After posting about my sister and me, I was sitting in a meeting and started thinking about when I first entered into recovery and I listening to the new faces that were there, " I don't have any friends that don't use. I have no support from my family. I only have today clean! My self-esteem sucks and I am scared to go home."
How easy it was to relate to what these people were sharing? I can remember my first meeting. That I had no self-esteem. No friends, but only by the grace God, I did have some family that helped me and stood by me. I have always thought I was "less than", never "good enough". Yes, I could relate very well to what these folks were sharing. And when they finished I ask God to comfort them, protect them, and help them make it through the night until they can get to any meeting tomorrow.
After they finished and I spoke up. "Your not along anymore. By the end of this meeting you will have everyone in this room as a friend. Ones that are willing to help you if you just tell what you need. People that have been where you are and got to the other side. I know that a lot of what you are hearing, you don't understand. That's fine. We don't expect you to 'get it' the first little while you are here, just keep coming no matter what."
I continued sharing, "I, too, had no self-esteem when I got here. I was scared. I had no friends. I had very little family, I just wanted someone to help me not use. Now today, my self-esteem is much better. I'm not as scared as I was at first. I, too, only have today. That is what our literature teaches us. No matter how many years someone may have, all they have is today."
"Today, I know that I like myself, no I love myself. I do matter. I do count for something. I have learned that as long as I don't use, do the things that are suggested for me to do and approach each day, person, issue for that day, just for today, I don't have to use. You see, after being here for a little bit, I know that I am growing and learning. Remaining teachable and listening to others."
Addiction.....will mess your life up, turn you into someone you don't know, leave you for dead, and laugh at you when you run out still wanting, needing more, and more, and more! It is an incurable disease. It is fatal. It is crippling. It wants me dead. Addiction is no joke and if you don't take this disease seriously, it will take you to places you never thought you would go.
You see, this is part of why I told my sister that I would never be cured. After hearing these people speak, I knew what I had been feeling all day, that was to be my next post. Now I am not posting this to make anyone feel anything, except maybe help you to understand how this disease works. You may have a loved one or a friend that has this disease. And, for the record, addiction is not always just about drugs and alcohol, you can be come addicted to anything. Addiction has many faces.
This is just my experience, no one else's. The spiritual principle of anonymity is extremely important. I do not wish to push my opinion's on anyone. They are just my opinions, experiences, and stories. All that I post here are just that, my opinions, experiences, and stories.
If what I post helps you to understand that the disease of Addiction is in no way a laughing matter, that it is very serious, then I have done what I set out to do. Please remember that I am giving you a little piece of myself with each post I write. But my post also help me, to grow and see where I need more attention put in my life. It is easy for me to think I am better. I know how to and how not to do things today. I got this disease by the tail. When my mind starts that why, I have to do whatever it takes to get rid of that type thinking.
Addiction......I will always have this disease. I will go to my grave with this disease. What I don't have to do is "give in" to this disease. I do what I do to keep my disease arrested and locked away in the furthest reaches of my mind. I doctor it every day and every night. I try to keep it under lock and key. I can't play when it comes to the footwork I need to do for me to be okay with me.
Addiction......it will kill, if one allows it to!
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