Sitting here thinking I need to do another post. It has been several days since my last post. Am sorry for that, but this has been a somewhat hard week for me. It all started last Friday.
Last Friday night, I attended a birthday celebration for a few friends of mine. There were lots of folks there and I still have my moments of high anxiety in crowds. Sitting where I would not be around lots of folks, I thought that I would be okay. So the evening progressed, I could feel my anxiety rising higher and higher.
Doing what I could to keep my distance from the crowd, a few of my friends noticed that something was wrong. You see, when my anxiety goes up my body starts to get tense all over and that causes my fibromyalgia to kick in even more so. There was not a place on my body that was not hurting midway through the night and I could not hide the pain from showing on my face.
Luckily, I made it through the rest of the evening and was able help to close up after everyone left. Spent most of the weekend on the heating pad as that helps more than anything. The only thing that helps me to get over an event like this is rest and the heating pad.
When Monday rolled around, I still didn't feel very well. Knowing that I need to get ready and go with some of my friends, that's what I did. Just to sitting around and talking. Have some coffee with good conversation. That is what I need, I thought to myself, just good friends to talk to and a couple of cups of good coffee.
Unfortunately I did not realize just how much Friday night did me in. Sitting, listening to friends share and drinking my coffee, the longer I sat there the more both my upper arms ached. It felt like the pain was coming from inside the bone and radiating outward. And of course, this once again caused me to tense up and started hurting in other areas of my body because of it.
My friends were very concerned as I left earlier than normal. I explained that I had starting hurting again and I felt that the best thing was to head on to the house. Made my goodbyes and as soon as I got home, on the heating pad I went. One hour on, one hour off.
As Wednesday rolled around, I really was feeling lots better. So I decided to meet with some of the same friends as earlier and do some catching up. We sat around for a little over an hour just talking about things that had happen during the week and what some were going to be doing this weekend. As we were saying our goodbyes, a few of them each came up to me asking if I was okay and they were there if I needed help. Trying to explain where I was and how it was with the pain that I have is not very easy. You see, I look as if there is nothing wrong with me. Other than extra weight, I appear to be happy and healthy.
Fibromyalgia, osteoarthritis, solid edema and overweight, all are health issues that cannot be seen. The overweight issue is really not too noticeable until you know exactly how much I do weight. So there are a lot of folks, even family members, that think I am not really sick or hurting like I describe simply because I don't "LOOK" sick.
I try my best not to complain. That only brings me down and it really makes the pain worse. I try to keep a positive attitude about everything, especially my health. Not that person that you know that will poor mouth themselves just to get attention. I don't want people always asking if I am okay, what is wrong, why can't your doctors do something for you, and so on. It is what it is and I accept that.
I know that everyday of my life from here on out that I am going to hurt. I am going to get depressed easier than most would. There are lots of things that I truly enjoyed doing that I no longer am able to enjoy. I have had to humble myself and ask for help in areas of my life that at one time I took pride in being able to do.
Humbling myself to the point that I had to ask my mom and dad to let me move back home so that I would have a roof over my head and someone to help me with things, expenses that I have. Unable to work, I have no income at all. Am fighting to get my disability started. It is and has been a long hard road and most of the time, you will never and I mean NEVER hear me complain, poor mouth myself. When asked how I am feeling most days folks hear, just for today I am okay.
Now, I am not writing all this for sympathy. This is in hopes that if you or someone you know, someone you love or are close with has any of these issues, they are real. That person is telling you the truth. There are good days and not such a good day. And yes, there are really very bad days.
Again, if you know someone that has health issues that they are dealing with, please be understanding. Be kind to them, Try to help them without making them feel like they are a burden. You will find that most folks that have health issues that you cannot see, really hurt more than you could ever imagine. They are like me, tired of folks saying "you look okay", "why can't you work, you look fine", "why can't you get those weeds of of the flower bed, your not sick", and so on. Those statements are so trying and frustrating. No, I don't look sick, but I am.
This has turned out to be a bit longer than I first thought it would be. But now you understand where some of the things that you will see and have seen that I post, really do come from my heart and things that I just cannot understand why it is what it is. In each and every post I try to write just about how I feel about the subject. How it affects me, what I do to deal with the subject if need be, just my opinion really, nothing more. There will be facts sometimes and I do my best to list those as well.
So, I am stepping down from my soap box and closing with this: Though I may look as if I haven't a care in the world, I may be crying on the inside. Be gentle, kind and caring. Understand that I do what I can to ease my conditions, but that does not always take the pain away. Remember I, too, am only human and I do have feelings that can be hurt just like anyone else. Keep me in your prayers each day, along with anyone else that you know need them and even those folks that appear to need nothing. Everyone needs someone to pray for them. They may look as if they have it all, but I bet they don't. You can't always tell a book by it's cover. Most you have to open up and explore the contents. Get to know that book so that you will know and understand their needs, wants, hopes, and prayers. Love them unconditional as God loves you. We, the books that are not bright and beautiful on the outside, have tons of stuff on the inside for someone that is willing to share it with us.
Be kind. Love with an open mind. Be sincere and not hurtful. We are just like you on the inside though we may not look it. Pain is pain. Do something for someone that you would want someone to do for you. God bless and keep each one of you in His loving hands and comfort and protect you for all your days.
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