I know that you are there. Watching and waiting. Hoping that I will leave just a small opening. A small ray of light so that you can try to creep your way back in. NOT TODAY!!! Not any day as long as I stay steadfast in my program. As long as I remember that you are there watching and waiting for me to slip in some way or another.
I locked you away 3 years ago today. I hid the key to the chest that I placed you in. I know that you are there. If I should faultier one way or another, you will do your best to try to escape. I can not and will not allow that to happen. I must stay vigilante My recovery must come first. I must always remember where it is that I came from. Where it was and what it was like, those places you took me too.
You acted as my friend. You pretended to like me. To love me. To understand me. But that is not what you wanted at all. You want to control me. Kill me. Slowly and with propose You are designed to fool me. Make me think you are friend when really you are foe. You try tempting me, seducing me, lying to me just so you can kill me.
I know your game. I know what it is that you really want. You will not get it today. Today, I can say "NO" to you with a clear conscience. Today is my day. Today is the day that I took from you. I stopped you slowly, but stopped just the same. There are others like me. Yes, there are others like you too, but we know you are there. And that is how we stand against you. Together, united, I can't but "WE" can.
You see, ADDICTION, this is what you were hoping would never happen. 3 years ago, I had enough of you. I didn't know that it was you at first, but as my mind cleared and I started to return to me, I saw you clearly. I realized what you had done to me. I had no one to blame but myself and I was the only one that could stop you. I had to have help. Not knowing at the time that I was learning to trust in a life line like no other.
I began to work on me, for me, with others helping me. They told me that I would not be able to do it all by myself. That I would need help from time to time. They taught me tools to use against you. How to be brave and humble myself and ask for help against you. They knew the things you would try to turn me back to you again. You did that once. I did not have all the tools that I have today. Tools that I carry with me everywhere I go. So day or night, I am prepared to fight you. And I am not alone. There are others that will stand by me to fight you.
Others that you tried so very hard to turn me against. Others that you took from me one by one. Others that have enough courage for me and them. Others that say you can not have this one back. She no longer belongs to you. She is her own person.
Yes, 3 years ago I placed you in a chest, with a lock and after I locked you away, I put the key up. I placed the chest on a shelf in my mind. On a shelf that I can see clearly, so that maybe, just maybe, I will see if you should try to break free. On a shelf that I can see to remind me of the footwork that must be done daily in order to keep you locked away. On a shelf that I can see and that God can also see. For I know that God is on my side. He has helped me come this far.
Addiction, you are not going to spoil today. I will not let you out today. I know just how much you want to be free to play, manipulate, and destroy my life. Not today. No, just for today, you will not be set free. Today is my day. My time to say 'yes, I am clean but it takes work, time'. My time to be proud of myself, just a little bit. Addiction, you have no place in my body, mind, or soul today. Addiction, you must stay in your chest, on that shelf locked away just for today.
Yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not promised so I live JUST FOR TODAY! Today is all I have and all that I have to deal with.
No, you will not be set free today. Today is for me!!!
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