Showing gratitude, for me, is a very important part of who I am and a huge part of my recovery. Without the program, that I am actively working, on a daily basis, I would probably be dead by now. My process is mine and no one else. I can't work your program for you, as you can't work mine for me. So, how does my gratitude show in my program lots of time without spoken words? Mainly, It shows by my actively working a program. I do and have done, for 3 years, what has been suggested to me by others. By giving back what has been so freely given to me, shows my gratitude in the life I live today.
Now, my process, like others, has not always been easy. With the health issues that I have, there are times that the only gratitude I can find for that day is that God woke me up and I am clean!! Those days are few and far between today. I will do my best to share my gratitude with you, hope I don't skip something or leave someone out. If I do just know that I do not take you for granted by any means, I am filled to overflowing with gratitude as I write this.
My Gratitude List for Thanksgiving 2012 - (in no particular order, just randomly listed)
1) Now this is not what you expected to hear first out of the gate but I am grateful to my disease. Yes, that's right, to my disease. I now know what has been wrong with me and have tools to fight it. I am not a bad person. I have an incurable, progressive and fatal disease, if not arrested. I am not responsible for having this disease, but I am responsible for my recovery. As long as I continue to do the footwork in my recovery, the more I will grow and become stronger than my disease. My disease is addiction. It is very powerful. You ask 'What are you addicted to?' and my answer is 'More'. It is really as plain and simple as that. More shopping, more food, more piercing, more, more, more! Addiction is not about the drugs. It is about the obsessive and compulsion for MORE! Today, I know what is going on in my head and my life and I have been given ways and means to keep my disease arrested and at bay. But I must work at it each and everyday for the rest of my life! And I'm okay with that...
2) To god, for whom I give all the credit for my being. With God in my life, anything is possible. Putting Him first and foremost on a daily basis.
3) My family. Mom, dad, brothers and my sister who have, in their own way, given me support throughout my recovery. I am extremely lucky, in that most have no family, let alone their whole family, for support.
4) To my daughter, who has such a big heart and 'ole' soul. She has allowed me to show her that I am true to my word, that she can count on me and my integrity and she has forgiven me when I didn't deserve to be forgiven. She is, truly, my pride and joy! I am elated by each day she accomplishes meaning in her life and in others. She has allowed me to grow in my own process.
5) To the program that I am involved in and work, applying to my life on a daily basis. I know myself better everyday and I try to continue to grow as I move along in my process. I am not where I want to be, but I am where I should be at this point.
6) To my predecessors of the program, without them and their sacrifices I would not have the program that is available to me today. They have worked and sacrificed to provide me with the ways and means and the tools of my program and the program itself.
7) To my fellow addicts, worldwide, not just here at home. The many people I have had the pleasure in meeting and getting to know. Able to hear their story and apply what I can to my life. I love and have much respect for them all. I am open toward them and their suggests as well as sharing my experience with them. That someone may come to understand this disease of addiction just a little better than they did.
Life can be extremely hard sometimes, but I must remember from where it is I came. I must never forget the pain I felt that lead me to people that can and are helping me. I am not alone. There are others just like me as far as the disease of addiction goes.
In a nutshell, I am grateful in all aspects of my life. Today, I enjoy being me. I love myself and that is a very important thing in addiction. Being able to truly love myself for who I am. This time of year does really hit home for me. Giving thanks to others, myself and the growth that God has allowed in my life.
I will never be able to express that depth of my gratitude! So very thankful that 3 years later, I do matter, my thoughts and ideas are important and my recovery process is growing stronger everyday. To know that no matter how small or unimportant something may seem to one, it may be huge for another. God is so very, very good!!
If you or someone you love is struggling with this deadly disease, please use the resources listed on the attached page. If you feel the need to talk to someone, you are more than welcome to leave me a comment and you may do it anonymously if you would like. Feel free to look back at older post, who knows what you may find that is helpful.
This blog is for anyone who wants it. I do this as part of my way to give back, even if just a small amount of the freedom and love that has been given to me. I have learned that I have to give what I have or I will lose it. Recovery is much too valuable to me to even think I would somehow lose it. I love me and I love you! You do matter, you are important!
Thank you for your continued support and Happy Thanksgiving!!!
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