from the treatment facility . I watched first hand two counselors that were not in recovery try to explain to a young lady that everything was going to be okay. The young lady was terrified by the events that were unfolding in her life. She truly had no idea what to do, how to do, or why she needed to do anything. The two counselors continued to tell her 'it's going to be okay', 'your going to be okay', 'everything will be alright' and so on. Never once did they offer her any type solution or comforting words that she could understand and hold on to.
You see, some say that addiction is not a disease and that you can indeed be cured. I cannot, at this time in my life, state that. To me, addiction is an incurable disease. That makes me no less of a Christian than anyone else. I have shared in the past about the characteristics of the disease of addiction. The compulsion and obsession that, an addict, any addict, has to live with day in and day out. It is our way of thinking that makes us an addict, not the use of mind altering, mood changing substances that we may use.
Addiction to mind altering, mood changing substances has been proven to have different effects on the human brain. One of the biggest effects, to me, is that if someone started using mind altering mood changing substances at a young age, then they are still mentally that age. For example, if I had started using these substances when I was say 10 and I continued to using these substances until I turned 40, then my mind set is still that of a 10 year old.
As with the young lady I was speaking of earlier. She began her use of these kinds of substances when she was 8 years old. Now she has stopped using these substances and reality is hitting her from all sides. She is married. She has a baby with another on the way. She and her husband are living with his parents that are using. The system is threatening to take her children from her. So as a substance abuse counselor you are going to sit there and just say to this young lady that is 24 but has the mindset of a 8 year old, "Everything is going to be okay."??? This young lady was truly terrified and was crying uncontrollably. She said over and over again and again "I don't know what to do." "I don't know where to start."
As I sat there, wanting one of the counselors to explain to her why she was feeling so overwhelmed in hopes it would help to calm her down, but they said nothing that was helpful. I finally said to them all "She started using when she was 8. You are talking to an 8 year old child." I looked at her and called her by name and said "It will be okay but the reason you are feeling this way is because you don't know how to feel any different. Technically, you are still 8 years old but you can make it through this. It's not going to happen over night. You are going to have to learn some things before you will feel better about your situation. But you can do this. Others before you have done it and you can to."
All three looked at me in amazement. The two counselors acted and said that they did not know that about substance abuse. That what I said made sense and together we all were able to calm the young lady down. The counselors helped her to write out a plan for her to follow to try to get her life straighten out. When we were done that afternoon, the young lady was full of gratitude for she finally understood why she was feeling so over-whelmed with everything in her life.
I am not writing and telling this story to 'toot' my own horn. I am posting this for I have been told that I 'was not a Christian' if I thought that addiction was an incurable disease. That if I truly were a Christian I would know that God can deliver us from all things. To that I say 'you are correct', but because addiction is a disease, if I don't do what I need to in my recovery, my disease can easily lead me right back out to using. Again, addiction is a disease of how addicts minds work. Yes, I believe that God can cure that, but I also know that I have to do my part in the relationship that I have with God. I feel that anyone and everyone that has a relationship with God or someone, both have a part to play in that relationship and if one does not do their part then problems can occur in that relationship. If I don't do my part to support and help my relationship with God grow and be strong, then addiction could come crawling back into my life before I realize what is happening.
Now, with all that being said, I would like to state how I feel clearly so that there will be no confusion. I am a recovering drug addict. I am and have been a Christian since a young age. God has always been a part of my life even in active addiction. If it were not for the belief that I have in God, I would not have come to this point in my life. For anyone who thinks an addict can't be a Christian, I ask you remember and even re-read 'Footprint'. Once I asked God to come into my heart and teach me to live by His will and not my own, He did and He has never left me. During my active addiction, He carried me. He protected me. Most of all, He loved me just as He loved me from the first day I asked Him into my heart.
Yes, there are different ideas out there of addiction, God, right and wrong, but please understand that this is my feelings, my life and my 'first hand' experiences. I do not try to push anything on anyone and would ask the same in return. We all have a course that our lives take. We all decide what that course will be. No one has the right to question anyone else of the claim to be Christian or not. It is not mine nor your place to say who is a Christian and who is not. That is between God and the person.
I respect others and their right to choose for themselves. I only ask that you show me the same respect that I give to you. Not because one is better or knows more than the other, but because it is the RIGHT thing to do.
I want to thank those that read my post regularly. Your continued support means a great deal to me. As I have also said, if I can help just one person, even if that one is just me, then this blog is well worth the time and energy that I put into it.
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