Honesty

Honesty defined as truthful, free from deception, genuine, creditable, marked by integrity, honorable, real, and the list goes on.  To me, this is what everyone wants and expects from others.  "Honesty is the best policy."  A statement, I know, that all have said at one time or another.  Can you be "too" honest?

In active addiction, lying came easy.  I lied to most everyone that I came in contact with.  I lied to get what I wanted, needed and didn't think twice about it.  Even if I really didn't need to lie, I still did.  Lying became a big part of my life in the end.

Like any other addict, I thought I "really" knew how to lie to anyone about anything anytime or anyplace.  Seriously, I thought I had it going on.  That I could lie to this person and to the next and the next person.  Thinking that if one talked to the other, my lies would match up and work.  That way I could continue with whatever I was doing or wanted to do.  I was what is called a "habitual liar".

It was so amazing and wonderful, the feeling I got from telling the truth.  When I entered recovery, I knew my lying days were gone forever and I really did mean that.  I had and have no reason to lie now.  I am a very honest person. Almost to a fault.  I have learned in recovery that you can be honest without letting so much be known that it will hurt you.  Have been told more than once that I am "too" honest.  That I don't have to tell everything.  Honesty is such a wonderful tool and makes life so much easier than lying.

At the first of this post, I listed what honesty is or how it is defined.  There is so much freedom, I feel, in being honest today.  People still at times think or ask, "Are you lying?".  I have to say "No, I have no reason what so ever to lie to anyone or about anything today."

At first, in the early days of my recovery, I was brutally honest.  I took it, being honest that is, to an extreme level.  Had to learn and am still learning how to be honest without really hurting someone else's feelings.  To begin with, I thought okay, don't ask unless you really want to know.  Still feel that way but I am softer in my honesty today.  For example, in early recovery, if someone I was talking to said "I don't know why no one trust me now!  I did my jail time for boosting beer from stores.  I'm not that same person."  My response was "Do you hear yourself?  Do you seriously believe the words coming out of your mouth?  Yes, you did  "just" get out from doing jail time for stealing and you really think people are suppose to just trust you like "that"??!!   You are going to have to earn peoples trust back.  Just because you did your time for the crimes does not automatically make you an honest person now!  We all, in recovery and working a program, have had to "earn" folks trust back."  Now I should not have been so harsh.  Instead, I should have reacted by saying "Well, it is just going to take some time for people to start trusting us again.  For all of us, in recovery, have lied so much and so many times for such a long period of time, that we have to first get in the habit of telling the truth and the trust of our honesty will be restored in folks.  But there are those few that will never trust us again and we have to accept that."  You see, the second reaction was more comforting and not nearly as harsh as the first.

There will always be someone somewhere that is not going to trust you for whatever reason.  But you should still be honest about things.  It is difficult to be honest to someone that you care about because you just don't want to hurt their feelings.  I have found that if I am honest, even just enough to not tarnish my integrity, that's okay.  Maybe sometime in the future I will get the opportunity to explain further why I feel or said what I did.

If you are in recovery, working a program, if you are not honest with yourself then who can you be honest with?  In order for you to have the growth that is needed in recovery, you must be honest with yourself and one other person.  Until you can do this, you will remain complacent and risk relapsing.  I'm sorry but that is not an option for this addict.  Honesty is first and foremost in my program.  I have people that I trust and I am trusted by people today.  Some trust me that I thought I would never under any circumstances could I gain their trust but I have been able to do just that.

There are many ways that you can show and exhibit your honesty to people.  Ways that you can show that you have gained some integrity.  If you say you will do something, then do it.  If you are needed to share your true feelings then do it.  What do you have to lose?  Nothing is my answer to that question.  Why or what do I have that makes me think I need to lie about anything?  Nothing!  Ask me most anything and you will get an honest answer.  Now, I am not as harsh as I was.  I have realized that others have feelings too, and may not really understanding all that is going on.  It is not normal for an addict to tell the truth.  Lying has been mainly to keep us in active addiction.  Lying to yourself can and will put you right back out there using.

Have you ever just sat down and thought about the things you did in active addiction?  How in the world were we able to survive?  How were most of us able to continue using under certain circumstances?  Why were we not dead or locked up for life?  We lied our way in and out of any and every thing we could.  For me, I would sit around and go over and over and over different ideas of how things could turn out or would go.  Looking at the positive and negative of each idea.  Playing the parts of all the people that would or could be involved.  Wheels always turning, never stopping.  That is part of my disease.  It will make me obsessive over things.  So, if or when things happened I would be ready for a response to make it look normal and be one step ahead.  Keeping myself safe, out of trouble, out of the lime light.  There was nothing honest about any of it.

So, with honesty now a part of my life and part of the principles that I do my best to practice, I move forward in my recovery.  I will be posting more on the principles that I am still learning and applying into my life.  No one promised that this was going to be easy but it is so much easier than using.  The only thing that I have been promised in recovery is that I can stop using, lose the desire to use, and learn a new way of life.

One thing that I do to help me continue to be honest in all that I do, is to put myself in the others place.  How would I feel if it happened to me?  If everyone would do this I really don't think there would be to many folks out there lying.  But we all know that probably will never happen.  The only thing we, I, can hope for is to at least try everyday to treat others as I want them to treat me.  Yea, that does sound somewhat like something else I learned, you probably did too, when I was younger.  The "Golden Rule" do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  Even in active addiction I really did try to do this everyday.  Yes, I fell short lots of days, but today, I hit the nail on the head most days.

Life is great and is just getting better day by day.  I live in the moment.  Have learned to enjoy even the smallest things in life.  To take the good with the bad and make a positive out of them.  I have "Hope, Surrender, Acceptance and Honesty".  So far, all of these principles play a large part of my life everyday.  They have helped make me the person I am today.  I am happy today.  I am just me and I love me today.


(*Please note that I have added a "Resource" page to my blog.  List of helpful organizations, programs and other recovering addicts blogs.  If there is something or place or person you feel needs to be added, please send me an email with information and I will try to add them.  Thanks to all of you for your continued support of me and my recovery.  I really do appreciate each and every person that has had anything to do with my recovery.  Thank you so very much!!*)